All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  “Never apologize for calling. What’s going on?”

  I smiled, and ease settled within me at the sound of his calming voice. “I turned up at work this morning and there was an envelope pushed under the door. Inside it was all the documents that had been taken from the night of the break in.”

  “Was there anything added? A note? Anything unusual?” His voice had changed dramatically, and now he sounded alert. “Look closely, Sweetheart.”

  I flipped through the documents again, focusing on everything in front of me. As I was reminded of everything that had been taken, a shiver ran down my spine. I hadn’t seen or heard from Edward since that disastrous night. I needed to ask Ben what was happening with that. The way he’d reacted when he asked me if I’d slept with Edward, and the way Drew had reacted both confused me and intrigued me.

  “Everything is here.”

  “You okay?” he asked, and the softness of his voice wrapped around me tightly in a way that brought on calm and he wasn’t even near me.

  “Yes, I am now.” I admitted in a breathy tone.

  Silence filled the phone, and I thought he’d hung up.

  “Ben?”

  “You don’t realize what hearing your voice is doing to me.”

  “What’s it doing to you?”

  His chuckle filled my ear. “Pretty sure the guys I’m with don’t want to hear that. I’ve got to run, but I’ll be home soon. Stay safe, Sweetheart.”

  “Okay.”

  “See you soon.”

  I hung up and smiled at my phone.

  Then something Crazy John has said to me swam through my thoughts.

  You deserve the world my girl, so when the world offers itself to you, don’t fuck it around.

  “So, how’d the chat with Ben go?” Missy asked from across the table. After a hellish afternoon of admin, I sent a text to the girls, and now Paige, with Lily coloring beside her, Shelley, Missy, and I were sitting at Missy’s gossiping and eating our body weight in cheesy fries.

  I opened my mouth to answer, but stopped when I heard a familiar voice calling out my name. All of us turned our attention to the front door, and watched Gigi in all of her glory strut across the diner toward our booth with a huge smile on her face.

  “Well, well, well, look who it is!” She shrieked, as if she’d just noticed me. “Blondie, my new favorite girl!”

  “Do you know her?” Missy asked with a grin. “Fuck, I hope you do.”

  “Hey, Gigi,” I greeted with a smile. Today her hair was curled to perfection, her make up super glamour, and she wore black pants and an olive green sweetheart neck top with sequins along the seam. She was dressed to impress, and I immediately wondered if she was ready for a date.

  “Are these your girls?” she asked, giving each one a beaming smile. “I’m Gigi. I’m Benjamin’s neighbor, and I met your girl after she spent the night. I interrupted their special morning time. If you get my drift,” she said and gave Paige a nudge to emphasize exactly what she meant.

  “This is Missy, Paige, Shelley, and this cute little one is Lily,” I shared, and the girls all said their hellos, and Lily stared up at Gigi, focusing on the bling around her neck.

  “Aren’t you just the cutest little thing,” Gigi cooed over Lily, who was now giving her a huge toothy grin.

  Gigi waved her hand at Shelley. “Scoot over, I’m joining the party.”

  After Gigi joined us and ordered herself a large cheesy fries and caramel thickshake, she entered the conversation with ease. Thankfully, conversation turned to fashion and my recent adventures were put on the back burner. Or so I thought.

  “So, Gigi, Sasha was just about to tell us about a conversation she had to have with Ben.”

  “Uh, I don’t really think—“ I started.

  “Is it about sex?” Gigi piped up, a little too excitedly.

  Lily’s head shot up, and Paige stared at me with wide eyes.

  “Princess, how about you listen to some music?” Paige pulled out some headphones from her bag and promptly put them over Lily’s ears. When Lily started bouncing in her seat, Paige said, “Okay, we are good to go.”

  “Babies, I know girl code. I know what is said at this table stays with us. So, come on, let me live vicariously through you. My last date was no good. I couldn’t even get him started, and I pulled out all my moves, and I know my moves worked. They worked last month of Colin.”

  Gigi lifted her shake to her lips and stared at me, waiting. All of us were now staring at Gigi in all different levels of awe.

  “You went on a date?” Shelley was the first to break the silence.

