Evanescere: Origins

by Vanessa Buckingham

  “A very old friend. He wakens for about two months out of the year and has done so since his creation,” he broke off and said no more.

  I did not push him for more details. I figured when he is ready he would tell me. I realized the less I questioned Jack, the more excited I felt whenever he finally told me whatever it was he was keeping secret. Just like he kept the cottage secret. I loved that he knew how to surprise me. I sensed with this one I would have to be patient for a while. I could feel the excitement begin to build within me.

  10. MY ACHILLES HEEL

  J

  ACK AND I WALKED OUT OF THE sewer, my hand in his. After my self-realization, I knew I had to focus on keeping my thoughts away from Jack. I knew he was growing to love me, but I was not yet ready. I did not want to tell him I heard his love for me in his thoughts because I did not yet know if this new emotion was real or if it was our blood tie that binds us together. I had finally found my way to him and I knew I was bound to him.

  We slowly made our way back to the cottage, taking time to feed on a stag or two. This did not satisfy my hunger much, but I did not complain. The hunt was always a thrill and the very moment when you give into your instinct and let nature take its course was a feeling I could not describe. To be open to my nature was in itself a thing to fear. You forget who and what you are. It is a very Freudian moment.

  It was easier for me to feed on wildlife at this moment. It made me feel human for some odd reason. Maybe it was because I did not want to be what I was. I mourned the animal that gave its blood. A part of nature is the circle of life. You are born, you grow and you die, that is how it is within the animal kingdom. That is how life is supposed to happen. The blood of an animal tasted very different than human blood. I think because it tasted much more wild than human blood. It was just as warm, but it did not keep me full long, that means I would have to hunt again soon. One day I would embrace my nature just not today.

  *****

  Just being near Jack caused an electric current to run through me. It burned to my very core. I did not yet want to reveal this to him. I wanted to be near him and feel his arms around me. I craved Jack’s affection but I was not ready. I was still mourning Axel and my family. When I do decide to give in to my own desires I wanted to make sure it was not just to forget what I had lost.

  As a vampire I had not yet experienced that one particular event. The atmosphere around me was electric that I could feel it. If I was still human I would bet that the hair on my arms would have stood up. Being this close to him while we hunted with our animal instincts so strong, I was afraid that I would cave. So lost in that feeling I was close to giving in. I had to control my thoughts. I had to control my very core that screamed for him. I thought of the hunt, the warm blood of the stag beneath me filled my mouth. These thoughts did not quench this new hunger. I did not know how to quench this hunger without losing my mind. If I had a beating heart he would have heard it. If I could blush it would have given me away.

  I turned my thoughts to my own humanity. Compared to some of our kind, I did not ask for this new life and I chose to not be the monster that society portrays us to be. I did not hunt humans often. I only hunted those whom I felt were a danger to women like me. I tried to avoid drinking human blood if I could help it, but there are always cracks in the system. Nothing in life is perfect. We all fall every once in a while, all that mattered is what you decide to do with that knowledge. I could choose to turn off my humanity and forget my pain, but I do not think I would have survived it. My humanity is what keeps me close to my human family. It is what keeps me from endangering them. They are my weakness, my Achilles heel. To lose them would be my own hell, my own destruction.

  As we continued to make our way back, Jack and I did not discuss my time in the sewers, we were silent most of the way back. It was only later that I did tell him I would invite him the next time I was out. I wondered if he realized, this was normally a time for me to be alone with my thoughts, to further learn our ways, our differences.

  In my time with the old ones I had learned that some of us are civilized, live amongst the sewers, and are nomadic, but to me, we are fascinating creatures. No two vampires are alike. The way we think, act, our hunting preferences are all different. I studied our kind to try to understand myself. I wanted to learn more about all I could do. I slowly beginning to grow into myself.

