Breaking Skin

by Debra Doxer

  When I arrive at the studio the next morning to teach Renee’s class, I’m exhausted, having lain awake most of the night thinking about Cole and worrying what Nadia will say when I see her.

  The instructor who teaches the class before mine, the one who was on her phone last time, nods as we pass. Her hair is pulled back into a high ponytail, and she has on camouflage-patterned leggings with pink ballet shoes. I laugh to myself, thinking of the heart attack Dennis would have if I ever showed up to rehearsal that way.

  “I hear you’re Renee’s sister,” she says, and I stop and turn to face her. “I’m Isabella. Nice to meet you.”

  “Nikki. Are you a friend of Renee’s?”

  “Sure.” She grins, and my heart speeds up until she continues. “I mean, we don’t hang out or anything, but I talk to her here all the time.”

  I offer a friendly smile. “Can I ask you a question? Did she seem okay the last time you spoke to her?”

  Her brows knit together. “Sure. I think so.”

  “Did she happen to mention taking a trip or wanting to go away somewhere?” After I ask, the predictable embarrassment sets in when she tilts her head at me with a confused expression.

  “She didn’t say anything to me. In fact, when Priscilla said she took some time off, I was surprised because she never said a word.”

  My shoulders sink. “She never said a word to me either, and I expected her to be back by now.”

  Isabella’s brows shoot upward. “No kidding. Maybe she finally took Alan up on his offer. He was always promising to take her away from all this.” She laughs and gestures around the studio.

  “Alan?”

  “The sales rep from Dance Stop. He’s who Priscilla buys all her merchandise from for the little store in the front. He comes in here every few weeks with new stuff, and he’s always hitting on Renee and me, but I think Renee actually went out on a date with him once.”

  “Do you know his last name?”

  “I don’t remember, but Priscilla has his card at the front desk. We can take a look. I was only kidding about her taking him up on his offer. I mean, she has a little girl, right? She can’t just up and leave.”

  “Right.” I nod with a friendly smile that nearly cracks my face. “Do you know what color car he drives?”

  She thinks for a minute. “Silver. It’s one of those mom minivans, because he’s always carting samples around.”

  There are lots of silver cars on the road, but this is the first possible clue I’ve had.

  Isabella locates his card in a drawer and hands it to me. Then she turns to look out the window when a car pulls into the lot. “My ride is here. Nice to meet you, Nikki. Good luck.”

  “Thanks,” I reply absently as I stare at the name on the card. Alan Lamont.

  Students begin to arrive for my class, but I take a moment to pull out my phone and search for Alan Lamont to see if he’s local. Of course, there are at least four pages of people with that name in San Jose alone.

  My finger hovers over my phone as I wonder if I should call him at the business number on the card. If Renee is with him, will she talk to me or will she pretend not to be there? If I call first, will she run? I glance at the clock and see it’s time to begin the class.

  Quickly, I send a text to Cole and ask him if his agent can find an address for Alan Lamont, sales representative for Dance Stop. If he lives close by, it may be best to check out his place first to see if there’s any sign of Renee. In my text, I explain about his silver van and the fact that Langley thought it was a silver car that picked up Renee. I also let him know how much of a long shot this is.

  That doesn’t matter, though. I know Cole well enough now to understand he’ll get the address if I ask him to.

  Fifteen minutes after I get off the phone with Lily, she’s outside ringing my fucking doorbell.

  I pull open the door with a head full of steam. “What the hell? You didn’t have to rush over here.”

  When she barges in, her stomach enters the room before the rest of her does. She’s due in six weeks, but that hasn’t slowed her down.

  “What are you doing, Cole?”

  With a defeated sigh, I follow her into my living room. “What are you talking about?”

  Before she can answer, the alarm on my phone goes off. I silence it and head for the kitchen. On the stove, I have a pot of my mother’s chili cooking. She’s been giving me cooking lessons with the hope that I’ll eat less takeout, and when Derek is with me, I try to make a few home-cooked meals each week.

