All for Maddie

by Jettie Woodruff

  “Spread your legs for me,” he rasped, not looking up to me.

  What? I couldn’t do that.

  “Do it,” he demanded. I did. I slowly raised my knees and opened myself for him. I could have sworn I heard him gasp as he looked down at my very exposed sex.

  “You’re wet. I can see it without even touching you. You want me to touch you, don’t you, Whitley?”

  Are you kidding me? He was going to make me answer that?

  “Answer me, Whitley. Do you want me to touch your pussy?”

  “Yes,” I managed to say. Jesus yes, I wanted him to touch me. He smiled that same victory smile that almost sent my foot into his chest. That is until I felt his fingers slide up my very wet slit. I moaned and closed my eyes. Maybe if I didn’t watch, it would make it easier. That’s what I did. I didn’t watch. I think that intensified the sensations. I could feel what he was doing to me. I didn’t need to see the lust in his eyes, or the tantalizing gestures his fingers were doing to me.

  I arched my back and cried out when I felt him slide a finger deep inside, while he spread my lips with two fingers. Shit, I wanted to open my eyes when I felt what I knew was his tongue on my swollen nub. I didn’t. I kept them closed. Son of a bitch, I was going to come. I didn’t want to come. It was too soon. I wanted to enjoy it longer. I felt his fingers slide out of me and spread me with his thumbs. He stroked his tongue from the back to the top several times before focusing once again on my clitoris. That did it, and I lasted maybe thirty seconds. I grabbed his hair with one hand and the headboard with the other as I screamed in agonizing pleasure. He continued to stroke me lightly with his tongue while I came down, quivering from my embarrassing high.

  I was taken aback again, when he moved up my body. Shit, was he going to fuck me? I didn’t want him to do that. He moved up and kissed me, intensely kissed me. I moaned in his mouth as I tasted myself on his lips. Okay, maybe he could fuck me. He didn’t. He got up and walked to the bathroom. I knew what he was doing when he didn’t return for at least ten minutes.

  I laid there unable to move, due to the shock factor going on in my mind. What did I just do? I quickly pulled on my pants, covered myself, and rolled over when I heard movement in the bathroom, or was that a moan?

  Alex treated me no different the following morning. I woke to an empty bed and walked downstairs to my family sitting around the table having coffee. Maddie was sitting on her dad’s lap eating a bowl of cereal. He smiled up at me, but it was nothing more than his fake smile for my dad and Dana.

  I poured coffee, kissed Maddie on the head, and sat with them. We spent a lazy day just lounging around the house and playing with Maddie. My dad and Alex watched football, while I read quietly to Maddie on the end of the couch later in the afternoon until she fell asleep. I think Mommy may have napped a little too. I woke to my feet across Alex’s lap and his hand around my ankle. My first reaction was to jerk away from him, but then I remembered my dad and Dana were there. My arm was numb from Maddie sleeping on it. It felt like it was going to fall off.

  I carefully sat up, sliding her to the sofa which landed me sitting right beside Alex. Again I wanted to move his hand that had landed on my leg. I looked over to him and he smiled. I smiled a what-the-hell smile back.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I said, excusing myself. I walked into the kitchen, poured a glass of juice, and leaned up against the counter. I didn’t like the feelings transpiring between Alex and me. I cautiously watched him walk right up to me, pinning me against the counter and his body.

  “Alex, what are you doing?” I asked. He smirked.

  “I can’t help it. You’ve been walking around in these pajamas all day, and I know what’s under them. It’s driving me crazy.”

  “I have panties under them now.”

  “You’re a liar.”

  Shit.

  “I do.”

  Alex didn’t even ask and I didn’t stop him. He lifted my shirt and pulled out on the elastic of my pants, exposing my lie.

  “Do you not sleep in panties?” he asked, looking down.

  “No,” I said with a shaky voice.

  He smiled.

  “Alex, we’re not having sex,” I assured him.

  “We don’t have to. Just let me do what I did last night. That’s plenty for me.”

  “You’re in the kitchen,” my dad interrupted, carrying sleepy eyed Maddie.

