True Love Lost (An FBI Romance Thriller (book 3))

by Kelley, Morgan

  He took a deep breath. “You’re the strongest person I know, and Desdemona needs strong now. As a favor to me, until I figure out where this is all going, can you just keep her safe? Granddad said you’re the protective raven, sent to guide us and keep us on track. Can you bear to take one more lost soul under your wing? Can you help me fix her and keep her safe?”

  “No one will ever be you, but it’s as close as I’m going to get. If Ethan didn’t find you first, this may have all been different, but it is what it is. I won’t ever get to love you like I want, but I can try and love her at least with what’s left of my heart and maybe it’ll be enough.”

  When she still breathed evenly and didn’t move, he sighed. “If it matters, if you told me right now you hate her, I’d walk away from her. I’d sacrifice anything for you, because I love you and trust your judgment.” When she still didn’t move, he leaned over and kissed her lightly on her lips, lingering longer than he normally would just to have the connection. He took the memory and buried it deep in his soul, vowing to save it for when he needed to feel.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you. I hope one day you can forgive me. Sweet dreams, Lyzee. I love you,” he whispered, again leaning over her to kiss her gently. One of his tears landed on her cheek, and he carefully wiped it away. “I’m so sorry. I can’t do this without you,” he said, voice choked with emotion. “I miss my best friend and need you to tell me it’s going to all be okay, and that you still love me.”

  At least he said the words out loud. Maybe the universe would deliver them. As he moved away from her to close the door, he didn’t see the icy blue eyes open, and he didn’t see the tear that slid down her cheek as the emotion overwhelmed her.

  If there was any question in her mind if she loved the Blackhawk men, the conversation that Callen spilled while he thought she slept was exactly why. They loved completely and gave her so much of their lives. Now that he explained it all, she had no choice. He was more than forgiven. Elizabeth was going to do what she’d promised she’d do. Protect the men in her family at any cost, and if anything she would always keep her promise to the Blackhawk men.

  It was the path she was meant to follow.

  * * *

  When the kitchen was placed back in order, Callen, Ethan and Doctor Adare all retired to their rooms for the night. No one questioned why it looked like Callen Whitefox had been crying. Nothing was said about what went on behind the closed door. It was obvious that the man was hurting and words wouldn’t fix what was broken.

  Only one person could do that.

  Ethan climbed into bed with his wife, and immediately she moved into his body and curled against him.

  “I love you, baby,” he whispered and kissed her on the lips. “Take it easy on Callen. He looks like hell, and he may have done something stupid, but he didn’t mean it,” he whispered, hoping his family would be fixed and back to the way it was. “Don’t let him suffer too long, he’s been hurt enough in life.”

  When he closed his eyes and slept, his wife lay beside him awake and planning on giving him what he wanted too. Both men meant the world to her, and in the morning she’d protect them both with all she had inside her and figure out how to get through to a woman that wanted nothing to do with her.

  * * *

  Desdemona took the one room furthest from Elizabeth. It was a comfortable space, with a big bed and lots of pillows. She noticed there was a doorway that adjoined hers and Callen Whitefox’s rooms. Just that thought made it hard to sleep. Looking around she tried to focus on anything else that would draw her attention. Oh look, there was a fireplace in there too, and she suddenly wished she knew how to light a fire like Elizabeth Blackhawk. Was there anything that the woman couldn’t do? There was no doubt she could walk on water too if need be.

  She wouldn’t be surprised.

  When Whitefox had gone up to her room after dinner, she was intensely jealous. When he came back down emotional, she wanted to storm up the stairs and fix it. It was after all her fault. The jealousy was something new for her. Even though she tried to not let it bother her, it was so hard to not feel the clawing at her heart. Yeah, it was irrational. Callen was nothing to her, but a friend. But sue a girl for wanting more. As she lay in the bed alone, she wondered what it would be like to have a man look at her the way both men looked at Elizabeth. Yeah, the green eyed monster was swallowing her whole and she wasn’t proud of it at all.

