All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  “I like him, Missy. I really like him.”

  “And that is a beautiful thing.”

  “You know I love you, right?” I whispered, wanting her to know how much she meant to me.

  “I love you too. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to hate you a little when you share your multiple orgasm stories with me.”

  I burst out laughing. “I cannot wait for you to find your own Mr. Multiple, although I think you’ll want Mr. Multiple with a side order of Mr. Rough and Wild.”

  “I just quivered at the thought. Let’s hope he turns up soon.”

  “Since when have Gigi and Crazy John hung out?” Missy asked, looking toward the door, her face showing the beginnings of a smile.

  I shifted in my seat and looked outside. “Oh my God, they are with Ben’s Mom and Dad.”

  As soon as I spoke, it was as if they heard me because all four of them looked in. I received four different smiles, then Gigi started pointing, and Ronnie looked highly amused. Next thing I knew they were heading to the door, and I was closing my laptop.

  I’d just spent the morning working from the diner after deciding I needed a change of scenery. I’d set my laptop up in my usual booth and spent a few hours ticking off admin jobs and enjoying a bottomless cup of coffee.

  “Hey girlies,” Crazy John greeted when they got to the booth. “We were going to take Ronnie and Di out for lunch, but then we saw you two in here and thought we’d come here instead. You got my favorite burger on the menu today, Moo?”

  “Do you really have to call me Moo?” Missy said, shaking her head and shooting a fake glare at Crazy John. I knew for a fact she loved that he gave her a nickname.

  “Damn right I do. You’re Missy Moo, and my girls, Sassy Sash, so Moo and Sassy. Now, you got the burger on the menu, or do I need to go back in the kitchen and sweet talk the cook?”

  “Oh, what burger? Is it meaty? I’m the kind of woman that likes her meat,” Gigi piped up, and because Missy and I both had dirty minds, and had been told way too many stories of Gigi’s dating adventures, we both started laughing and tried to cover it by coughing.

  “Yeah, Gigi Girl, it's loaded with meat. But I make it healthy and add some lettuce to it.”

  I rolled my eyes, and he shot me a warning look.

  “My kind of burger,” Ronnie said with a laugh. “Di’s been trying to get me to eat vegetarian twice a week. That is not going to happen.”

  “You and I will come here for burgers when your lady wants her veggie night, or we’ll head to Hamilton’s and watch the game and eat their chicken wings. Have you had them before? They are to die for.”

  “Yeah, been known to go there and watch the game.”

  “You, me, and a plate or two of wings. Next Patriots game. Di, you can have a veggie night then.”

  I had to have stepped into an alternative world, because there was no way I was sitting in my best friends diner, with her, Crazy John, my recently declared boyfriend’s parents, and his neighbor discussing meat. I jumped when someone touched my arm. My eyes met Di, and she gave me a dazzling smile.

  “Breathe, sweetie,” Di said, sounding exactly like Ben when he tells me to breathe. She then turned to Missy. “I’m Di, Ben’s mom and recent convert to vegetarian meals two nights a week.”,

  “I’m Missy, Sasha’s best friend who makes a mean vegetarian lasagna! I’ll give you the recipe.”

  “Hey Darlin’,” Ronnie said, leaning over and kissing my cheek. “Sorry for the intrusion.”

  I smiled at him. “You aren’t intruding.”

  He turned to Missy. “I’m Ronnie, Ben’s Dad, the non-convert to vegetarian meals two nights a week.”

  They all took a seat after Ronnie, and Crazy John placed a table at the end of the booth. Drinks were ordered, conversation started to flow, and I sat taking everything in.

  Out of nowhere, Crazy John leaned over, kissed my temple, and whispered, "You doin' ok?"

  I nodded and smiled. “I’m doing good.”

  “Ben’s good for you,” he said, and moved in closer, dropping his voice so the conversation remained between him and I. “I know I have no right to say this, but I will, just in case you have any doubts. I approve of him. He’s given you back the spark I’ve missed seeing. He has my vote to stick around, plus him being a cop means I can sleep a little easier at night knowing you are protected. First good night’s sleep I had was when I knew you were under his roof. You’ve got yourself a good man, Sassy.”