  Alex stepped away and took Maddie when she reached for him.

  “I firsty,” she told him. I handed him my glass of orange juice and got the hell out of the kitchen.

  We ordered pizza and watched a Thanksgiving special with Maddie. I was a nervous wreck anticipating going to bed with Alex. What if he did want to have sex? I couldn’t stop him. I knew that to be a fact.

  I found myself in a very awkward situation when my dad took Maddie to bed to read to her, and Dana left us to shower. Why the hell was I so nervous around Alex all of a sudden? I hated it. I felt like he was seeing right through me as I watched whatever the hell was on the television.

  My dad never came back. I knew he fell asleep with Maddie. Dana announced that she was turning in with a book and I was left alone for the night with Alex. Oh God, this was bad.

  Alex all of a sudden shifted his weight, forcing me to lay back. He had one knee between my legs, towering above me. I could only stare wide eyed up at him. He lightly brushed my lips with his and whispered.

  “I’m going to shower. Go upstairs and take all your clothes off.”

  And just like that. He was gone.

  I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to. I texted him, knowing that he was in the shower as I sat there fighting with my mind to go upstairs and do as I was told. I didn’t do it. I went to Maddie, she was safer. He never texted back after my lie that Maddie was awake, and I was going to lay with her for a while. He knew I wouldn’t be up. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go. I did. It was more of an I couldn’t. I don’t know why. I just couldn’t do it.

  <><><>

  I hadn’t planned on Maddie throwing a fit to go home with Papaw come Saturday morning either. I didn’t want her to go. I needed her here.

  “You can go. Daddy will come and get you tomorrow,” Alex offered. Her tantrum was instantly over.

  I wanted to go to. I wanted to suggest it, but didn’t. I didn’t want my dad to think something was going on between Alex and me. The air was already thick enough to cut with a knife. We hadn’t spoken one word to each other the whole morning.

  Alex locked himself in his room the entire day. He wouldn’t even come out for lunch, when I tapped on the door to tell him that I had made cream turkey from the leftover Thanksgiving dinner. This was bullshit. He was going to sulk and pout all day, because I wouldn’t bow down and do what I was told. Whatever. He was such a freaking child.

  “What are you doing tonight,” I asked as soon as Regan answered her phone. I would show him. Maddie wasn’t home. I didn’t need to sit there and wait for him to stop moping.

  “Trenton has a basketball game at six. Do you want to come?”

  “Yeah, can you go out afterward?”

  “Honey, I do what I want. Let me ask my husband,” she teased. “We’ll pick you up around five.”

  “Sounds like a plan, thanks.”

  “You need to get away from my brother?”

  “Yup, you could say that.”

  Regan laughed. “Okay, see you in a little while.”

  I showered, and dressed in dark jeans with a white hoodie. I didn’t feel like looking sexy. I didn’t want out of that house to be eye candy for some other idiot. I had one of those at home. I couldn’t figure him out, but I had one.

  “Where are you going?” Alex asked as I slipped into my new sneakers that I hadn’t worn yet, courtesy of Alex himself.

  “I’m going to watch Trenton play basketball, then Regan and I might go have a drink.”

  “Maybe I wanted to go watch Trenton’s game.”

/>   “Do you want to go, Alex? I’m sure it would be fine.”

  “No, I can’t. I’m on a deadline. I haven’t worked for three days.”

  “Okay.” What the hell was he whining about if he couldn’t even go? Men, I swear.

  Trenton was quite the little ball player and her mother was quite the loudmouth, yelling and screaming the whole game.

  We went for pizza after the game with Vince, Trenton, and three nine-year-old girls. I was sure that Vince wasn’t going to let Regan out of the house, not with four giggling girls, spending the night.

  We spent another twenty minutes letting the girls pick out movies from the Red-Box and decide on Doritos or Nachos. They ended up with way more than they were going to eat. I still didn’t know if I was being dropped off at my house or if Regan and I were going to get to go out. I didn’t want to ask, not wanting to start an argument between the two of them.

