All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  The moment he saw me, his face went hard and his eyes narrowed in on me.

  “What happened to your face?” he asked, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside. After closing the door behind us, he gently grabbed my chin and tilted my face up into the light. “Start talking, Sash. Who did this?”

  “I got hit last night. I don’t know who did it.”

  “What the fuck?” he exploded, and in the emptiness of his house it sounded even louder. “Where?”

  “I was at Hamilton’s for Missy’s birthday. The lights went out as I was trying to leave, and someone hit me.”

  He let go of my face, but his gaze zoned in on my cheek, and his voice dropped scary low. “Someone hit you at Hamilton’s? Did you see who it was?”

  “It was pitch black so I’ve got no idea what happened or who did it. It was probably just someone who had too much to drink and was stumbling through the dark. I’m surprised Andy or Shelley didn’t tell you. They were both there.”

  “No. I just got back to town and haven’t checked in.” His eyes remained hard. “Did you go and get checked out? How do you feel?”

  “I’m fine. It only hurts a little.”

  He shook his head and then turned to go into the guts of his home. I followed him, noticed his unpacked duffle bag on the couch, and realized his house looked barely lived in these days. “Where have you been?”

  “I had some business in Utah to attend to,”

  “Everything okay?”

  He smiled. “Of course.”

  I didn’t want to fight with him today, but I needed to talk to him about Edward.

  I silently gave myself a pep talk and then announced, “I need to tell you something.”

  He spun around. “What is it?”

  I sucked in a breath before unloading. “The other night Sass was broken into, and someone stole my personnel file as well as Hamilton’s contracts. It’s so random because nothing else was taken. Fingerprints came back, and the only prints in my office were from the girls, Anna and me. So, the regular people that would be in there, but Edward O’Leary’s prints were on the door handle. It was the same night that I, uh, went to dinner with him.” Drew’s eyes shot wide, and he took a frustrated deep breath. I had to be quicker. “I wanted to push the point that nothing would ever happen between us, but it . . . uh, backfired, majorly. That was the first time he kissed me. When the police spoke to him about Sass, he told them that we were sleeping together. We are definitely not sleeping together. And, um, last night he was at Hamilton’s, and he kissed me again.”

  “What?” His voice was low, scary low, and his eyes were even scarier. “Are you insane?”

  “Dre—”

  “That motherfucker is bad news Sasha, and you go and have dinner with him?” he hissed, and ripped his hand through his hair. “He’s wanted you since you were sixteen, and I don’t mean in the innocent high school crush kind of way.”

  “Why you were having lunch with him then? If you know he is such bad news?” I said, deciding just to get it all out in the open.

  His eyes flashed. “What?”

  “A friend saw you two having lunch.”

  “What friend?”

  “Just a friend.” This was certainly not the time to bring up Ben.

  His eyes narrowed, and they got scary. “It was nothing important.”

  “You need to start talking to me.”

  For a moment, his eyes softened. Then his jaw ticked. “There is nothing for you to worry about.”

  “You know I love you, right?” I said, desperate for him to hear me, to believe me.

  “Are you getting soft on me?” he joked. He took three steps toward me and then pulled me in for a tight hug that only Drew could give me. “I love you too, Squirt.”

  My breathing hitched, I froze against him, and my heart swelled.

  That was the first time he’d called me Squirt since Dad died.

  It felt more amazing than I could have ever imagined.

  22

  BEN

  “We had sex four times and didn’t use protection.”

  That’s how Sasha greeted me when she answered the door wearing just a white satin robe, her face make up free, and her wet hair hanging over her shoulders.

  “I mean, I’m protected, and I always make men wear condoms. Like always. You were the first man I had sex with that I didn’t use a condom with. I got majorly carried away at your place.”

  I put my hand on her stomach and pushed her back into her house, silencing her with my mouth on hers. As I kissed her, she kept mumbling against my lips, so I deepened it and silenced her with my tongue invading her mouth. Then the whimpers came, and I fucking loved every second of it. Her fists clenched my shirt as I walked us into her living room. My hand moved from her stomach and into her hair. Wrapping her blond locks around my fist, I tugged it gently and her whimpers transformed into moans. She was going to be my undoing.

  I softly bit her bottom lip after breaking our kiss. Our breathing was heavy, the air around us thick. “I’m clean, sweetheart. I knew you wouldn’t have let me in if we weren’t covered,” I admitted, my lips resting over hers so she could practically taste every word I spoke. “I fucking love hearing that I was your first, and the way you’re going, I’m going to want to be your last.”

  “You can’t say things like that,” she whispered, her flushed cheeks giving her away. “I’m glad we sorted that out.”

  “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

  “Yeah.” Her gaze dropped to my mouth. “You should probably go.”

  “I think we should talk about our fifth time.”

  She rolled her eyes and bit her lip. Attitude and need, all rolled into one.

  Sassy, playful Sasha went into battle against hesitant, nervous Sasha.

  An hour later we experienced our fifth time.

  I got Sassy, playful Sasha.

  “We’ve got to stop breaking the rules.”

