Five Bestselling Travel Memoirs Box Set

by Twead, Victoria

  Five short years. Five years nearly gone, and I was still desperate to stay in beautiful Spain. The thought of leaving was devastating but a deal was a deal. If Joe wanted to return to England, then I’d promised to agree.

  I couldn’t bear to bring up the subject. I couldn’t bear to think of selling our house, giving the chickens away and turning our backs on the village and our friends for ever. It was Joe who finally brought the subject up.

  “Five years are almost up,” he said. “I think we should go on holiday.”

  “But we’re on holiday every day already!” I kept my voice lighter than I felt.

  “Vicky, we always said this was a Five Year Plan. I want to go somewhere totally different, somewhere neutral. Not England, not Spain. I want to enjoy a holiday away from everything and think about the future.”

  So there was still hope. I knew Joe wasn’t exactly unhappy, but how much did he want to go back to England? Was I being selfish wanting him to stay? Just how much did he miss the National Health, English food, English friends and the familiar English way of life?

  “Okay, that’s a good idea. Where do you fancy going?”

  “I want to go somewhere exotic. Are we still members of that home exchange site?”

  “Yep, is that what you’d like to do? Swap houses again?”

  “Why not? This house is finished now. And I think we should go for quite a long time - perhaps a couple of months. Then I’ll have time to think, and decide if we should go back to Britain.”

  HomeExchange.com was a fabulous site. We’d discovered it in England a few years before. We’d posted up our details, then had the pleasure of having people from all over the world contact us wanting to exchange homes for a holiday. That first time, we’d agreed to swap with a retired American couple.

  What a holiday we had! We swapped everything: house, car, computer and friends - for a blissful month. For four weeks we stayed in a mansion on a private island in South Carolina. We drove their Mercedes, played pool in their billiard room and drove their golf cart down to the private beach. The island was a nature reserve, and wild deer came right up to the house.

  In return, Chuck and Barb stayed in our modest suburban house, drove our little jeep and went sightseeing in West Sussex. We felt it was an uneven swap but they assured us they were delighted.

  “We sure enjoyed visiting your castles,” Barb had drawled. “And we went to see where your Battle of Hastings took place. Britain sure does have a whole lot of history.”

  “And your cute jeep was awful good fun!” said Chuck. “He raised his silver eyebrows and paused, “Have to say we found your roundabouts a bit testing, though.”

  This time we had a quirky house in a tiny, remote mountain village to offer. Would anyone want to sample Spanish village life? We needn’t have worried. As before, plenty of people contacted us, but it was Ken and Glennys’ email that stood out…

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Possible Exchange

  G’day!

  Wondered if you’d be interested in exchanging with us sometime around Sep/Oct/Nov? We have a large house overlooking the golf course with private swimming pool. Close to shopping, beaches and hinterland. Pleasant 4 hr drive to Barrier Reef. We’d love the opportunity to improve our Spanish and experience real village life.

  Hope to hear from you,

  Cheers,

  Ken and Glennys Flagstaff.

  Queensland, Australia? Private swimming pool? Of course we were interested! We replied immediately and so began our cyber friendship. Over the next few months we corresponded, the level of excitement in our emails rising as the exchange date drew closer.

  Paco and Carmen-Bethina were totally bewildered by the concept.

  “¡Madre mia!” said Carmen-Bethina. “And you have never met these people? How do you know they will not ruin your house? They could steal everything!”

  “We’ve been writing to each other for ages. We’ve seen their photos, we know about their two grown-up children, Rob and Amy. They don’t seem like strangers.”

  “Pah!” said Paco, setting the wine bottle down with a thump. “What is wrong with El Hoyo? El Hoyo is the best place in the world! Carmen and I have never been out of Andalucía…” he leaned forward, eyes bulging, “…and we don’t want to!”

  “¡Claro!” Carmen-Bethina nodded her head in agreement.

