Princess: Nuance Of Love Book 1

by Evida Suntoyo

  Paramita smiled calmly and nodded, “Yes, Ayahnda and Ibunda,”

  “And also Ali, you also have to be aware that Ananda Puteri is an Amanat to you, most importantly from Allah, but also from me, her father. You have to be a wise and good Imam towards your wife and future children. It’s your responsibility to guide her through life, to take care of her, to respect her, and to fulfill all your responsibilities as a husband.”

  “Yes, Father” Ali replied.

  “Puteri, we are very happy to have you as a daughter,” Raden Hamza said.

  “Thank you, Father.”

  “Excellent. The both of you are a match made in heaven, I’m sure you will have a good future together.” The Sultan said while laughing loudly.

  An attendant came beside him and whispered something to him his face dropped. “I have some business to settle. Please make sure that the guests are taken care of.” He signed for Raden Hamza to follow, and they both walked away without saying anything else.

  Permaisuri Farida looked at her husband with a worried expression, but then she turned to Ali and Paramita. “Raden, will your mother be attending to the wedding ceremony?”

  “Yes, she will. She will be arriving next month.” He replied.

  Raden Nabilla’s expression suddenly turned sad, but she quickly composed herself and smiled. “I’m sure she is very happy to hear about this. Your Majesty Permaisuri, Raden Ali is her only child. Just like me, I’m sure she can’t wait to have grandchildren.”

  “That’s right.” Said the Queen.

  “Ibunda Permaisuri and Ibunda Nabilla, please excuse us for a while, I am going to take Puteri to greet some of our other relatives.”

  “Please go ahead.” Replied the queen.

  Ali and Paramita walked into the crowd of people, once he felt far enough from the stage he turned to her and said, “So that was the half a million reasons that you didn’t want to share with me?”

  “Every single one of them.”

  “I don’t understand, you’re marrying me for that amount of money, why?”

  “What do you mean why?”

  “Why are you marrying me for that amount of money? Your father owns a country, your mother is an international jet set whose shares alone is worth many times that amount. So when you said that you wanted to divorce after some prudent time, are you going to walk away with it? Do you know that my personal asset is worth more than that? When my parents separated, my mother left me everything that corresponded to her, so you would be richer if you stayed as my wife.”

  “It’s not about the money. I want it to be independent. Like I told you before, I want a new start” She said firmly, “Why would I want to be the wife of a man whose heart belongs to someone else?

  “So you want to go away and start a new life with the three million dollars?”

  “Bingo!”

  “And what about your family?”

  “Family? What family? Oh, you mean the one who emotionally and physically abandon me since I could remember? Who thought of me only when I served a purpose? They never worried about me, why on earth should I worry about them? I’ll do what they want me to do, and comply with my obligation, than live my own life.”

  “How can you think like that? Okay, I understand about your father, but what about your mother, she…….”

  “My mother? She wouldn’t mind. She never cared what I did in the past, as long as I don’t get involved with boys, because I might lose my virtue. But being a divorcee, there’s nothing that she would worry about anymore. I have nothing and no one to tie me down, I’m practically alone.” She said with a sadness in her voice.

  “Don’t be upset if I ask you this, but is there someone waiting for you?”

  “Someone waiting for me?”

  “A person, a man, whom you plan to spend the rest of your life with after……, after you leave me.”

  “No. I…...I don’t have anyone.” She added softly as though speaking to herself, “In this world, no one is waiting for me, who cares about me anyway?”

  “Will you do one thing for me? Please.”

  “What is it?”

  “Don’t say that anymore. Don’t say no one cares about you and that you’re all alone.”

  “Because of my family?”

  “Because of me. You have me, you’re not alone. I care about you!”

  Paramita looked at him and smiled. “Thank you. That’s kind of you to say that.”

  He moved closer and held her shoulder gently, “I’m serious.”

  She shook her head, took a deep breath and said, “Don’t look at me with pity, I’m not a pathetic person. I had a good upbringing, Mak Noor was always by my side, and she had always been like a mother to me. And no matter what, I am fortunate and have many things to be grateful for, my education, good clothing, travel, and many other privileges that maybe is like a dream to most people.”