  Sasha’s blonde hair covered my chest as she rested against me and laid her head over my heart. After christening her couch, she grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to her bedroom, both of us naked, still breathing heavy, and covered in a sheen of sweat. Her bedroom looked like something out of one of those house and garden magazines Dee always had lying around her house. A huge bed with a white comforter and red and purple cushions took up the majority of the room. There was a white dresser, and two matching bedside tables sat on either side of the bed. Bright artwork hung on the wall, and candles were featured on every surface. It was totally Sasha.

  It was her time to lead. As soon as we entered her bedroom, we moved to her bathroom and showered. We didn’t say a word, each of us lost in our own thoughts. My intrigued gaze drank in every move she made. My eyes had slammed closed when she gently turned me around and washed my back with her orange-scented body wash, before turning me back around and focusing on my chest. Even though I wasn’t inside her, she was deep inside me. If I was being honest, it rocked me. No woman had stampeded me the way she had. I’d never met anyone like Sasha Hamilton before.

  After we’d showered we climbed in bed, and I pulled her onto me as I lay on my back. We lay in silence, but our gaze was locked. I had no fucking clue what she was thinking, but I knew I was fighting a losing battle. She had slid her body up and kissed me softly before something switched on within her. Our kiss shot from soft to intense, from gentle touches to digging fingers and nails down skin. It was gasps and moans, and cries and whimpers. It was making out like I’d never experienced before, and I gave her that. The fact that we didn’t have sex made the intimacy even greater. My hand had found its way into her panties, and I gave her the release she wanted. When she came, she whispered my name, buried her face into my neck, and kissed my throat. I felt that kiss on every fucking inch of my body, and it seared itself into my memories forever.

  “There are no rules when it comes to us,” I murmured into the air. “Thought we covered that after we broke your rules
the first time.”

  She stilled against me, and I waited. Waited for her to pull away from me, and for me to lose her again. Just like on Sunday. My fingers dug into her hip and her body relaxed against me, then her fingertip began drawing on my chest again.

  “We’ve got to work on that,” I declared into the darkness.

  She shifted until her chin rested on my chest and her eyes looked up at me through the darkness. “Work on what?”

  I looked down at her and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You pulling away. I’m not a huge fan of losing you when I’ve just had you.”

  “I’m not pulling away, I’m just tired.”

  “Bullshit.” I grinned down at her, and in the moonlight I saw her roll her eyes.

  “You wear me out,” she pressed on.

  “You giving me the keys yet?”

  “I have no clue what that means.”

  “You’ll figure it out.”

  I felt her shake her head. Before she drifted off to sleep, she kissed my chest, and I knew one day she’d hand them over.

  “You’re the friend, aren’t you?”

  My head shot up from scrolling through my phone and I recognized the hostile voice behind me immediately.

  “Depends who you’re talking about.”

  “Don’t fuck with me, Hunt.”

  “Well, stop fucking with me, Hamilton.”

  Drew Hamilton stepped into view and took the seat opposite me. It was early morning at Missy’s, and the fact that he was here and not giving a fuck who saw us told me that he meant business. We locked in a fierce stare, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been waiting for this moment for a long fucking time. We weren’t strangers, but we definitely weren’t the closest of friends. He’d been in the year above me at school, and we were both on the football team. Nine months ago, we got onto each other’s radar in Salt Lake City, and it had nothing to do with football, but everything to do with Edward O’Leary.

  “What are you doing about the O’Leary bullshit?” he said low. “He had his hands on Sasha, and that does not sit well with me. Now she has a bruised cheek. It isn't a coincidence that this shit has happened since he came back to town. This changes a lot of fucking things.”

  Hearing him talk about O’Leary touching Sasha made my blood boil. “You wanna tell me why you were having lunch with him?”

  “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, Hunt.”

  “You have no fucking clue who you are dealing with when it comes to O’Leary. Do not get involved with this.”

  He leaned in, eyes blazing with anger. “I grew up with him. I know exactly what I’m dealing with. I witnessed firsthand him changing into the asshole he is today. Do you honestly think I wasn’t there when his shit hit people I cared about. Sasha and I spent years being affected by his bullshit. I’m done with it. I am so fucking done.”

  “The moment your sister gave herself to me was the moment I got fully involved. That moment changed a lot of fucking things. So yeah, I’m done with his bullshit too, and my patience is wearing thin. I’m barely holding the fuck on.”

  He slid out of his seat and stood beside the table. “Sasha isn't involved in this,” he warned, low. “She gets hurt, and I will tear down whoever is at fault. I don’t give a fuck who it is.”

  “Keep your warnings to your fucking self,” I hissed, trying desperately to reel in my anger. “And don’t forget what I do for a fucking living. I don’t take nicely to threats, no matter who they come from.”

  A shit-eating grin spread across his face. “Right now you aren’t a cop. You’re the man sharing my sister’s bed. So take it as a fucking warning.”

  “Hamilton,” I called after him.

  He stopped and looked back, his body tight with frustration. “We leave for Salt Lake in three hours. Don’t be late.”

  23

  SASHA

  Hearing my name, I stopped on the sidewalk and spun around. Crazy John stormed toward me, shaking his head with a scowl on his face. I threw back my head and laughed deep.

