A Handful of Hope

by Elizabeth Maddrey

  She turned, her eyebrows lifting. “Of course.”

  “You’re not in Paige and Jackson’s wedding, right?”

  “I’m manning the guest book.”

  “Not a bridesmaid?”

  Jen shook her head. “Thankfully, no. That whole three times a bridesmaid thing has long since passed me by, but I try not to add on too many extra numbers if I can avoid it. They’re just having Ben and Zach and Amy and Rebecca. Why?”

  “I was hoping you’d go with me?”

  She grinned. “Absolutely.”

  He let out a breath. “Great. So, what kind of movie are we talking about?”

  The pounding on the door set Tribble barking. She raced to the door, abandoning her half-full bowl of kibble. Jen sighed and put her bowl of soup on top of the magazine she was reading. Why didn’t people call before coming over in the middle of the week? It wouldn’t be David. He was on another proposal team and would be working crazy nights all week. Mom usually called first. Which left who? She shuffled to the door and peeked out. Sara.

  “Hey. What’s wrong?” Jen pushed the door wider to let a sobbing mess of running eyeliner masquerading as her friend come in.

  Sara made a bee-line for the couch and collapsed on to it, her chest heaving.

  Jen sat next to her and rubbed her arm. “Hey. Hey. What happened? You have to calm down and tell me what’s going on.”

  “He got married.” Sara took a shuddering breath that ended in a sob.

  What? “Who? You’re not making any sense.”

  “Luc. He got married. Here.” Sara dragged her arm across her nose, smearing snot and mascara on her sleeve and cheek before digging her phone out of her pocket. She tapped the screen and offered the phone to Jen.

  Jen looked at the text message, complete with a photo of Luc and a smiling woman who was nearly his height standing on the beach in formal attire. “Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry. He didn’t say anything?”

  Sara shook her head and put her phone back in her pocket. “Now what do I do?”

  That was a question Jen wasn’t going to be able to answer. So many different options presented themselves. But now probably wasn’t the time for a lecture on why not having slept with him would’ve made this easier. “Maybe you should take some time to get over him before doing anything?”

  “I guess. But I don’t want to go to the wedding alone. You want to come with me? Just go together, no dates?”

  Jen winced. She didn’t want to extinguish the tiny glint of hope in her friend’s eyes, but...she cleared her throat. “I’m going with David. He already asked. I’m sorry. You can hang with us though.”

  “Oh, sure. I can be a third wheel. I could do that with Rebecca and Ben.” A hint of a whine entered her friend’s voice. “Can’t you tell him something came up?”

  “No. But we’ll figure something out. You want to hang here tonight? I can make up the couch and we can stay up and watch a movie. I think I even have ice cream.”

  Sara blinked. “Really?”

  “Absolutely. Come on, I’ll find you some pajamas.”

  Jen scooted to the middle of the pew where the gang usually sat. How she’d managed to be the first person there was anyone’s guess, but she’d take it. She set her purse on the floor and turned sideways in the seat to watch the door. She and David had gone to dinner on Friday night in Occoquan, a little historic town south on I-95, though still well within the general suburban sprawl of Northern Virginia. But Occoquan itself was a tiny oasis in the midst of that. And the French restaurant tucked behind trees and other houses-turned-shops was an amazing eating experience. The walk along the quaint main street, that was bordered on one side by the river, had been a perfect ending to the evening. They’d gotten together with Jackson, Ben, and Rebecca last night and played a board game at the restaurant while Paige dropped by periodically with food. In all, an amazing weekend. Topping it off with worship was...perfect.

  “How’d you get here so early?”

  Jen started and turned, laughing, to see David. “You snuck up on me? You never use a different door.”

  He grinned and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. “Gotta keep you on your toes. Question stands. I thought I was an early riser.”

  “Believe me, this is unusual. Tribble had an upset stomach. She was pacing and moaning most of the night, so when the clock finally hit six-thirty, I called it a night and got up.”

  David frowned. “Is she okay?”

