All for Maddie

by Jettie Woodruff

  “Dem bad guys let you leave now?” she asked, remembering the cops taking me to the ground.

  “They weren’t bad guys, sweetie. They were just trying to make sure that you were okay.”

  “You come home wif me now, k?”

  I smiled and looked up to see Alex staring down at me. My smile faded, replaced by a scowl. The hate that I had for him before didn’t come close to how I felt about him now. I felt victimized….again. And to think I was actually falling for him. That wouldn’t happen again. His pretend little party when our families were around wouldn’t happen again. I wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with him when they were around. Hey, I was crazy, right? They could understand why I didn’t want to be in the same room as the fuck head that was dictating my life.

  I picked Maddie up and walked past him, stopping to glare at him as I felt his hand on the small of my back. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me again, you got that?” I asked in an extremely pleasant tone.

  I wouldn’t even sit in the front seat with him. I rode in the back with Maddie listening to her three-year-old chatter, really listening. I missed her so much and every word out of her mouth was important to me.

  “I did water all a twees,” she explained.

  “You watered all the trees?” I asked. It was January. What trees?

  “She watered the plastic ones inside with apple juice,” Alex explained, laughing about it. I ignored him.

  “Dem was gonna get dead,” she clarified.

  And so that cold day in January set the stage for what my life would become. I continued to ignore Alex, spent all my time with Maddie or in my own room. I refused to go out of my way to be social toward him at all, not even when my dad and Dana visited. I had nothing nice to say to him, it was best I didn’t say anything at all. This continued for almost four months. I did nothing, said nothing, refused to go out with Regan, sat alone, quietly at his family gatherings, and refused to shop for groceries or anything else that we needed. He did it or sent his housekeepers. I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to spend one penny of his money and mine had been gone the first week I ran with my daughter.

  I did talk to Regan on a regular basis, I just wasn’t going to give Alex one thing to use against me, like a biker bar. I would have shopped too had he not been a dick about it. I didn’t mind getting groceries. Either I had to go alone without Maddie or he had to go with me. I didn’t go at all.

  Maddie and I sat out by the pool a few days into spring. It wasn’t warm but not cold either. We were comfortable in jeans and sweatshirts. She crawled onto my lap, flipping through a toy magazine that had come in the mail. She wanted everything in the catalogue, but kept going back to the same page that really piqued her interest. It was a zoo with plastic cages, rocks, watering troths, and every kind of animal possible. There was even a small little aquarium with fish. The whole zoo came complete with a massive rug where you could set up your own zoo. It was expensive. Three hundred and forty nine dollars. I knew Alex would buy it for her if I asked. I wouldn’t ask. She had almost two months before she would turn four. I’d figure something out.

  The next day was just as nice, the sun was shining and it was gorgeous out. I needed out of that house. I sat Maddie on the bench by the door and tied her shoes.

  “Where are you going?” Alex asked, coming from whatever he was doing in his stupid room. He never left anymore. He worked from home, afraid that I would run with Maddie.

  “For a walk,” I said, not looking up.

  “Um, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

  I looked up giving him a hateful expression. “I am going to take my daughter, walk three blocks into town, maybe get ice cream, and go to the park. If you feel the need to get in your car and follow me, then by all means, go for it.”

  I took Maddie’s hand and left him standing. He could go to hell. Oh my God, I hated him.

  “I want chocolate ice cream, okay?” Maddie said as we walked down the sidewalk.

  “You can have chocolate,” I said, looking over my shoulder to see if we were being followed. We weren’t. I listened as Maddie talked about Chelsea from pre-school. I smiled down at her describing Chelsea getting sick during reading time, throwing up in her lap. The rest of the class ran to the other side of the room. She was getting so big. I missed her baby talk. I liked her not being able to say her R’s and L’s right. She didn’t do that anymore. Of course Alex helped with that as well. Every time she would say it wrong he would correct her and make her say it again. Bastard.

