Chasing the Wild Sparks

by Alexander, Ren

  Driving in the late afternoon on a Sunday from Finn’s apartment to mine isn’t that bad of a drive. It’s the weekday morning commute to work from his place that sucks. Still, it’s not as bad as I probably make it out to be. He’s right. I am making excuses. I don’t want Finn moving in with me, talking me into moving in with him, or not even getting a new place somewhere in the middle. If he won’t marry me, why should I move in with him? The cow and free milk metaphor invade my mind yet again and I frown at my steering wheel.

  I pull into my building’s lot with Ivan and Morgan behind me. Morgan jumps out of her car before I can even turn off my engine.

  “Let’s go!”

  “Calm down! I’m coming!” The elevator is down this weekend for maintenance. We jog up the stairs and Morgan scampers ahead of me down the hallway.

  “Morgan, wait! Damn!”

  We walk into my apartment and Morgan is already riffling through my closet and drawers, tossing clothes onto the bed.

  “Hey!” I shriek when a sneaker flies at my head.

  “Get your shit packed, Hadley!”

  “Let me get my outfit for tomorrow.”

  “I already have it handled. Go get your deodorant and makeup. Don’t worry about shampoo and shit like that.”

  I go into the bathroom and quickly change out of my dress into blue jeans and the old T-shirt, hanging on the back of my door, I slept in Friday night. I grab my overnight bag I keep my extras that I take to Finn’s and walk out of the bathroom. I enter my bedroom down the hall and throw it onto my bed.

  “Do you think he’ll stay here tonight without you?”

  “I don’t know.” My heart feels like it’s being squeezed out of my chest imagining him lying in my bed alone, wondering where I am. Would he even worry about me? I gaze at the pictures of us on my nightstand. I love Finn so much it. I don’t want to lose him, but if he doesn’t want to marry me, should I let him go?

  “Is that everything? Do you have all your meds you’ll need? What about your pill?” Oops.

  I look away from the pictures, pretending I wasn’t staring at them. “I think I have everything.”

  “Good. If you don’t have something, we’ll find a replacement. Let’s hit it.”

  We gather my bags and go down to her car. I throw my things in the back and jump into my seat. Ivan makes it to the highway in record time.

  Morgan is checking her phone, so I pull mine out of my purse and listen to my messages. Finn’s silky smooth voice fills my ear and rips my heart out.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. You’re right. I’m such a dick. I’m on my way to my apartment. We need to talk.”

  “Baby, please call me back. Don’t leave my apartment. I want to talk to you before I have to leave for work. I’m so sorry.”

  “Becks. Call me back. This is fucking killing me.”

  “I’m sorry, Becks. I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much. I need to see you before you leave. I want to stay with you tonight. Please don’t leave my apartment, and please call me back. I love you.”

  “Becks, come on! Call me back! Damn it! Let me know you’re there waiting for me. I’m driving as fast as I can. I can’t gun it fast enough. See? I’m racing to you, baby. Please don’t leave my place… Please don’t leave me. I love you.”

  “Fuck, Becks! Why won’t you call me back? I’m going insane! I didn’t mean to hurt you. I told Hank and Rita who you were, so they know about you now. I told them your name and that you’ve been my girlfriend for three years. Baby, I’m so sorry. I love you. I need you, Becks. I’ve been such an asshole to you. If you want me to tell people about us, I will. I’ll announce it on my show. You’re my heart, my soul and my other half. I don’t know what I’d do without you. If you leave me, it’ll kill me. I can’t lose you. If I don’t see you before I go to work, I’ll be over tonight. I’ll leave work as soon as I can. Will you wait up for me so we can talk for a little while? Baby, please talk to me. Yell at me. Punch me. Tell me to go fly a fucking kite. I don’t care. Just don’t push me away. We really do need to talk… I love you, Becks.”

  I brush away the hot tears sliding down my cheeks. I miss Finn so much. I want to run to him, but I’m still incredibly hurt. He says he’ll tell people about us. Does he really mean that? Will we get to go out on normal dates like a regular couple? No. I don’t think anything will really change with him. Plus, Morgan will kill me if I go home.