  He smiled, “True.”

  “You know what’s so funny?”

  “No, tell me!”

  “I’ve never felt love before, and now I have to marry a man who’s probably going to hate me for separating him from his the woman he loves. With a rich and powerful father, I still don’t have the things that I want the most.”

  “And what is that?”

  “To be loved, to be desired, and to be missed.” Her eyes were becoming wet, “Your girlfriend is lucky, because even though she can’t be with you at this moment, but your heart is with her. I wish I had somebody who felt that way for me. “She paused, “You’ll have to excuse me, I need to go to the restroom for a moment.”

  She walked away without waiting for him to reply. Ali watched her as she walked away, he was silent, putting his hand on his chest feeling a sting caused by her words.

  * * *

  Paramita stood in front of the big mirror, breathing in and out, in an attempt to control her emotions. There was nothing that she wanted more to do than splash cold water on her face and refresh herself, but smudging her makeup wouldn't be a good idea on an occasion like today. She wet her hands and gently shook it before pressing her dampened palm on her neck. That made her feel fresh and calm. She took a good look at her face in the mirror to make sure that her makeup was not damaged, then walked out of the restroom.

  She had barely walked a few meters when she heard a whistle from behind her. Instinctively she looked back, to her surprise it was Hafiz.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Can we talk? Please.” He said while making a begging gesture with his hands.

  “What is it?” She said while walking over to him.

  “Let’s talk outside, come on.”

  They walked together to the terrace.

  “What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” She said once they arrived.

  “Since when did you become so mean and impatient?” He asked.

  “Since…... never mind! How have you been?” She changed the topic.

  “I’ve been good, it’s been so long since we’ve talked like this, hasn’t it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you hate me?” He asked gingerly.

  “How can you think that? I don’t! Do you? Do you hate me?”

  “Of course not. Well, I used to, I mean you did break my nose. But I have grown up since then, and I realized that I had it coming. If I was in your position I would’ve done the same.”

  “I do apologize again. Not for punching you, you deserved it. But for shunning you off all those years. I was out of line. I mean whatever happened between you and Laila, it was not my place to judge you. But you have to understand, she suffered a lot, and as her friend, that made me hurt for her.”

  “I understand. But now that’s all behind us. Can we be friends again?” He said while extending his hand.

  “How do you do, my name is Mita.” She said while taking his hand.

  “And my name is Hafiz.” He said with a smile. “It feels like a giant weight has been taken off my chest.”

  “I kn
ow what you mean.” She said in a cheerful voice.

  “You know, my parents thought initially that I was the one who was supposed to marry you.”

  “And is that such a terrible thing?” She asked.

  “Not for any other man, but at the time, it was terrible for me. Don’t give me that look.” He quickly said seeing the expression on her face. “It’s not what you think. I mean, I say that it was not a good thing for me back then, because ever since we met you have always been one of my best friends, someone I hold close to my heart, and you’re very dear and valuable to me. I couldn’t imagine us being married and changing the way we interact with each other.”

  “I don’t know if you are trying to insult or compliment me. Why are you still an air-head?”

  “I’m not trying to insult you.”

  “I get it. So I’m one of your buddies on of the guys, and marrying me, will make you feel…..how should I say this, homosexual?”

  Hafiz sighed in relief, “Thank you for understanding.”

  “I’m not understanding your reasoning. I’m understanding that, only someone like you can come up with something like that. And, because you are one of my best friends, and I accept you the way you are, therefore, I accept that silly idea of yours.”

  “Why do you think it’s silly?” He asked not sincerely not understanding her.

  “Hafiz, have you ever thought why I was so good to you, why I was upset with your relationship with Laila, and why I chose not to talk to you after what happened?”

  “I have my theories, but I think this is a situation that calls for me to listen instead of talk.”

