All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  And now today, Drew called a sit down with him, and for some fucked up reason he agreed to meet.

  I entered Hamilton's at 4:15. Glancing around the bar, I found no sign of O'Leary, but I clocked Carson working behind the bar. It was Friday afternoon, so the place was going to be buzzing in just a few hours. I was hoping to get this meeting over and done with as quick as possible so I could get back home to Sasha, who I knew would be worrying herself sick at the thought of what was going down.

  As I made my way to the bar, I couldn't help but glance over to the booth where I'd been when I first saw Sasha all those years ago. I often wondered what may have been if I hadn't left town. But I refused to live in the past. I had her now. Every night since Sasha had surprised me in the shower, she'd been at my place. Coming home to her after work was indescribable. We'd spend our nights eating, talking, fucking, and sleeping. Then we'd wake up and repeat before we both left for the day. Mom was ecstatic, Dad was over the fucking moon, and I kid you not, Gigi was talking about wedding plans. One night when I was in the shower, Sasha answered my phone when Mom called. They talked for half an hour. I'd sat beside her as she giggled, made plans, and spoke softly to the woman who'd always been number one in my life. That was until Sasha took that spot, and I'm sure Mom didn't mind handing the position over to Sasha.

  When I got to the bar, I took a seat, and Carson stepped up.

  "What can I get you?" he asked, keeping up his act as other staff rushed around us.

  "I'm here to see Drew," I announced, although he already knew why I was here.

  He played along. "Does he know you're coming?"

  "Drew's not in yet," Shelley revealed as she moved up beside Carson and started preparing a cocktail. "Andy, are you okay to do a double tonight?"

  "Yeah, I can stick around," Carson agreed, continuing to live the life of Andy. Happy with his response, she popped a cherry in the tall glass, before rushing out behind the bar to deliver the drink.

  "How do you think this shit is going to go down?" Carson asked in a hushed voice as he wiped down the bar in front of me.

  "I don't think he'll talk. He never does. He likes dangling info just outside of reach, and then he strikes when you least expect it. The fact that he disappeared for a month doesn't sit well with me, and him reappearing makes no sense. This is the time he usually strikes, when things have settled, but he's making himself known and showing his face."

  That's exactly what had happened in Salt Lake. We'd been working the case for just over a year when things went quiet. O'Leary had taken a vacation to the Bahamas and made it clear to all staff that he was not to be contacted. The appearance of drugs stopped, the grooming of women became non-existent, and it became a regular club again. Six weeks later, all hell broke loose, and Jacqueline took the brunt of it all. O'Leary was nowhere near Salt Lake, and the hotel in the Bahamas’ was O'Leary's alibi.

  "Drew's arrived," Carson announced, focusing over my shoulder. He threw the rag he'd been using in the sink and moved to serve a woman that had stepped up to the bar. He, of course, put on his usual moves and had the woman eating out of the palm of his hand by the time I followed Drew into his office.

  Tension rolled off Drew as he unloaded his pockets onto his desk. I took a moment to look around the office and halted on a photo of Sasha and Drew. I instantly recognized the girl in the photo as the girl who got my attention all those years ago. They were sitting on top of the bar, both smiling big. Drew had his arm around Sasha's shoulder, and she was wearing those damn shorts.

  "I would have kicked your ass if I'd known you were checking out my sister back then," Drew said, stepping up beside me and looking at the photo holding my attention.

  "Yeah, you probably should have."

  He sighed. "She looks peaceful."

  "I want that," I announced, narrowing in on Sasha.

  He turned his head to me. "Want what?"

  "That smile."

  "You keep doing what you're doing, and she'll give it to you."

  We were interrupted by a knock on the door, and we both tore our attention away from the photo.

  It was show time.

  I looked at Drew and dropped my voice. "You going to be able to control yourself?"

  "Yeah," he responded, before disappearing out the door.

  I gave Sasha's photo one last look, before crossing my arms over my chest and focusing on the door.

  It didn't take long for them to appear.