  After a frenzy of lists and preparation, the day came to collect Ken and Glennys from the airport. I recognised them easily from the photographs; it was like meeting old friends. We managed to squeeze their luggage into the jeep and set off back to the village. We had 24 hours together before they would take us back to the airport to catch a plane to Australia.

  There was a lot to show and tell. We had just enough time to point out the quirks of the house and car, and introduce the chickens. Then Joe and I were in the sky, looking down on Andalucía, heading to Australia. From now on, the only contact we’d have with our Spanish life was via email.

  30 House Swap

  Sticky Toffee Pudding a la Glennys

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Welcome to Aus!!

  Hi Joe and Vicky,

  Hope that by the time you open this you will have had a good rest to help you get over your long and tiring trip. How was the journey? Hope that you are settling in at our home and that everything is ok for you? Did Rob pick you up ok?

  We made it back to El Hoyo after dropping you off at the airport - no problems....no wrong turns or anything. Ventured into the city yesterday to do some shopping but everywhere was closed...must have been a public holiday or something. Ken fiddled with the zip on the jeep and got it working ok...so don’t worry about it. Everything here is good, so just relax and enjoy yourselves.

  Talk later

  Glennys

  PS Who is that old man who wonders round the village in the evenings? He’s always got a black cat following him.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Greetings from El Hoyo!

  Hi Joe and Vicky,

  Very glad you love our home and Rob picked you up from the airport ok. He’s pretty reliable. Have you met Amy yet? Did she leave the house nice and tidy for you? Surprised you’ve never seen a vacuum system like ours before. Very handy just plugging the tube into the wall.

  Went shopping again - more successful this time. Well armed with the dictionary of course!! Couldn’t find a number of things, but maybe they’re not available here. Anyway, had a good time and think that we’re set up for the next month!!

  Having a try of the sticky pudding recipe today to see if it works...if it is a disaster I think I will leave town before the fiesta!!

  The mouse has to be docked in the dock in order to charge, but you sometimes have to wriggle it until the green light flashes. Ask Rob if you can’t get it working.

  Somebody called Judith phoned. Couldn’t hear properly because of dogs barking, but I think she just called in case we needed anything. Very kind of her.

  Hope you enjoy the pool today...the weather here is perfect.

  Till later

  G & K

  PS Don’t forget to ask Amy or Rob if you have any questions. Isn’t that what kids are for? Telephone numbers on the fridge.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Fiesta - wow!!!!!!!!!!!

  ‘Hola’ to you both,

  Sorry we haven’t written for a few days, but it’s been the fiesta and you obviously know what that’s like!!!!!!!!

  Rob phoned and said you’ve had thunderstorms. It’s always like that in Q’land this time of year. Hope that you’ve been able to get some swimming in between storms.

  Fiesta ends today and I’ll be glad to have an end to all the rocket blasts that I’m sure are undermining the foundations of the house! The noise has frightened off the cats and dogs and put the chooks off their laying...apart from deafening me and Ken!!!

  Pudding contest went well and I
managed to pull off first prize!!! I think the fact that the mayor was being kind to visitors (and I think he likes blonde ladies) may have had a lot to do with it. Very nice of them all though. You said that they liked sweet and sticky and that’s what they got. Had lots of nice comments about it from the women…not that I could understand them except for their gestures.

  Everyone’s been very helpful and kind to us. Last night we went and joined in a bit of the dancing…not as much as we we would have liked, but we had to be careful not to overtax Ken’s knees. The band was very good and the singer excellent.

  For my prize they gave me a very nice 24 piece crockery set, which is lovely, but weighs a ton and there’s no way that we can pack it in our suitcase. So I’ll leave it here in the hopes that you can use it or give it to someone else.

  Everything here is going well, we plan to investigate some of the other little towns around here once the Fiesta is over and we recover.

  Till later -

  Glennys and Ken

  PS Took lots of photos of the Fiesta and competition. Too tired to do anything more today, but will get Ken to send them tomorrow.