  I turn the burner off and turn to face Lily. The expression on her face makes my stomach sink.

  “You need to set a reminder to turn off the stove?”

  I shove a hand through my hair. “It’s just a precaution. I can’t risk forgetting and burn the whole house down.”

  “Oh, Cole.”

  “Lily, stop. Don’t look at me that way.”

  She bites her lip and nods, but all the worry she feels fills her eyes. She stays silent as I move the pot off the stove to cool, but I know she’s biding her time because she has a hell of a lot more to say. That’s why I drag my tasks out, washing a glass I used and then drying it, putting away the pot holder, folding a dish towel. When I can’t think of any other ways to waste time, I turn and let her catch my eye. It doesn’t take long for me to be sorry.

  “You have enough on your plate. You don’t need to take on your neighbor’s problems, even if you are sleeping with her.”

  I grind my teeth together. “Who the hell said I’m sleeping with her? I asked if you were free to watch Derek and Langley tomorrow. I didn’t ask you to stick your nose in my business.”

  “She’s Celeste all over again. Young, beautiful, ambitious.”

  “She’s nothing like Celeste.”

  “Are you sleeping with both of them? Sisters, Cole? Really?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  I clench my jaw harder to keep from snapping at her and sit down at the kitchen table. Lily follows my lead and takes the chair across from me.

  “I told you I met Nikki the first time two years ago in San Francisco. When I moved here, I had no idea Renee was her sister. I had no idea I’d ever see Nikki again.”

  Her lips purse together. “So you’re telling me you have slept with them both.”

  I release a frustrated breath. “Renee was a mistake.”

  “But Nikki wasn’t?” Lily exhales and her gaze wanders before coming back to me. “There are rumors about that family, Cole. Some really dark, messed-up stuff.”

  “I know.”

  She gives me a long, steady look. “She’s a professional ballet dancer. She’s not going to move here and set up house with you.”

  My gaze snaps to hers. “I know that too.”

  “Cole.” Lily tilts her head and says my name in that pitying tone of hers that grates on my every nerve. “You’re setting yourself up to get hurt.”

  “I’m helping someone I care about. You’d do the same.”

  “How can you care about her? Based on what you’ve told me, you hardly know her. You haven’t seen her in years. She’s a distraction, something to take your mind off your problems. That’s all.”

  Lily is right about only one thing. I haven’t known Nikki long, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know her or that I can’t care yet.

  “She’s more than that. You need to back off.”

  My sister looks at me carefully, gauging my seriousness. Even if I tried to explain how I feel about Nikki to her, I’m not sure I could. There’s a sense of peace I get when I’m around her. It’s as if she has the power to control the chaos in my head. She has a quiet strength I wouldn’t expect to find in someone so young. She moves with such grace when she dances, it’s easy to forget how much grit and fortitude that takes.

  Despite how strong she is, she needs me. I thought at this point in my life I had to be alone or with someone who didn’t ask anything of me. But I was wrong. It feels good to be needed i
nstead of pitied and handled like I may break at any minute.

  Besides, Nikki turns me on like no woman ever has, and I get the feeling it’s mutual.

  Nikki has a lot of good reasons not to be with me, but when it comes to her, I only have one. I’m going to get hurt. It’s inevitable, and not because Nikki would hurt me on purpose, but because we’re in different places in our lives. And maybe because of Renee. Nikki doesn’t say much, but the fact that I’ve been with her sister bothers her, and I can’t say I blame her. It may be one of the dumbest moves I’ve ever made.

  No matter how this ends, I’m not strong enough to cut it off, and I don’t want to cut it off. I won’t let this second chance with Nikki pass me by without making the most of it. I won’t say good-bye to her until I have to.

  My palms turn slick as I dial the number for Nadia that I got from Deedee. When I get Nadia’s voice mail, I’m both relieved and let down.

