Somebody's Doodle

by Nikki Attree

  “There’s no reason why cats and dogs can’t live together in harmony, Jack” she whispers, smiling.

  The prison officer announces one more minute left, and people start to leave.

  “Shit! I didn’t get a chance to tell you about the stuff that I’m studying while I’m in here. I’m reading all these books about animals, dog training, grooming, that kind of thing ...”

  "That sounds good, Jack” she says, getting to her feet. “You can tell me all about it next time. See you next week.”

  * * *

  When Annie gets home she rings her brother. She’s expecting Robert to give her a hard time as she tells him about her reconciliation with Jack, but he’s surprisingly sympathetic. He cares about his sister, and more than anything he wants her to be happy. If that means throwing her life away with a convicted criminal, than so be it. Of course he doesn’t put it quite as harshly, joking instead that perhaps all these prison visits are good experience for her development as a detective. In fact, maybe Jack can help her in her work when he gets out - with his insider’s knowledge.

  “Yes, well funny you should say that Rob, but I’ve already been thinking along the same lines.” She goes on to explain how Jack is studying animal welfare in prison, with a view to working with dogs when he gets out. Maybe as a trainer, that kind of thing.

  “You know me Rob, I’ve never been much good with dogs. I deal with them OK as part of my job, but I’ve always been much more of a cat person. So when you combine Jack’s insider experience with a training in handling dogs, then perhaps he’s not such a bad partner?”

  Her brother laughs and tells her that she’s doing a pretty good job of selling The Lad to him. “OK, I give in. You’ve convinced me that he’s a reformed character now. I must admit, I’ve always quite liked the lad. He’s an altogether different kettle of fish from that Flash ‘Arry tosser that he teamed up with. Jack has definitely got potential.”

  Annie feels huge relief as another weight is lifted from her shoulders. "Thanks Rob. I appreciate that. You know how much I respect your opinion, even if I don’t always say so. It means a lot to me that you think that Jack and I can have a future ...”

  “Yes, well I do care about you sis. Look, I’ll see if I can put in a good word for him with the CPS. Maybe they can get him moved to an open prison, and out on parole.”

  Annie is more than grateful. She’s actually weeping tears of gratitude as she thanks her brother and puts the phone down. Of course she hides it well from him, telling him that she owes him a few more weeks of hamster sitting for his favor.

  * * *

  Robert is good to his word, and within a couple of weeks Jack is given ROTL (Release On Temporary Licence) to go on 'home leave'. He moves back in with his mum, and studies conscientiously to qualify as a dog trainer and groomer. He and Annie spend plenty of time together, and he explains his business plan to her:

  “When I was staking out dogs on Hampstead Heath I noticed that the posh people who live around there don’t have time to look after their own pets. So they pay people to do it for them. The trouble is, the people they employ are hopeless. Elizabeth used to pay this bimbo Cheryl to walk Doodle, but she was worse than useless. She used to leave the poor pooch in the house all day, and then when she did show up she was totally crap at exercising her. So my idea is to start an ethical dog walking, grooming, and training business. I was thinking of calling it something like: ‘The Whole Dog’. What do you think?”

  Annie replies that she thinks it’s a great idea, and adds that she has one of her own. She tells him about her slight problem dealing with dogs in her work, and also her brother’s suggestion that Jack would make a good consultant, given his insider’s knowledge of the criminal mind. Jack laughs at the double-edged compliment, and says that nothing would give him more pleasure than to help her catch thieving scumbags like himself. Perhaps he can also lend a helping hand when she has to deal with characters like the arsehole who spat at her in the ‘Bucket of Blood’.

  So Jack and Annie become business partners well as lovers. They make a good team. She encourages him with his studies and helps him with his business plan. He’s on hand whenever there are fierce dogs or dodgy characters, like Mr Snake, involved in a case. It’s also invaluable for her to have his sharp, ex-criminal’s brain on tap when she’s stuck for a lead. Together they manage to solve some tricky cases, and the ‘Happy Tails’ pet detective agency goes from strength to strength.