  Gigi turned to her and shot her a wink. “I went on dates.” Then she turned her attention to me. “Now, Blondie, start talking.”

  Okay, apparently, I had a new nickname.

  “So, to get you up to date. Sasha had sex with Ben four times without using a condom, so she was going to have a talk with him. Oh, and Sasha never does that. I mean, have sex without the guy being wrapped up tight. So this is a real big fucking deal. Oh, and I hate her because he gives her multiple orgasms. Every time,” Missy said, giving an eloquent rundown to Gigi while I sat there staring at Lily, who was now dancing in her seat and totally oblivious to the conversation around her.

  “Every time?” Shelley gasped. “I think I hate you too.”

  “Enough with the hate.” I laughed, before popping a fry covered in cheese in my mouth. “Okay, so we had a chat. We are both covered, clean, all that jazz, and it’s all good.”

  “No way! You don’t get off that easily.” Paige smirked. “Keep talking.”

  “You fucked him again!” Missy hissed, her eyes wide. “You did!”

  “Sshhh. We have a child here.”

  “Lil’s can’t hear anything.”

  “I knew just by looking at Benjamin that he’d be a stallion in the bedroom. You cannot have that body and not know how to use it,” Gigi hooted and started to dramatically fan herself. “Blondie, I also knew just by looking at you that you’d be a fire cracker in the bedroom. Hell, just by looking at all of you babies, I know you’d all be rocking your man’s world.”

  I could not believe I was having this conversation.

  I started the day with the weirdest relationship conversation known to man with Crazy John, and now I was talking about multiple orgasms and sex with a seventy-year-old woman who dated regularly. How was this now my life?

  "Oh . . . my . . . god,” Paige whispered, her eyes locked on the door behind me as the beginnings of a smile hit her lips. “How are men like that real?”

  Then it hit me.

  The feeling.

  Ben.

  I swung around, and the moment I did the simple task of breathing became difficult.

  Ben strolled into Missy’s, with Austin following him, looking like he owned the place. Scruffy hair, wearing all black, dark blue eyes shining bright, and a sharp jaw now covered in thick stubble. His attention came straight to me, and the most delicious smirk I’d ever witnessed hit his lips.

  “Is that?” Shelley whispered from across the table.

  “Yeah, that’s him,” Missy, or maybe it was Paige, answered.

  I was too busy staring at the man prowling toward me.

  He ignored everyone around us when he reached me, and his finger and thumb grasped my chin gently as he lifted my face to his with ease. Everything besides him dissolved and all I could see was the burn of his blue eyes into mine.

  “Fuck, it’s good to see you,” he hummed, before his lips touched mine and my skin came alive.

  My mouth opened on his with a gasp, and his tongue slid in and tangled with mine in a rush of need. The scratch of his beard on my skin electrified me, and I sighed against his kiss. As quickly as it began, it ended. I pushed back in a daze and looked up at him.

  “Hey, Sweetheart.” He smirked, before sliding in beside me.

  “Um, hi,” I stuttered, my lips still tingling and my body on fire.

  My reactio
n was obviously hilarious, because Austin burst out laughing, and soon enough Paige and Missy were laughing right along with him.

  “Benjamin, you’ve come home from many overnight work trips, and you’ve never greeted me like that.” Gigi sighed, and pouted toward Ben.

  Ben chuckled. “I didn’t know whether you were dating or not. I couldn’t risk getting my heart broken by you rejecting my advances, Gigi.”

  “Do I want to know why she is here?” he said softly, leaning over so only I would hear.

  “She just kind of turned up, and now I think she is in the posse,” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders.

  Ben’s soft laughter wrapped around me. “She’ll love that.”

  “I’ve got to go, Sash,” Shelley said from across from me, and she gave Ben a shy smile as she slid out. “I need to get to work.”

  Once again, I forgot to do introductions. “Oh, Ben, Austin, this is Shelley. She works at Hamilton’s. Shelley, these are my new friends, Ben and Austin.”