  “No, don’t turn,” Regan yelled at Vince as he started to turn down my street. “We’re dropping you guys off and going to have a drink.”

  YES!

  “Oh no, you’re not leaving me with all these girls,” Vince demanded.

  “They’re not going to bother you. They’ll be in the basement all night and you know it. We won’t be out late.”

  “You’re a liar. You never come home until you close down the bar.”

  Regan laughed, not denying the fact that she couldn’t argue. I was hoping we closed the bar, and I got drunk enough to pass out and sleep the entire next day away.

  We forgot about one minor detail while we beat the pants off bikers in pool and got totally wasted. Neither of us could drive. It was almost midnight and last call had been called.

  “Call Alex,” Regan tried.

  “No way in hell am I calling Alex. Call Vince,” I countered.

  “I can’t call Vince, there are four girls at my house. I can’t expect him to drag them out. Besides, what would their parents think of them coming here to get Trenton’s drunk mother? You have to call Alex.”

  “A cab!” I yelled as it popped into my head.

  “A cab is going to cost us forty bucks from here.”

  “So, Alex will pay for it. I’m not calling Alex.”

  “What is up with you two?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. I can’t quite figure you two out. You act like a couple, but yet you don’t. And I saw all of your things in the downstairs bedroom. Why are your things not in the same room that you sleep in? You do sleep in the same room, don’t you?”

  I wanted to talk to Regan. I wanted someone to know what was going on, why I was even there. I didn’t. I knew better. He would be furious with me. “We sleep together,” I said, turning my eyes toward my drink. We did sleep together. Twice.

  “Are you in love with him?”

  Well, shit, maybe I didn’t want to talk about this with her.

  “Let’s get a cab.”

  “No, not yet. Answer my question.”

  “I don’t know, Regan. It’s complicated.”

  “Are you with him because of Maddie?”

  “She plays a big role in it, yes.”

  “That’s not what I asked you. Would you be with Alex, if Maddie wasn’t in the picture?”

  I didn’t speak for a few seconds. “No, I wouldn’t be with Alex if it weren’t for Maddie,” I honestly answered.

  “Whitley, you don’t have to be with someone you don’t want to be with, because you have a child together. People share custody every day.”

  “Yeah, well, like I said, it’s complicated. Let’s go,” I coaxed, downing the last drink of whatever it was Regan had been ordering for me. I stood up. Whoa, I should have stuck with the beer.

  Regan rode in the cab to my house first and then to her own. I turned and waved once I managed to get the teeny tiny key in the smaller hole. Yup, I was going to be swearing off alcohol again in the morning. For sure.

  My heart dropped instantly when I saw the unfamiliar white fur coat hanging over the back of the sofa along with the designer purse. I couldn’t believe it. The stupid fuck had the nerve to bring someone there. Oh, hell no. Not when he walked in my bedroom in my own home and threw Jaron out.

  I was furious. I could feel the blood pumping in my veins as I stumbled my way up to his room with no clue what I was going to say. What was I about to walk into? I had a good hunch that it would be the blonde Kendall.

  I took a deep breath and burst in. It wasn’t the blonde Kendall at all. I had no idea who the redhead was. She was pretty from what I saw of her. I couldn’t see much, other than the red hair. Her body was covered with his. He was fucking her. Un-fucking-believable. He turned to look at me and pumped in her two more times. He fucking didn’t stop. I knew it was just a spiteful gesture directed right at me. It made me even madder.

  He rolled off of her cupping himself as much as possible, trying to cover himself.

  “GET. THE. FUCK. OUT!” I demanded.

  She jumped up, covering herself with the sheet.

  “GET OUT!” I screamed again.

  Alex jumped up, covering himself with his jeans.

  “Get out and let her get dressed for Christ Sake,” Alex demanded, pulling me toward the door.

  “Don’t fucking touch me!” I demanded, jerking away. He had to grab me to keep me from falling over. I didn’t feel drunk anymore. I thought I had sobered up immediately. Evidently my body didn’t think so.

  Alex held on to me as the girl grabbed her clothes, quickly getting dressed. I reached around him, going for her hair as she darted out of his room. He grabbed me around the waist to keep me from reaching her.

