Brief Encounters_The Encounters Series

by Scarlett Hopper

  “Please, Jess,” I beg. “I can’t watch you walk away from me, from us.”

  “Then close your eyes, Eleanor.”

  It takes a few moments for his words to sink in. Enough time for him to walk away, leaving me heartbroken in a hotel hallway. I don’t even notice I’m crying until I finally make it to the elevator, and by then I don’t give the tears much thought.

  I don’t really think about anything. I’m just so numb.

  I go home, but I don’t remember my drive or the countless missed calls I will see from Viv when I finally come to my senses.

  I walk up the flight of stairs slowly, feeling as if my entire body is being weighed down, the reality of today slowly pulling me down with every step.

  With my vision blurred and heart racing, I close my bedroom door and cry the tears I’ve been holding in for what feels like a lifetime.

  December 2014

  No Rest For The Wicked

  I think it’s a little after six a.m., but I could be wrong. It could be earlier or later. The faint light peaking through my curtains is the only indication that it’s morning, because I turned all electronics off in an attempt to avoid my problems.

  I would have kept my cell on if I thought Jess would call, but even I’m not naïve enough to think that will happen. I shudder at the memory of last night, pulling my duvet up over my head in a vain attempt to keep the world out.

  A faint knock at my door alerts me I’m no longer alone. A small flicker of hope that it could be Jess causes me to pull the covers down, but that’s quickly dispelled.

  Viv doesn’t say a word as she walks over and pulls the covers back, then gets into bed with me. My eyes well with tears as she wraps her arms around me. She holds on tight for the both of us.

  “I know there isn’t anything I can do, because right now everything seems to be horrible, but I want you to know I’m here. Whatever you need from me, I can do it,” she whispers to me.

  All I can do in response is nod as sobs begin to rack my body. Viv holds me, whispering false assurances.

  “Are you sure going over there is a good idea?” Viv asks as I pull a sweater over my head. It’s been less than twenty-four hours, but something has got to give. The tears stopped a few hours ago, and I’ve had some time to think about the whole situation. I’m not stupid enough to think it isn’t bad. I know it’s very bad. But I refuse to give up hope. If I do, it just might kill me.

  “I just have to explain it to him. Then he can decide what he wants to do. If he doesn’t want to hear me out, then I’ll just leave the letter,” I say as I attempt to tame the wild beast that is my hair. Lying in bed for nearly twenty-four hours isn’t exactly beneficial for my auburn waves.

  Looking down, I eye the envelope in my now faintly bruised hand. I really don’t want to have to give Jess a letter explaining everything, but I have to accept he may not want to talk, so the letter is my plan B.

  “I can come with you. You know, so it makes it easier.” Viv’s concern is comforting, but I know I have to do this on my own.

  “Why don’t you drive me so when I’m done, depending on the outcome, we can go out?” My attempt at sounding moderately cheery is an epic failure, but Viv gives me a small smile anyway.

  “Okay, let’s go,” I say, then let out a breath. “I need to get this over with.”

  Walking up the steps to Jess’s house lacks the reassurance that it once had. Instead, a black hole of dread is slowly eating away at me, a hole that I feel may swallow me up at any moment.

  Before I can even knock on the door, Will pulls it open, his cheery demeanor nowhere in sight, alerting me to the fact that he either knows or is aware something is up.

  “He’s upstairs,” he says as he motions to the stairs, sympathy warming his tone. I give him a pathetic smile and begin to make my ascent.

  “Hey, Ellie,” Will says, calling to me. Upon turning around, I see he’s wearing a weary smile. “I’m rooting for you.” With that, he disappears outside, I’m assuming to keep Viv company. I smile at his encouragement, knowing full well this could be the last time I get it.

  The walk to Jess’s room feels as if it takes years, and when I finally reach his door, there is potential that I might be sick. I haven’t even turned the knob yet and I feel the sting of tears behind my eyes.

  You’ve got this, Eleanor Ivy.