  I blinked rapidly as I tried to keep the tears forming from falling. I loved this man more than he’d ever know. Who would take on the father role for two grown adults when both parents were no longer around? Crazy John would. Who would hold a woman as she completely lost it at her dad’s gravestone in the pouring rain? Crazy John would. And who would treat another man’s daughter like his own and would fit in so perfectly with everyone else in her life? Crazy John would.

  “I love you,” I whispered, clasping his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “And you have more right than anyone to say that to me.”

  “It’s a real honor you saying that.”

  “You’re going to make me cry,” I warned, giving him a gentle shove.

  He gave me a smile and then leaned in and said, “So, Gigi Girl is very, and I mean very descriptive when she gives a rundown of her dates. You should have warned me. I did not want to know that Stan the butcher couldn’t get his old fella up. How the hell am I going to buy my sausages from him now that I know intimate details about his sausage. Fuck.”

  I burst out laughing until my belly hurt, and I had tears streaming down my face. Then Gigi asked why I was laughing, and I started laughing all over again.

  I flipped over my phone when it vibrated on the table and couldn’t help but smile at Ben’s name on the screen.

  BEN: What do you want for lunch? I’ll pick something up and bring it to you.

  After I read his text, I gazed around the people sitting with me. Di and Gigi were in deep conversation about where they thought the best shopping was, Missy and Ronnie were bonding over football, and Crazy John was staring at me and giving me one of the softest looks I’d ever seen him give me. I knew I wasn’t leaving anytime soon.

  SASHA: Um, well, I am currently at Missy’s with your Mom, Dad, Gigi, Crazy John, and Missy.

  BEN: What the fuck?

  SASHA: They were spending the day together (I know, crazy) and I was having cake and coffee and doing some work at Missy’s, and they decided to have lunch here. I don’t think they’ll let me leave if they know I am going to you, and I kind of thought maybe we could all have lunch together.

  SASHA: Oh, and I didn’t tell Gigi that I ate cake here. I don’t want her cutting me off for cheating on her cakes. That is a risk I do not want to take.

  BEN: Good thinking. I won’t be happy if we lose our cake dealer. I’ll be there in half an hour. Order for me.

  I clicked out of my messages and realized the table had gone quiet and now they were all looking at me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Missy’s smirk grew. “Texting with Ben?”

  “Yeah, he is going to come here for lunch.”

  “You were smiling as you were texting.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, he was saying funny things, which made me smile.”

  “I like this,” Ronnie said beside me.

  “I’m telling you,” Gigi hooted loudly and gained everyone's attention. “I’m sensing a wedding in our future, Di! Missy, you better start planning an epic bachelorette party. We can get Benjamin’s two friends to be the entertainment. I’ll be on cake duty. There’s a new florist opening three stores down; they can do the flowers.”

  “Uh,” I stuttered, still stuck on the thought of Austin and Carson, who I assumed she meant, as being the entertainment at the bachelorette party I was supposedly having. “Gigi, just calm down a little. He only asked me to order his lunch.”

  “Gees, Blondie, getting you to order his lunc
h is the first step,” she said, then she turned to Di and dramatically huffed, “Kids these days. They just don’t get it.”

  39

  BEN

  “Hunt, get in here.”

  I halted, and turned around before heading toward the captain’s office. Exhaustion rolled off me, and after working all afternoon on the road, I needed to get some desk time in before I headed home to Sasha where she’d hopefully help me forget about being exhausted.

  “What's up?” I greeted after stepping in.

  He looked up, and the stress was evident on his face. “I can’t keep holding them back much longer. We’ve gotta move on this Hamilton’s shit.”

  I knew it was only a matter of time before I had this exact conversation with the captain. Patience was running thin, and resources were coming to an end, and we still had nothing to lock down O’Leary. My frustration with this was growing by the second. O’Leary was still walking around like he was king fucking shit, and Hamilton’s had started to drown in bad publicity.