  "I didn't know we'd have company." O'Leary snickered when he entered Drew's office and found me waiting. "Should have realized you'd be sniffing around, Hunt. How's Sasha? She looked good when I saw her the other day."

  I stared at him, wearing one of his expensive suits, as he took in Drew's office with a taunting smirk crossing his face. Tension bounced off the four walls, while he appeared cool, calm, and collected. It pissed me off. Him mentioning Sasha really pissed me off.

  "Let's get to the point. What do you want from Sasha and me?" Drew asked, keeping his tone cool even though his body language revealed to me how on edge he was. "And don't say that you aren't involved. Clue me in."

  The smirk on O'Leary's face didn't shift, it only intensified. He continued to stare down Drew, and the tension became thick. I'd be more than willing to act if needed. As soon as Drew mentioned wanting to organize this meet, I knew I'd be here. There was no way I was letting Drew get O'Leary in a room on his own. Drew was hotheaded, and he had every reason to be. The shit circling this place was as serious as could be and Hamilton's was Drew's livelihood. It was his family’s legacy, and his and Sasha's future. I would be exactly the same, so I could not judge the man for anything he may or may not do. First, I was here as Sasha's man, and to give her brother back-up if required. Second, I was here because of my job. I knew where my priorities lay.

  "Do you have any idea how great it feels knowing I have the upper hand? That I know so much shit that you don't know," O'Leary revealed as his smirk transformed into an arrogant grin. "Fuck, it feels good."

  And just like that, Drew started losing his cool. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

  "I'm all about surprises, Drew, and surprises you will get." He took a menacing step toward Drew, and I braced. "I'll give you a hint. Shit's going to keep on happening. Maybe today, maybe next week, maybe next month, or even next year. Slowly, I'm going to take back what your family stole from mine, and I am going to enjoy every minute."

  "My family stole nothing," Drew hissed, taking a step toward O'Leary until they stood toe-to-toe.

  "Oh, my old friend, that is where you are so wrong."

  "What could you possibly get out of bringing shit into this place? You've been coming here for years. You worked behind the bar, for fuck's sake. Do you realize your family spent as much time here as mine did?"

  Something flashed in O'Leary's eyes at the mention of his family. "Yeah, that's one of the problems. We spent too much fucking time here."

  I decided to step in. "How do you honestly think this is going to end? Monroe isn't Salt Lake City. It's not Chicago. It's a small mountain town where everybody knows everyone else. You honestly think you are going to bring your shit here and it's going to stick. You're more fucked in the head than I thought."

  "Careful, Hunt," he said. "You do not want to piss me off."

  "You're threatening me now?" I shot. "You pissed me off years ago, O'Leary. I'm going to make it my mission to bring you down, and I will not stop. And yes, you can take that as a fucking threat."

  His eyes bounced between Drew and I before he declared, "This is going to be fun."

  He turned around and headed for the door. As I thought, he didn't give anything.

  "You're giving me nothing?" Drew spat in frustration. "Why the fuck did you even come here?"

  He spun around and, with hatred flashing across his face, he focused on Drew. "I came because I wanted to tell you that I have a surprise coming for you and Sasha. After today, I cannot wait to find out how much you
enjoy it."

  38

  SASHA

  The bed dipped, and I woke up to Ben sliding in next to me. Within seconds, he rolled me onto my back and hovered over me. In the moonlight, I focused on his face and found weary eyes and a tight mouth.

  "How was your night?" he whispered, pulling me close and peppering my jaw with a kiss. "Mine was fucked."

  "It was okay. Missy came over and then Gigi saw Missy turn up, so she decided to come over too. We ordered pizza, Gigi decided that we need to organize a trip to Vegas, and Missy and I learned more about her dating adventures. Oh, and apparently Gigi is going to teach Missy how to date."

  His face softened as he moved us, so he was on his back and I was tucked into his side. "Tell Missy to run."

  I giggled and snuggled into him. He settled into bed and pulled me in as close as he could. I had no complaints. I was a big fan of snuggling now. The tension in his body radiated against mine. I threw a leg over his and began running my nails over his stomach. Slowly, he began to relax, as his fingers ran through my hair.