  His and hellos were exchanged, and I swear I heard Missy snort when I introduced them as my friends. Shelley gave us all a wave before dashing through Missy’s and disappearing outside. She was so quirky, always dashing away, staying silent, and taking everything in. She was totally different from Missy and I, but it seemed to work.

  “Who’s this little one?” Austin asked, and all eyes fell on Lily who was still dancing around in her seat, completely oblivious to anything else around her. Paige removed the headphones from her ears and received a miniature WTF look from her three-year-old.

  “This is my baby girl, Lily.”

  At the sound of her name, Lily looked around the table and her eyes shot wide when they found Ben and Austin. She burrowed into the side of Paige’s body but gave both of them the prettiest little smile.

  “Lily, these are our new friends, Ben and Austin. Will you say hello?”

  Lily looked at them both with intrigued eyes before she pushed away from Paige and leaned over the table to Ben and held out her tiny hand. “You shake it,” she said softly, looking up at him through long lashes.

  Ben gifted her with a huge smile, and his massive hand swallowed hers as they shook hands. “Like this?” He asked softly.

  “Yep, you’re good at dis.” She gave him a toothy grin.

  “You are a good teacher.”

  “Mommy, I’m a deacher.”

  She repeated her handshake with Austin and then sat back and gazed up at Paige. “Mommy, I have new friends.”

  The happiness on her face was magnificent, and under the table Ben’s hand grabbed my leg. I couldn’t stop myself from clutching his hand and giving it a squeeze.

  “It seems like today is the day of making new friends, baby girl. Your new Aunt Gigi is going to spoil you.”

  Aunt Gigi?

  “Fucking hell, she is a menace.” Ben chuckled under his breath. “Gigi, do you need a lift home? I need to go and get some sleep. I haven’t slept since I left here.”

  My hand squeezed his, and when he looked at me, it was only then that I noticed the darkness under his eyes. What had he been doing in Salt Lake that required him to not sleep? Did I even want to know? He moved his hand from my leg and slid out from beside me, then he towered over the end of the table, causing me, Paige, and Missy to look up at him.

  His attention was locked squarely on me. “After I get some shut eye, I’m taking you out to eat tonight.”

  “I don't date,” I replied quickly.

  The corner of his lips rose seductively, and he gave me the look that hit me right between the legs. “Neither did I. Until now.”

  “Wow,” Paige gasped opposite me, and out of my peripheral vision I saw Missy staring at Ben and I with a huge grin on her face.

  “I might be busy.”

  “Become not busy.”

  “Good to see you came back from Salt Lake as bossy as ever.”

  “You wouldn’t like me as much as you do if I lost the bossiness.”

  “And still as cocky as ever I see.” I smirked.

  He shot me a wink.

  He stepped into my space, stealing the air around me, and dropped his mouth to my ear. “You and me,” Ben whispered, his breath caressing my skin like delicate silk draping over a naked body. “We begin now.”

  How could six simple words have the intensity of a million?

  "I'll see you tonight. If you don’t want to go out, text me and I’ll bring Mexican.”

  I shot a look at Missy and Paige, and they both looked thoroughly amused. I could have sworn that Paige's eyes were shining with god only knows what. Was she swooning?

  "Sasha loves Mexican. Make sure you grab extra chips and salsa and that extra cheesy dip. Oh, and she always orders chicken chimichangas."

  “Paige, you just broke sister code!” I teased.

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Girl, look at him. You’ll be offering me a 100% discount at Sass for life after tonight.”

  "Sash, tonight we’re gonna eat, and then I’ll be finishing with you for dessert,” he announced, not even caring that we had an audience. “It doesn’t matter whether we eat in or out. That’s what’s going to happen.”

  After he rocked my world with that declaration, he shattered it by leaning in and touching his lips to mine again. This kiss was soft, dreamlike, and brief, but it hit me hard. As quickly as it happened, it finished, and he walked away with Austin and Gigi, after she gave us all hugs, toward the exit, my eyes following his every step.

  "I think I just had a mini orgasm,” I whispered while my gaze was still locked on the door Ben had just disappeared through. "Like a confused, did that really happen, super turned on orgasm.” I turned to the girls and leaned over the table toward them. “Did he really just kiss me? Twice? With a lot of tongue? Tell me I just imagined that."

