A Handful of Hope

by Elizabeth Maddrey

  Jackson sighed. “I tried to convince her. But with the wedding next weekend and taking a week off for our honeymoon, she didn’t want to. I think she’s more comfortable with being away for a week since her dad will be here. When she grabs a random night off, it’s just Hector in charge. And as much as she trusts him, she doesn’t like leaving her baby.”

  “Does it bother you?” David rested his elbows on the table. He was used to a pretty standard work week. As was Jen. Though with the proposals that Kurt kept dropping on him, his evenings and weekends were being eaten up more lately than in the past. Jen understood. Was it the same dynamic?

  Jackson shook his head. “Nah. She puts up with my weird hours during elections. It’s the give and take of a relationship. If she didn’t love her job, maybe it would bother me from that standpoint. But as it is? Nope.”

  “Rebecca and you both have the same hours, basically, don’t you?” David shifted so he could see Ben and include in him in the conversation.

  “Generally. Sometimes she ends up with a Saturday shift or a slightly later night, but it’s not a big deal. When we have a big project or fundraising effort gearing up, she has to deal with fluctuation in my schedule. It’s not a big deal. You having trouble with Jen?”

  “No. At least, not that I know about.” David grinned. “Just been doing a lot of thinking about what makes a relationship work, long term.”

  “Aha.” Jackson and Ben exchanged a look. “Will we be hearing wedding bells for the two of you in the future?”

  David hunched his shoulders. “That might be a bit premature.”

  “What’s premature? Not me. I’m late. As usual, since moving to D.C. And that is, hands down, the worst thing about living downtown and having friends in the suburbs.” Zach slid into the seat next to Jackson. “Hey, David. You lose all your other friends?”

  David snickered as Jackson punched Zach’s arm. “Sort of. The more I hang out with you, the more I realize those guys weren’t really my scene. There’s no room for someone with a serious relationship in that crew. Most of the guys who get married—or even just have a steady girlfriend—drift off. Used to annoy me, but I understand it more now.”

  Zach grinned. “So, you and Jen are serious?”

  David nodded, but was saved from Zach’s follow-on question by Paige.

  “Here’s a handsome group. Gazpacho to start tonight—it’s March, it’s supposed to be spring, even if the weather hasn’t completely gotten the memo. And spring is just a hop, skip, and jump from summer. So, time to try out some cold soup recipes and see what makes the cut. I promise the rest of the food will be warm.” She laughed as she set down four bowls, dropped a handful of spoons on the table, and disappeared back into the cooking area.

  “How serious?” Zach dipped his spoon into the bowl in front of him and blew across the contents.

  David snickered as he pulled a bowl closer. “You realize gazpacho is cold. Right?”

  “Whatever, it’s soup. The habit is ingrained. And you’re avoiding the question.”

  Jackson nodded. “Zach has a point. That’s twice you’ve dodged the question.”

  Ben lifted a finger. “I concur. What’s the deal?”

  “I’m in love with her.” David swallowed the lump in his throat. It was the first time he’d said it, that plainly, out loud. He’d danced around it when he talked to his sister, but that wasn’t the same as throwing it out there.

  “Congrats, man.” Zach reached across the table for a fist bump.

  David tapped his knuckles to Zach’s, then Jackson’s and Ben’s. But he wasn’t sure celebration was the correct response. “Yeah, well, don’t break out the wedding favors just yet. I haven’t told her. And I don’t know if she feels the same way.”

  “I’m guessing she does.”

  David turned to look at Ben. “Why?”

  “Little things Rebecca has said. Nothing concrete, mind you, but I’d say the chance of her returning your feelings are high.”

  “Still, at some point you have to go out on a limb and take the first step, right?” Zach smiled before scraping the bottom of his bowl.

  David sighed. They were probably right. But wasn’t it supposed to be a big occasion when you did that? Shouldn’t it be memorable? He’d have to consider the options and put a plan into place.