  Sweet man. Jen shrugged. “She ate her breakfast and her morning business seemed normal. So I think so. She probably ate something. I don’t always catch her before she gets to something when she’s out on the grass. If she’s at it again this afternoon though, I’ll call the vet tomorrow.”

  The rest of the crew—with the notable exception of Sara—filed in.

  Rebecca leaned forward and met Jen’s gaze. “Where’s Sara? She wasn’t there last night, and not here today?”

  Jen frowned. She wasn’t here yet. But maybe she’d still make it? “Have you heard from her this week at all?”

  Rebecca shook her head.

  “If she doesn’t show, I’ll talk to you after the service.” Jen leaned back as the praise band started the first song. Should she mention Sara’s breakup to everyone or wait and let Sara do it? Maybe just tell Rebecca privately? She clenched her hands into fists.

  David reached over and took her hand in his. Jen forced her fingers to relax and focused on the music, sending up a prayer for guidance. If Sara was drifting into depression from Luc’s actions—and why wouldn’t she be?—Didn’t Jen owe it to her to do what she could to try and help? She knew depression too well to let someone she loved suffer without trying.

  Jen almost laughed when Pastor Brown asked people to turn to Romans twelve, and focus on verses nine through twenty-one. Her eyes filled with tears as he came to the portion about weeping with those who weep. She squeezed David’s hand. He was the first person who’d been willing to do that with her. And while, sure, maybe Paul was talking about people weeping because of actual hardship or grief, clinical depression wasn’t a picnic. Having someone willing to walk alongside her, to hold her hand and not tell her to just buck up and smile, but to simply sit with her? There simply weren’t words for how much that helped.

  As the end-of-service music started, she turned to David. “Thank you.”

  One corner of his mouth quirked up, a question in his eyes. “For what?”

  “Just being you.”

  The smile spread into a grin. “That’s easy. But you’re welcome. Have time for lunch?”

  She pulled her lower lip between her teeth. “I want to say yes, but I’m worried about Sara. I was sure she’d get here—but since she didn’t come out last night and isn’t here now, I think maybe I should go check on her.”

  “What’s going on?” Rebecca leaned around David, her expression worried.

  Jen sighed. “Apparently Luc got married and texted her his wedding photo. Then, not much after that, he was texting to let her know when he’d be in town again and asking if their plans were still on.”

  “He didn’t.” Fury flared in Ben’s eyes and he growled. “If he hadn’t already been fired, I’d go make sure it happened.”

  “He got fired? When was that?” Sara hadn’t said anything about that on Tuesday night when she was over. Surely she would have if she’d known.

  “Friday. I’m not one hundred percent on the details, but my understanding is that he’s been on probation for a while now for hooking up with women at the various job sites he goes to.” Ben winced. “I think I might have mentioned the thing with Sara where it was overheard and that pushed it over the edge. At this point, I just feel bad that I didn’t know and had him at the wedding. I thought he was just a co-worker who ended up with the bad luck to be away from home over Christmas.”

  “You were trying to do a nice thing, honey, it’s okay.” Rebecca patted Ben’s knee. “I wonder if Sara knows the last part?”

 
; Jen shrugged. “Want to come with me and check on her?”

  Holding two takeout bags in one hand, the giant sodas wedged in the crook of her arm, Jen banged on Sara’s apartment door, counted to twenty, then banged again. The sound of the TV inside lessened and, just as she was getting ready to pound on the door a third time, the door opened a tiny crack.

  “What?” Only half of Sara’s face was visible through the tiny space, but her eyes were red and swollen and her cheek was blotchy.

  “Oh, sweetie. He’s not worth this. Let me in. I brought your favorite.” Jen nodded to the bags of greasy pseudo-Mexican food.

  With a sigh, Sara opened the door wider. “Did you get the thing where they glue the two tacos together with nacho cheese?”

  Jen pretended to gag as she nodded. “Only because I love you. If they contaminate my normal taco, I’m going to be annoyed.”