  We pull into the driveway of Ivan’s modest, two-story, beige house. I’m sure they’ll be looking to upgrade very soon if Morgan has her way. Ivan hops out and helps me unload my bags. Morgan runs ahead, needing to use the bathroom, a new side effect of being pregnant. I slowly follow, since Finn has no idea where I am now. My phone rings and I look down the screen. Finn. No surprise.

  I weakly say, “Hello.”

  “Becks. What the hell? I’m at your apartment. Your car is here, but you aren’t and you’re not at mine. Where are you?”

  “I’m at Morgan’s.”

  “I’m coming to get you.”

  “No, you’re not. You don’t even know where she lives.”

  “Becks, what are you doing? We need to talk.”

  “Not tonight.” I bite my lip and force back a gasping sob.

  “What do you mean? You’re not coming home?”

  I shake my head, forgetting he can’t see me. I then mutter, “No.”

  “So, you’re just going to avoid me? We need to work this out.”

  “Tonight I’m going out dancing with Morgan to celebrate her engagement and baby. She’ll take me to work in the morning.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I don’t know. Somewhere we can have fun.” He has no clue where I’m going since he doesn’t do parties with me. He’s been to one of my office’s Christmas parties, and that was before Rod started working at the firm. Boring. Finn only stayed for 20 minutes before he had to go to work. That’s where he met Morgan and Val for the first time. He wasn’t there long enough for me to introduce him to anyone else.

  “I want you with me tonight.”

  I idly look up and down the street, hoping he hasn’t found me. “I need time away from you tonight, Finn. Just go home and we’ll talk on the phone tomorrow night.”

  “No. I’m staying with you tomorrow night.”

  “No, you have an early meeting Tuesday morning.”

  “I don’t fucking care! You’re more important than a damned meeting, Becks! You’re more important than anything to me, baby.”

  I sigh, not wanting to argue anymore today. “Just go home and get ready for work. I have to go get ready for our night out.”

  “Becks. Don’t go out tonight. Come back here so we can talk. I need to hold you tonight,” he pleads.

  I snap, “Why? Can you find another Finnatic to fill in?”

  “What? Becks…there’s only you!”

  “Yeah, but you don’t want anyone to know that there is only me! It’s like you only care about getting laid on the weekends. I’m not your whore, Finn!” I can’t believe I just said that to him! I squeeze my eyes shut, but that doesn’t stop his pained voice from filling my ears.

  “What the fuck? I never thought of you as a whore!”

  “Well, I do!” My tears return, but I soldier on. “I feel like your dirty whore that you keep hidden away! I’m tired of it! I won’t do it anymore!”

  “You’re not my whore! I love you, Becks!”

  I put my free hand to my forehead before I angrily blurt out, “Then prove it, Finn!” I hang up my phone and look up to see Morgan glaring at me.

  “He has you crying again, Hadley.” She walks to me and mutters, “Fucking Wilder.” When she reaches me she asks, “Did you tell that son of a bitch where we’re going?”

  I peer down to my phone. “No.”

  Morgan slings her arm around my shoulders and jerks me forward. “Good. Let’s go fix your face and slut you up.”

  I stop and she yanks on m
e to keep moving. “Did you just say slut?”

  “I sure did.”

  “Why? I have a boyfriend. I’m not looking to find someone tonight.”

  We walk through the open garage. “You have a douchebag of a boyfriend who needs to be taught a lesson.”

  “How? He won’t be there to see me, and if he were there, I don’t think he’d care very much anyway. He said he’s not the jealous type.”

  We stop before going inside and she grips both of my shoulders, looking me in the eye. “He’s bullshitting you, Hadley. Don’t you see him foaming at the mouth when Rod talks to you? It’s pretty obvious.”

  My lip curls incredulously. “Finn is not jealous of Rod. He has no reason to be. I’m in love with Finn Wilder. Rod’s my friend. I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever. None. He’s like my brother, except that I’m closer to Rod than I am to my own brother.”

