Five Bestselling Travel Memoirs Box Set

by Twead, Victoria

  I could clearly see where Joe’s pen had gone through the paper when he’d added to the list so long ago.

  CAN’T SPEAK SPANISH! - Well, still got a long way to go but we can chat in Spanish quite easily now.

  TOO MANY FLIES! - He was dead right about that! Our record stands at 72 flies swatted in one sitting.

  MOVING HOUSE IS THE PITS! - Yes, it is, but as we aren’t moving again, who cares?

  We are still in contact with Glennys and Ken. They send frequent emails describing their latest house swaps: other parts of Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam... Rob, their son, is touring Australia with his family in a motorhome. It seems travelling is in the family blood.

  Judith remains a good friend of ours. She has another dog she’s named ‘Invisible’. So now she has nine and a ‘Half’ and one that’s ‘Invisible’. She always said she’d never have ten.

  Mother celebrated her ninetieth birthday recently. She is frail, but still fashion-conscious and feisty. The aroma of Chanel No.5 and herbal cigarettes linger wherever she goes.

  Old Sancho is sadly missed. His walking stick still leans in a corner of the shop, gathering cobwebs. His black cat now follows Marcia all the time. She scolds it when it winds around her feet and trips her up, but she never pushes it away. Last spring the cat had a liason with a battle-scarred old tom in the village. Marcia gave us one of the resulting kittens, and we’ve named him ‘Sancho’. Marcia approves. Little Sancho is the bane of Thief Cat’s life, pestering the poor old thing when she wants to sleep, but he’s a source of constant delight to us.

  On very quiet evenings, I sometimes hear a strange but familiar sound. Soft footsteps are shuffling up the street. Little Sancho hears it, too. He stops chasing Thief Cat’s tail and pricks up his ears. It sounds like ‘tap, tap, paaarp, tap, tap, paaarp’ approaching. I smile. Old Sancho is taking his evening stroll.

  Sometimes the ship’s bell rings, but there is no-one there. I know it is Pepa, coming for eggs and to tell me the latest village gossip.

  Kurt drops by occasionally. “Ja, this is a good house,” he says, looking round. “You haf done good verk.”

  The Gin Twins visit every year, sometimes twice. They bring welcome gifts of Marmite, English books and news from our former life. Gin sales at the city supermarket always soar at this time.

  Geronimo continues to be employed by the council. He’s also been appointed as a kind of village police officer. It’s probably fortunate that El Hoyo isn’t a crime hotspot. He has a brand new Real Madrid scarf, and has tied the old one to his television aerial. It unfurls in the wind, flapping above the village roofs, a banner and reminder of his beloved football team.

  Uncle Felix visits us every February to supervise the pruning of our vine. He’s a little more bent every year and has lost his last two remaining teeth, but his mule still adores him.

  Great Aunt Elsa has pride of place above the mantlepiece. She continues to watch over us and is much admired by the villagers.

  We only have six chickens now. As before, we rarely eat eggs as they get given away faster than the chickens can lay them.

  El Hoyo continues to thrive. Some more new houses have sprung up and there are fresh faces in the village. EEC money has paid for a better road down the mountain to the city, cutting the journey by half.

  Paco and Carmen-Bethina still live next door. Paco’s face is a little more lined and leathery, and Carmen-Bethina is rounder, but they never really change. Joe and I are always welcome, but still referred to as ‘The English’. Little Paco has grown tall and attends the High School. His favourite subject is football. Sofía has a boyfriend, but assures her parents he isn’t ‘The One’.

  But Paco and Carmen-Bethina now have their dearest wish; at last they have become proud grandparents. The wife of Diego, their eldest son, recently gave birth to a little girl. This baby, together with others born to village families ensure the future of El Hoyo.

  And so life goes on...

  If you enjoyed Chickens, I’d be eternally grateful if you could give it a review here.

  Thank you! ~ Victoria aka Beaky

  So, what happened next?

  Turn the page for a preview of the sequel,

  Two Old Fools ~ Olé!

