Somewhere In-Between (Breathless #1)

by Izzibella Beau

  “Really.” Oh please, just don’t let it be about going back home. I’ve heard enough about that from my mom.

  “I asked around, and there was a gentleman on this floor by the name of Max Carter.”

  “Was?” Oh please, don’t tell me that something had happened to him.

  “He came in about a month before you, and it seemed he had some accident like the one that you told me about.”

  I nodded my head. Come on just say where he is.

  “It seems they moved him down to the floor below us. It’s for a transition. The doctors had done everything that they could for him, but he just wouldn’t wake up. They even used the same new treatment that they used on you, but it didn’t work. All bodies systems were functioning, but the boy just wouldn’t wake up.”

  I knew where I had to go. I had to get through this session as fast as possible and get down to the next floor before mom came back.

  “Well, let’s get started.” Beth and her assistant began the necessary routine that we always went through to make sure that I hadn’t had any relapse.

  Thirty minutes later, both ladies left, and I was out on the hunt. I was sneaking around corners and shielding my face from people in the hallway like I was some spy on a mission. I made it to the elevator and pressed the button to go down.

  The doors opened, and I stepped out onto the bustling floor. People, some in hospital attire and some in plain clothes, scrambled about like busy little ants. I had no clue in which direction to go. The doors to all the rooms were shut; I just hoped that maybe I would be lucky enough and names would be visible on the charts outside of the rooms.

  No one paid much attention to me as I walked along, guess they thought I was a resident of the floor since I did have on my uniform hospital gown under my robe. I had started on the left side of the hall, which proved to be a mistake. I got to the end of the hallway and found no room that had Max’s name on it, then had to walk the whole way back up to the elevator and begin the process all over again on the other side. I was getting tired but kept pushing forward. I was determined to find out if he was still here.

  Last two rooms. Somehow, I felt like my luck was running out. I looked at the name on the chart of the next to the last place that I stopped. It was a girl’s name, so one more left. I squinted my eyes closed and wished for a miracle. Only a small portion of the name was visible, all I saw was a Ca on the name line. My heart started to pick up the pace as I stepped closer to the door. I looked down the hall, and no one was coming in my direction. I could lift out the chart, look at the name, then quickly replace it back into the slot. My hand shook as I reached for the folder. Please, please, please let this be him. My fingers touched the manila folder and I almost had it in my hand when the door to the room opened.

  “Hello, may I help you.”

  A middle-aged woman stood there questioning me as to what I was doing. I could automatically tell that she and Max were related. She had the same expressive eyes and unforgettable English accent.

  “I—um. I-I was looking for my friend Ashley’s room.” Oh, nice cover-up. Why couldn’t I just come right out and say that I was looking for Max and that I had met him in the in-between world. Why? Well, because of going back to my floor I would probably be admitted to the psychiatric ward. Not too many people can rationalize that there may be other things out there than what we can hear and see here, right now. They just don’t open up their minds to believe in that sort of stuff, like I did when I’d first seen Max.

  “I’m sorry Miss.” The lady patted my arm. “This is my son’s room.”

  “Oh, okay.” I went to turn away but glanced back. She was still standing just inside of the doorway. I could see an unresponsive guy’s body on the bed. My eyes traveled upwards, and I caught a glimpse of dark, curly hair. It had to be my Max. “I hope your son…” I waited for her to fill in the blank.

  “Max.”

  I felt lightheaded as my breath got stolen, but I kept my composure. “I hope Max…” I felt my eyes tear up after I said his name. “…I hope he gets better soon.”

  “Thank you.” She smiled and closed the door.

  I didn’t know if I was able to make it back up to my room. My legs were shaking, and I felt as if I couldn’t get a deep breath. My Max was right there. I knew it was him before I’d even seen his curls that I loved to run my fingers through and before the woman told me his name—I knew it was him. I could feel him being close and felt the comfort that I’d only felt when he was near. I forced myself to walk away, but I knew for sure I would be back.

  Chapter Eight

  Mom never found out about my little adventure out. She’d come back around five that evening. We had dinner again, in my room and she stayed until visiting hours ended. I wanted to go back down to see if I could get into Max’s room since no one would be there, but every time I would go out into the hallway one of the nurses would ask me if everything was all right, then escort me back to my room.

  The following morning, I got the news that I’d been dreading. Not that I didn’t want to get out of the hospital and go home, but I didn’t want to leave Max. Being in the hospital was the only way that I had to see him. I’d been to his house before, well sort of, we’d gone when we were together in the in-between, but I had no clue how to get there.

  “Aren’t you excited? You get to go home at the end of this week.” Mom looked like she was ready to break out into a song and dance over the news.

  “Yep, that’s great.” I tried my best to offer her a smile, but the best that I could come up with was a lopsided attempt.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” Mom put her arm around my shoulders. “I thought you’d be happy about getting back home and seeing everyone that’s been asking for you.” She gave my shoulder a light squeeze before letting go. “Dad said that Ashley and Van called several times to make sure that everything was still going well and that you’d be back soon.”

