Possibility Days

by Mary Ramsey

  “How long do you think it will take her to find you?” Emily asked.

  “Who knows? There’s a lot to see here. Oh, and Cam’s popped by. That’ll keep her busy a minute or two.” I smiled as he approached Sara.

  “Hey there, nice to finally meet you.”

  Sara cupped her hands over her face like she was meeting a celebrity. “You’re … Cam! You’re Jen’s brother.”

  “Don’t act so surprised, I know you’ve seen pictures,” he said with a laugh.

  Sara nodded. “I always thought you looked like a younger version of your father.”

  He touched her shoulder. “Your relationship with my dad … I know it’s complicated. You’re friends, but you’re also like his other half. He needs your friendship now more than ever. You need to pull through to keep him going. He’s going to be a great dad. I should know.” He smiled and pointed my way. “Time is not on your side. There’s someone here you’ll want to see.”

  I sat cross-legged while Emily braided daisies into my hair.

  “Aren’t you a little over the age limit?” Sara asked, laughing as she got closer.

  “It’s all good. I’m just chilling with my friends.” I held out my arms. “Did you come all this way to not give me a hug?”

  Sara threw herself into my arms. “Everyone misses you so much. You left a hole in our hearts.”

  I looked into her eyes. “I have someone I’d like you to meet.” I let Sara sit on my lap as Emily stepped around, twiddling her dark hair shyly around her finger. Facially, she was almost an exact cross between her parents.

  Sara gasped. “You were … supposed to be my baby.”

  Emily held Sara’s hand. “I still can be. One day. But you need to pull through. You have a life to lead first.” She touched Sara’s face. “Close your eyes, Mommy.”

  I watched the doctors cut the baby from Sara’s body. The little boy wasn’t breathing. All I could hear was medicinal mumbo-jumbo: tubes, ventilator, ICU. The baby was so tiny, less than four pounds, and shivering so badly, I was genuinely afraid for him. As yet unnamed, baby was placed in an incubation box with two gloved holes for family or doctors to examine him. I stood over the box, reaching through the plastic to touch the baby’s hand. He gripped my fingertip.

  Cam appeared beside me. “I want to try.” He passed his ghostly hand to the baby’s cheek. “Hey, little guy.”

  Johnny had been standing by the door. “You guys are nuts.”

  “Is Sara awake?” I asked.

  “Yeah, but the doctors said they wanted to wait until the baby’s vitals stabilized before allowing her to hold him.” Johnny sighed, “She’s been crying ever since she woke up.”

  Cam nodded. “This sucks.”

  “You think?” Johnny gritted his teeth, probably to avoid arguing with a ghost. “I’m going to see if Jen will be allowed to see the baby. Or if she wants to, even.”

  Johnny left, only to return moments later with Jen, who already had her phone out. I was shocked by her lack of tact, assuming she was about to take pictures, when I heard Shauna yelling from the other end of a video-chat session.

  “Hush,” Jen whispered. “The baby is sick. We need to be very calm and quiet.”

  “What’s wrong with the baby?” Shauna asked for the both of us. I didn’t know that yet either.

  Johnny wiped his face. “The baby was so anxious to meet you, he came out of Auntie Sara’s body a little too soon. His little heart and lungs aren’t properly developed.”

  “So why didn’t the doctors just leave him in longer to finish growing?”

  “Because something went wrong with Auntie Sara’s body,” he explained as he took the phone from Jen. He held it at an angle so Shauna could see into the incubation box.

  Shauna cooed over the tiny little guy for a moment. His head wasn’t much bigger than an apple, and he was wearing the world’s tiniest blue beanie hat. “What’s his name?”

  Johnny wiped his eyes and handed the phone back to Jen.

  “Right now, he doesn’t have a name,” she explained. “In case the Lord wants to call him back to heaven.”

  “Then we should call him Angel,” Shauna suggested. “Daddy’s an angel, Uncle Cam’s an angel, and Remy is an angel. Maybe they sent us this baby angel for all of us to love.”

  Jen blew a kiss at her phone screen. “That’s a lovely idea. Let’s see what Sara says when she feels better.”