  The one thing I tell myself to push me forward. The one thing I’m questioning right now, because do I really have this? I guess I’m about to find out.

  I push open the door slowly, scanning the room for Jess. It doesn’t take me long to find him, as he’s sitting on his bed, his back to me.

  “Jess,” I say slowly, my voice coming out all kinds of broken. He doesn’t turn to face me, but I know he hears me; he flinches at the sound of my voice. I think that’s almost worse.

  Taking a deep breath, I know I just have to say it. I pull off my sweater because the room feels about a hundred degrees, and then I go for it.

  “I know right now it seems like I’ve been lying to you. And I guess in a way I have, but it was never to intentionally hurt you. You have to know that. So, I’m going to tell you everything and once I’m done, I’ll accept whatever you decide. If you want me to leave, I’ll go. Even though it might kill me, I’ll go.”

  Jess scoffs. “I think I’ll skip the part where you try to cover your ass, Els,” he spits out as he stands to look at me. All the hurt that was there yesterday has now vanished, leaving only anger overtaking his expression.

  “I’m not trying to cover anything, Jess,” I try to say evenly. “I just want to explain everything to you.” I pause, letting out a breath. “You deserve an explanation.”

  He scoffs at my words, taking a step toward me. “No, Eleanor, what I deserve is for my girlfriend not to fuck my father.” I flinch at the harshness behind his words but refuse to break. I know what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to push me away. Too bad I invented this game and he’s gonna have to work a bit harder.

  “I didn’t sleep with your dad, Jess. I could never do that. Even if you and I weren’t together, I could never do that.” I’m trying to stay strong, but my voice cracks at the end of my sentence.

  “You might as well go now because I don’t have time for this bullshit.” He’s trying to be indifferent, but I can see the emotions swirling behind his eyes, bursting to get out.

  “I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out. You have this whole thing wrong. Please let me explain,” I plead, taking a step toward him. He flinches at my close proximity and steps backward. I try not to let his action affect me, but the hurt is prominent.

  “Jesus Christ, Eleanor, get the fuck out of my house!” His sudden outburst kills me, but I can’t leave him now, not like this.

  “Not until you let me explain,” I say, shoulders squared but internally shaking.

  “You were the one person I was supposed to be able to count on, Eleanor. And you go to him? You know how strained our relationship is and then you go and do this?” he screams. Disgust laces his tone as he thrusts his hands through his hair in frustration. “I can never look at you the same way.”

  I suck in a breath at his words, and the tears I so desperately tried to keep in begin to fall.

  “I’m a person, Jess. A fucking human being, and I make mistakes!” I yell. “Stop putting me on this pedestal and thinking I can do no wrong, because it makes it a lot worse when I fall off.” My voice is broken and defeated as I say the words, but he needs to hear them.

  “Is everything okay in here?” Jess and I immediately turn our heads toward the door, where Viv and Will are standing, taking in our situation. Viv’s eyes are wide with concern, and Will’s focus keeps switching between Jess and me.

  No one responds to Will’s question. Instead, an intense and awkward silence fills the room.

  “Please, let me explain,” I quietly plead, looking him in the eyes, attempting to regain any form of light they once had.

  “
I can’t listen to this shit anymore. I guess being a heartless bitch probably comes naturally to you, so our breakup shouldn’t hurt too much. You know what they say. ‘Like father like daughter.’”

  As soon as the words leave his mouth, I see a flicker of regret, but not enough for an apology. I think I hear Viv gasp, but I don’t bother turning around.

  His words feel as if someone has poured hot coals all over my body, and I stand there frozen, unable to process how much anger he has toward me. I’ve never seen this side of him, and I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m a poison. I bring out the worst in people.

  But bringing up my dad when he knows how much that would hurt me…that stings.

  “Okay, dude,” Will says, stepping in. “You need to go outside and cool down.”

  “It’s fine, Will,” I say solemnly, realizing that this may indeed be the end. My tears are falling rapidly, and I don’t even bother wiping them away, as I know more will soon fall.