  I know that I surprised Jack in a way that none of our kind has ever done. I surprised myself and the old ones. They all agreed there had never been a vampire such as myself and they all thought this was curious. Avitus believed I was more than just human and vampire. In his three-thousand-year existence he has never seen a creature such as I. He was unsure what this meant for our kind. I was a vampire anomaly. I did not know how to take this new information. I wondered if I should be worried or just happy that I was different from the others.

  For a creature of the damned, I did not believe I was truly damned. I mean I was saving people. I know murder is murder, but would it not balance out if the murder was committed in order to save a life? I wondered to myself. Jack and I had debated this question many times even the old ones would join in the conversation. They did not believe we were damned to hell, Hades or whatever afterlife there was. They believed that we were both cursed and blessed by the Gods of old. We are cursed in our very nature, but blessed to see eternal life, which in itself is a curse. We would live to see our loved ones pass into that eternal slumber and be no more. The old ones did not believe we were an abomination. The only one who thought so was Leta. She had wished many times to walk the halls of Valhalla; however, for us, Death was not an easy occurrence.

  It is very difficult to kill another vampire, so anything books say about destroying us is inaccurate. First of all, it is very difficult for a human to capture a vampire. Second, it is very difficult to know that we are different from humans. Leta is one of the few who I know tried to end herself. The last time she tried, she set herself on fire and found that she did not easily burn. I guess it would be safe to say she toasted a bit, almost like a tan. It took days for her fair complexion to return and she has not tried to end herself again.

  We stopped again in Cardinham Wood for one last meal. I stalked my prey a very large stag. I leaped at him and before he could run I sank my teeth into the think fur. He smelled very earthy and wild. He did not fight. He did not try to escape. Death was a part of life and he accepted it.

  “You know Jack,” I asked after I had drained the stag,” if Lilith was originally damned to follow the night then how is it that we can be out in the sun and not die?” I asked more out of confusion.

  “That is another story unto itself and one that is not mine to tell,” he responded and said no more. He knew I would continue to be curious about this fascinating puzzle. I did not question him any further and I knew this was a question he chose to avoid for another time. Even though he could walk in the daylight it was quite uncomfortable for me. This was the time of day in which passersby would stare at us. I chose to go out most nights and would rarely leave the cottage during the day. Even though I no longer cared, I was still vain about my appearance. My chalky pallor and newfound beauty was something to behold. I could not bring myself to be that narcissistic about myself. I did not particularly enjoy the attention I received.

  We continued to walk toward the cottage in silence. He could sense I was again lost in my thoughts. My eyes glazed over in thought, but my body knew where I was headed. This was normal for us. We could do many things at once. Our minds were fluid in this way. This was all new for me and I wish that I could say I adjusted well overall, but that would be a lie. I still had my moments of sadness. It was these times in which Jack would leave me alone for days at a time until I was able to get these moods under control. He could not bear to be within miles of me during this time. It was the connection we shared. When I felt these moods it affected him in a way he has never been affected. It was a good thing these moods rarely occurred
and lasted longer than a week. I suffered a type of depression that I did not know vampires could suffer. I had not known any others who had a family at the time of their change. I had discussed this with Lorelei once and she too understood where I came from. She could understand my pain but she could not fully comprehend it since she herself never bore children.

  Over the next few weeks I knew that Jack had toyed with the idea of travel to Italy to introduce me to Ambrogio the Mad. Yet I was unsure of why he tried to keep his intentions secret. My understanding of Ambrogio is that he sleeps and only wakes for the harvest of his vineyard. He awakened for maybe two months out of the year. Jack is hoping that my patience and compassion with the old ones is enough to wake Ambrogio up.

  I knew he was impressed by me and it gave him some type of hope, but I was unsure what kind of hope he was expecting. I would only get glimpses of Jack’s mind, and then he would shut me out again. From what I could gather, Ambrogio had been Jack’s mentor and friend for a while, then Ambrogio began to slumber more and soon enough he was not around. Jack soon left Ambrogio’s company and that is how Jack found himself in Europe and then New Orleans. These were times that Jack masqueraded as one of the living and enjoyed the company of the finer nobility. That is until he erred and ended up in New Orleans.