  PPS Weather is beautiful. Will write out the Sticky Toffee recipe for you.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Lazy chooks?

  Hello again,

  So glad that you’re enjoying yourselves and that Rob got you tickets to the Indy too. Yes, I agree - deafening and smelly but VERY exciting. Those cars go so fast!!

  The chooks are not behaving at all....we’ve only had 2 eggs since the Fiesta.......Ken has talked to them, sung to them and is now threatening them with the pot........all to no avail I’m afraid. He’s checked all around and there are none hidden and no evidence that they are eating them...so don’t know what we can do?

  Really enjoying sitting on the roof terrace, but I think there are even more Spanish flies than Aussie ones! How do you put up with them?

  Getting the hang of the bread, fruit and fish vans that come to the village now. Bit different to our shopping malls back home!

  Cheers from

  Glennys and Ken

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Gas fire

  Hi again.

  Just a quick question...can you help us by explaining again how to light the gas heater? The weather has gone a lot colder recently and we realize that as it may get even colder in the next month we thought we should know how to light the heater. Ken had a look and is not keen to press buttons until he knows what they do...we would hate to blow up the house!

  Had a visit from the village kids last night doing trick or treat. (It was 1’clock in the morning!!!) Paco was with them and came in and chatted to us for a while. He asked us to say Hi. We managed a conversation in spite of our poor Spanish.

  Seems that Marcia’s husband is poorly and they are staying with family down below. Obviously the shop is closed now too but we met a really nice villager called Geronimo. He’s got long curly hair and always wears a football scarf and he’s really friendly. Do you know who I mean? He brings us our bread sometimes if we don’t hear the van. Often stays for a drink. Can’t half put it away!

  Seems that Paco is very happy with his grapes for his wine this year too.

  Enjoy your trip to Hervey Bay. Hope the whales perform for you. You may see some calves, too.

  Bye for now,

  Glennys

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Wildlife

  Yes, do go ahead and feed the lorikeets - they’re the cute rainbow coloured little ones. And feed the kookaburras if you want, but DON’T feed the cockatoos!! They’ve got vicious beaks and will tear the fly screens to shreds to find food.

  Glennys

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Malo Suerte

  Hello Vicky and Joe,

  Ken here. Sorry we haven’t been in touch for a while. I’m afraid we’ve had a bit of a mishap. Glennys and I were taking a nice walk outside the village towards the little white shrine when Glennys slipped on the gravel pathway. We thought she’d just sprained her ankle but it blew up like a balloon and she couldn’t walk. I had to get the jeep and put the old girl in the car without moving the ankle - then drive down the mountain to the hospital.

  Anyway, we found the hospital after asking for directions and it turns out she has a spiral fracture of the fibula. She’s going to need surgery - pins and screws.

  We’ve got travel insurance so after long talks they arranged for her to be transferred to a private hospital in Almería. Got to say, I didn’t realise that was an hour away, and I had to follow the Ambo - siren, flashing blue lights, everything. Your poor little jeep had to follow in the dark, at breakneck speeds of 130-140kmph. It was horrendous - through red lights and overtaking all in sight, while being honked at and abused by other motorists who must have wondered what the hell I was doing. I knew I couldn’t afford to lose the Ambo otherwise I wouldn’t know where I was. Miraculously we all arrived together at the hospital and the treatment the old girl is receiving is excellent.

  Anyway, she’s comfortable now and I’ll keep you posted.

  Hope you are well and still enjoying QLD.

  Best wishes,

  Ken

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Back in the village

  Hola both of you,

  Well, I’m back in the village, and Ken and I can’t believe the villagers’ kindness. Geronimo brings me handpicked roses, Carmen next door is supplying enough food for us each weekend to last most of the week (some of which we don’t recognize…probably a good job too!!) and we’ve had other visits from previously unknown villagers who were no doubt eager to view the latest curiosity!