  “No, it’s not fine,” Will cuts in. “Dude, I know you’re pissed right now, but you can’t talk to her like that. You don’t even know the full story.” He turns to Jess.

  Will’s conviction catches me off guard, and I stop to wonder if he knows the full story.

  “Fuck off, Will,” Jess snaps, surprising the whole room. Not once in the months that I’ve known Jess have I ever heard him and Will fight.

  “Will,” I say, placing my hand on his arm, “I’m fine, really. Can you please just give us the room?” Will eyes Jess cautiously but finally takes Viv’s hand and leads her out of the room.

  We’re met with utter silence except for the occasional sob that breaks free from me. It’s so quiet I swear I hear my heart breaking along with his.

  “I imagined this going a lot of different ways, but I never imagined you to be cruel. I never meant to hurt you,” I whisper, finally feeling defeated.

  “I don’t care,” he says, his voice so cold it sends a shiver up my spine.

  I would wait here for his response all day, but it’s clear that isn’t what he wants. I have my answer.

  “I’m going to go, but please listen to the tape and please read the letter,” I manage to say as I try to contain the hysterics coming from me.

  Jess breaks his silence, but what he says makes me almost wish he would stay silent. “You not telling me might have been your way to keep us together, but it’s ultimately gonna tear us apart, Eleanor.”

  Do you hear that? It’s the sound of my heart breaking into millions of tiny pieces.

  Leaving his room is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I can’t be selfish anymore. I may need Jess like I need oxygen, but right now, he needs me to leave like he needs to breathe, so I go. I need to do what he wants, even if it kills me.

  Jess,

  There is so much I want to explain to you. I know that a letter won’t do it any justice, but if you’re reading this, then it means I wasn’t able to explain in person, so I hope, at the very least, this helps you understand.

  I never told you how I got by once I left my dad in Jersey. I met Vivian through her cousin Winona when I first got to New York. She’d been working for a guy named Dean for a few years where she would essentially date guys for money. Nothing physical ever happened—it was purely for show—but it paid good money, and I was desperate.

  We did it for a few years until moving to Cambridge to start at Breslin, where we continued the business. As the years went on, more influential people started becoming clients.

  I guess the number-one thing you’re wondering is how I met your father. I was at an event early on in the school year, and that’s where I met him. He took an interest in me and contacted Dean about making me his regular. I didn’t want to do it, but the money he was offering was unlike anything Viv and I had ever seen. She was done with the job, and it was the perfect out for me. A month with him would ensure that Viv and I would be okay.

  It was strange. He wasn’t the same man I’d met who’d creeped me out the first night. He was nice to me, and so I figured one month wouldn’t matter. At the end of that month, I agreed to a few more weeks, figuring it was easy money. But then things started getting complicated between you and me, and I found myself feeling guilty for being with Roger, even though you and I weren’t even dating.

  I ended it with him immediately when we got together. I severed all ties I had with Dean, and I never contacted your dad again. Jess, I would have told you, but I didn’t think it would matter because I never slept with any of them. It was just a job. But then on Thanksgiving I realized who your dad was. God, I felt so sick. I felt like I had betrayed you, and I knew I had to tell you.

  Your dad told me if I didn’t go to his hotel on Sunday, he would tell you right then and there, and I knew he would distort it to make it seem like more than it was. He told me I had to end things with you or he would tell you everything, but I had already decided to tell you. He was so angry, and I stormed out. The rest you heard.

  God, Jess, you have to know he means nothing to me, and I never would have been seeing him if I knew he was your dad. I can’t tell you how sorry I am and how much I wish I could take it all back.

  Jess, I’ve never met anyone like you. You made me want to be different. You made me feel like I was worth something, that I wasn’t broken. I know you may never be able to forgive me, but I want you to know, I need you to know, I love you.

  I’m in love with you, and I think I have been ever since that night we played twenty questions at your house. I’m asking you, hell, I’m begging you, please don’t give up on us. After everything, we can’t end like this.