  Never believe that life in a tiny Spanish mountain village is predictable. Vicky and Joe have finished fixing up their house and look forward to peaceful days enjoying their retirement. Then the fish van arrives, and instead of delivering fresh fish, disgorges the Ufarte family. The peace of El Hoyo is shattered.

  (PREVIEW from Two Old Fools ~ Olé!)

  1 The Fish Van

  Spanish Roasted Tomato Salad

  Olive Oil Infusions

  Joe and I were in the kitchen, drinking coffee and feeling deliciously smug. It was a Monday morning in April and we were remembering what Mondays used to bring, back in the grey old days, before we moved to Spain.

  “We’re so lucky, aren’t we?” I said. “In England, we would’ve been getting ready to go to work. You’d have been stressing about getting your uniform sorted, or paperwork prepared. And I’d be planning my lessons and worrying about getting reports done, or staff meetings, or whatever.”

  Joe nodded. “Yep! Instead, we’re sitting here, listening to the cuckoo in the valley and Geronimo’s donkey singing to his girlfriend in the next village. I might even start writing my book soon.”

  I was unconvinced. Not a word of Joe’s masterpiece had been committed to either paper or word-processor as yet. His book was a bit of a standing joke.

  One of the chickens launched into her Egg Song, the triumphant announcement that another egg had just been introduced into the world.

  “And new-laid eggs for breakfast,” I said.

  I sighed, the self-satisfied sigh of the truly content. Five years had passed since we’d left England behind and set up home in El Hoyo. Five years of living in a crazy, tiny mountain village, miles away from the nearest big town.

  I stole a glance at Joe across the kitchen table. When you’ve been living with somebody for a long time, you can sense when something is bothering him. Joe was deep in thoughts of his own.

  “You are glad we decided to stay in Spain, aren’t you?” I asked, after a pause.

  “Of course I am! It’s a wonderful life here.”

  “Then what are you thinking about?”

  “Nothing. It’s just that sometimes I...”

  “Sometimes you what?”

  Joe held his hand up, a signal for me to remain silent. “Shh, Vicky... Is that the fish van?” he asked, a puzzled expression creasing his brow.

  I stopped and listened. I could hear birds, the chickens scratching outside and, yes, the distant familiar hoot of the fish van.

  “That’s odd,” I said. “The fish van doesn’t usually come on a Monday in April. There aren’t enough people in the village to buy fish. Let’s take our coffee up to the roof terrace and look.”

  “You’re so nosy,” said Joe, but he followed me just the same, and picked up the binoculars on the way.

  On the far side of the valley, we could see the white fish van wending its way down the twisting mountain road, horn beeping to announce its arrival as it always did. But it was not alone, it headed a procession. The convoy consisted of three vehicles. First the fish van, then a largish truck with canvas sides and finally a black minibus. Any traffic in the village during the week was unusual, but a convoy?

  “What is that writing on the side of the truck?” I asked.

  Joe focused the binoculars and concentrated. “Er, I think it says, ‘Ufarte’ and ‘Almería’.”

  We digested this gem of information in silence.

  “Ufarte?” I repeated at last. “Are you sure?”

  “Yep, quite sure. Ufarte.”

  As the three vehicles entered the village, all three drivers leaned on their horns and wound down their windows allowing three different sets of music to blare out into the valley.

  Joe and I exchanged glances. W
ho were these people? What were they doing in our village? We had a bird’s eye view from our roof terrace and we froze in horror as the raucous convoy thundered past the village square, turned into our street, and parked below, right outside our house…

  See Two Old Fools ~Olé! on Amazon

  Books by Victoria Twead

  All Victoria Twead’s books on Amazon

  http://smarturl.it/VictoriaAmazon

  Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools

  Two Old Fools ~ Olé!

  Two Old Fools on a Camel (NYT bestseller)

  Two Old Fools in Spain Again (2014)

  The Complete Old Fools Trilogy

  How to Write a Bestselling Memoir

  Morgan and the Martians (children’s play)

  Mouth-Watering Spanish Recipes

  Horizon Fever by AE Filby (Victoria’s uncle’s adventures)

  Contact the Author and Links

  Thank you for reading this far!