  “Sassy, your skirt’s too fuckin’ tight,” he muttered when he got to me. His disapproving gaze hit my bare legs before narrowing back at me. “We’ve had this conversation numerous times, yet here we are having it a-fucking-gain.”

  I swear he still saw me as the sixteen-year-old girl who’d just bought her first bikini and decided she needed to wear it with a pair of butt-cheek-showing shorts into her family’s bar. Damn right, I did that. I liked to call that my rebellious period. Crazy John and Dad were not impressed. Dad displayed his disappointment by giving me the silent treatment, whereas Crazy John blew up. We had a major fight. I’d given him cheek and thrown teenage attitude at him. He got all of my frustration and hurt that day. It had been less than a year since my mother left. I picked fights for the sake of feeling something, anything. I was sick of feeling numb. That day, I attempted to storm off, but he grabbed my hand, pulled me in for a hug, and told me that I was going to cause him to go grey, but that I was still and would always be the prettiest thing he saw. That day he nicknamed me Sassy, because apparently I liked to spray my sass around. The nickname stuck, and from that day he’d only called me Sasha a handful of times.

  “My skirt’s meant to be like this. How am I meant to strut through Monroe without wearing something tight and scandalous?” I teased, nudging him in the shoulder.

  His eyes squinted. “It’s too fucking tight. Go and buy some pants and quit with the strutting. I don’t need to hear or see that shit. Anyway, you’ve got a man now. He does not want his woman struttin’ around town.”

  I laughed and linked my arm with his. “I don’t have a man.”

  “You deserve a man like that Detective. I’ve got a good feelin’ about him.”

  “Well, we are just friends, so don’t go marrying me off just yet.”

  He gave me a look that I chose to ignore as we crossed the street toward Sass. He was the one person—well, besides Missy—who didn’t take my crap.

  “You deserve it, you know.”

  “What?”

  “To find a good man. Someone to keep you safe. Treat you like the princess you deserve to be treated like. And Sassy, a man doesn’t do the shit Ben has done for you if you don’t mean something to him. Keep that in mind.”

  “I don’t—” I started, but was cut off.

  “I know. You don’t do relationships, blah, blah, blah. But Sassy, I can tell this is different for you, even if you can’t see it.”

  “I don’t want to think of anything like that. Can’t I just be friends with a man? Hang out?”

  “Fuckin’ women these days,” he said as he waited for me to unlock the door of Sass. “Fuck me, that shit is strong,” he grumbled, following me into Sass as I switched on the lights. “I love you, Sassy, like I’d love my own, but those candles you got me for Christmas were the worst gift I’ve ever got.”

  I laughed and shot him a glare. “They were my masculine range.”

  “It was girly shit. I don’t do girly shit.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek, then headed to the door. “Think about what I said. You deserve the world, my girl, so when the world offers itself to you, don’t fuck it around.”

  Relationship advice from Crazy John?

  What planet had I woken up on?

  After I watched him disappear into Missy’s from across the street, I noticed the plain white envelope on the ground just inside the door. I crouched down, balancing on my heels, and scooped up the A4 envelop. I tucked it under my arm. Today was admin day, so I’d look at it when I disappeared into my office.

  It had been seven days since Ben texted me telling me he had to go to Salt Lake City to finalize a case he’d been working on. As soon as I heard he was heading to Salt Lake, I thought back to the woman who tried to claim him the first time I met him at Missy’s. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t caused my jealously to spike. It was obvious that she was a little crazy when it came to Ben. But what woman wouldn�
�t be? He was exquisite. He was all man. He was Ben freaking Hunt. It was as simple as that. I hadn’t heard from him since. In reality, he had no reason to keep in contact, and I had no reason to expect it.

  So, I didn’t.

  But secretly, I checked my phone way too much.

  After lunch, Anna came in for the afternoon rush, and I took that as my cue to disappear into the office to dive into my least favorite part of owning a business: admin. I grabbed my coffee from beside the register, tucked the mysterious envelop and other mail under my arm, and made my way to my office. Admin afternoon required a routine to get through the work, and my routine hadn’t changed since day one. I turned on my laptop, lit my favorite candle, put on music, and grabbed a chocolate bar from the stash. Then I was ready. For the next hour, I answered emails, updated the website, checked out social media, and left the mail for last. Like I always did. There just wasn’t anything fun about opening work-related mail. I sat back in my chair, propped my legs on the corner of the desk, and crossed my ankles. Bills, resumes, and supplier contracts greeted me. After putting them in order of importance, I turned the envelop over in my hand and didn’t find a return address. The envelope was blank. It wouldn't be the first time someone had popped their resume under the door, so I didn’t think anything of it. My finger slid under the seal and I pulled out the documents.

  What I found was not what I expected.

  What I found caused unease to take over my body.

  24

  SASHA

  I hesitated. My eyes darted between my phone and the contents of the envelope on my desk. Every hair on my body stood at attention as I battled over what to do. There was only one thing I could do though. I picked up my phone, scrolled to my recent calls, pressed on Ben’s name, and waited.

  After three rings, he picked up. “Ben, I’m sorry for calling bu—”