All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  “I cannot believe you don’t have a coffee machine?” she said out of nowhere while we were in the middle of one of the best scenes of the movie. “How do you survive?”

  I shifted my head and looked down at her. “I go to Missy’s.”

  “She does make great coffee.”

  “She does.”

  “How have I never seen you there? I’m there all the time. It’s kind of ridiculous how often I’m there.”

  I paused the movie because it would seem she was ready to chat. “I worked out of town a lot, and it's usually either before work or a late lunch that I’m there.”

  She shifted onto her back and looked up at me. “Do you like what you do?”

  “I do.”

  “It’s great when you like what you do. The long hours don’t feel long when you are smiling the whole time.” She grinned. “You know what? You might be really good for my health.”

  Shit, this should be good. “Why’s that? Because I got your heart rate up with strenuous activity?”

  “No, Mr. Cocky. I was talking about the fact that it's early afternoon and I’ve had no coffee. That’s a miracle. Usually, I’m a three coffees before 10 a.m. kind of gal.”

  Christ. I laughed deep at her randomness. This woman was the best kind of random, and her filter was nowhere to be found. She had no control over what came out of that pretty mouth of hers. It was dangerous, because I wanted to keep her around so that I could find out what sass she’d spray next or what random musing she’d come out with. I felt her stiffen on my lap and I looked down and found her staring at me with a blank expression. The easy-going Sasha that had been lying in my lap, with me playing with her hair while we watched a movie, had disappeared, and in her place was a woman who looked like she was ready to flee and not look back.

  “I better start getting ready to go home. I’ll call Missy and get her to come pick me up.”

  Ice cold. Just like that. Totally switched off.

  “Nope.”

  “Nope?” she gasped and started to sit up, but my hand resting on her stomach kept her on my lap. “You can’t say nope if I say I want to go home.”

  “It’s still daylight, so that means it's still our time. I’ll take you home when the sun falls from the sky.”

  “There are rules?” she scoffed and attempted to give me attitude, but the flush of her cheeks gave her away.

  “What’s crawled into your head?” I said low. “Where’s the Sasha gone who was just talking about coffee machines and a coffee addiction, and mentioning that I’m good for her health.”

  “Nothing has crawled into my head.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “You’re very annoying.”

  “I wasn’t annoying last night when I was inside you. Or this morning.”

  “And you’re very cocky.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ve got a lot on my mind. I think it would be best for me to go home. It’s been a great night, and an awesome morning, but there are rules, Benjamin, and we’ve already broken them.”

  Here she goes calling me Benjamin again.

  I fucking loved it because I knew I was getting under her skin.

  “Rules?” I asked, not hiding my amusement.

  “One-night stand rules.”

  Fuck me. “Rules don’t matter if we’ve already broken them.”

  She sucked in a breath and her fiery eyes locked with mine. Heat, indecision, and frustration flashed back at me. I had no plans on playing by anyone’s rules. I never did. And I sure as fuck didn’t have rules when it came to her. One taste of her and I was fucked. And there was absolutely no way that this one-night-stand bullshit she was trying to spin was going to work. A one-night-stand didn’t involve fucking into the early hours of the morning, and then again when I got her back here.

  “You gonna try and run?”

  She broke our stare, and her gaze shifted to my chest. “Ben, look, it’s been—”

  “How about I distract you for a bit? Clear your mind?”

  Her eyes cut back to me, and there was no mistaking by the reaction of her body that she was fighting liking the idea. I didn’t give her any more time to react. I moved from under her until my body hovered over hers. With my knee, I opened her legs, positioned my body on hers, and kissed her deep. A gasp tore from her chest, and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue inside her mouth. It was like I’d set off fireworks within her. Her whimpers, so perfect, wrapped themselves around me, and fuck it if it wasn’t the most beautiful sound in the world. The kiss turned frantic. Biting, sucking, licking, and bruising. The sound of heavy breathing filled the room, and the scent of anticipation and need caressed the air. As our kiss intensified, and my hips ground into hers, pushing my cock against her pussy. Her breathing became whimpers as her hips began grinding against mine.