  Do feel free to friend me on Facebook, or drop me an email.

  Email: TopHen@VictoriaTwead.com

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  www.VictoriaTwead.com

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  http://www.victoriatwead.com/Free-Stuff

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  Recipe Index

  Grumpy’s Garlic Mushrooms Tapa

  Spicy Mediterranean Dip

  Bethina’s Ham, Tomato & Garlic Toasts

  Crispy Potatoes in Spicy Tomato Sauce

  Spanish Spinach

  Spanish Potato Salad

  Vegetable Kebabs

  Summer Pork with Sherry

  Paco’s Sangria

  Carmen-Bethina’s Poor Man’s Potatoes

  Barbecued Sardines

  Asparagus Salad

  Chicken and Prawn Paella

  Spicy Almonds with Paprika

  Catalan Chicken and Chorizo Stew

  Winning Rice Pudding Recipe

  Paco’s Rabbit Stew

  Warming Winter’s Brunch

  Chickpeas and Chorizo

  Mediterranean Eggs

  Beef in Fruit Sauce (Ecuadorian Recipe)

  Colin’s Spanish Omelette

  Tuna with a Spicy Sauce

  Spanish Cauliflower and Paprika

  Tuna and Egg Salad

  Marinated Anchovies

  Gazpacho (Cold Tomato Soup)

  Summer Baked Potatoes

  Creamy Pork and Paprika

  Baked Peppers

  Spinach and Mackerel Toasts

  Chicken with Tomato

  Scrambled Eggs with Ham

  Spanish Meatballs

  Sticky Toffee Pudding

  Grumpy’s Garlic Mushrooms Tapa

  Champiñones al Ajillo

  Serves 4

  50ml (2 fl oz) extra virgin olive oil

  250g (8oz) fresh mushrooms (sliced)

  4-6 cloves of garlic (chopped or sliced)

  3 tablespoons dry Spanish sherry

  2 tablespoons lemon juice

  Large pinch of dried chili flakes

  Large pinch of paprika

  Salt, freshly ground pepper

  Chopped parsley to garnish

  Heat the oil in a frying pan and fry the mushrooms over a high heat for 2 or 3 minutes. Stir constantly.

  Lower the heat and add the garlic, lemon juice, sherry, salt and pepper.

  For a milder flavour you can leave it at that if you like. But if you like a few ‘fireworks’, now is the time to add the dried chili and paprika as well.

  Cook for another 5 minutes or so until the garlic and mushrooms have softened, then remove from the heat.

  Sprinkle with chopped parsley and divide up into pre-heated little dishes.

  Serve with plenty of fresh, crusty bread to mop up the seriously garlicky juices.

  Note: Tapa means ‘lid’ or ‘cover’ in Spanish. It’s thought that the name originally came from the practice of placing slices of meat on top of a sherry glass, to keep out flies. The meat, often ham or chorizo, was characteristically salty, inducing thirst. Bartenders saw this and began serving a variety of tapas which increased alcohol sales. Thus a new tradition was born.

  Back to The Five Year Plan

  Spicy Mediterranean Dip

  A mildly spicy, smooth, light dip perfect for an aperitif or buffet.

  1 large jar of chickpeas (not dried)

  175 ml (6 fl oz) olive oil

  Salt

  1 teaspoon pepper

  2 tablespoons cumin

  2 teaspoons hot paprika

  Place the chickpeas and the olive oil into a large bowl and blend into a smooth puree.

  Add the salt and pepper and the cumin and blend again. It’s important to taste as you go, adding more cumin as necessary. Pour into a dish, sprinkling the top with a little more cumin and the hot paprika. Then place in the freezer for about 10 minutes to set slightly.

  Serve with slices of raw carrot, cucumber, peppers and celery.

