‘Andy?’
‘Who else? I can’t believe he made all that stuff up about Matt bullying him. The guy’s a missionary, for God’s sake. It couldn’t be further from the truth.’
‘Maybe he felt he had to give you some sort of explanation? Although I don’t know why anyone would make up something quite so elaborate.’
‘Exactly. Why go to all the trouble of making up such a pile of crap when a simple “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again” would have sufficed?’
Elise shrugged. ‘Who knows what goes on in people’s heads? You said he’d lied again? What else was lies?’
‘It would probably be easier to ask, “what was the truth?” It would be a much shorter list. Correction — it would probably be an empty list. Which would mean it’s not really a list at all… anyway, I’m well shot of him.’
‘It’s over?’
‘Completely and utterly.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Elise said when I finally concluded the tale of recent events between serving customers. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Angry but relieved.’
‘You did the right thing. I hate to be the bearer of more bad news but you know the fireworks he said he’d organised…?’
‘Another lie?’
She nodded. ‘Sorry. The landlady of The Ship was celebrating her fiftieth birthday and twenty-five years of being a landlady with…’
‘With a firework display that would have been seen over the castle?’
Elise nodded. ‘It was in this morning’s paper. I was wondering how to tell you.’
I covered my face with my hands and muttered. ‘Oh, Elise, I’ve made such a mess of things this past week or so.’
‘Hey. You didn’t make a mess of anything. Andy did this; not you.’
I removed my hands and looked at her sadly. ‘But I could have told him to get lost. I could have stuck with Nick but I had to be blinded by the whole Steven thing.’
‘What are you going to do about Nick?’
‘I honestly don’t know. I know I want to be with him but I can’t decide whether he’s moved on or not. We saw him with Blonde and you did too but then he sent me that lovely text. You wouldn’t send something like that if you were seeing someone else, would you?’ Something about Elise’s expression concerned me. ‘More bad news?’
‘I’ve seen them together again. Twice.’
‘No!’
‘Sorry.’
‘When? Where?’
‘In her car at the lights near Sainsbury’s yesterday afternoon and I saw them on foot the night before but I can’t remember where.’
I hardly dared ask but I had to know. ‘Did they seem… together?’
‘Ooh. I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that. When I saw them on foot, he had his arm round her.’
‘I guess that’s that, then.’ I swallowed hard on the huge lump in my throat.
‘It could still have been innocent.’
‘You don’t really believe that, do you?’
Elise slowly shook her head. ‘I want to, though.’
‘Oh well, plenty more fishes in the sea. Or plenty more Stevens on the-one.com.’
‘And you don’t really believe that, do you?’ said Elise.
I shook my head and sighed. ‘I really do think Nick was The One, Elise, and I’ve let him slip away. He was obviously just being nice in his text on Saturday and I’ve built it up to be something I wanted it to be. I guess I know why he didn’t reply to my text about Andy leaving. He doesn’t care.’
‘You know that’s not true,’ Elise said. ‘I know the evidence points towards Nick and Blonde being together, but we don’t know that for certain and, even if they are, it doesn’t mean it’s anything serious. He said he’d wait for you however long it takes, didn’t he?’
‘Words. Only words.’
Elise gave me a hug. ‘So what now?’
I sighed and shrugged. The only certainty I felt was that my search for Steven was over. For me, it had to be Nick or nobody. And terrifying as the thought was of being alone like Uncle Alan, I knew that I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person like Jason or Andy. And, as Auntie Kay had pointed out, I had family and great friends so I’d never truly be alone. I hoped.
Chapter 36
* From Auntie Kay
Not heard from you since you sent Andy packing. Are you and Nick back together yet? Really hope so. You’re made for each other xxx
* From Elise
Hate to say it but just seen them together again. Grr :( Don’t get down. Obviously not meant to be. It’s a new year tomorrow. Maybe a fresh start on the search for Steven? xx
‘You did the right thing, sweetheart.’ Mum put her arm round me. ‘You gave him a chance and he showed his true colours.’