  She releases my shoulders and steps back. “Who told you that Finn isn’t jealous?”

  “Finn.”

  She rolls her eyes. “And you believed him? Fuck, Hadley. You believe every word that he says?”

  “Why would he lie about it?”

  “Because his ego is bigger than my ass right now, which makes him a bigger ass.” Morgan laughs and I frown.

  “Forget about Wilder tonight. Let’s just have fun. You can mope about him tomorrow.”

  “I’m suddenly scared of what you’re going to do to me.”

  She mischievously laughs. “You should be, bitch.”

  “Ouch! Easy!”

  “Stop moving!”

  “I wouldn’t keep moving if you would stop beating me with the hairbrush!”

  “I’m just about done.”

  “You said that an hour ago!”

  “This time I mean it. I promise.” We’re in the hallway bathroom. Morgan sprays my hair and I’m lost in a massive cloud of hairspray.

  I wave my hand around me to diffuse the veil of fumes. “What are you doing to me?”

  “Take a look.”

  I shift on the vanity stool until I’m facing the mirror. “What the fuck?” I shriek. “That’s not me!” My light brown hair is piled on top of my head with small curls randomly hanging from my temples. My makeup is heavy and black, black liquid eyeliner on top and bottom of my eyes, black mascara, and dark purple and gray eye shadow. My lips are not as bright as Morgan’s usually are, but they’re definitely noticeable in a reddish-purple shade.

  “It is. That’s what makeup can do, Hadley. I told you to try some.”

  I glare up at her. “I look like a hooker!”

  She smiles brightly. “Mission accomplished!”

  Ivan knocks on the door and Morgan tells him to come in. Ivan is wearing a black jeans and a black button-up shirt that shows off his muscles and makes his blue eyes pop. His blonde hair also looks brighter. “Rod’s—Whoa, Hadley! Is that you?”

  I slump my shoulders. “I think.”

  “Rod’s downstairs. What do you want me to do with him?”

  Morgan puts a hand on her hip and waves her hairbrush. “Do you really want me give you an answer?”

  Ivan rolls his eyes as he backs out of the bathroom. “I’ll tell him to wait then.”

  Morgan leaves the room for two seconds and returns with something in her hand. “Put this on.”

  “What is it?”

  “A skirt.”

  I hold it up and flip it over. “Where’s the rest of it? It’s a black, itty bitty piece of cloth.” It has a slight shine to it an about six buttons up the middle.

  “It’s sexy.”

  “It’s slutty.”

  “Perfect!”

  I wince in dismay and touch the buttons. “I hope I don’t pop one of these suckers.”

  “That might make tonight interesting.”

  “No, Morgan. It won’t. Finn would flip out, and not in a good way.”

  “Maybe he’s gay.” She rolls her eyes at my scowl. “How’s he going to know?” I shrug and she says, “He won’t.” She leaves the bathroom again as I examine the skirt. Standing, I shimmy into it underneath my robe. Morgan returns with something silvery and holds it out for me to see. “This will look perfect with it.”

  Horrified, I shake my head and move back. “I’m not wearing that!”

  “Why?” She turns the top around and eyes it before thrusting it at me again. “It has more material than the skirt.” It’s a halter top with thousands of tiny silver sequins covering it. What is it with me and sequins lately? It has a scoop neck band that is threaded through the top of the shirt. There is a long v-shaped keyhole down the front that runs right between where my breasts would be. The other side is almost nonexistent since it dips down to the lower back.

  “But it has holes in places.”

  She impishly grins. “All the right places.”

  “I’ll be dancing…with Rod. He’ll see my boobs!”

  “I’ll tape them up.”

  I fold my hands arms protectively across my chest. “You’re going to do what with my tits?”

  “I’m going to make sure you don’t flash Dick Rod or anyone else you’re not planning on flashing.” She raises her eyebrow and her eyes flit over me. “Unless that’s your plan?”

  I quickly shake my head. “Nope. Not planning on flashing tonight.”

  “Good. We wouldn’t want to traumatize Dick Rod.”

  I flinch. “Is that a compliment or an insult?”

  “Compliment. You have great tits.”