  Maddie and I walked into the ice cream shop and ordered. She no longer wanted chocolate. They had gummy bears and sprinkles. She wanted vanilla.

  “Stop kicking the table, Maddie,” I demanded as the lady at the next table gave me a dirty look.

  “I gonna to set my farm up where my desk is. You like that idea, Mom?” she asked. She had mentioned the very expensive zoo several times. I had to buy her that stupid zoo for her birthday. I could ask my dad, but didn’t really want to do that either. I could barely stand to call him anymore. I got so sick of him asking me how I was doing, how I was feeling, or if I was taking my meds. It got old real fast. Hell no, I wasn’t taking my meds. I didn’t need antidepressants. But of course, I appeased everyone and pretended to take the stupid things. I took them every day with my morning pee, right down the toilet.

  “We go to the park now?” Maddie asked as we walked the sidewalk back towards home.

  “Yeah just a minute, sweetie,” I replied distracted, looking across the street to the help wanted sign in the coffee shop. I could work there. It was brilliant. It would get me out of the house and give me my own money. I couldn’t walk in there with Maddie though, could I? Would that look bad, me bringing my daughter with me to apply for a job?

  “Let’s walk across the street and get something to drink to take to the park with us,” I suggested when she looked up with a strange look.

  There were only a few patrons sitting around the little coffee shop. I loved the feel of the atmosphere. There was a section with round sofas, tables in front with electrical sockets for laptops, Kindles, or your cellphone. A young girl, probably studying, sat with her feet propped to the table with her laptop and papers strung about. An older gentlemen sat across from her, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee.

  “Welcome to Java Jake’s,” a young man smiled from behind the counter. “Would you like to try our flavor of the week? Strawberry shortcake,” he smiled.

  “Strawberry shortcake coffee?” I asked. I was a plain old black with just a little cream kind of girl. Strawberry shortcake coffee sounded off. Yuck.

  “It’s to die for. You’ve got to try it,” he assured me, busying himself with the coffee I never agreed to.

  He sat it on the counter and smiled down at Maddie. “And I bet you would love one of my famous strawberry, no, you don’t look like the strawberry type. I bet you’re a chocolate kind of girl. How about a chocolate cheesecake smoothie?”

  “Do I like that, Mom?” she asked, looking up to me.

  “I bet you do, but just a small one. You’ve already had ice cream.”

  “I will have you know, Mother, my smoothies are high in four B vitamins and are a good source of six other vitamin and minerals,” he said, holding up a small cup, asking my permission. I smiled and nodded. He handed it down to Maddie and she sipped it.

  “Mmm, this is better than chocolate ice cream,” she decided.

  “Are you Jake?” I asked,

  “Who wants to know?” he asked, looking around inconspicuously. I laughed.

  “I saw your sign in the window.”

  “Oh, you looking for a job?”

  “Maybe. Nothing to demanding like long hours or anything, but yeah I guess so.”

  “I’m not Jake. I’m Jake’s son. I’m Matt,” he said offering his hand.

  “Whitley,” I replied taking his hand.

  “And you must be Penelope,” he said, shaking Maddie’s hand.

  “
Nooooo!” she giggled.

  “Oh, that’s right, it’s Rumpelstiltskin.”

  “Uh-uh.”

  “Crystal Clearwaters?”

  “Nope.”

  “Princess Truthful?”

  “No, it’s Maddie, silly.”

  “Hmmm, you don’t look like a Maddie to me. You’re too cute to be a Maddie. You know why I say that?”

  “Uh-uh.”

  “Because my name is Matt. My mom calls me Matty, You’re way cuter than me. I’m thinking we should call you….” Matt, looked up to the ceiling, tapping his chin for Maddie to think he was deep in thought. “Daisy…You look like a pretty little Daisy to me. Is that okay? Can I call you Daisy?”

  Maddie nodded with a big smile.