  After a series of tests, the diagnosis was worse than any of my family had imagined—the baby had cerebral palsy. Sara had been allowed to see the baby, to hold him as he was fed from a tube attached to his head. But despite my mother’s best efforts to arrange some compassionate release, Diego would not be allowed to see the baby until he was paroled, since technically he was not the child’s biological father.

  I watched, anxiously, as my sister retreated into herself.

  I rocked the baby in the bassinet as Jen and Johnny were busy in the kitchen. The name Angel stuck: Angel Sean Quinto. He was so cute. I was happy, mad and frustrated all at the same time. Sara had gone back to work as soon as she could possibly get herself signed fit to do so, leaving Jen and Johnny to pick up most of the childcare.

  “This better turn out to be her dream job,” Johnny muttered, sterilizing a fresh batch of bottles.

  “I can’t believe you let her leave the baby here every single day,” Jen muttered, mixing batter like she was beating it to death. “She could fork out some cash for daycare for a few days out of the week.” Angel started to cry, making her groan. She wiped her hands on her apron and came over to the bassinet. “I need to get a fucking job.”

  “Why don’t you?”

  “Because I don’t want a job. I’ve done so many jobs. I finally want an actual career where I can be creative—oh, hell. He’s off again …” She laid Angel down on his side as he twitched and stroked his little cheek.

  When the little guy had seizures, I couldn’t help but break down. It seemed so unfair. The mood in the house had been depressed for ages; Diego’s parole hearing had gone well, which was great, but he was set to be released on a very painful day—June twenty-fourth, the anniversary of my death. I knew Jen was happy, but at the same time nervous about the future; Angel aside, she had more than enough to think about. She was raising our child, helping her father, and trying to find her own true happiness.

  Jen carried on stroking Angel’s little face, but raised her voice around the corner for Johnny. “When are you going to start your doughnuts?”

  “Whenever you make some room for me on the stove.”

  “Move whatever you need, I’m going to hold the baby for a while.”

  “Cool.” Johnny brought in his dough from the RV, where it had been proofing for a while. He started to make doughnuts by hand by rolling long snakes of dough between his hands, then tying knots. He laid them on a baking sheet while his oil heated up.

  Jen laughed. “Those look more like pretzels.”

  “It’s not like we’re selling them.”

  Jen’s eyes lit up. “You know, we could.” Her smile grew larger as an idea took hold. “Johnny, I want to start a food truck! We could totally do that—the two of us.”

  “How would we make that work?”

  Jen shrugged. “Make it fit in with our lives. Take snacks to the hospital, and maybe to the farms and ranches. We already make a great team.”

  “But … we would need to a vehicle. I’m in so much debt it’s just not funny.”

  “We could ask for a loan,” Jen suggested, “From a certain special friend and his supermodel wife.”

  Johnny grinned, weight seeming to roll off his shoulders at last. “Sure, let’s go for it. Where’s your phone?”

  “What, now?”

  “You want to do this or not?”

  Two days went by with no response to Johnny’s email to Jayden, but I never gave up hope. And quite rightly so.

  Jayden actually pulled into Mom’s drive in a food truck.

 
; Jen laughed with joy. “Oh my God. That’s unreal!”

  Johnny’s jaw dropped. “Jayden Clarke … brought us a food truck!”

  Jayden got down from the driver’s seat, grinning. “So you live in the middle of nowhere now? Dinner had better be amazing.”

  Shauna had been walking the dog and turned the corner of the block to see two huge vehicles outside her grandma’s home. Once she spotted Jayden, she sprinted right over and leapt into his arms.

  “I’ve missed you too, Shauna. But guess what? Izzy’s here too.”

  Jayden’s daughter stepped out of the truck, looking adorable in a white sundress, with her hair pulled into pigtails.

  I watched, grinning, as the reunion went a little bananas.

  Johnny and Jen came out of the RV. Johnny softly hugged Jayden, mindful of the baby in the pouch he wore on his chest.

  “Can I hold him?” Jayden asked.