‘I know. At least I finally have closure. It only took eight years.’
‘Then why don’t you look a little more pleased? Is it Nick?’
I nodded. ‘I’ve lost him, Mum.’ I tried to blink back the tears but I was too late. Mum hugged me tightly and I sobbed on her shoulder, hoping no customers would appear.
‘I’d better get myself tidied up,’ I said when the tears finally subsided. ‘It’s quiet enough today without me scaring the customers off with my panda eyes. Shout if you need me.’
The bell tinkled a couple of times while I was in The Outback but Mum didn’t shout so it was clearly nothing too complex.
I wandered back into the shop, feeling better for a good cry. ‘Thanks, Mum. Anything sold?’
‘Small bunch of spray carnations and a woman collected those white roses.’
My heart sank. ‘Callie?’
‘She didn’t give her name.’
‘Mid-twenties? Dark hair? Similar build to me?’
Mum nodded.
‘That was Nick’s sister. Did she say anything?’
‘She just said thanks and paid. Seemed in a rush. I’d have shouted you if I’d realised. Sorry, sweetheart.’
‘It’s my fault. I should have said whom they were for. I didn’t think… Oh well, while it’s quiet, I think it’s time you told me all about Auntie Kay and Charlie Blake.’
Between serving customers, Mum told me everything she could remember, including Auntie Kay’s resolve never to date again.
‘Do you think she made the right decision?’ I asked.
Mum shrugged. ‘I think it was right for her. I’d have loved to have seen my big sister get married and have kids, but I saw how she was with Charlie and I saw how she was with Tim. It was chalk and cheese. Kay and Charlie were soulmates. Kay and Tim were friends. Poor Tim would always have been second best and they both knew it. If he’d never joined the army and if Charlie had never come to the village, who knows what would have happened? Maybe Kay and Tim would have married, but if they had, I think they’d have had a rough ride and I don’t think they’d still be together today.’
‘What about when it ended with Tim the second time? Couldn’t she have found someone else? Someone more like Charlie?’
‘I don’t think she wanted to. She realised that she’d already met the love of her life and he’d been taken away too young. Nobody else was ever going to compare. Every time I thought about encouraging her to move on, I’d imagine how I’d feel if, God forbid, I lost your dad. I’d never want to be with anyone else and I’d resent anyone who expected me to be.’
‘Do you really think there’s only one true match for everyone?’
‘I do, sweetheart, but I base that on personal experience. If neither Andy or Nick are your soulmate then keep looking because I’m sure he’ll be out there.’
‘What if Nick is my soulmate?’
‘Then why aren’t you fighting for him?’
It was a very good question.
‘Sarah! You’ve got a visitor.’ Nick? My heart raced as I
scrambled down the stock room stepladder an hour or so later.
But it wasn’t Nick.
‘Clare? What are you doing here?’ I rushed at her for a hug.
‘I was bored. You know I hate New Year’s Eve even more than I hate Christmas. You were moaning that you had nothing to do now that you’ve sent that numpty packing so I’ve invited myself to stay. I thought we could stay in, stuff our faces, and drink shed loads. I’ve got enough food and drink in the car to feed an army.’
I hugged her again.
‘What’s the matter with you?’ She wriggled free. ‘You know Clare hugs are on a limited supply.’
‘Sorry. I’m just really pleased to see you.’
Clare stretched out on the sofa later that evening while I screwed up newspaper for the fire. ‘I still think you should phone him or see him and tell him straight out that your man Andy’s out of your life now for good,’ she said.
I shrugged. ‘He knows. I’ve texted him and I’ve put it on Facebook but he hasn’t responded. He’s been spotted with Blonde loads so I have to accept that, for now, he’s moved on.’
‘I’m not convinced he has. Remember I was here when he made that little speech less than two weeks ago. That wasn’t a man who was going to get over you this quickly. There has to be another explanation.’