  “Ben, I want you inside me.”

  Christ, she was something else.

  “You going to stay?” I breathed against her lips, pressing harder against her pussy. “Give me today?”

  She moaned. “Ben, please.”

  “Say it.”

  Her eyes shot open and blazed back at me. “Yes.”

  With rushed hands, I unzipped my pants, pushed down the sweatpants she was wearing, lined up, and slid balls deep inside. I groaned at the sensation of her tightness wrapping me, and slowly I began to rock within her. Today, I’d give her slow. I’d take my time. I’d savor every god damn minute of feeling her warmth wrapped around me and take it for as long as she’d give me. Last night my kiss erased the memories of O’Leary, and today my body would erase whatever had penetrated her head moments ago and caused me to lose her.

  “Feel me, Sasha,” I whispered, my mouth hovering just over hers so I felt every broken breath she took. “Focus on me. On this. Right now.”

  She pressed her lips against mine, and she took control of this kiss. It was soft, barely there, but the intensity was like nothing I’d experienced before. As I began moving faster inside her, her kiss got more delicate. It was a mind fuck of sensations, and I felt myself climbing, the familiar tightness in my stomach showing itself. I moved my hand between us and pressed on her clit as I increased my pace. She panted against my mouth, and I knew she was close. She tightened around me, locking my cock deep inside her, and she shuddered against me as she got her release. Thank fuck because I was seconds away from coming undone, and as she whispered my name, I unloaded deep inside her and dropped my mouth to her neck.

  It was official.

  Sunday was my new favorite day.

  21

  SASHA

  When it hit me, I woke up with a start.

  Shit.

  Frantically, I reached over to my nightstand, snatched my phone, and sent out a desperate SOS to the girls.

  SASHA: Urgent girls talk. Missy’s. 10 a.m. Cancel work if you have to.

  I dropped my phone on the bed beside me, cuddled into my pillow, closed my eyes, and cursed under my breath.

  I had unprotected sex with Ben.

  Four freaking times.

  Four times he came inside me and I did nothing. Zilch. I just kept opening my legs to him and begging for more. What the hell was wrong with me? Since when had I become so reckless? I knew I was protected, but I had no clue where he had been. The first time I’d seen him, he had been with one of his bed buddies. I was crazy. Clearly, having the best sex of my life caused me to lose my mind temporarily. Repeatedly. It also erased the thought of having the most important discussion a man and woman could have before having unprotected sex.

  With a groan, I threw back my comforter and climbed out of bed. As soon as I stretched, my body reminded me exactly where Ben had been. The delicious throb between my legs and the hiss of my tight muscles as I walked out of my bedroom brought a blissful smile to my face. He’d been spectacular. I’d never had sex like that before, and I didn’t know if I’d be lucky enough in my life to experience it with another man again. He knew his way around a woman’s body like a skilled explorer, an
d the way he touched me felt like he’d been exploring me for years.

  Then there was our Sunday. We did nothing, but it was everything. But I’d had a complete freak out moment, and all I wanted to do was flee. It had been way too intimate. I started imaging things I shouldn’t. And then he laughed, and it was one of the most beautiful things I’d witnessed, and I wanted more of it. But I couldn’t allow those kinds of thoughts to flash through my head, and I definitely could not let them stick. Protection 101 had kicked in, and I needed to get out of there. Ben wanted none of that though. He turned up his alphaness to maximum and his dirty talking to the extreme, and when he slid inside me, I forgot all my fears. I forgot every damn thing. He successfully became the only thing on my mind. Then I came home and his boots by my front door greeted me with the offer of his protection when he was nowhere near me. I still couldn’t believe he’d done that. I leaned up against the wall and stared at them with a silly smile on my face. It was apparent that not only had he been the only thing on my mind when I was with him, but he was destined to become the only thing on my mind when I was nowhere near him.