  There was a scraping noise, and Desdemona looked at the clock. It was almost three a.m. and there was no reason for anyone to be up. She listened for it again, and when it was there once more, she grabbed her gun and prepared to find the source. Panic filled her that the sound might be the mysterious stranger that was haunting her life. Maybe he followed her there. At the next sound she was definitely going downstairs.

  Elizabeth lay in bed just listening to the even breathing, as her husband’s chest rose and fell. She’d been lying there for the last few hours dwelling on the words that Callen had dropped in her lap. If she was going to be completely honest with herself, she wasn’t going try to tell herself she was surprised. If anything, she knew people and had a way of reading the situation. How the man felt about her wasn’t a shock, but when it was put into words and said out loud, it gave it a life of its own. Rolling to her side, she watched the man lying beside her, and she thought back to what her brother-in-law had confessed while he thought she was sleeping. She put herself in his position and wondered if she would she be as strong and honorable. If she was in love with Ethan Blackhawk, and he was married to someone else, would she be able to just love him from afar and never be part of his life?

  Not likely.

  Elizabeth did have feelings for Callen, but she was hopelessly, completely and totally in love with her husband. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t make a special place for him in her life.

  Out of love, she’d make room for him in her heart. If Callen needed this favor, she’d make sure it happened. Her heart was big enough to love all the men in her family, and like she promised Timothy- it was her job to keep them all safe.

  As she lie there thinking about it, there was this intense pain building in her body. It came hard and fast and stole her breath.

  What the hell was that? she wondered. That was the first time in the six months of pregnancy she felt pain. Her heart started pounding in her chest. Gently, she rolled to her back, and away from her husband so as not to wake him. After taking a few deep breaths, the pain stopped, but again the wave rolled right through her, and she felt her whole body tighten and then the baby literally go crazy and spin in circles.

  She reached for her phone and realized it was in her jacket pocket, and her tablet was in her shoulder bag. Now she couldn’t Google it, and see what was going on with her body.

  Damn it!

  Elizabeth slid carefully out of bed. If she woke her husband, he’d freak out and drag her to the nearest ER. Maybe some tea would help, and then she could sit and research it online. As she opened the bedroom door, it made a scraping sound and Elizabeth swore it was as loud as a gunshot. It surprised her that everyone didn’t come running. When her husband didn’t even move, she stepped out and closed the door. With the scraping noise again, she paused.

  Still nothing.

  She was almost in the clear. Walking slowly down the stairs, her hand protectively over the baby, she tried to massage him back into being calm. Whatever that pain was, the baby wasn’t too happy with it either.

  Finally reaching the kitchen, Elizabeth put the tea kettle on and leaned against the counter as the next wicked pain hit her. “Shit,” she muttered, and she desperately tried to breathe through it. Yeah, right then she was wondering how her best friend Livy did this six times. Soon she’d be giving birth to her and Gabe’s sixth child, and right now she honestly believed that the woman was more hardcore than a fleet of marines.

  Elizabeth picked out a tea bag that Gabe had sent, and it slipped from her hand. As she leaned over to pick it up, she h
eard the noise and stood fast. Pointed directly at her face was a gun and shaking hand holding it.

  “Oh my God, Elizabeth! I’m so sorry,” said Desdemona, as she lowered the gun. This was great. She just held her boss at gunpoint in the kitchen. Wait, not just her boss but a very pregnant woman that didn’t like her. When Callen Whitefox and Ethan Blackhawk heard about this, she was going to be walking back to her home. It was going to be a long lonely walk back, where she could contemplate her recent unemployment.

  Elizabeth felt her heart start to beat again, and she could tell the woman was about to cry. “Shhhhh. Doctor Adare, it’s okay. Let’s not wake the men.” She felt another pain and almost doubled over.

  “Are you okay?” she asked her boss, rushing to her side, and placing the gun on the island.