  The message I leave is brief. I tell her how pleased I am to hear about her new position with the company without trying to sound like I’m kissing up, and then I let her know I’ll be by tomorrow. I figure during morning break after the first rehearsal of the day is the best time to be there, just after nine.

  Cole texts me back later in the afternoon to let me know he’s working on getting that address I asked for, and he wants to talk tonight after the kids are in bed. As much as I look forward to talking the way we usually do, I’m dying to know if he found out anything about the sales rep from Dance Stop. I’m also slightly nauseated because I have to tell Langley I’ll be gone all day tomorrow.

  At bedtime, I sit down beside Langley and gently brush the hair back from her forehead. “How do you feel about Cole picking you up after school tomorrow and bringing you over to his house to hang out with him and Derek?”

  “Really?” Her voice is tinged with excitement.

  I smile and nod. “I need to go up to San Francisco for the day. I won’t be back in time to get you at school, but I will be back by bedtime.”

  Her smile disappears. “Why do you need to go there?”

  “I have some things to take care of.”

  “What things?”

  “I need to see the people I work for.”

  “Oh,” she says quietly.

  “I promise that by this time tomorrow, I’ll be back to tuck you in.”

  She rolls onto her side, giving me her back.

  My heart squeezes, and like I’ve done so many times with Langley, I search for the perfect words to put her mind at ease. But my own mind goes blank, and I know actions speak so much louder. She’ll just have to see for herself tomorrow night.

  In the meantime, I go downstairs, root through my bag, and return to her bedroom with something in my hand.

  “Langley, sweetie. I need you to hold on to this for me until I get back.”

  She glances over her shoulder before she turns to face me fully. “What is it?”

  I move the item in my hand closer. “What does it look like?”

  Gently, Langley runs the tip of her finger over it. “A ribbon. Mom has the same one.”

  It used to be white. Now it’s yellowed from age and fraying at the edges.

  “When your mother and I were younger, our dance teacher, Miss Emily, gave us each a ribbon. She said she got them from Margot Fonteyn. Do you know who she is?”

  Langley nods. “Mom told me the story. She was one of the greatest ballerinas of all time. Miss Emily got the ribbons when she traveled with her family to England to see Giselle. Margot Fonteyn gave a handful of her hair ribbons to all the children at the show, and Emily gave you and Mom one for luck when you dance.”

  I smile down at her. “That’s right. And I need you to keep mine safe until I get back.”

  Her eyes go wide and she hesitates, but I silently insist by keeping my hand out. After more silent debate, she finally takes the worn ribbon from my hand.

  “You want me to know you’re coming back. That’s why you’re giving this to me?”

  “Yes. That’s right.” I point to the ribbon. “This is my sacred promise to you.”

  Leaning up on her elbow, she reaches over to the drawer of her nightstand, pulls it open, and carefully places the ribbon inside. “For safekeeping.”

  I kiss her forehead. “Go to sleep. I love you.”

  “Love you too.” She mumbles the words absently as she turns her head into her pillow.

  My chest constricts. She’s never said those words to me. I say them to her each night, and this is the first time they’ve been returned.

  I leave the room quickly before my tears fall and my breath hitches. Then I go downstairs and stand at the bottom of the staircase, overcome by my affection for that little girl up there. I never thought it was possible to feel this kind of love for anyone. It’s different from other kinds of love. It’s selfless and unconditional. I would do anything to make her happy and keep her safe.

  It takes some time to pull myself together, but once I do, I let a waiting Siegfried out into the backyard. When he walks directly to the end of the patio, I see Cole standing there.

  He grins, flashing his straight white teeth at me. His smile is contagious and I return it.

  My body somehow both relaxes and goes on alert at the sight of him. My heart feels so full tonight, such a sharp contrast to how I usually feel. I thought I was content, even happy when I was alone in San Francisco, but I was only living half a life and thinking it was whole. I didn’t know the difference then, but I do now.