  And that was why I was in the middle of my current freak out, and had sent an SOS to my girls.

  I made my way downstairs, desperate for my first cup of coffee for the day, and mentally began planning my day. Thankfully, I had the day off work because I worked Saturday. I’d be able to catch up on the things I missed doing while I was at Ben’s. When I reached the kitchen, I prepped my coffee, popped a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster for breakfast, and started making a grocery list. As I wrote avocado on my list, my phone buzzed on the counter with an incoming text. After closing the fridge, I tagged my phone, assuming it would be one of my girls, but I was surprised to find a number I didn’t recognize.

  UNKNOWN: How are you feeling this morning?

  SASHA: Who is this?

  UNKNOWN: The giver of your most recent orgasms. How’s your cheek?

  SASHA: Are you sure about that? I've been home for at least twelve hours. A lot can happen in that time.

  My thumb quickly flew across the screen as I tapped out what I knew I wouldn’t send if I didn’t do it quickly.

  SASHA: By the way, we have to talk.

  BEN: I don’t know who I like better? The cute or the sassy Sasha. What do we need to talk about?

  SASHA: It is not a conversation to have via text.

  BEN: I’ll come to Sass.

  SASHA: I've got the day off.

  BEN: I’ll come to you tonight.

  I locked my phone and ignored the rush of warmth that hit me at the thought of him coming to me tonight, and I rushed back upstairs after pouring myself a coffee to start getting ready for the day. By the time I turned on the shower, I’d already sucked back half my cup. I took a long, hot shower and then began my morning routine: slathering my body with coconut cream body butter, cleansing and toning my face, followed my moisturizer and then makeup. Some people were confused about my routine, but my skin was happy that I was a little unusual. As I applied my foundation, I focused on the light bruise on the top of my cheek. Now that I was on my own, I had the chance to really think about what happened at Hamilton’s. I still didn’t understand why the lights went out, and why the generator didn’t kick in. We paid a lot of money for that thing so it should work. Then I thought about Edward O’Leary and a shiver cascaded down my spine. I had to talk to Ben about what would happen now. Especially with him breaking into Sass and taking my personal details. That thought still made me ill to my stomach. I couldn’t understand what he would get out of my documents. He’d known me for over twenty years. And I also couldn’t understand him being in Sass and telling people we were sleeping together. And knowing that Drew had been seen with him confused me. Had Edward told him that he’d seen me? Did Drew know and just not care? Why were they meeting in the first place? There were so many questions that I was desperate to get answers for. I did my make up as best as I could to cover up the bruise. As I touched it, I sucked in a breath as it still hurt like a mother. It is funny how a night and day of sex could distract you from everything else. Now that I didn’t have Ben’s constant distraction, I felt the soft ache. But my epic one-night-slash-day stand was done. Time to move on, after we had the discussion, and time to start feeling reality instead of living in fantasyland.

  After I had finished in the bathroom, I dressed quickly in skinny jeans and a light sweater. Then I decorated my outfit with accessories and was out the door

  I arrived at Missy’s, ordered the biggest coffee I could, with a double chocolate muffin, and began my second freak out of the day. Now, Missy sat opposite me, Paige next to me, and Shelley had just arrived—all were looking at me and waiting for me to drop the bombshell that had caused the impromptu girls meeting.

  I sucked in a breath, pushed back my shoulders, and unloaded. “I had unprotected sex four times in the last forty-eight hours with the hottest man I’ve ever met, and I’m freaking out.”

  “Shit.” That came from Paige.

  “Woah.” That came from Shelley.

  “What, are we up to twelve orgasms now?” That came from Missy.

  I rolled my eyes. “Come on, twelve is an exaggeration.”

  “Says Miss I-had-sex-with-a-man-who-gave-me-three-orgasms-in-one-sex-session.”