  Ashley, I could handle; Van I’d rather forget. “Oh.” I nodded my head that I had heard, but I just couldn’t get excited about going back home, even if it meant seeing people that I was close to or was once close with. I laughed to myself when I thought about what Van would do if I told him I was no longer a virgin—or was I? Does it count if I had sex where Max and I had met? I mean we did it more than once, and my body still tingled when I thought about him touching me but does that all count in this world?

  “What’s going on in there?” Mom giggled at me and lightly patted the top of my head. “You seem in such a deep, deep thought.”

  “Yeah, just thinking, that’s all.” Just thinking I wanted to go back and spend every minute again with Max.

  “Why don’t we take a small stroll. I think you need to get out of your room for a while.” Mom took my robe off the door hanger and draped it over my shoulders. I snuggled my arms deep inside of the fluffy, soft dark purple housecoat and followed her out into the hall.

  I took the lead and went towards the elevator. Even though my mom was probably confused as to where I was going in such a hurry, I knew exactly where I needed to be. We both got on and I pressed for floor ten, the one right below mine.

  The elevator doors opened and this time I didn’t have to question myself where I needed to go. I turned left and kept my eyes focused on the door at the end of the hallway.

  “Mara, where are you going?” Mom kept pace with me as my usual easy walk picked up speed.

  “Up here.” I pointed to the end of the hallway.

  “I can see that, but why?”

  “You’ll see.” I would show her Max’s name on his chart and then she would know that he’s real. I slowed my pace when we got closer. I didn’t want to alert anyone that I was there. I stopped outside of the door where his mom had come out of, but there was no longer any chart or name that indicated that he was still here.

  There was no way that I had imagined all of that. Was I seriously losing my mind?

  “Mara, why are we standing outside of t
his door?”

  “He was here.” I pointed to the shut door. I wanted to pound on it and scream, but I held back on my temptation.

  “Who was here?” Mom looked confused as to who I was referring.

  “Max was here.” I mean really, I’ve been talking about the same person since I’d come around after the accident.

  Mom had a panicked look on her face, as her one and only child had just flown off to the cuckoo bird’s nest. “Why don’t we start walking back to your room now.” She tried to take my hand.

  I quickly pulled it away. “No. He. Was. Here.” I made sure to accent my point to her that he had been here, but now he was gone. Yeah, this so wasn’t looking good on my part.

  The door to the room opened.

  I quickly turned around in hopes to find the lady who greeted me the last time I was here, but it wasn’t her. It was one of the hospital cleaning personnel pushing a cart out of the room.

  “Um, excuse me.” I had to know if she knew what happened to the person who was in here. Maybe the moved him to another department. She turned and nodded her head for me to continue. “Do you know what happened to the person who was here last. It was a guy about my age with long dark curls.” I showed her the hair length that Max had.

  She acknowledged with a head nod that she knew who I was referring. “I believe his family took him home.” She continued down the hall a bit to the next room on the right.

  “Do you have an address or even the town’s name of where he lived?” I was going out on a limb here, but I was losing all my connection with him.

  “Mara.” Mom hissed my name and shook her head no. “They can’t give out that type of information.”

  “I’m sorry Miss. I can’t help you there.” The cleaning person smiled and pushed their cart into the next room.

  “Okay, you found out what you came here for, now let’s get back upstairs.” Mom took my hand and made sure she had a tight grip this time. She pulled me along until we got to the elevators and made sure I went on first. I guess she was paranoid that I might make a run for it and try to find this mystery guy.

  I would’ve done that too if I had any inkling where to look. But since I had no clue where he lived except for a big farm somewhere, I just hung my head down and let my mother pull me along.

  * * *

  “Aren’t you happy to be back in your room?” Mom was putting the last vase of flowers on my dresser.

  There was a total of fifteen new bouquets delivered since I’d gotten home yesterday evening. Most were from family, but Ashley sent me one from college and Van sent one that I tossed into the trash. My mom didn’t ask why and I didn’t go into detail of what had occurred. I can’t believe that everyone that I went to school with was off on their own living it up at whatever university that they attended. I still had to complete my last quarter of the senior year before I would get my diploma, which meant I would be a semester behind everyone else if I went to college.

  “Yeah.” I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. What was Max doing right now, in both of his worlds? I didn’t know if I could go on the rest of my life waiting for him to come to me; maybe I had to go back to him.

  “Have you thought about where you might want to go to school after you finish this quarter of high school?”

  I know mom was just trying to make casual conversation, but the only thing I’ve thought about was how I was going to be able to get back with Max. “Nope.”

  “Mara, I know you’ve been through a lot, but you can’t let some illusion of a guy hold you back in life.”

  Okay, well tell me how you really feel, mom. I can see that she hadn’t and probably never would believe me about Max. “It wasn’t an illusion, and I will find a way to be with him again.” I turned off the lamp beside my bed signaling that I was done talking about all of this.