  “Really bad pain,” she muttered, trying to breathe through it.

  Desdemona put her boss’s arm over her shoulder. “Let’s get you to the couch and have you lay flat. I’ll check you out,” she whispered.

  “Okay,” she practically growled from between clenched teeth. That’s how bad it was, when she was going to allow her Medical Examiner to play OB-GYN on her while her very nervous husband could wander downstairs at any second.

  Elizabeth let the woman help her to the couch. As she lay down, the pain subsided again and she hoped it never came back.

  “Tell me what it feels like,” Desdemona whispered. “Where is the pain?”

  Elizabeth pointed to the spot on her stomach where it radiated from. “It feels like someone’s running my stomach through a ringer.”

  “No bleeding?”

  “No.”

  Doctor Adare ran her hands over her stomach and felt for the baby. Pushing in one spot, and then another until she got a response. “Is he moving a lot today?” she asked, as she continually checked her body. “Or barely moving?”

  “He’s moving a lot,” she answered, her eyes filling with tears. “Is he okay?” Now she was completely freaked out. Maybe waking her husband would be a good idea after all.

  “Yes, he’s fine. I can feel his head over here,” she took Elizabeth’s hand and pushed it into the one side of her belly. “And here’s his foot,” she showed her with her other hand.

  “Then what’s the pain?” She was still nervous.

  “Braxton-Hicks contractions. They start about twenty six weeks and will continue until the real ones start. They’re supposed to get a mother ready for what’s coming. Practice contractions,” she said grinning.

  “Well hell, if that was the pretend ones, I can’t wait to see the real deal,” she whispered back. “Thanks Doctor Adare.”

  “You're welcome, and I did a rotation in medical school in obstetrics. It was my second choice as a profession,” she smiled. It looked like Elizabeth Blackhawk was human after all and could feel pain and fear.

  “Can I ask Doctor, why an ME if you liked obstetrics?”

  “Pregnant women bitch and moan too much for me. I like my patients to be very quiet,” she answered, jokingly. “Besides, expecting mothers get freaked out when the doctor walks in wearing skulls.”

  Elizabeth laughed.

  “Let me make you some tea.” Desdemona stood and started for the kitchen.

  “Thanks Doctor Adare.”

  The woman took a chance. “Desdemona is fine Elizabeth,” she waited to see what the woman would do.

  “Thank you Desdemona. I appreciate it.”

  Adding water to the cup, she forgot to ask Elizabeth how she liked her tea. It occurred to her that maybe Callen had been right. Elizabeth wasn’t as tough as she thought. After all, she had just seen the fear in her eyes when she was worried about her baby.

  When she carried the mug back in it wasn’t going to matter at all. Her boss had fallen asleep. Her wedding banded hand protectively over the baby in her body. Desdemona put the cup down beside her, and grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch. Tucking the woman in, she stared down at her.

  Yeah, maybe the book can’t be judged by its cover.

  Morning came early, and Ethan rolled over to cuddle with his wife, and she was missing. He looked over at the clock on the bed stand, and it was barely six a.m. The house was silent, and then he got that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that something had happened to his wife. He rolled out of bed and was out the door and down the stairs in a panic. He rushed into the living room and slid to a stop. His wife was asleep on the couch, tucked in and safe, and Doctor Adare was sitting in a chair across from her, reading the tech reports that she had received an hour ago.

  “Is she okay?” he asked, looking panicked. Never had she ever left their bed to sleep on the couch.

  “She was having Braxton-Hicks contractions,” she whispered, trying to not wake her boss. “It was an uncomfortable night but nothing more.”

  The man looked completely horrified that his wife had been having contractions and somehow he managed to sleep through it. “Will she be okay?” he asked, sincerely scared for his wife.

  Doctor Adare nodded. “Perfectly normal from now until the end.” She looked up to see Callen rush down the stairs with his gun in his hand to stand behind his brother. All that went through her head was one word.

  Warriors!