  I look questioningly around the room. Am I having a been-there-done-that moment? “That’s the second thing that I’ve heard recently that sounds like a slogan.”

  “Yeah. Finn Wilder’s.” She shrewdly smirks. “I’m sure your slick fucker tells you that when he’s manhandling them.”

  I turn to hide my smile, and to remove the robe Morgan had me wear for my hair and makeup. She helps me slip the top on from behind me. She fastens the back clip at my neck.

  She says, “If he doesn’t then he probably is gay.”

  “He’s not gay.”

  “You would know.”

  “I do. I can’t believe I’m wearing this.”

  “I can’t believe you haven’t.” She looks quickly around her. “I’ll be back. I need to get the tape for your tits.” I purse my lips as she leaves the room. I then look at myself in the mirror. What the hell? Why am I dressed liked this? What purpose will this serve? I can wear my jeans and ratty shirt to the club and dance. I’m not going in hopes of someone picking me up or to impress anyone. It’s just Rod I’m dancing with. I couldn’t wear this outfit anywhere with Finn since he doesn’t take me anywhere or want to be seen with me.

  “Open your top.”

  I glower at her expectant face. “You want me to flash you now?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Just do it, Hadley. Come on. Show me what Wilder loves to suck on.”

  I faux giggle. “Hell, Morgan, when you put it like that…no.”

  “Fine. I’ll tear off the pieces and you put them above, on and under your nipples.”

  “Shit. How am I going to get through tonight with tape on my boobs?”

  “You won’t even remember they’re there, but you’ll be glad they are.” I sit on the toilet lid and turn away from her. She hands me the pieces of tape from behind me.

  “So, since we’re girl-talking, tell me something about Finn that you haven’t told me before.”

  “Like what?” There’s so much I haven’t told her.

  “Is he a good kisser?”

  “I’ve answered that one before. Yes.” The best. His kisses are soul-confirming.

  “How big is he?”

  I scoff, “Wow, Morgan. I’m not answering that.”

  I turn to take another piece of tape from her. She tries again. “Fine. What’s he like in bed then?”

  I can’t hide my smile this time. “Good.” Indescribable. I don’t want to get too personal about us with her. I don’t want her teasing me about him o
r worse: her telling him what I said.

  “That’s all you’re going to give me?”

  I turn my back to her again. “He’s sweet.”

  “Boring.”

  “Not boring.”

  I grab another piece and she asks, “Rod said Finn gets horny when you call him Finnigan?”

  I look away from her. “Sort of.”

  “What is it, like a grenade? You say it and he has so long before he explodes all over you?” I never thought of it like that before, but that’s exactly what it’s like.

  “No.” I don’t want to talk about this with her. It was supposed to be Finn’s and my secret. So much for that.

  “What about him calling you Hadley? Does it do it for you, too?”

  “He doesn’t call me Hadley.”

  “Ever?”

  “Nope.”

  “Or does he call you Finnatic #100295?”

  “Thanks a lot, tramp!” I pick up a tube of mascara and throw it at her, but she dodges it and laughs.

  I glance at the door before whispering, “What about Ivan?”

  “I’ve told you everything. I don’t keep things to myself like you do. He’s a wrecking machine.”

  “Damn.”

  She giggles. “I know.”

  “I guess so if you’re already pregnant. You’re on the Pill, though.”

  “I know. It can still happen, so you be careful, too.”

  I nod and look away from her to grab the heels I picked out to wear. “Okay.”

  There’s a knock at the door and I jump. “Hadders!” Rod yells through the door.

  “Yeah?”

  “Your man is on TV.” Morgan opens the door and he pops his head in. “You need to—Hot damn, woman! Is that Hadley Beckett? What happened to you?”

  “Yes, Rod. Did he already start his broadcast?”

  “Yeah. He was talking to that one blonde chick at the desk with him before it. He’s probably on now.”

  We walk out of the bathroom and into the guest room, where I’m staying. Morgan flips on the TV and puts Finn’s channel on.

  “Man, he looks pissed,” Rod says, crossing his arms.