  A few weeks after Jack is released on parole Annie organises the truth and reconciliation session with Elizabeth and Miranda. The four of them meet in the relaxed setting of Annie’s kitchen, and everyone gets on surprisingly well. Jack and Elizabeth describe the lessons they’ve learnt, and Miranda agrees to let bygones be gone.

  Annie tells Elizabeth about Jack’s idea for an ethical dog carer business, providing a complete service: grooming, training, exercise. Elizabeth is impressed, and immediately employs him to help look after Doodle. Of course he’s more than happy to be reunited with the pooch, and insists that the first month is free as a small gesture of his gratitude.

  He goes on to tell her how he’s putting his reformed criminal’s brain to good use by helping Annie as a specialist consultant. This gives Elizabeth an idea. In fact a whole chain of ideas pop into her brain. She mentally organises them into bullet points and presents them to the kitchen:

  •Firstly, she tells Annie that she’d like to invest in ‘Happy Tails’. This is partly because she can see that with Jack on board the pet detective agency is set to go places, but just as crucially, Elizabeth now realises how valuable Annie’s work is: reuniting distressed families with their missing pets.

  Along with the financial incentives and ethical reasons, Elizabeth also has an aesthetic motivation for investing. The interior designer in her is simply outraged by Annie’s shabby office. She wants her chance to give it a makeover and turn it into the stylish contemporary premises that the business deserves: leather couch, smoked glass table, a few iMacs, some tasteful monochrome pictures of animals on the walls, that kind of thing. Of course she keeps this to herself, for the moment.

  That settled, she tells them about her recent experiences at the dog refuge, her Road to Damascus moment, and how it gave her the idea for a reality television show: ‘A Dog is For Life’. Each week a celebrity is invited to spend some time at the London Dog Refuge meeting the cutest, most needy of the abandoned dogs, and trying to persuade the public to adopt one. Then she stuns them with her second bullet point, something of a bombshell:

  •How about having Jack as a guest on the show? He would be great TV, with his sexy, bad-boy-reformed personality, combined with his huge empathy with dogs. He could talk from the heart about how wrong it was to steal dogs, and how he is devoting the rest of his life to caring for them properly. It would also do her reputation no harm to have him on the show denouncing the dognapping publicity stunt (she leaves the last bit out of her kitchen presentation, of course).

  Jack is flattered, and momentarily lost for words, but the chance to speak “from the heart”, on mainstream television, about the ethics of looking after our canine friends is too good an opportunity to miss, and he accepts. Elizabeth presents her third, and final bullet point:

  •Once Jack has made his guest appearance and been validated by the audience research figures, then why not a double-act spot with Annie? They can talk about keeping your dog safe from marauding Jack-the-Lad types, and how to recover your pooch if he does go awol. It would be great PR for ‘Happy Tails’. There’s also the enticingly sexy angle of this couple who are obviously nuts about each other, having started out as sworn enemies on either side of the moral maze (but again she keeps this bit to herself).

  Jack and Annie give each other one of their soul-mate looks, and giggle. The chemistry between them is enough to confirm Elizabeth’s view of them as a fabulously sexy guest couple. Miranda is thrilled for them, and even a bit overcome with admiration for her mother’s l
argess.

  It’s win-win for all of them. Annie opens the bottle of champagne that she’s been keeping for special occasions, and the four of them toast the success of their truth and reconciliation session.

  * * *

  Jack continues to live with his mum, nominally at least. In fact he spends increasingly more time in Annie’s house, and gradually more and more of his clothes and possessions find their way into her cupboards. After a few months it makes more sense to admit that they’re really living together.

  His mother gives them her blessing. She’s delighted that her son has finally found a girlfriend whom she can admire, and ecstatic with the transformation in his life. Annie gets on well with her, and is treated like the daughter she never had.