  "Oh, he kissed you all right, and tonight you are going to get a lot more than a kiss. You will be dessert,” Missy hooted, then she leaned in to Paige and raised her hand for a high five, which Paige gave back.

  How was this my life?

  25

  SASHA

  After leaving Missy’s, I came home and unloaded my groceries in the kitchen. The first thing I did was put the ice cream in the freezer and wine in the wine chiller. Ben wanted to go on a date? I was still trying to get my mind around that. The thought had awoken the butterflies. What would a date with Ben Hunt be like? Where would be go? There were so many questions. I rushed upstairs, determined to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t watch the clock. I changed my bedding, rearranged my perfume shelf, and cleaned my home office. When I’d done all I could, I decided a face mask and late afternoon bath were exactly what I needed. As my body succumbed to the bubbles and hot water, I closed my eyes and felt the tension begin to rise from my body. As relaxation washed over me, my mind took me to a place I tried desperately to avoid. A place where my mother’s decisions didn’t affect my decisions. Where I fell in love, gave my whole heart to a man, and began a life without fear of abandonment. Where a house, kids, and a happily-ever-after was the dream I could strive for. Where a man like Ben could be my everything, and a man like him could have all that I am.

  At the thought of a future with Ben, I submerged myself in the water and held my breath. When my lungs screamed at me, I came to the surface and gasped for breath. It had been something I’d done since I was younger, because it reminded me that even when I didn’t think my heart was beating, my need to breathe reminded me that I was alive.

  As the water began to chill, I stepped out the bath and wrapped a towel around my body. My phone chimed with a text message, and I quickly grabbed it and swiped across the screen.

  BEN: I’ll bring Mexican food to you. I’ll be there within the hour. Date night is happening Sunday.

  I couldn’t help but smirk. Even his text messages were bossy.

  SASHA: So bossy.

  BEN: I hear you like it.

  SASHA: Its questionable.

  BEN: That fucking mouth of your
s kills me.

  Grinning, I placed my phone on the vanity, lathered up with moisturizer, and started doing a minimal routine for the night. I kept my face make up free, but dried my hair and left it to fall over my shoulders. After spritzing myself with my favorite perfume, I entered my bedroom and looked at my cupboard. What do you wear to a ‘its-not-a-date-but-possibly-having-sex-with-a-man-who-has-already-seen-you-naked dinner? This was too damn hard. I decided on dark skinny jeans that hugged my butt, a tight off-white cami, and a baby pink cardigan that skimmed my knees. It was a casual, cute, and comfy outfit. Perfect for dinner with a man who was bringing my favorite food to my house, and had told me he’d be having me as dessert.

  The doorbell chimed through my house forty-five minutes later. I’d moved downstairs and had been curled up on the couch with my kindle and getting lost in the newest release from one of my favorite authors. Placing my kindle on the side table, I stood from the couch and, with soft yet eager steps, moved toward the front door. Sucking in a deep breath, I counted to three before opening the door.

  The aroma of Amigos hit me and my eyes closed with a moan.

  “Already moaning? Shit, I’m doing something right.”

  My eyes shot open. “Have you got queso?" I said in a tone that was full of hope yet peppered with attitude.

  "I got double," Ben replied with a cocky grin.

  "You may enter," I said and stepped aside, allowing him entry into my home.

  "What would you have done if I didn’t have it?" He chuckled as he passed me and took himself to the kitchen.

  My response was instant, and I did it with a smile. “You’d be turning around, walking back to your car, and going to rectify your grave mistake.”

  I followed him and his deep, low laugh into my kitchen. Fascination coursed through my body as I studied him unloading containers of food onto the counter. He wore the confidence of a man who’d done this a hundred times before. Like this was our usual Friday night routine. That this was our thing. He looked like . . . he belonged here. Resting against the doorframe, I folded my arms over my chest and observed him. Something settled within me. I was woman enough to admit that he had completely rattled me in both the best and worst ways. In such a short space of time, he’d forced his way into my life like a cannonball attempting to smash his way through the wall I’d spent the past thirteen years building. I had been at a loss of how to stop him.