  Of course I can’t get round the house much on crutches on the tiles (too scary!) so I miss the daily visits to the roof terrace. Don’t miss the flies though!

  Don’t know who, (Geronimo maybe?) has arranged for the doctor to call each week. Seems to produce a flurry of great excitement as people we’ve never seen before call to announce the imminent arrival of the doctor. Obviously I’m honoured to received such a highly esteemed visitor!

  Funny though, the only bruise I got as a result of the daily injection to prevent blood clots came from this revered doctor. Ken manages every other day without pain or bruising to me. Maybe Ken’s missed his calling!

  Anyway, don’t worry, we’re coping.

  Hope you’re still having fun in Aus.

  Glennys

  PS Have been doing a lot of reading.

  From: G&KFlagstaff@gotalk.net.au

  Subject: Wrapping up

  Hi again,

  Just making final arrangements. Ken’s cleaned the house ready for your return and I hope you’ll find everything in order. The chooks are fine, but still refusing to lay - sorry!

  Paco offered to take us to the airport amid much chest thumping and insisting, but the insurance company have laid on a taxi. Felt that we were personally offending him by refusing and felt really bad. Hope he understood.

  The taxi is coming at 6.00 a.m. so Ken will have to stand in the square with a torch and wait for him, then guide him here. If anybody’s awake and sees him they’ll be even more convinced that Australian people are very odd!!

  Anyway, in spite of the accident - this has been an amazing holiday. We’ve house swapped ten times before, but this holiday has been unique. I don’t think we’ll ever forget the kindness, friendliness and hospitality of El Hoyo. Thank you.

  Do keep in touch,

  All the very best,

  Glennys and Kenneth

  PS Nearly forgot- sad news- the old man (Sancho?) husband of Marcia at the shop died last week. Thought you’d want to know.

  Joe had still said not one single word about leaving or staying, and I hadn’t dared broach the subject. It was too painful. I would just have to wait.

  I peered down at Andalucía as the plane began its descent. It was midwin
ter, but the Spanish sun still bathed the mountains, shadows throwing the cultivated terraces into sharp relief. Little whitewashed villages glinted, connected by brown meandering roads. I could even see the sparkle of mountain streams and a shepherd surrounded by his sheep. I drank it all in. My hands gripped the arm-rests; we’d be back in El Hoyo in a couple of hours...

  Joe leaned over me and gazed down at the view. He said something, but the aeroplane engine noise as it prepared for landing drowned out his words.

  “Pardon? What did you say?” I strained to hear him.

  Joe squeezed my hand and tried again, louder this time.

  “It’s wonderful to be home, isn’t it?” he said.

  31 Epilogue

  I found That List the other day. It was pushed into the back of a drawer, yellowed and forgotten. I unfolded it and checked it off mentally.

  Sunny weather - True. No argument there.

  Cheap houses - Well, yes, but we’re not selling ours anyway.

  Live in the country - Yes, we do.

  Miniscule council tax - Still true.

  Friendly people - True. And not just friendly, but generous, kind, quirky, welcoming…in short, just wonderful.

  Less crime - True. (Apart from being burgled at that hotel when we were house hunting.)

  No heating bills - NOT true! Nights are freezing during winter.

  Cheap petrol - Cheaper than Britain, yes, but rising all the time.

  Wonderful Spanish food - Absolutely no argument with that…

  Cheap wine and beer - Oh, yes!

  Could get satellite TV so you won’t miss football - We did, and Joe’s only missed one match. That was due to a magpie flying into the dish. Both magpie and dish survived.

  Much more laid-back life style - Absolutely!

  Could afford house big enough for family and visitors to stay - That one’s backfired a bit. We get too many visitors…

  No TV licence - True.

  Only short flight to UK - True, but we rarely go.

  Might live longer because Mediterranean diet is healthiest in the world - Don’t know yet, time will tell.