  “You stupid mother fucker!” I yelled, turning my fists and my anger to his chest. He had to drop his jeans to hold my arms.

  “Stop, Whitley,” he demanded. “Why are you even mad?”

  “Really? You fucking threw Jaron out of my own house, and you fucking bring someone here to the home that I am forced to live in with a fucking pig?”

  “Oh, so it’s okay as long as I don’t bring her here?”

  “NO! I mean yes. No, no, it’s not okay, Alex. It’s not fucking okay for you to fuck other girls. Where are you going?” I asked as he just walked away from me and into the bathroom.

  “I’m going to get rid of this condom,” he replied. “Calm down, I’ll be right back.”

  “I’m not your pawn. You can’t treat me like this,” I yelled drunk words, trying to make sense.

  Alex walked back out wearing his jeans.

  “I have never treated you like my pawn.”

  “You think I’m young and stupid and I just have to do everything—”

  My words were cut off by his lips on mine. He tossed me toward to the bed and jerked my shoes off, flinging them roughly across the room. I stared in shock as he unsnapped my jeans and pulled them crudely over my hips.

  “Alex, stop. What are you doing?”

  He didn’t listen. He ran his fingers between my legs, aggressively shoving two fingers inside of me, dragging them up my wet slit, to my clit, and back inside of me.

  “You want me to stop, Whitley?”

  “No,” I whimpered as he assaulted my throbbing clitoris.

  I dropped from my elbows as he moved down and took me with his mouth, violating my clit with intense pleasure. I felt like I was going to faint. It was so powerful and concentrated. I didn’t think he was ever going to let me come. I would get so close. As soon as I would start to writhe my hips into his mouth, he would slow down.

  “Ah, right there. Don’t stop,” I begged with a whimper.

  As soon as I screamed out in unbelievable pleasure he was kissing me. This was so messed up. I just walked in on him fucking someone else, and now I was tasting my pussy on his mouth.

  “Fuck me, Alex,” I pleaded, panting heavily in his mouth.

  He pulled back and stared down at me.

  “I’m not going to fuck you, Whitley. I’m going to make love t
o you, but not tonight. Not now. Do you know when I am going to make love to you?”

  I couldn’t answer. I just stared wide eyed and shook my head.

  “I’m going to make love to you when you tell me to make love to you. When you are not drunk. Have you ever had sex sober, Whitley?”

  I didn’t know how to reply. He was towering above me with a stern glare. He wasn’t going to touch me. I couldn’t answer his question. He was right. I had never had sober sex in my life.

  <><><>

  That night was our last contact for a full two weeks. We went right back to the same routine. Neither of us about to cave. The next time we were intimate was a couple weeks before Christmas. Regan and I had shopped the entire day and ended our night with a cab ride home, too drunk to drive.

  I, once again, in my intoxicated state tried like hell to seduce him. He took care of me as I knew he would, but wouldn’t fuck me. The next time was the following weekend. We drove to the resort for our annual Christmas party and again I was drunk. Maddie stayed with my dad and Dana and I was stripping clothes as soon as we were in the door. He was pretty tanked too. I was sure I would get all of him that night. I didn’t. He spread me, sitting on the couch, using my vibrator and then his mouth, but still wouldn’t fuck me.

  Why was it so easy for me to want him when I was drunk, but come the next morning; I was back to hating him for all that he had done. That was the first weekend that I think I actually started to have feelings for him, maybe I had from the beginning, I don’t know. That weekend I let myself feel for the first time in my life. Maybe the rape played a role in that. Actually, I was sure it did. I didn’t want to feel. It was easier not to feel.

  When Alex kissed me around my family, I kissed him back. When he held my hand, I held his back. When he wrapped his arms around me, I let him without stepping away. When he stared at me, I stared back. I was feeling something, I just wasn’t sure what it was.

  We had to sleep together once again at his parent’s house on Christmas Eve. It was a family tradition. They always spent the night there: got up, opened their gifts to each other, ate breakfast, and then went home to open their own gifts.