  A ghost of a smile hovered around Sara’s lips. “Come on. We can eat in the kitchen. I should probably spend a few minutes in an upright position today.”

  Jen carried the takeout to the kitchen and set it down on the island before hopping on to one of Sara’s stools.

  “Did you know they fired him?” Sara dug through the bags, pulling out the combined tacos, sauce packets, and a bag of fried dough. “That’s my fault, apparently.”

  “Says who?”

  Sara nodded to her phone, which sat on the charging station at the end of the island. Jen unplugged it and handed it to her friend. Sara poked the surface a few times before sliding it back to Jen.

  Jen scanned the texts, each one increasingly angry and foul. The last one made her cringe. She hit the power button to turn off the screen. “You blocked him, right?”

  “Yeah, for all the good it does. He stopped texting and started calling. I added him to the auto reject list, but it still wore my battery down. And I don’t know how to delete voicemail without listening to at least a little of it.”

  Jen reached into the bag and took out the two plain tacos she’d gotten for herself. “Could you call your provider? Maybe they can wipe it for you?”

  “Maybe. I guess I can look into that tomorrow.”

  “Or, if you want, you can dial in and put in your password and I’ll do it. Once the code’s in, you can leave the room so you don’t accidentally overhear anything.”

  “You’d do that for me?”

  Jen nodded.

  “Okay. Later though.”

  Should she mention that Ben said Luc had been on probation? It might ease the guilt that it was clear Sara was feeling. Even if it was unjustified. On the other hand, that would mean admitting they’d talked about her—it—and, while she hadn’t promised she wouldn’t, it seemed like something that was better left to Sara to explain. Jen sighed. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

  Sara frowned at her. “Spill it.”

  Jen tried for innocence. “What?”

  “Please. You look guilty. What did everyone say?” Sara crunched into her food, nacho cheese oozing out the sides and onto her fingers.

  “Ben said that he just found out that Luc had been on probation for a while. So you’re absolutely not responsible for him getting fired. That was on its way.”

  Sara wiped the cheese off her fingers. “Why was he on probation? Luc said they loved him.”

  “He did good work, maybe. Ben said that was true. But...I guess he was picking up girlfriends at every project. Sometimes more than one.”

  Sara closed her eyes, her whole body shrinking in on itself. “So I’m just one of many? Not special at all...despite what he said?”

  Jen chewed on her lip as she nodded. “Apparently. I’m so sorry.”

  “Not your fault. Totally all my fault.” Sara pushed the taco away and reached for her soda. “You can say it. I deserve to have you say it.”

  “Say what?”

  “I told you so. Aren’t you dying to say ‘I told you so’?”

  Her heart sank. She turned to face Sara. “No. That would imply I’m happy this happened to you. And I’m not. Why would you think I was?”

  “Don’t you think I deserve it? After all, I chose to sleep with him—not that I was some kind of blushing virgin to start out with. So isn’t this God’s fit punishment or something?”

  Jen took a long drink of soda, her heart breaking for her friend. “I...don’t think God works that way. Yes, there are consequences for sin. Any sin, mind you. But I don’t think God’s up there with a big flyswatter eagerly waiting to whap us when we screw up. If He was, there would be no reason for Him to have sent Jesus. Why would He offer forgiveness and mercy if He enjoyed punishing us?”

  Sara looked away. “I keep waiting for Him to give up on me, just like everyone does eventually.”

  “God never gives up on us, Sara. Even when we think He’s gone and we’re alone in the dark, He’s there. If anything, we don’t see Him because we’re not bothering to look.”

  “You’re here again?” Ji laughed as she opened the door and let David in. “What is it this time?”

  David hunched his shoulders and tucked his hands in his pockets. “I can go. Ask Mom, maybe.”

  “No. I’m giving you a hard time. You know that. Come on in.” Ji closed the door and flipped the lock. “Want to sit in the living room?”

  David listened. It was quiet. Usually at this time of night, the kids were tearing around the house and Ji and Min were desperately trying to wrangle them into bed. “Where is everyone?”