  I couldn't wait any longer. "What happened today?"

  "O'Leary made a threat."

  "What?" I gasped and tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let me move. "What kind of threat?" I asked against his chest.

  “He said he has a surprise for you and Drew. He didn’t say what, but he made it appear that it was going to be big.”

  “What the hell? What does that even mean?”

  “Your guess is as good as mine. He is getting cocky, so it’s only a matter of time until he fucks up.”

  “What can I do?”

  “Keep being you. He is not going to affect the way you live your life. If he approaches you, walk away, call me, or call 911. Sass's location is perfect because everyone can see in. You are either there or at Missy’s, and when you aren’t you are with me, so he can’t get near you.”

  “What about Drew?” I asked, fear creeping into my voice. The thought of anything happening to him was too much to handle. If Ben was protecting me, who was protecting Drew?

  “What I am about to tell you stays between us,” he said, and I freaked out.

  Oh god.

  “Drew has cover,” he continued.

  “What?” I gasped, rolling over so I was lying on his chest and we were face to face. “What do you mean?”

  He tucked my hair behind my ear and then revealed, “Drew can look after himself. Fuck, he could take out a man with his bare hands, but for you, Austin is keeping an eye on things. Captain, Austin, Carson, me, and now you are the only ones that know. The fewer people to know the better because if he found out, he would not be happy and I’ve got enough to deal with then dealing with a pissed off Drew Hamilton. He has protection like you had when you weren’t with me.”

  His words stunned me into silence. I looked at him, and all I could do was stare. This meant the world to me. After losing Dad, the thought of losing Drew terrified me. I refused to imagine the world without him. Now, Ben was erasing my fears. He was giving me strength. He was making promises.

  “I like you,” I whispered, closing my eyes as honesty flooded out of me. I needed him to know how much this meant to me. He was offering me even more protection by protecting Drew, Hamilton’s, and the memory of my Dad. No one had ever done anything like this for me before. No one had ever made me feel so special, or worthy before. I felt like the most important girl in the world. “I really like you.”

  How I made him feel was shown in the soft kiss he placed on my lips. It was a kiss that told me he liked what I said, it was a kiss that told me he knew he was smashing down my walls at a fast rate, and it was a kiss that told him I was letting him in.

  "Is it against the law to tell my detective boyfriend that I want to hurt someone?" I muttered as the thought of what I wanted to do to Edward started circulating in my head. I wanted him out of our lives. “Because I’m sure I could hurt him some way. I may not be as strong as him, but I’m sure I’m quicker.”

  He tensed beneath me, and I immediately regretted what I said. Seriously, how stupid could I be?

  "Oh crap, it’s against the law, isn’t it? I didn't mean it. I feel bad hurting spiders, so I’m sure I could never hurt a human. Well, unless they did something really bad to people I care about, then I would definitely hurt them. Oh god, I’m digging myself into more trouble. I’d tell the police if he hurt someone, I wouldn’t look for payback. I’m not a looking for payback kind of girl. I promise.”

  What he said next was not what I was expecting.

  “That's the first time I've heard you call me your boyfriend."

  Now it was my turn to tense. What was I doing? What had I done? I was now saying the B word out in the open like I was just saying his name, and I was also telling him that I really liked him. If I was freaking out, I could only imagine how he was feeling. I started to pull away, but he hurled me back toward him.

  “Stop freaking out,” he murmured and recommenced playing with my hair. “I like hearing you call me your boyfriend.”

  I lifted my head up slightly and looked at him. “Really?”

  “Of course, I do. I’m pretty sure I’ve made it clear that my intentions toward you aren’t casual.”

  “So, does that mean . . . ”

  “That you’re my girlfriend?”

  I shrugged my shoulders and immediately felt like I was a teenage girl begging the most popular boy in school to tell me he liked me. “Maybe you’re alpahness doesn’t have that word in your alpha dictionary.”

  His body shook with silent laughter beside me. “My alpha dictionary?”