  So Jack moves in with Annie and joins her “extended family” of animals. She’s a stabilising influence for him, and it’s a positive move for her too, as some of his confidence, spontaneity, and extrovert affability rubs off on her. He draws her out of herself, and rescues her from her loner lifestyle.

  The menagerie / refuge continues to expand, and now includes several dogs adopted from LDR. The lovers are no longer star-crossed. Fate’s sense of humour has improved, and it just goes to show that as she told him: cats and dogs can indeed live together in harmony.

  I guess we could leave it at that, with everybody23 living happily ever after, but there’s just time for an update, a postscript, and a few more plot twists.

  19 HAMPSTEAD HEATH REVISITED

  Leicester square, London, one year later. It’s the premier of ‘Nobody’s Poodle’ and everybody is there for the big night. Elizabeth had the clever idea of auctioning some of the tickets to raise money for the London Dog Refuge (LDR). This gets her plenty of positive publicity, as well as attracting various celebrities who like to be associated with animal charities.

  The producer is rushing around madly, shepherding journalists like an excited sheepdog. One moment she’s happily shmoozing with celebrities, and the next she’s worried sick about how the film will be received. Her boss from ‘Cutting Edge Films’ arrives and pointedly wishes her good luck, putting yet more pressure on her. This evening is the culmination of a very tough year. There has been blood (some of it fake), plenty of sweat, and quite a few tears. There’s a lot at stake for her tonight: her reputation, her job, and the newfound respect of the canine community.

  Jack and Annie greet Elizabeth, and she gets them to do an interview to promote the television show. The past few months have flown by for them both. Jack’s new business: ‘The Whole Dog’ is up and running, providing total canine care: grooming, training, and exercise. His appearance on ‘A Dog is For Life’ was a great success and he was very popular with the viewers. He spoke movingly about his journey from dognapping villain to canine carer, his voice subtly transforming from bad-boy street to educated lad, an accent that he’s kept hidden since his days at the posh school.

  Annie is very happy with her swanky new office (another of Elizabeth’s Grand Designs), and loving sharing her life with Jack. After his successful TV appearance they were invited on the show together to talk about how to keep your dog safe, offer a few expert tips for finding a missing pet, and describe some tricky cases that they’ve solved together.

  Of course the journalists all want to interview Jack about stealing the film’s canine stars. Some even suggest that his presence at the premiere is another of Elizabeth’s publicity stunts. Jack puts them straight. He tells them that he’s said all he wants to say about the dognapping. He’s learnt his lesson, paid his dues, and moved on. Now he helps people look after their dogs, including Doodle. He’s here because he wants to make amends, and endorse a movie with an important message - the same message as the TV show: a dog is for life!

  Nikki and Gizmo have been staying at Elizabeth’s house, and they arrive at the cinema in a stretch limo with Doodle and Miranda. The two dogs jump out onto the red carpet and the paparazzi jostle each other to get the best shot. Gizmo obligingly poses with his leg cocked in the air, before thinking better of it. The red carpet somehow seems the wrong place to mark his territory.

  Eventually the celebrities have all been shmoozed, interviewed, and seated in the cinema. The lights go out, the opening credits roll, and Elizabeth settles back in her seat. She’s done all she can possible do to make the evening a success, now it’s up to the audience to decide her immediate future.

  * * *

  It’s actually a minor miracle that the film ever got finished at all, considering it’s checked history. The dognapping disrupted everything. Then Elizabeth’s complicity with the dognappers, and her failed publicity stunt, resulted in so much bad press that her boss put the project on hold. The book’s author, Nikki, was so disgusted by the producer’s appalling behaviour that she withdrew her pooch from the project, and mobilized Gizmo’s army of furry amigos to use their considerable clout in the online canine community to urge a boycott.

  Elizabeth won Nikki round in the end though. Firstly with her work for the dog refuge publicising the plight of abandoned dogs, and then inviting the author to appear with Gizmo on ‘A Dog is For Life’. Although not quite as much of a natural in front of the camera as Jack, Nikki welcomed the chance to speak about the work she does in Tenerife helping promote the rescue centers there. Of course Gizmo was a big hit with the viewers, and several dogs found new homes after their appearance.