‘Can you think of one?’
Clare was quiet for a moment. ‘No. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. I couldn’t think of an explanation around your man Andy’s OTT behaviour but there was one, wasn’t there?’
Hmm. Good point as usual.
Five minutes later, the fire was blazing. I stood up. ‘I think it’s time.’
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ Clare followed me into the dining room. ‘If it really is over with Nick, surely this is the best time to continue with your search for Steven, not abandon it?’
I sat down in front of the computer. ‘You’ve changed your tune.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You were the one who didn’t believe the Steven thing.’
‘I still don’t but you do.’ Clare pulled over a dining chair and looked at me earnestly. ‘Don’t you? Has something happened?’
‘I listened to the tape again last night. I’m convinced the name’s a red herring.’
‘How?’
‘Madame Louisa says that I’ll reach a crossroads where past meets present and I have to follow my heart not my head because my heart will lead me to Steven. The crossroads were obviously Andy and Nick, but I’d been grappling with who was the heart decision and who was the head, and I know now. My head was telling me to try again with Andy because I’d always believed he was The One and we’d get back together one day. My head kept telling me that Andy had the right name too. However, my heart wouldn’t let go of Nick. Nick’s the heart decision and the heart decision is supposed to lead me to Steven…’
Clare frowned. ‘Which, by your logic, would mean Nick’s really Steven?’
‘Yes. As I said, I think she just gave me the wrong name.’
‘I think she gave you duff information full stop, but if you really want to believe that Nick’s your Steven, why are you so calm? Why aren’t you fighting for him?’
‘Mum asked me the same thing. It’s hard to explain.’
‘Try me.’
I sipped on my wine. ‘Firstly I feel stupid and embarrassed about the Andy thing. Secondly, he’s seeing someone else…’
‘Possibly.’
‘Almost definitely. And thirdly, if we really are meant to be together, it will still happen. He’ll have his little fling with Blonde and I’ll have had my little blip with Andy and we’ll be on an even footing to start again. Well, sort of even. I didn’t sleep with Andy…’
‘And you don’t know that he’s sleeping with Blonde, do you now?’
‘I hope he isn’t, but it’s none of my business.’ I switched the PC on while Clare stared at me. I really didn’t have the energy for an argument.
‘I still don’t get it,’ she said. ‘Why remove your dating profile? Using your logic, couldn’t you just keep it on there and have a bit of fun until destiny finally reunites you and Nick or whatever it is you’re expecting?’
‘I don’t think it would be fair. I don’t want to meet anyone else. The only person I want is Nick. I’ve already emailed the three Stevens who asked me out before Christmas to say I’m removing my profile and concentrating on the business for the foreseeable future. It’s my New Year’s Resolution.’
‘And what will you really be doing?’
‘Removing my profile and concentrating on the business.’ And hoping that Nick would come back to me eventually.
I’d made a decision that it was a New Year and time for a new perspective on things. I was going to be grateful for all the amazing things that had come my way over the past few months. I had a great business, a great team to help run it, my health, a rent-free roof over my head and my friends and family around me. I was incredibly lucky. I needed to start acting like a lucky person instead of a victim.
‘Why do you keep staring at me?’ I said. Midnight was fast-approaching but we’d already agreed not to acknowledge it. I wasn’t a fan of New Year’s Eve either. I always found it such an anti-climax so was delighted to be spending it at home with one of my best friends instead of squashed in a sweaty pub with a five-deep queue at the bar and a three-hour wait for a taxi home at quadruple the usual price.
‘I’m trying to imagine what it must be like being you.’
I laughed. ‘Now why would you want to do something scary like that?’
Clare didn’t laugh. ‘A few months ago, you ended a two-and-a-half year relationship with Jason because he wasn’t The One, right?’
‘Do we have to talk about him? New Year, new start.’
‘Just answer the question.’
‘Yes I did.’