  “Now that we’ve settled that.” Jackson pushed his empty bowl into the center of the table and pinned Zach with his gaze. “What have you decided?”

  Zach shook his head. “I don’t know. Nothing, I guess. We’ve been talking to her parents some, they tend to agree with you all that we should get married and plan a party for later. I’m fine with that, but Amy is hesitant. She still has that dream, you know, big white dress, everyone around looking at her. I guess it doesn’t count if you’re already married when it happens.”

  David frowned and finished his soup. It just kept getting more and more complicated, didn’t it? You managed to find someone, fall in love and realize you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them and then, suddenly, you’re faced with a wedding that takes on a life of its own, all because little girls are fed wedding propaganda from the moment they get their first doll.

  “Any idea what it’d take to convince her? I mean, Paige and I were dancing around that whole issue until you put everything into perspective for us. Any way for us to return the favor?” Jackson stacked the empty bowls in the middle of the table now that everyone was finished.

  Zach shrugged. “Wish I knew. Just pray for us.”

  “You can always hang out at the house. Jason and Karin aren’t going to be back until May, so the place is still ours ‘til then. I can leave some of my stuff, so you’re not crashing on the floor.”

  “Thanks, Jackson. I appreciate it. I don’t think it’ll come to that. At least, I hope not. At this point, the thing I really love about where I live is the commute. And the apartment is fantastic. It’s stretching my resolve, though, to be that close to Amy all the time. I never thought I’d even consider the things that I’m thinking these days.” Zach ran a hand through his hair.

  “I’ll keep praying.” Jackson reached for his phone as it chimed. He laughed. “Paige says she hasn’t forgotten about us, but that it’s going to be a few more minutes. So, Ben, what’s new with you?”

  “No. I don’t need your pity.” Sara sighed and flopped back on Jen’s couch. Tribble jumped up and curled into a ball next to her. She smiled and rubbed the dog’s head. “I’ll find a date. Or go stag. I’m secure enough to do that, right?”

  Jen stayed quiet. Did Sara want an honest answer or affirmation? Because secure wasn’t a word she’d usually use in conjunction with Sara. Why did Rebecca always manage to leave before conversations like this started? It was like she had a conversational radar that warned her it was time to flee.

  “All right, fine. I’m not. But I’m working on it, does that count?”

  Jen grinned. “Of course it does. Maybe the wedding is a good opportunity for you to do that.”

  “Funny. A wedding is not the place to try and work on dateless comfort. Nobody goes to a wedding alone. So it’s not like I could meet someone there.”

  “I’m not sure that’s true. You hear all kinds of stories of people who met their spouse at a wedding. Going alone might not be too bad.” If you wanted to put a fine point on it, she and David had met at a wedding. But it wasn’t probably a good idea to bring that up. It was liable to remind Jen of Luc, and that was the last thing she needed to do.

  “You know, I’ve never done online dating. There are a few places that are geared toward Christians. Maybe I should try that.”

  Jen winced. The whole idea of online dating left a sour taste in her mouth. She hadn’t done it, but it just seemed so...ridiculous. “Really? You don’t know anyone you could ask to go to the wedding? Not even as friends? There’s got to be someone at church...”

  Sara sighed. “There isn’t. That’s the problem. I don’t have many guy friends—mayb
e because I end up dating them and then it ends and it’s weird. For that matter, you and Rebecca are my main girl friends. And it’s not like either of you are going to hook me up with someone. Rebecca’s fiancé’s roommates are both engaged and David just hangs out with us—does he even have other friends?”

  David had a lot of friends. Maybe not best-buddy kinds of friends, but it seemed like everyone at the office knew him in one way or another. And the Korean church he went to before switching wasn’t exactly small. Surely there were single people there? She couldn’t fathom the idea that he’d been spending nights and weekends at home before they started dating. “He has to have some kind of group. I haven’t met them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”

  Sara scoffed. “No. But it means they’re either not worth knowing or he’s embarrassed to introduce you for some reason.”