  “How long do we have?” I asked, taking a seat on the other side of his desk and hoping he’d give me more than a couple of days.

  “Maximum, two weeks. The mayor is riding my ass on this. His daughter’s assault brought the wrong kind of attention, and he wants someone made accountable. If you don’t bring in O’Leary, or stop his fucking goons from causing havoc, then he is going to shift his focus to Drew and Sasha Hamilton. I do not want that happening. Those two are good kids who, for some fucked up reason, have been dealt the shit stick more times than one person should. I know you and Sasha have something going on, which is another thing we’ve got to discuss because that is so grey, it’s not even fucking funny, but please get this asshole off the streets before someone gets seriously hurt. We caught a lucky break, and thank fuck the bouncer was there before it went any further, but next time we might not be so lucky.”

  I pushed back from his desk and headed to the door.

  “I’m not ending it with her,” I said, standing at the door.

  He looked up from the file in front of him. “Thought you might say that.”

  “Glad we cleared that up,” I smirked,

  “Get the fuck out of here.”

  I got home from work to find Sasha in the kitchen, soft music playing through the house and new candles and bright pink pillows sitting on the dining room table. After my talk with the Captain, I’d organized a meeting with Austin and Carson tonight, but needed to come home and see Sasha first. I leaned against the door, folded my arms across my chest and let my eyes roam over her. She stood at the stove with her hair piled on top of her head, bare feet, and wearing one of my shirts that hung loosely around her mid-thigh. I loved her in heels and her tight skirts, but fuck, she looked good wearing my clothes.

  “What’s for dinner?” I hummed, my voice thick as my head started thinking we should ditch dinner, and I’d feast on her instead.

  “Argh! Ben! Don't do that,” she gasped and swung around to face me. "How long have you been standing there?”

  “Long enough to check you out and think of all the wicked things I want to do to you.”

  Heat hit her cheeks. “You keep your alphaness over there,” she warned. “You are not wrecking my pasta sauce like you wrecked my quiche.”

  “Me wrecking your quiche meant I ordered dinner from Amigos and got you with extra queso dip, and you got two orgasms. I’m pretty sure you have nothing to win this argument with.” My laugh grew deeper when she attempted to glare at me but failed miserably as heat soared in her eyes.

  “Whatever.”

  She went back to stirring the pasta sauce, and I quickly went to Gigi’s to help her move a cabinet. My visit with Gigi lasted longer than expected because she decided to roast my ass for missing lunch at Missy’s. After asking Sasha to order my lunch, I had to text her back and tell her that I had to go to a job. Sasha was fine with it, but Gigi decided she wasn’t. I swear to fucking god it felt like I was in a relationship with two women some days.

  As soon as Sasha heard me hit the kitchen and place my cell on the island bench, she said, "I just realized something. I've stayed over here every night since our little shower rendezvous."

  My cock twitched at the thought of our shower rendezvous as she liked to call it. “And, the problem with that is?”

  She looked over her shoulder, gave me soft eyes, and then quietly replied, “Nothing.”

  I stepped into the kitchen and made my way to her. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I rested my chin on top of her shoulder and focused on the bubbling pasta sauce she was cooking.

  “We can stay at your place whenever you want. But I like falling asleep with you, and I like knowing you’re safe, and that’s not going to end anytime soon.”

  “Good to know,” she whispered. “That’s one of the things that scares me.”

  I moved my hand to hers, removed the spoon, then turned her around to face me. “What scares you?”

  She hesitated and then whispered, “That it’s going to end. That you might leave.”

  She bit her bottom lip and dropped her eyes. Her body language begged to be heard. Opening up like this was hard for her to do. There had usually been a brief hesitation in her touch, distance sometimes crossed her gaze, and there was always something that kept her from taking that final couple of steps and jumping all in with me. She hadn’t fully opened herself up to what could be, and I needed to keep showing her why she should.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I lowered my voice, and said. “I have nowhere I’d rather be.”