  “I’m looking for someone three days a week. I have some classes that are kicking my… my shins,” he said, watching his language in front of my daughter. “I need someone that can open up and stay until I get here around two. Does that sound like something you could do?”

  “Yes, that would be perfect, actually.”

  “When can you start?”

  “Really? Don’t you want to know if I have any experience, an application, references, anything?”

  “Can your mom make coffee, Daisy?” he asked, looking down to her.

  “Uh-huh, she drinks it too.”

  I snickered at her reply.

  “Do you think she can work here?”

  “Her has to ask my dad,” Maddie assured him. What the hell? I didn’t want her having the impression that I had to ask her dad permission before doing anything.

  “Maddie!” I exclaimed. Matt laughed.

  “Do you need to discuss it with your husband first?”

  “No, I don’t have a husband, and if you are offering I am accepting.”

  “I am offering. Can you come in the morning, say around nine, and I will show you what you would be doing. You can hang around for three or four hours, and decide after that if you’re still interested.”

  “Sounds great. Thank you, Matt.”

  “You are welcome, Whitley. And I’ll see you around, little Daisy,” he joked with a smiling Maddie.

  <><><>

  “What are you doing, Ms. Maddie?” Alex asked, walking into the kitchen.

  “I make a cookies for school.”

  “I am making cookies for school,” he corrected her, making her repeat it. I gave him a dirty look. Leave her the hell alone.

  “Here, sweetie,” I moved around him to Maddie, handing her the measured cup of sugar.

  “Do you have to sit on top of the house to make cookies?” he asked Maddie, sitting cross legged, in the middle of the island.

  “I too wittle,” she explained, dumping the sugar into the bowl.

  “Little, I’m too little,” he corrected again.

  “Can you take her to preschool in the morning?” I asked, cutting him off from his English lesson to my three year old daughter.

  “Why? Do you have big plans?” he smartly asked.

  “Yeah, actually, I do.”

  “And what big plans to you have?”

  “I’m pretty sure it doesn’t concern you. Here, Maddie,” I said, ignoring him as much as possible and handing her the chocolate chips.

  <><><>

  Maddie wanted hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for supper. I loved it, only because Alex hated hot dogs. I was hoping he stayed in his room and didn’t join us. He didn’t. He warmed up the leftovers from the night before and sat at the island with us as Maddie talked about her new zoo.

  “You’re getting a zoo?” Alex asked.

  “Uh-huh, for my birfday.”

  “Bir-th-day,” he corrected. I was ready to punch him for his constant speech therapy. She was three for Pete’s sake.

  “Is there bunnies in a zoo, Mom?”

  “Hmm, I’m not sure, but I bet we can find some bunnies if you want bunnies in your zoo.”

  “Me do.”

  “I do,” I said before Alex could say it.

  “Is there moo cows?”

  “We’ll have to look at the picture again. I’m not sure.”

  “What’s she talking about?” Alex wanted to know.

  “Something she saw in a magazine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

  <><><>

  I didn’t have to explain to Alex where I was going the following morning. He left with Maddie at 8:30. I left right after, walking.

  “Ah, you didn’t change your mind. Good morning.” Matt cheerfully spoke.

  “Good morning,” I smiled.

  “I had you come at nine, because it really slows down once everyone gets their morning power before work.”

  “Are you the only one that works here?” I asked.

  “Nope. Me, you, and Silver. She’ll be in later.”

  “Silver?” I asked, wondering what kind of name that was.

  “She was named after a racing horse, I guess. She thinks she’s an artist or something. I’m not sure what it is she does. I call them contraptions. She’s weird as hell,” he teased.

  Matt taught me how to make the different coffee blends but mostly talked. It wasn’t busy at all, and there was a laminated folder with the different brews. I picked right up on it. I was happy to be there. It felt good to get out of that house and have a life. That’s what I needed; a life that Alex didn’t dictate.

  Silver showed up right at eleven, and Matt left for his class. Silver was a little strange, but I liked her. She was close to my age and was constantly shaping straws, coffee stirs, paper, and paperclips into something. I was sure her mind never stopped creating.