  “Or that they’re not the kind of friends who do things with dates. You know as well as I do that there are some groups of women who you just don’t bring a guy to the stuff they do.”

  “True. Though I’m kind of surprised you know that. You’ve never been one to hang with that kind of group.”

  Jen smiled. “Just because I don’t fit in with them, doesn’t mean I don’t know about them. I could ask Braedon. He’s pretty nice.”

  “Who’s Bradeon?”

  “Guy on my team at work. I don’t think he’s seeing anyone.” She didn’t know for sure. How awkward was that conversation going to be if she was wrong? Maybe she should’ve kept her mouth shut.

  “What’s he look like?”

  Ugh. What a horrible question. He looked like Braedon. “I don’t know. Kind of average? Brown hair, brown eyes, taller than me.”

  “Let’s hope you’re never mugged. The police won’t know what to do with you. Got a picture of him on your phone?”

  Jen frowned. “Why would I have a picture of a coworker on my phone?”

  Sara closed her eyes. “Just...never mind. I’ll try the online thing. We’ll hold Brandon—”

  “Bradeon.”

  “Brandon, Braedon, whatever. We’ll hold him in reserve.”

  “Free for lunch?” David grinned as he leaned in the doorway to her office.

  Jen’s heart sank. “Aw, man. I wish I was. I promised Rebecca and Sara I’d drive out. Sara has some huge news that she can only share with us in person. She sounded really upset, but no matter how I tried to pry details out of her, she said it had to be in person. I was just getting ready to leave.”

  “Bummer. Can I walk down to your car with you?”

  “Absolutely.” Jen locked her computer and grabbed her purse, her whole body lighter than it had been even five minutes ago. David had that effect on her. It was one of the things she loved about him. She stopped, swallowing, as it hit her. She loved him.

  “You okay?” David’s face was filled with concern.

  She smiled and hoped it didn’t look as wobbly as her insides were. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

  He drew his eyebrows together and studied her for a moment before offering his hand. “Ready, then?”

  She twined her fingers through his. Love. With a capital L. Butterflies swooped in her stomach. Should she tell him? No. Not at work. Maybe...maybe at the wedding? There wasn’t going to be a fancy reception—just cake and light snacks in the fellowship hall after the ceremony—but there’d probably still be a good time, a romantic time, to mention it. And then hope he felt the same way.

  “So you don’t have any idea if Sara’s news is good or bad?”

  Jen pulled her thoughts back under control and shook her head. “From the tone of her voice, I’m leaning toward bad. Or bad-ish.”

  He laughed. “Bad-ish? Where does that fall on the bad scale?”

  “I don’t know, less than epic disaster, but mostly bad with some element that still has the potential for working out for the best in the long run?”

  “You’ve thought through that bad-ish scale, haven’t you?”

  Jen chuckled. “Maybe a little. I like to have definitions for things.”

  David held the elevator door for her then punched the button for the garage. “It’s always good to know what things mean. And be able to define them for the rest of us. Lunch tomorrow?”

  The elevator dinged as it stopped at the garage level. Jen nodded. “I’d like that.”

  “Cool.” He tucked his hands in his pockets and walked beside her as she wove through the parked cars to hers. When she clicked the unlock button, he pulled open the door and leaned against it as she slid behind the wheel. “Maybe this is weird, but I’ll miss you.”

  Jen grinned. “Call me tonight?”

  He leaned in and kissed her. “Absolutely.”

  “Finally. What took you so long?” Sara jumped up from the table, grabbed Jen by the hand, and dragged her to the table. Rebecca was already picking at the foot-long sandwich in front of her.

  “Do I get to buy a sandwich first?” Jen yanked her hand away from Sara. “It can’t be so important that I have to starve.”

  “Fine. Go get food. But hurry.” Sara glared at Jen.

  What was going on? This wasn’t the distraught Sara she’d expected. So...maybe the news wasn’t personal? But then, what could it be? It had to be more about Luc. Jen ordered her sandwich, paid, and filled her cup at the soda machine before making her way to the back table. She set her food down and sat. “All right, what’s going on?”