  When Cole steps closer, my smile falls at the apprehension on his face. “Is everything okay?”

  “I’m sorry I made you wait all day to hear this, but I wanted to tell you in person.”

  “Did you find him?”

  Cole moves closer and places his hands on my shoulders. “My agent, Howard, did. Alan Lamont lives in San Francisco in a rental in the Richmond District. Howard also found cell towers in San Francisco that picked up Renee’s phone signal.”

  “Picked it up recently?”

  He nods. “But we can’t pinpoint exactly where she is. There’s no one tower that picks up her signal consistently.”

  I grin up at him. “But now we know she’s in the city and maybe she’s with this Alan guy?”

  Cole doesn’t smile with me.

  “What is it?”

  “Alan Lamont has a criminal record. Nothing serious. He’s been arrested twice for drug possession and once for petty theft, but I don’t think you should talk to him. I’ll do it.”

  A criminal record? I shake my head. “Thank you, but she’s my sister. I should be the one to do it.”

  He sets his jaw firmly. “No. I’ll drive up with you to San Francisco tomorrow, drop you off, and go find him. I’ll catch him first thing in the morning before he leaves his apartment. If we’re lucky, Renee will be there too. I already spoke to my sister. She’ll take the kids to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. She’ll probably bring her crew over to my house too. Langley will have fun.”

  My mouth drops open. “You already arranged all that?”

  “I’m not trying to overstep here, but if this guy’s dangerous, I can’t let you talk to him.”

  While I was waiting for his news about the address, he was busy organizing both our days and now he’s brought his sister into it too, all to help me. For a moment, I wonder if he’s real or a figment of my imagination because men like him don’t exist in real life. At least, I never believed they did.

  “Do you really think he’s dangerous?” I ask. “You don’t think he’d hurt Renee, do you?”

  “I’m only being cautious.”

  As much as I appreciate Cole’s help and his protective streak, this is my family. “What if I went with you to see him?”

  He shakes his head but I stop him when I place my hand on his arm. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, but she’s my sister, Cole. You can’t cut me out completely. I won’t be alone. I’ll be with you.”


  He sighs and I can feel him wavering. After a moment he agrees, although his turned-down lips reveal his reluctance.

  As the things he told me sink in, a knot forms in the pit of my stomach. “Imagine if I’ve been sitting here getting more and more angry at Renee while the whole time she was hurt and wanted to come back but couldn’t.”

  His gaze softens. “I hate to say anything negative about your sister, but she left under her own steam, and she’s probably still gone because it’s her choice.”

  I nod, but I’m not so sure he’s right. “We’ll leave early in the morning?”

  “Around six.”

  “Thank you again. I don’t mean to seem ungrateful. It’s just—”

  He stops me with a kiss. “I already told you. I don’t want your appreciation and I’m not looking for you to be grateful, Nikki.”

  “Can I be thankful?”

  One side of his mouth lifts. “If it means you’ll stop arguing with me.”

  He kisses my smiling lips and I feel no need to argue. Instead, I focus my attention on meeting every stroke of his tongue with one of my own. My hands inch up his chest and I feel his muscles contract beneath my touch.

  Cole groans when my fingers thread through the hair at the nape of his neck. I push in closer, lifting up onto my toes. Everything I’m feeling tonight makes me needy for him. This need is physical, emotional, and raw. I know Cole understands when he bends forward, brings his hands around my thighs, and hoists my legs up over his hips.

  With me wrapped around him, he lowers himself into one of the lounge chairs and lets my weight come down on him, aligning our bodies so I can feel his arousal.

  “Cole.” I whisper his name and roll my hips.

  One of his hands grips my waist while the other slips beneath my shirt and brushes over the cup of my bra. I breathe his name this time and roll my hips again. When his mouth opens with a soft groan, I push my tongue inside.

  A door slams closed in the distance and we both freeze, our chests rising and falling like we just ran a marathon.

  Siegfried gets to his feet and walks to the edge of the patio.