  By the time they were ready to film the remaining scenes on location in Tenerife, their relationship was almost healed. Cutting Edge Films employed Nikki as a local canine consultant on set, and the shoot went well. Humans and dogs all had a lot of fun in the sun,24 and while the two women were never exactly best buddies, they were certainly able to work together successfully.

  Gizmo’s army of followers were also eventually placated and calmed down. They were persuaded to give Elizabeth a second chance by her work for LDR and the promise of a hefty donation to the refuge from the film’s profits. They all love the book anyway because it’s the story of an abandoned pooch surviving the mean streets of Tenerife, and they’re really thrilled for him.

  As @OscarTheDog put it on Twitter:

  Gizmo’s story needs to be told, and the film should be seen. Let’s call off the #BoycottNobodysPoodleFilm

  Marley Charms @MarleyCharms

  Yeah I agree. We need more woofers like Gizmo in the spotlight.

  Eventually they got quite excited about the film, and the discussion moved on to who should get an Oscar:

  Toby @tobydog2015

  I vote Gizmo for Best Performance by a Non-Human.

  Little Josh @LJ doodle

  Doodle should be up for an Oscar. She’s a star.

  Oscar the Dog @Oscarthedog_ARM

  What’s this about an Oscar? Nobody asked me!

  * * *

  After the screening everybody is invited back to Elizabeth’s house for an après-premier party. Jack and Annie are joining Nikki, staying the night in one of the producer’s opulent bedrooms. Gizmo is due to fly back to Tenerife with his owner the following afternoon.

  Elizabeth is in her element as the hostess with the mostess. Looking around at the crowd of actors, media folk, and Hampstead types, she realises that this is the first time that the house has been full of people since she and her husband used to have dinner parties and entertain.

  In those days it was all about showing off their Grand Design. Tonight the house is genuinely being used as it was designed to be used. The nightclub in the basement is buzzing; the dance floor heaving with sweaty bodies gyrating to the pumping sound-system; the state-of-the-art laser light system gloriously wowing them. There are people cavorting in the swimming pool, and semi-clad revelers riding in the glass-sided lift. All the bedrooms are occupied, either by her overnight guests or by partygoers temporarily availing themselves of the facilities.

  She thinks back to when she and Andrew were working on the house - how happy she was then. Admittedly they were living in a building site, surro
unded by dust and chaos, but it didn’t matter. There was life, creativity, social interaction. Then she got all precious about the place and Miranda; obsessed with every little mark on the polished marble; too controlling to allow her daughter's friends to visit in case they broke something, or even just left the house a bit untidy. And finally, too uptight to allow her dog upstairs in case she had an accident on the carpet.

  What the hell happened to her? How did she allow herself to get like that? She used to be a fun-loving party animal, but she turned into a fascist style-guru preaching that minimalism involves too much clutter; a room needs to be surgically purged of everything that’s not absolutely essential; anything else is a state of squalor.

  Well, it’s time to make amends. She throws herself into the party with gusto, and it’s wonderful to see everyone enjoying the place. Even better, they all loved ‘Nobody’s Poodle’ and are happy to heap praise on her and the film. Some of her guests have also been watching ‘A Dog is For Life’ and are now thinking about adopting a rescue pooch, having fallen in love with a canine cutie and been moved by their plight. All in all the evening is a triumph and it feels like she’s finally put the dark days of the dognapping behind her.

  In the small hours, as the fiesta is fizzling out, she strolls out into the garden for a cigarette and finds Jack playing with the dogs there. They’re having a great time, rolling around the wet grass getting a bit muddy. She’s about to scold them, but just in time reminds herself of her new relaxed attitude, and instead she greets him: “Hi. Great to see Doodle looking so happy. You’re good with them, Jack.”