‘And a few days ago you ended a twelve-year on-off relationship with Andy because you finally realised he wasn’t The One either, right?’
I nodded.
‘But you think Nick is The One?’
‘Yes.’
‘And, not only that, you think he’s The Steven your clairvoyant predicted was the perfect match for you, but she somehow got the name wrong?’
‘Correct.’
‘Then I just don’t get it. You’ve found your man. He feels the same way about you. He told you he’d wait for you as long as it takes. He’s sent a text to say he misses you. You’ve removed your online profile because you don’t want to be with anyone but him. You decided to say no to Andy even before you learned the truth about him because, despite the wrong name, you still chose Nick. You can’t stop thinking about Nick. You’re not eating properly, you’re not sleeping properly and you can’t imagine life without him. Yet you won’t do anything about it. You won’t phone him. You won’t go round to see him. You’re just prepared to — and I quote — “see what happens”.’
It sounded so stupid me avoiding Nick when Clare described it like that. But the thought of knocking on his door or phoning him up and having Blonde answer was too much to bear. ‘I’m scared of bumping into her,’ I said. ‘She’s slim, blonde and beautiful. I can’t compete with that.’
‘Bollocks!’ Clare said. ‘You’re curvaceous and beautiful and hair colour’s got sod all to do with anything. If you put yourself down again, I’ll slap you.’
‘Ooh, so masterful,’ I joked.
Clare shook her head at me. ‘If the only thing that’s stopping you from getting back with the man of your dreams is the fear of running into her, then you need to think of a time or a place to catch him where she definitely won’t be.’
‘Like where?’
‘I don’t know. I’ve only met him once. Does he have any hobbies? Play any sports? Go anywhere where she wouldn’t be?�
��
I shrugged. ‘He goes running along the beach a few times a week.’
‘Then take up running. Or go for a walk and accidentally bump into him.’
‘Been there, done that. Either he’s been running on every day I haven’t been or he’s stopped going.’
‘Then think of somewhere else.’
I sipped on my wine as I racked my brains. ‘Oh my God! I know! Lighthouse Point.’
‘Where?’
‘That rocky pier thing on the seafront with the old lighthouse on it. He throws roses in the sea at two minutes past eleven on New Year’s Day and he always does it alone.’
The clock on the mantelpiece pinged. Midnight! Happy New Year!
‘Lighthouse Point it is, then.’ Clare raised her glass. ‘Perhaps it will be a Happy New Year for you after all. Sláinte.’
‘Sláinte,’ I said. I was definitely happy with my lot in life but, if I was able to win Nick back, well… That would be the flake in my Mr Whippy.
‘Christ, this bench is cold on my arse.’ Clare wriggled her bum. ‘What’s the plan? Will you grab him the second he appears and declare your undying love?’
‘No. He likes to do this on his own so I’m going to respect that. I’ll show my face when he’s done.’
‘You’ll not be bottling it will you?’
‘I’m here aren’t I?’ I looked at my watch. Ten fifty-eight. If he liked to throw the roses in at two minutes past eleven on the dot, he was cutting it a bit fine, especially as Lighthouse Point looked slippery so he’d need to watch his step.
New Year’s Day had arrived with a thick covering of frost. A bright sun in the clear blue sky made the ground sparkle like crushed diamonds. Clare and I had taken position on a bench overlooking Lighthouse Point ten minutes earlier. We could see the lighthouse clearly but it was unlikely Nick would look in our direction and, even if he did, we’d probably just be silhouettes.
I grabbed Clare’s arm. ‘That’s him.’
‘Are you sure?’ She leaned forward. ‘Bloody sun. I can barely see.’
‘It’s Nick. I’d know him anywhere.’ I took deep breaths.
‘You’ll be grand. Just be honest with him. Tell him Andy was a mistake. Tell him he’s gone. Tell him you love him.’
Searching for Steven (Whitsborough Bay Trilogy Book 1) Page 30