  If after reading this you decide that it indeed is the end for us, I want to thank you. Without you I would still be that closed-off girl who was too scared to let anyone in, but you came in like a hurricane and turned my life upside down for the better, so thank you for showing me what it means to live again.

  Always yours,

  Eleanor

  My Immortal

  “Do you want to talk about it?” To say Viv is concerned would be the world’s biggest understatement. I think this is the hundredth time she’s asked me if I want to talk about it in the past three days since the breakup, not that I’m counting. I’m not really doing much of anything but sleeping and crying. Except for right now where I’m sitting in the passenger seat of my Jetta. Viv hauled me out of bed this morning, chastising me for missing class the past few days. She’s been hovering ever since the fight at Jess’s and as annoying as it is, I know I shouldn’t take her concern for granted. I know for a fact it’s better than no concern at all.

  “I’m cold,” I say, bending down to find a sweater. Of course, as per usual, I forgot mine this morning. I think I left one on the floor of the car a couple of days ago.

  “Oh honey, I know the world feels so cold and lonely right now, but talking about it might make you feel better.”

  “No, Viv,” I mutter as I rummage through all the shit on my car’s floor. “I’m actually cold; I can’t find my sweater.” I don’t mean to, but my tone comes off harsh, and she immediately has the look of a hurt child on her face.

  I let out a long breath, running my hands through my matted hair. “I’m sorry,” I let out. “I didn’t mean to snap. I just—” I pause, not knowing how to continue. “I just don’t really know how to process what’s going on right now, and I really need my sweater.”

  I begin throwing my shit into the back of the car out of frustration and slam my hand on the dashboard when I remember where I left it.

  “Fuck!” Viv flinches at my outburst but puts her hand on my shoulder in reassurance.

  “I left it in his room,” I say helplessly. I know it’s just a sweater, but right now I have a desperate need for it, something I think Viv can sense. She pulls into the closest driveway and does a U-turn, heading in the direction of Jess’s place.

  Twenty minutes later, we’re out front. “I’ll run in and get it. You can wait in the car,” she s
ays.

  “It’s fine,” I say weakly. “The guys have practice right now anyway, and I want to grab some of the other stuff I left behind.”

  “I’ll be right here,” she says, letting me know I don’t have to do this alone. I nod, grabbing my copy of Jess’s house key out of my bag as I pull open the car door.

  He isn’t home. There isn’t anything to worry about.

  As I walk up the steps to his house, the front door flies open and I jump back in a momentary panic. Thank god, it’s just Will.

  Wait? Will is supposed to be at practice.

  “Uh, Ellie, what are you doing here?” I can’t help but notice the unease in his question and the fact that he didn’t even say hello.

  “I could ask you the same,” I say with a shaky laugh. “I just came by to grab my sweater. I left it here when—” I stop myself from continuing that sentence. “Aren’t you guys supposed to be at practice?” I say, changing the topic.

  Will looks around nervously as he brings his hand to the back of his neck. “Practice was cancelled. Uh, what can I help you with?”

  “What can I help you with?” Is he being serious?

  “Will,” I say with an awkward laugh, “what’s wrong with you? Why are you acting weird?” Is this his way of telling me he’s done with our friendship too? I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if Will cut me off due to his loyalties to Jess, but he’s still dating Viv, so I didn’t expect him to be so, I don’t know, cold? Awkward?

  Clearly seeing me overthink the situation, Will takes a step forward, pulling the door closed, but not before glancing nervously up at Jess’s room.

  Then it hits me. Someone is in Jess’s room. Will’s trying to spare my feelings.

  “Oh,” I say quietly as it all dawns on me. I shift uncomfortably, trying to decipher the emotions tearing through my body.

  Hurt, rage, anger, sadness, heartbreak.

  “Who is she?” I ask so quietly. I don’t even know if Will has heard me. I’m not even sure I’m ready for the answer.