  “I’m sorry, but I think that maybe you may need some counseling or even a support group that has been through the trauma that you’ve had.” Mom walked out without waiting for my response. She wouldn’t get one anyhow, at least not a positive one, so it was good that she walked away.

  Chapter Nine

  I finished my last quarter of high school online. I didn’t have the energy or will to go back and go through the motions of high school again. I received my diploma and nicely packed it away for future use if I decided that college was what I wanted. Mom made me get a job or, at least, a part-time one so that I couldn’t spend all my time in my room thinking about this guy who supposedly never existed.

  It's been almost six months since I’d seen Max. I missed him more and more every day. I spent countless hours on the internet looking up people in Massachusetts with the last name Carter. Do you know how many people in that state have that last surname? Let me tell you, a lot.

  I had almost given up complete hope of ever seeing or hearing from Max again unless I somehow was able to get back to the place in-between when I had a recollection. The image of the cliffs came to my mind. I could always go there and hope, just hope, that maybe he would be there waiting for me. I knew it was a long shot, but I had no other options. Even if he weren't, at least I could go and remember the times we’d shared there.

  * * *

  One week later, I had my bag packed and was ready to set out on a two-day adventure. Mom thought I was going on college tours, and she was so happy that I was finally taking steps to get my life back on track. I couldn’t tell her that I was going to look for Max. She would’ve probably confiscated and hid my car keys. It was one of those things that I could not get her to believe that Max was real, and I had met him while I was in my coma.

  “Make sure you call when you get there.” Mom gave me another hug before I got behind the wheel. “Be safe and Mara, I’m so proud of you.” Mom stepped away and let me sit down. She had those tears of joy in her eyes.

  Yes, I felt sorry for lying, but hey what else was I supposed to do? “I will.” I gave confirmation that I would call and be safe, then slowly backed out of the driveway. I began my long drive to Becket, Massachusetts, I was going to the Old Granite Quarry.

  According to my GPS is was going to take me a little under two hours to get from Keene, New Hampshire to Becket. This was the first time since my accident that I would be completing a long road trip. I’d went to the store and back a forth to work a lot of times, but now I was in unchartered territory. Anything that happens from here to there was well worth the aggravation and headache if it meant that I might get to see Max.

  * * *

  “Hey, mom. I made it.” I listened to her again, telling me how proud she was of how far I’d come in such little time. Ugh, why did she have to do this to me? I felt guilty enough lying about where I was, but now I had to listen to how pleased she was with my progress. “Well, I better check into the hotel. I’ll call you later.” I hung up without giving her a chance to make me feel even worse. I did have to check into the hotel, just not the one that she thought I was going to.

  I put my small carry-along bag in the room the hotel assigned to me, then ventured out to the welcoming room. There were tons of brochures and pamphlets showing what there was to do and where to go all around the area, but I was looking for one spot in particular. I found the one for the Old Quarry and stuffed it into my pocket. One large sigh and I walked out of the room to hopefully find what I’d come here to do.

  The cliffs were only supposed to be a twenty-minute trip from the hotel. But since I can’t even follow the simplest of directions off of my GPS, it took me twice as long. That’s okay, though, I needed that extra time to get my nerve up to see the haunting cliff again that occupied ninety percent of my brain’s thinking time.

  The sights were spectacular as I walked in and amongst the trees. I remembered several of these trails that I had walked with Max. The overwhelming feelings of remembering him, how he made me feel, and how lost I felt without him made my eyes tear up. I couldn’t cry out here in the public arena like I did back in my room when I thought abo
ut all of our times together; I would look like a total basket-case. I kept my composure and kept moving along.

  I came upon a scene that I thought I would never see again. The cliff that Max and I had jumped off of too many times to count. My steps became smaller as I made my way to the edge. I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and looked over.

  The water looked so cool, blue, and refreshing, precisely the way it was when we were here together. If I remember rightly, and just so I know that I’m not totally crazy, there should be a jagged rock that is sticking out a wee bit just before you hit the water.

  I leaned over just a bit more so I could see the whole way down and yep there it was, just poking its little head out waiting for someone to get snagged on it. Max had told me that was one of the last things he remembered, hitting his back on that little nub that stuck outwards. It made him lose his breath right before he hit the water.

  The sound of people coming my way brought me back to the moment, the time without having Max by my side. I let the others take my spot on the cliff’s ledge and continued back through the trees, the ones that held so many happy memories.

  * * *

  I’d spent nearly all day at the cliffs without seeing the one person that I’d driven this whole way to see. Did I think I had this mental connection with him that he would know I was coming here this day and meet me? Maybe I was a crazy like my mom thought I was. Maybe I had my hopes up too high, maybe what we had been only meant for the in-between world and not here in real life.

  The hotel was quiet when I returned. I took out my iPhone, so I could look again for Carters that may live in the area. I don’t know why I was doing that; it’s not like I would walk up to his house if I found it and say, ‘Hey, remember me when we were both almost dead?’ There had to be something about him somewhere, maybe online articles that talked about his accident. I kept searching for that one little bit of information that would lead me in the right direction.