  Johnny nodded. “Absolutely.”

  Jayden lifted Angel from the carrier. Angel started to cry, but Jayden rested the baby to his chest, gently stroking his back until he calmed down.

  Johnny looked impressed. “You’re good with him.”

  “I want to see the baby!” Izzy shouted.

  “Be very careful,” Jayden said. He stooped a little, letting her stroke the tiny bare foot, then turned his attention back to Johnny. “Here’s what I want you to do. You’re going to draw up a design for your truck—something that reflects your life, your future, your hopes and dreams—”

  “And we’re all going to help you paint it,” Izzy finished for her father. “Did I spoil the surprise?”

  It was so nice seeing everyone back together again. Well, nearly everyone. Johnny excused himself for a little while to sketch out his ideas in a quiet corner. Naturally, I watched his progress over his shoulder.

  He sighed. “Sean … a little space, please?”

  “Is Sara coming over soon?” I asked.

  “To pick up Angel? Yeah.” He didn’t look up from his paper.

  “That’s cool. I’ll just wait here.”

  “Yeah, you just wait there. I’ll move.”

  I took the hint and gave him the space.

  Sara arrived home to find Johnny on the front porch sketching and pointed, grimacing, at the food truck. “What the hell is that?”

  “It’s exactly what it looks like, gifted to our family by Jayden Clarke.” Johnny picked up a contrast pen to keep working on his design. “Go inside, everyone’s here.”

  She wrinkled her nose at him. “You pissed at me again?”

  “Nope. Just swimming in your sunny presence.”

  Sara threw off her gloom the moment she went inside and found herself back in the heart of her extended family. London was holding the baby, while Jayden ate with the girls in front of the small television. I was wondering if they would be cool with each other, but even if London had a low opinion of Sara when she’d left, then clearly, she’d now decided their parting argument was just water under the bridge.

  “You’re a natural,” Jen said to London, as she made a plate for Sara and Johnny to share.

  “Well, I’d better be.” London bit her lip, her eyes sparkling.

  The room went silent. Jayden looked at his wife. She nodded. “Less than two months along, so I’m breaking the bad luck rule, but I’m ready to be a mother.”

  Jayden cupped her face in his hands and kissed her as Izzy and Shauna shrieked with delight.

  “All of you had better visit when my kid is born!”

  Jen hugged her. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  London touched her stomach. “My little Sean Jayden Clarke or Shauna Isabelle Clarke.”

  “I love those names,” Jen said.

  “Me too,” Sara added, smiling for real for the first time in ages. “Congratulations.”

  “I love you, Mommy,” Izzy said to London. “I can’t wait to be a big sister.”

  Admittedly, that made me cry as well as everyone else. I went back out to get air, sat back down with Johnny, and admired his design. What he came up with was not a look towards the future, but rather to the past: a shrine to all of our adventures. He drew the rolling hills of North Dakota blending into the Hollywood sign, which blended into the Portland skyline. He used simple, bold shapes, like in a coloring book. The rest of the group could add in their own details.

  Sara took a seat next to him. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Thanks,” he said softly. “So, I heard London’s pregnant?”

  “Yeah, great for her.”

  Johnny rolled his eyes. “There’s no good sounding jealous. You do actually have a baby of your own.”

  “I care about my baby!”

  “That’s why you work nearly eighty hours a week? You don’t even take days off.”

  “Because I thought I could count on you,” Sara’s voice was breaking with emotion.

  “You mean use me?”

  Shauna emerged from the RV holding Angel. “The baby angel is shivering again.”

  I noticed she always said “the baby angel” and not “Angel”. As if she was still unsure if the little miracle would remain in the land of the living.

  Sara took the baby. Rocking his little body close to her chest, she looked every bit like a mother. There was no doubt in my mind that Sara went back to work because that was what she needed to heal her soul. And that was okay. She was still my little science nerd sister. But I’d have to work on making sure Johnny got his own freedom so he didn’t resent Sara’s choices.

  “I love you, Sara.” I touched her shoulder, subtly turning her to face Shauna.