  Wow!

  She had to admit that when her boss came down, she was flabbergasted, as he rushed into the room in just his boxers. Being a medical professional, a naked person wasn’t the shocking part. The truly amazing part about her boss was the tattoos covering his shoulders and chest. The director seemed so straitlaced, but across his body were multiple tattoos. One was a giant raven and the other was a tattoo paying homage to Elizabeth. Then she got round two of shocking. Callen rushed in too, same state- boxers and very shirtless. Yeah, half-naked it was clear that they definitely were brothers. Both men were a genetic match when it came to body and form plus the matching tattoo around their biceps.

  Holy shit times two.

  That answered the questions that had been plaguing her mind, if he was all angles and lines underneath his clothes. He was, and he too had tattoos. On his very defined abs was a tattooed fox. Desdemona felt the room getting very warm. Both men had the same matching tattoo around their bicep of their left arm, and she only hoped she wasn’t leering.

  “What happened,” Callen looked around, and then he noticed Elizabeth asleep on the couch. “Is she okay?” he looked over at Desdemona, his eyes full of worry for his sister-in-law.

  Unable to speak thanks to the hot flash she was currently having, she simply nodded. Whitefox was a very sexy man. He and his brother both hit the genetic jackpot. They were two tattooed sex gods and she prayed she wasn’t staring like an idiot.

  Oh crap, thinking about her boss like that was probably some cardinal sin, especially while Elizabeth lay in the room asleep.

  “Elizabeth was up in the middle of the night having Braxton-Hicks contractions. I stayed up to just make sure she was fine. I got some tech report reading done.” Desdemona smiled at both men, trying to sound professional. It occurred to her she could be talking very fast.

  Whitefox began calming down and noticed a couple of things. The first thing being that Desdemona Adare was wearing glasses to read, and they were sexy black schoolmarm ones that immediately heated his blood. The second thing was that he was partially naked and Doctor Adare was staring at both men.

  “Uh, we should go get dressed.” Whitefox punched his brother in the arm, trying to give him the hint that neither was dressed appropriately to be standing in front of the doctor. If it were just Elizabeth, he wouldn’t bat an eye, because it was a normal thing, but with the ME, that was crossing the line of comfort even for him.

  Ethan just realized that he was partially naked himself. “Good idea,” he said, as both men made a hasty retreat.

  Desdemona watched them both walk up the stairs, and both men had tattoos all over their backs too. Oh wow!

  When both men were out of range, Desdemona let out a breath.

&nbs
p; Elizabeth started giggling. When she opened her eyes, they were filled with laughter and understanding.

  “I should probably apologize for ogling your half naked husband and brother-in-law,” Desdemona said, wondering if the laughter was the calm before the storm or if she was truly entertained. “But really they weren’t easy to ignore.”

  “They’re something, aren’t they?” she said, sitting up.

  “Yeah, yeah they are, but I’m not sure that the word ‘something’ covers it. That’s a lot of tattoos between them,” she said, fanning herself with the tech report.

  “For the record, you don’t really ever get used to it. They walk around our house like that all the time. It can be distracting.”

  “Great.” She made a mental note to avoid any situations where both men would be topless. Then she realized how insane that would be. Who avoided naked perfection?

  Elizabeth stood and stretched. “Thanks for not letting Ethan freak out,” she said, finally. The fact Desdemona was checking out her husband didn’t bother her, but what intrigued her was the flush of heat that she could see across her face.

  “You’re welcome.” Doctor Adare knew she was still blushing.

  “Which one got you all hot and bothered?” she asked, watching the woman’s face carefully. She’d interrogated a lot of criminals, and could spot a lie a mile away.

  Desdemona flushed further, but felt like she needed to answer. “Callen,” she said honestly, and then blushed more, finally changing the subject.

  “When I first saw them together, shirtless in just jeans, they were working on the tree house in our back yard; I almost had to take a cold shower. From behind without the tattoos they’re identical.”