  “There’s some production at the kids’ school. I had a late meeting, so knew I was going to miss most of it. Min went. He’s recording it for me. I got home about ten minutes ago and they should be home in the next half hour. So, enjoy the quiet while you can.” Ji collapsed into a chair and propped her feet on the matching ottoman.

  David paced across the room and stood in front of the array of photos that adorned the long wall of the room. “When is too soon to tell someone you love them? Or to be in love with them, even? Or think you are?”

  “There are a lot of questions in there. Which one are we tackling?”

  He turned, frowning. “How do you know you’re in love?”

  “You were in love with Soo, weren’t you? So you know.”

  He shook his head. He’d said he was in love with her, yes. But actually in love? Compared to how he felt about Jen—how he felt when he was around her, how he missed her when she wasn’t there—what he’d felt for Soo was nothing. “I’m not sure I do.”

  Ji sighed. “Sit down. You’re making me nervous.”

  With a strangled laugh, David sat. “Better?”

  “A little. Not really. Relax. I’m going to tell you a secret that I’m only just beginning to understand after being married for a while. Being in love isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something you choose. I know it’s hokey, but if you look at First Corinthians thirteen, you really do see a picture of what day-to-day love is. It’s not the electricity at their touch or the ache when they’re away, though those are good things. It’s whether or not you’re willing to choose to be patient, kind, humble, and always seek her best interest over your own. If you’re ready to protect, trust, hope, and persevere no matter what in order to have her in your life, then you love her. And there will be days, I promise you, that you’re going to have to work extra hard to choose those things. Is she worth the work?”

  David closed his eyes. Was Jen worth it? Easy. Yes. Even on her bad days, when you could see her depression closing around her like a fog, he wanted to be there with her—for her. “She is.”

  Ji smiled. “Congratulations, little brother. You’re in love.”

  He snickered. “So when is it okay to say that?”

  “I can’t help you with that one. I don’t think there’s a set schedule. Some people find love quickly. Others take a long time to see it. Or they see it, but avoid it for a while before embracing it. You’re old enough to know what you’re about, though. Neither of you are teenagers. So, depending on wh
at you think comes after you tell her that, then I’d say go for it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why do you want to say ‘I love you’? What’s next?”

  David squirmed. Wasn’t it enough to be in love? At least for a little while? “Marriage, eventually. I hope.”

  Ji nodded. “Good answer.”

  “What did you think I was going to say?”

  “Exactly what you said. But there are some guys who use I love you as a hammer. I wanted to make sure you hadn’t become one of them.”

  Like he’d tell his sister if he only wanted to say the words to try and talk Jen into bed? And if Ji knew Jen at all, she’d know it wouldn’t work anyway. Her clear, strong position on that was something he not only agreed with but admired. “Sadly, I’m still the charming boy next door who many see as too mild to possibly be interesting enough to date.”

  She laughed. “How many women do you need in your life? You found one who’s happy to date you, who you’re in love with. Be okay with that.”

  “I am. Just had to try and get a little sympathy. Never did work on you.”

  Ji tossed a pillow at him.

  David caught it and tucked it behind his back, the tension in his shoulders and neck easing. He was in love with Jen. And it was time she knew.

  “You’re getting to be a regular around here.” Ben flipped his book closed as David plopped down next to him.

  “Can’t beat the food. Even if you do have to deal with the heat of the kitchen and all the banging. How does Paige stand it?” David looked at Jackson.

  “She thrives on it. I don’t get it, but it works for her. Really well.” Jackson grinned and pushed his own pile of work away. “Zach’s on his way out, too. I guess Amy got dragooned into whatever the women are up to tonight.”

  “Too bad Paige couldn’t get the night off.” David frowned. Did Paige mind getting left out of these things? They should try and schedule around her nights off, or when the restaurant was closed. Though from everything he’d observed, Paige lived and breathed Season’s Bounty. Maybe she liked having the built-in excuse?