  “You say that now, but—”

  “Sasha, listen to me. There is nowhere else I’d rather be, and no one else I’d rather be with. Today, tomorrow, next week, fuck… next fucking year.” I gripped her chin and forced her to give me her eyes. “The thoughts I have when I look at you are thoughts I’ve never had when looking at anyone else. So, I’m not going anywhere.”

  Slowly, she nodded before rising on her toes and giving me her mouth for a quick kiss. She pulled back, before admitting, “That's a big thing to me. I’m probably going to freak out a lot about it. If it gets too much...”

  “I'm not going anywhere.”

  “Okay.”

  “How long till dinner? Do I have time to shower?”

  I changed the subject drastically so her mind wouldn’t go into overload. The shift on her face was immediate.

  “Twenty minutes. Be warned though; this sauce is orgasmic.”

  She gave me a smile, and that was all I needed to confirm the demons in her head had settled.

  For now.

  “I’m gonna get back late. I’ve got a meeting with Austin and Carson,” I said, leaning over and kissing her forehead.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked, concern evident in her tone.

  I took her in. Blonde hair fanned out over the pillow, golden skin covered only by a white sheet, pink, pouty lips swollen from kissing her all night, and exquisite green eyes that couldn’t lie staring up at me. Everything was more than fucking okay. Seeing her like this just confirmed the fact that whatever was going on must come to an end. Her concerns were something I needed to erase.

  “We are running out of time when it comes to O’Leary, so we’ve got to step things up. It’s nothing for you to worry about though. It’s going to be over soon.”

  She sighed and propped herself up on her elbow and pulled the sheet tighter around her. “He is killing our business. I had someone come into Sass today, and I overheard them saying that Hamilton’s was the go-to place if you wanted to score drugs. How has this happened? The only thing people should be scoring from Hamilton’s is cold beer and damn good chicken wings.” She leaned over and grabbed the end of my shirt and looked up at me with worry-filled eyes. “I don’t think he is going to stop.”

  “He’ll stop. I’ll make sure of it.”

  Her expression softened. “Please be safe. Wake me up when you get home.”

  Home.

&nbs
p; “You’re waiting for me in bed, so tonight I’ll be the safest and quickest I’ve ever been.”

  “Get out of here and stop making me swoon. You’ve got creepy men to bring down.” She shooed me away, and I didn't leave until I kissed her hard, and left her giggling.

  I made the ten-minute trip across town and pulled up out front of Austin’s apartment building. After taking the elevator to the tenth floor, I made my way to his apartment and didn’t bother knocking. It was a risk meeting here, but it was a lot less risky than meeting at my place. These days we had no idea who had eyes on Sasha and Drew, so if Carson had anything to do with these meetings they had to be away from anywhere either of them would be.

  Carson sat on the couch with his ankles crossed on the coffee table.

  “Hey,” he said before his attention went back to his phone. “Give me two seconds to wrap this up.”

  “Who’s the lucky lady tonight?” I asked, knowing exactly what he was doing. “And two seconds? Fuck, you’re losing your touch.”

  “Marie, and fuck off.”

  Grinning, I dropped into the armchair and waited for him to finish setting up his booty call. Austin stepped out of the hall, gave me a quick nod, and smirked at Carson before claiming the armchair opposite me.

  “What’s going on?” Austin asked, focusing on me.

  “We have two weeks to figure out what the fuck is happening. The mayor’s pissed, and he wants someone held accountable for what happened to his daughter. If we don’t get O’Leary, he is saying he will find a way to go after Drew and Sasha because it’s happening in their bar. I, for one, refuse for that to happen, and I do not want my woman’s name being dragged through the mud more than it already has.”

  “Let’s visit O’Leary’s man again and see if we can get him talking. There’s got to be someone who will talk. We’ve busted three assholes for dealing, for fuck’s sake. One of them has got to spill,” Austin grunted, his frustration felt between Carson and I. “How about talking to Sasha’s girls who work there, Paige and Shelley. They could know something. We can rush background checks, credit checks, before we approach. They could be another set of eyes in there.”