  “Benjamin, this is not funny. I don’t say the B word to just anyone.”

  “Great, now you are calling it the B word. Talk about being a tease, Sash. You can’t say it and then take it back.” He laughed out loud and hugged me tighter. “You are so fucking worth it, Sweetheart.”

  My heart squeezed and burst with happiness.

  “And yes, you are my woman, my lady, my girl, my girlfriend, whatever you want to call it. All that matters is that you know you’re mine.”

  “I like them all,” I whispered, feeling myself open up like never before.

  “And when it comes to O’Leary, you can tell me all the ways you want to hurt him, but in the general population you should probably keep a lid on your violent tendencies.”

  “I do not have violent tendencies.”

  “Right,” he said, his voice sounding weary. “Now, can we sleep? Or do you have any other personality traits you need to share with me?”

  “You are not funny,” I said, trying desperately to hide the fact that I was fighting a smile.

  “Time for sleep, Sasha.”

  “You’re not just my boyfriend,” I whispered as I snuggled into him. “You’re my bossy, annoying boyfriend.”

  “I’ll take it.”

  “Missy! Coffee, two pieces of cake, and girl chat. Now!”

  This is how I entered the diner the next day.

  I was being downright dramarific.

  Ben had woken me up before sunrise with a soft kiss that quickly turned heated, and he left promising to have lunch with me. I rolled over, grabbed his pillow, and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. Then I woke up thinking about the fact that Ben and I had the whole boyfriend/girlfriend talk. Then I started swooning at what he was doing for Drew. Then I started freaking out again. I was someone’s girlfriend. Me? Miss I-don’t-want-a-boyfriend, Miss Relationships-don’t-last-longer-than-a-night, Miss Let’s-build-a-wall-and-never-let-anyone-in. Now, I had a boyfriend, I was spending every night with him, and he knew how to get me to do whatever the hell he wanted simply by giving me one of his earth-shattering kisses.

  Who the hell was I?

  “This sounds serious.” Missy laughed while juggling two plates loaded with decadent chocolate cake, before sliding them onto the table. “Coffee is on its way.”

  "I called Ben my boyfriend last night,” I admitted, getting str
aight to the point after she took a seat. “And he called me his girlfriend. Well, he actually said his woman, lady, girl, and girlfriend. He said I was his.”

  She threw up her hands and cheered right in the middle of her diner. "About time!"

  My laugh rang out around us. "You have no shame, do you?"

  "Not when it comes to my bestie getting herself a hot as fuck boyfriend. Babe, I am so happy for you. We need to celebrate with an epic Wine Time Wednesday. Let’s buy an expensive bottle.”

  I nodded, digging into my chocolate cake. It was good, but it didn’t live up to Gigi’s.

  “I freaked out after I said it,” I said, taking another huge bite of cake. “Like starting to rant freak out.”

  Our coffees arrived, and I took a huge sip, sighing in pleasure as the caffeine began to take effect.

  "Why did you freak out?” she asked after placing her cup on the table and going back to her cake.

  "You know I've never wanted this. I've avoided this exact thing for so long. Me and a serious relationship has never been on the cards. But then Ben barreled into my life, and now I find myself with feelings for a man who I can still see myself with in five years, a man that protects me like I am his last breath, and I'm pretty sure he really likes me. What is this life?" I sucked in a deep breath, before looking at my best friend and giving her complete honesty. “Now, I don't think I could handle not having him in my life. I’m scared he is going to leave me like—“

  She put her hand up. “Do not even put him in the same category as that woman," Missy warned, her eyes flashing at the mention of my mother. "He is never going to let you go. Look at him when you two broke up, or whatever we are calling it. He was at your house every Sunday because it was your day. He turned up at your house drunk because he had a shit day and he wanted you to comfort him. Babe, that is not a man who is going to leave. I’m surprised he hasn't moved you in yet.” She dropped her fork, leaned over, and grabbed my hand. “Babe, I haven't seen you smile this much since your mother left. He's given you back your smile. This is an amazing thing.”