  “Holy shit! Three in one go? God, I miss sex.” Paige sighed and gave me sad eyes. Since she fell pregnant to the jackass of the century and had Lilly, she hadn’t opened herself up to anyone else, and definitely hadn’t had sex. Her life was Lilly.

  “Have you spoken to him?” Missy asked softly. “You are usually so careful.”

  “I know. That’s what has me freaking out. He just kind of made me forget everything. He was that good.” I lifted my coffee to my lips and took a huge sip, hoping the caffeine would do something about the unease settling in me. It did nothing. I sighed, and whispered, “Four freaking times.”

  The girls all stared at me. The silence was not giving me the answers or comfort I desperately needed. I picked at my muffin, the chocolate offering me some comfort, but not enough to stop the freakout.

  “Who is this mystery orgasm giver?” Shelley asked, with a wink.

  “His name is Ben,” I replied with a soft smile. “I met him a couple of weeks ago, and it just kind of escalated. He was always around, and he is the kind of man that really gets your attention, and keeps it.”

  “He is fucking hot, and he is really into Sasha,” Missy said, confidently. “Like really into her.”

  “I met him Saturday night. He is intense, but in all the right ways. And yeah, he is really hot.” Paige nodded as if she was agreeing with herself. “Those eyes are like weapons,”

  “Shame I missed him.” Shelley sighed. “He seems like someone I need to see.”

  “If Sasha’s around, he’ll be around,” Missy stated matter-of-factly, and I rolled my eyes at her. “He works for the Monroe Police. You might have already seen him.”

  “He’s a cop?”

  “He’s a detective.”

  The way Missy said Detective caused me to burst out laughing. God, she could make anything sound sexual.

  “So, when are you seeing him next?”

  “He is coming to talk tonight, and I’ll talk to him about all this. But, it’s not like that. It was a one time—okay, four-time thing. You know I don’t do all of this.”

  I didn’t miss the flash of frustration in Missy’s eyes. She’d had this conversation numerous times over the years. She’d been there through it all. She also knew that I didn’t allow anyone to get close, especially not a man like Ben Hunt. But thinking that made my stomach fall ever so slightly and my heart squeeze just a little. If I could, I knew Ben would be the kind of man that I could give myself to. He was everything I wanted, but nothing I needed. It was confusion at its best. I’d be stupid to say no if he wanted me back in his bed, but I wasn’t sure that was all he wanted, and that was what scared me.

  “Oh, and I forgot
to tell you something.” I took a breath while looking at Missy. “Ben saw us dancing at Hamilton’s when we were teenagers, when he was nineteen, and he told me he has wanted to kiss me since he was twenty-one.”

  Her eyes shot wide, she leaned forward, and I should have realized it was going to happen.

  “What!” she shrieked so loud that all of us jumped in our seats, and caused everyone around us to stare.

  “That is so romantic.” Paige swooned, and dramatically clutched her heart.

  “Babe, we aren’t talking romance here. I don’t do romance. There is nothing romantic about having unprotected sex four freaking times with a man I barely know!”

  She shot Missy a she’s-about-to-lose-it look and lifted her coffee to her lips.

  “Okay, this is okay. You just need to talk to him. You are both adults. I am sure it’s totally fine,” Missy said with a smile. “No matter what, he broke the drought. But next time, just don’t let him flood you.”

  Only my best friend could make a joke about him coming inside of me. The four of us burst out laughing, and it definitely broke my freak out.

  Maybe everything would be okay.

  It had to be.

  My next stop was Drew. Ten minutes after leaving the girls, I pulled up out front of his condo and switched off the engine. Sadness soared through me as to why he hadn’t reached out to me. Someone would have had to have told him what went on last night. Both Shelley and Andy had been working. I wish I’d asked her before I left. I locked up my car, walked toward the front door, and knocked. After a few breaths, the door opened and Drew appeared.