  From what I could tell Ambrogio’s mind broke when he lost the love of his life. After which he was never the same. He would be quick to anger and these days he spent his time in slumber. Modern science would say he is depressed and needs Zoloft; however, this does not work on us.

  I knew that Ambrogio lives in an old Roman Villa with a beautiful vineyard. He came from a family of one of Rome’s finest winemakers. He himself is kind when he is lucid. Which he is rarely ever. Amborigo’s recipe for wine is a family secret which he has perfected with the passage of time. He continued with the tradition of making wine the ancient way. Every few centuries he establishes himself a new. He continues to live in the villa of his family. Which in today’s age has modern amenities. His villa has been featured in several magazines and the humans know him to be reclusive. The do not know that he is a vampire.

  Most of Ambrogio’s time has been spent on making paintings of the love he lost. He painted her as he remembered her and would paint her in the fashion of that era. After a time, he would then disappear for decades, centuries lost in his despair. I never knew a vampire who had loved the way Ambrogio had loved. I think Jack was hoping that in some way I could help Ambrogio, but I was not sure how.

  While I toyed with the idea of travel to meet the mysterious Ambrogio, I could feel my own despair deepen. I tried to keep busy as much as I could. I bought new books to read and I devoured them ten a day. Jack and I discussed religion, philosophy, science and math. Math is a subject I came to understand even though I despised it as a human, yet in my new life I was quick to understand the complexity and the beauty of it.

  Jack was baffled when I began to study the stars at night. It was strange to be able to actually see the stars without the use of glasses. Astrology is something that as a human had never intrigued me. Now, I was learning at a rate I did not know existed. I learned the names of the stars, the galaxies, and the comets. The first time I saw the Milky Way I was enchanted by the beauty of it. I had never seen it so up close. The clusters of our very universe fascinated me, it was difficult to imagine a beauty beyond our own world if you have never experienced it here.

  I loved to run to and from London, the crisp air felt good on my skin the way the air blew my hair. I loved the freedom it gave me. I loved to go shopping in London, unfortunately I had to take the car whenever I did go. Jack and I argued about this, but I was not entirely sure why. I knew he was definitely keeping something from me and I did not understand why he would not tell me.

  “Salome, please if someone should see you running with a bunch of shopping bags what do you think that they would think?” he questioned. “You must remember we have to be careful about revealing ourselves,” he said.

  I found the idea of a vampire running at the speed of light with a multitude of shopping bags funny until I imagine being spotted by a human. That sort of put a kink into my argument. Running is much more exhilarating than taking the car, and faster, in order to play it safe I gave in. I would just take the car if it made him feel better.

  During my last visit to the old ones I overheard them discussing something that had them troubled. I did not want to intrude, but it looks like they heard my approach. Avitus, is the one who looked at me and beckoned me towards him.

  “Child,” he began. His raspy voice full of concern. “We have a problem and we are watching the situation, but…” and he left off.

  “But what?” I demanded, a bit harsher than I intended.

  “It seems that there is a killer on the loose we don’t think it is one of our kind, but we are still on alert,” he explained.

  He handed me the morning’s paper. I read it and reread it. All five sentences the headline captured my attention:

  “KILLER ON THE LOOSE IN LONDON: 5 WOMEN DEAD”

  I was stunned. The women were all young, from different backgrounds with nothing in common. Maybe different suspects. No cause of death was released at this time, all the while Scotland Yard continued to investigate the murders and no further details were released. We all agreed, had it been a newborn there would have been a trail of blood and more bodies. We pushed the issue aside, but deep down we were all concerned.