  “Shauna,” Johnny said, “what do you think the food truck should be called?”

  Shauna thought for a moment. I watched as she traced her hands over Johnny’s design. “These are all Daddy’s places; North Dakota, California. We should name it after Daddy somehow.”

  “Sean’s Place,” Johnny said with a smile.

  I patted Johnny’s shoulder. “I like it.”

  Twenty-Nine

  The day Diego was released was cause for celebration. Everyone was present: my mom, Johnny, Sara with the baby, Jen, and little Shauna. Jayden’s family had long returned home, but they were notified of the joyous occasion.

  Diego emerged from the pen in a wheelchair, pushed along by a solid guy who I assumed was a nurse. Diego wore the blue plaid shirt and denim jeans he’d been wearing the day he was taken to the county jail by the sheriff. He had thick stubble on his face with a mixture of white throughout.

  I was going to try to make myself visible to him when Shauna threw herself forward and gave him the biggest hug ever. He was able to respond enthusiastically; thanks to Mom, he’d seen a neurologist in his last weeks in jail, and had made a really good recovery from his attack. He owed a lot to my mother. And he knew it. It had taken some persuasion to get him to agree to live with her a little while until he found his feet.

  There had been no more attacks on his life since Cam and I stopped the last one, and Nathan Cross was no longer an issue for anyone for any reason. Once my mom covered Diego’s pending release in an article, and wrote about the circumstances behind his imprisonment, it turned out that Nathan Cross had written a few checks to a few families over the years to keep his son out of jail; Richie had taken his predatory nature to the University of Michigan, too.

  When other people started talking to journalists with their own stories about Richie, then the tide turned against the whole Cross family. The prisoner who’d been bribed told the authorities exactly how much they’d been offered to finish Diego off. Nathan’s stock price fell off, his reputation crashed and burned. He wound up putting a gun in his mouth.

  It wasn’t the victory my mother had hoped for, but it guaranteed Diego’s safety; he could finally come home.

  I so wanted to hold my mother and thank her, but I settled for stroking Shauna’s back as she hugged her grandfather.

  “Grandpa, Mommy said you’re sick?”


  “My condition’s not as bad as it seems. I’ll walk now, I think. I simply require …” Diego patted around for the cane that was attached to the side of the wheelchair, then closed his fingers around it. As Shauna straightened up and moved back a little, he eased himself to his feet.

  Jen threw her arms around him. “Dad, it’s so good to see you.”

  As Diego held his girls close, my mother walked up to him. “Congratulations.”

  “I didn’t think it would happen. I didn’t think it was possible I would be standing here a free man.”

  My mother placed her hand on his shoulder. “You deserve this.”

  “I only wish Sean could be here,” he said.

  Shauna kissed his cheek and waved the pendant at him. “Daddy is here, see!”

  “Hello, Sean,” Diego said to the pendant.

  “Hi,” I said as if he could hear me. I wanted him to hold the baby. I was really impatient for it. Or, at the very least, I wanted him to see the baby. I figured that would be my release switch; when I knew all was well with Sara, Angel and Diego, my work here was done.

  Sara wore the baby in a carrier, allowing the tiny boy to rest his head against her chest. I stroked the baby’s back. The sound of Sara’s heartbeat seemed to soothe him wonderfully. Sara smiled at Diego, wiping tears from her eyes. “This is Angel.”

  “Angel?” Diego asked.

  “It was meant to be temporary, but … it stuck.” Sara explained. “Angel Sean Quinto.”

  “I think that’s a wonderful name.” Diego’s large fingers touched the baby’s cheek. The baby’s eyes opened briefly. I wasn’t sure but I could have sworn I saw a smile. “May I hold him?”

  “Maybe that should wait until you can sit comfortably,” my mother suggested. “The little one’s very sensitive.”

  “That’s understandable.”

  “Hell and damn!” I yelled. “Can we please get this hug done?” I saw Johnny smirking at me from the car park and flipped him the bird. He knew what today meant to me.

  “Grandpa, do you want to ride in the food truck with Mommy and Uncle Johnny?” Shauna asked.