  I left around one, happy. I walked along the sidewalk excited that I was getting Maddie her zoo. I had two new friends, a job, and a life that didn’t include Alex. I wished that we could be like other parents that weren’t together. Why couldn’t I just get my own place and he be the weekend dad like everyone else? I didn’t want to live in his house. I didn’t want to sleep in his bed, drive his car, shower in his shower, or anything else to do with Alex Wesson. God, I wanted to go home to my house at the resort.

  “Mommy!” Maddie exclaimed, running to me as I entered the house.

  “Hi, baby,” I said, picking her up.

  “You didn’t drive,” Alex guessed.

  “Nope,” I replied with nothing more.

  “You walked for four hours?”

  “No, just into town.”

  “Why?”

  I shot him a dirty look, letting him know that it was none of his business. He dropped it.

  Maddie only went to preschool every other day. The next morning when I was getting ready to leave for my shift, she wanted to go with me.

  “Mommy will take you to the park this afternoon,” I promised.

  “But where you go?” she wanted to know.

  “Mommy has to go to the coffee shop.”

  “I want to go there too. I want a chocolate cold drink.”

  “We’ll get one this afternoon, I promise. You stay here and help daddy work, and you and I will go when I get home, okay?”

  “Where are you going?” Alex asked as I slipped on my shoes.

  “Maddie, go play in your room. Why don’t you color Mommy a pretty picture?”

  “Okay!” she exclaimed, running off. I knew this was going to get ugly.

  “To work,” I admitted.

  “To work?”

  “Yes, Alex. I got a job at Java Jake’s.”

  “What? No, I don’t want you working at some coffee shop. You don’t need to work.”

  I stood to face him, feeling the anger surface. “I don’t want you to rape me. I don’t want you to knock me up. I don’t want to live in your house. I don’t want you to make my family think I am crazy. I don’t want you to manipulate me into signing the rights to my daughter over to you. I don’t want to—”

  “Whitley, stop, it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t need to work.”

  “I do need to work. I need to g
et the fuck away from you. Do you not get it, Alex? I fucking hate you with every being in my body. I wish you were dead.”

  “Whitley, let’s talk. We don’t have to hate each other. Don’t you think we should make this a good environment for Maddie?”

  “No, I don’t think Maddie should even know who you are. Maddie and I were doing just fine without you.”

  “You’re never taking her from me, Whit.”

  “Watch me. You might be dead, but I promise you, I will do just that. I’ll see ya around.” I had to get away from him. I needed to walk away before I tried to kill him right that second.

  “You can take your car,” he called.

  I turned on my heels and shot daggers through him. “I don’t have a car. I have an old pickup truck that you decided I didn’t need. I’ll walk.” I knew I was being difficult. I just couldn’t help it, not anymore. I’d taken all I could take from him. Him tricking me into full custody of Maddie was the last straw.

  It was hard for me to be pleasant to the customers that morning. I was steaming from my earlier conversation with Alex. I was glad when it slowed down and I could be left alone with my self-loathing angry thoughts.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes, are you okay?” I snapped at Matt, ten minutes after he had arrived.

  “I’m a pretty good listener,” he smiled. I didn’t want him to smile at me. I didn’t want his boyish charm. I just wanted to be left alone.

  “Yeah, and I have lots to talk about, but I can’t. You see, I’m forced to keep all this shit bottled up and not talk about it so it’s fine. Don’t ask me if I’m okay. I have to be okay, because nobody gives me a choice.” Jesus Christ, Whitley, shut the hell up.

  Matt took my cold cup of coffee from my hand and sat it on the counter. “Come on,” he coaxed.

  “Come on where? I have to watch the counter.”

  “Silver is here, she can do it. We’re getting you out of here for a while.”

  “What? No, Matt, I’m sorry. I’m fine, I promise. I’m just having one of those days. I’m good.”