  Sara tapped her phone and slid it across the table to Jen.

  Furrowing her brow, Jen picked up the phone and looked at the photo of David—it was the same one on the company website. “I don’t understand. What is this?”

  “The Christian dating site I signed up with.”

  David was on a dating site? Her heart sped up. “Maybe it’s from a long time ago?”

  Sara shook her head.

  Rebecca reached for the phone and pinched the screen to enlarge it, winced, and handed it back. “Not really. Look where it says ‘Member since’.”

  Jen took the phone and stared at it. That was...right after their first date. Her thoughts shattered into a thousand directions, along with pieces of her heart. She pushed away from the table, her chair clattering to the floor. Unable to see through the tears blurring her eyes, she grabbed her purse and turned toward the door. “I have to go.”

  David frowned at his phone and poked redial. Why wasn’t she answering? He’d swung by her office on his way home, thinking maybe they could grab some supper, but she was already gone. Or, if he was worried about accuracy, the guys on her team said she’d never come back from lunch. She’d called and said she wasn’t feeling well. Did she get food poisoning?

  Her phone went to voicemail again and he sighed. “Jen, it’s me—David—again. Are you okay? The guys on your team said you never made it back from lunch. I could bring some soup over? Give me a call, please, and let me know you’re okay.”

  He ended the call and dropped his phone on the nightstand. There was no point in texting. He’d tried that already, too. No response. Dear Jesus, please help her to be okay. And help me not to worry. Please.

  His gut twisted. What was he supposed to do now? If she didn’t call back, he couldn’t keep bugging her, could he? Should he drive over? It was nearly nine o’clock. But if she was sick, did she have someone...her parents. Jen would call her mom, wouldn’t she? They had a close relationship, that much was obvious. Or maybe she’d go to their house? She was fine. She had to be fine.

  He eyed his phone and grabbed it before he could stop himself. He opened a text, tapped out a brief message and hit send.

  No more. He wasn’t going to chase her anymore tonight. He’d see her at the office...and if he didn’t, if she was still sick, he’d go by with some flowers and soup. Maybe something that would cheer her up.

  “Got time for lunch?” David tucked his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door frame.

  Jen looked up, panic in her expression before she schooled her face to
be impassive. He saw signs of tears in her blood-shot eyes and swollen nose. “No. Sorry. There’s a lot going on today so I’m going to have to take a rain check.”

  David frowned. She sounded off. He stepped into the office and started to close the door when she held up a hand.

  “Please. I really don’t have time. I’ll give you a call...later.”

  “Are you okay?”

  She looked up and pinned him with her stare. “No. I’m really not. But I will be. Please go.”

  David hesitated in the doorway as she went back to work, carefully not looking in his direction. He rubbed the back of his neck and turned. What was going on?

  Back in his office, he stared at his computer monitor. What happened at lunch yesterday? It had to be something bad. Sara’d had news—but what kind of news would have made Jen give him such a cold shoulder? He barely knew Sara. He grabbed his cell and scrolled through his contacts until he found Ben. He frowned. Maybe he should go down and try to get her to talk to him—or work on her at home after the workday was over? But if she wasn’t going to tell him what was going on, didn’t he need to have an idea going in? He hit call.

  “Ben Taylor.”

  “Ben, hi, it’s David Pak?”

  “Hi, David. I thought I might be hearing from you today. I was actually considering calling you.”

  David closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “What’s going on?”

  “Rebecca said Sara found a profile for you on an online dating site—a recent one. She showed it to Jen and Jen took off like she was going to be ill. Neither of them have heard from her since, though Rebecca spent a lot of last night trying to call.”

  The bottom of the world fell out from under him. That dating profile. He’d meant to delete it. He’d never really looked for a match—hadn’t even finished filling out the questionnaire, though that hadn’t stopped the daily emails of potential matches based on his partial survey.