  Back to Judith, Mother and Kurt

  Bethina’s Ham, Tomato & Garlic Toasts

  Jamón, tomate y ajo con pan

  Slices of bread (baguette, cut diagonally)

  1 clove garlic, cut in half

  1 very ripe tomato

  Slices of jamon serrano or ham of your choice

  Extra virgin olive oil

  Preheat the grill.

  Toast the bread and, while still warm, rub with the halved garlic to flavour the slices.

  Then rub the bread with the halved tomato. Squeeze in as much of the flesh as you can.

  Sprinkle with a pinch of salt and some freshly-ground pepper.

  Drizzle with some extra virgin olive oil and top it off with the ham.

  Back to Signed and Sealed

  Crispy Potatoes in Spicy Tomato Sauce

  Patatas Bravas

  Serves 4

  1 kg (2 lb) potatoes, peeled, and cut into 2cm (1in) inch cubes

  1 small onion, finely chopped

  2 cloves garlic, crushed

  Salt and freshly ground black pepper

  500g (1lb) tomatoes

  3 teaspoons (paprika)

  1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

  1/4 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme

  1 teaspoon tomato puree

  Olive oil, for frying

  Chopped parsley to garnish

  Par-boil the potatoes for 5 to 10 minutes. Drain the water. Let the steam evaporate for a minute or so and then give the pan a good shake. This roughs up the outsides nicely. Set aside.

  Prepare the tomatoes by cutting a cross in the base and plunging them into boiling water for 10 to 15 seconds. Plunge into cold water and the skin should peel away easily. Chop the tomatoes.

  Fry the onion until soft. Add the garlic, paprika, thyme and cayenne pepper, then cook for another couple of minutes.

  Add the chopped tomato and puree and cook, uncovered, until the sauce thickens, about 20 minutes. During cooking, add the salt and pepper to taste. If the sauce seems too dry, add a little water.

  Meanwhile, re-heat the frying oil and fry the potatoes until golden brown. This gives them a crisp coating and prevents the sauce from soaking in too much. They should be beautifully crisp outside and soft and fluffy inside.

  To serve, place the potatoes in a serving bowl, then cover with the spicy sauce. Sprinkle with chopped parsley.

  Back to Paco and Bethina

  Spanish Spinach

  500g (18 oz) fresh spinach leaves

  4 cloves garlic

  Extra virgin olive oil

  Salt

  Trim the stems of the spinach and then wash the leaves by rinsing under running water to remove any dirt. Drain the spinach and pat the leaves dry with kitchen paper.

  Peel and slice the garlic and then heat the oil in a large frying pan. Add the sliced garlic and sauté for a few minutes until it
begins to brown.

  Add the spinach to the pan, pressing down with your hand to get it all in, then turn the spinach a few times to coat it all with garlic and olive oil.

  Cover and reduce the heat and cook for a minute or so.

  Turn the spinach over and cook for another minute until the spinach is nicely wilted.

  Drain any excess liquid and serve immediately with an extra drizzle of olive oil and a little salt to season.

  Back to The Dynamic Duo

  Spanish Potato Salad

  Ensaladilla

  3 medium potatoes

  150g (5 oz) fresh or frozen peas

  120g (4 oz) green beans

  1 large carrot

  1 small onion

  1 small red pepper

  2 tablespoons green olives

  2 hard boiled eggs

  1 medium tomato

  1 tablespoon capers

  The Dressing:

  200ml (7 fl oz) mayonnaise

  1 teaspoon French mustard

  1 tablespoon lemon juice

  Peel and dice the carrot and potato. Boil the potato and carrot in water until just tender.

  Add the peas and green beans and cook for a further 5 minutes until all the vegetables are cooked.

  Drain and place in a large bowl or serving dish.

  Peel and finely chop the onion, chop the pepper and tomato and slice the hard boiled eggs.

  Add the pepper, onion, eggs, capers, tomato and olives to the other vegetables and mix together.

  In a separate bowl, make the dressing by mixing together the mayonnaise, mustard and lemon juice.