  We stayed in London for some time and eventually Jack again brought up the idea of going to Italy. I was thrilled with the idea of going. As a human I had always dreamed about going there on vacation, but it just never seemed to happen. Now I was finally getting to go. Jack finalized the details of our trip to Italy and we so we said goodbye to London.

  11. VILLA DE SELENE

  I

  WAS EXCITED ABOUT THE PROSPECT of traveling to Italy. I knew Jack had another reason for going, but he blocked me out of his thoughts. This was frustrating and all he would say was “It was a surprise.” He knows I love surprises, but this was different.

  In Italy, I asked to rent a Ferrari, only because I wanted the speed. I was afraid Jack would tell me no but he was agreeable. He arranged for our luggage to be delivered to the Villa di Selene, outside of Naples. We would be driving there. With how fast I was traveling I made Naples in half the time from the airport in Rome. Jack provided me with the directions to how to get there. With the last turn we arrived at a massive wall with two pillars on both sides. Each Pillar was about fifteen feet high with eroded orbs at the top. It was not impressive but looking at the orbs, long since faded by time I knew they were actually heads. I knew this wall was ancient, with the modern convenience of a small glass room with a grizzly looking guard. We stated our business and after a short wait we were granted entrance.

  I lowered the window, and I could smell grapes and wine. I could smell the sweet smells of perfume here. I could smell fresh water from a nearby stream. The smells of this Villa were overwhelming. I also smelled something old and powdery. Something delicate. I opened up my mind and I could hear people, suddenly I heard a low humph. I focused on that one expression. This was different from that one expression I felt sadness, heartbreak, and the hopes of death.

  I looked at Jack and in my surprise I stated “There are human’s here.”

  “Yes, there are. Ambrogio hires people to work the vineyards for him when he is unable to do it himself. As for the wine, he wakens to make the wine himself.”

  “Ambrogio, awakens to make wine?” I stuttered in confusion. I was not one to be confused and as a vampire this is the first time I did not understand his reply. It was to say a baffling experience.

  “Ambrogio is a very old vampire. Older than the old ones in the sewers. His family was known in Roman times as being one of the finest winemakers of the time. It was only natural that he should take over. Salome, this not my tale to tell. Ambrogio is called a Mad Vampire, his mind broke long ago. He
sleeps most of the time and he has continued to make wine. These lands are his old family land. This Villa is over three thousand years old,” he explained. He had given me more information than what glimpses I got from his mind.

  At this time, an old Italian woman greeted us, her English greeting heavily accented. Jack and I both responded in perfect Italian so as to make her comfortable. I read the old woman’s thoughts and I knew she and the others knew what we were, but they did not fear us. To them Ambrogio provided safety, security and excellent pay. They did not ask questions. Their families have been working for Ambrogio for as long as they could recall. I could tell the woman was kind.

  She showed us into the Villa and escorted us to our rooms. She advised us her master was asleep but would awaken for the harvest as he has done before. She told use she would go to his chambers and let him know he had visitors and from there we would see if he would awaken. I was vaguely curious as to how she let him know he had guest if he slumbered. I guess I would find out.

  After she had gone, I discussed what I had heard with Jack. Jack informed me that Ambrogio has continued to employ the descendants of his families help and he has been good to them in times of need. Amborgio’s wealth is vast as is the wealth of his faithful servants. They have always known what he was and have accepted that. Ambrogio is their protector and they in turn protect him. They keep the secret of our existence safe. When he sleeps he is at his most vulnerable,” he explained.

  “How can we be vulnerable if we are virtually indestructible?” I questioned.

  “We can suffer death, but as you know is very difficult. The only way for us to truly perish is to be torn apart, burned and our remains scattered to the four winds, but even so our death is not certain” he explained.

  I finally understood that some semblance of death can occur, but never truly. I did not like the idea of being torn apart and be scattered. What if I did not truly die and was left to search the world for my missing pieces, like a giant jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. It would never be complete. I pushed the thought of death aside and thought of the now.