  “That’s good you know as much. Hafiz, the truth is, in the past I had a big crush on you. I was actually heartbroken for a long time because of everything that happened between us. I’ve always looked at you from behind, followed your every movement and held to your every word. I hoped that one day you would feel the same way for me. But the one girl after another came and left, and Laila, I finally realized that you would never see me as anything more than a friend. It took me some time to get over you, but the distance that I put between us helped me a lot. Now I can look back and not feel anything. I admit, you still stir my heart when we bumped into each other, but it’s only in a fraction of minutes. Like right now, I’m standing here talking to you, and I don’t feel anything more than friendship.”

  “I’m sorry I never responded to your feelings for me.”

  “Maybe, if you were not so selfish and bratty, you would have seen it.”

  “I admit, I was that way. But like I said, I’ve changed.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “I mean it. Look at you, you’ve changed too. You’re not the weird-looking, insolent and stubborn girl anymore. You’re a beautiful young woman now. A princess.”

  “And your older brother’s fiancée, which means that pretty soon, I’ll be your older sister, and you’ll have to start calling me with honorifics, and you can’t call me by my name anymore!” She said.

  He turned serious, “Are you sure you want to go ahead with it?”

  “What the marriage?”

  “Yes, you know that he has a girlfriend, they’ve been together for three years.”

  “I know.” Her voice softened as she looked down to the floor.

  “Then why? Why continue? He’s not going to make you happy, you deserve someone who will love you and appreciate you, not use you and neglect you. Why throw away your youth in a dead end marriage?”

  “Don’t worry about me, I’m not as naïve as you think.” She said. “Let’s go back.”

  “Wait, don’t go.” He tried to stop her, seeing that she had no intention of staying, he finally said. ” I always knew how you felt about me.”

  “What?” She stopped and turned around.

  “I always knew, how you felt about me, from the beginning, I knew. But back then, I was immature, superficial, and arrogant. I was embarrassed to be more than friends, because of your appearance. I was a guy who wanted a trophy girlfriend in his arm, not a plain and even weird-looking one. I wanted to look cool and have other guys envy me. That’s why I was always with the hottest girls in campus. I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t understand. So you wanted to make other men envious, that’s why you only dated girls for a short time?”

  “I never intended to keep changing girlfriends, but none of them could make me feel happy and fulfilled emotionally, I never felt compatible with any of them.” He explained.

  “I don’t know what to think. What about Laila? Was she the same? She was not one of the hottest girls in campus, she was a normal and decent girl. If you dated her it must be because you felt something for her?”

  “I did feel something for her. I felt that she was the closest one to the person who made my heart happy.”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  “I realized after it was all too late. The one, that I loved, was you, all along, I loved the way you speak, the way you act, the way you were. That’s why I could never have a long-term relationship with any of them. Because they were not the person I loved.”

  “Oh, and you just realized this now? After I had money? Now that I wear designer clothes, expensive makeup, and jewelry. All of this is making me look acceptable in your eyes? Didn’t you say it yourself that the thought of marrying me, made you feel gay?”

  “That was back then. But now I realized these feelings, because…… because I can see that I’m actually going to lose you. Because you’re going to become someone else’s. In the past, you’ve never had anybody, even though you distanced yourself from me, but you never got involved with any other man. Deep down I never wanted you to fall in love with anyone else. But now you’re getting married.” He said while taking her hand.

  “You sick bastard, stay away from me.” She said while pushing his hand away.

  “Mita, listen to me.” He moved forward and grabbed her shoulder. “Don’t be angry, please listen to me, first.”

  “Let go of me, you sick bastard.” She began to raise her voice. “Don’t make me hit you, because I’ll do it for sure.”

  “Calm down, don’t be angry, please….” He said while pulling her closer and moving his arms around her waist holding her tightly.

  Paramita’s heart raced like crazy, as his face came closer, his lips only a few centimeters away from hers.

  “Let go, don’t make me do something that I will regret….”She said snapping out of a trance and trying to push him away. There was a tidal wave of mixed emotions, strong enough to tear her apart from the inside, all those years of wishing something like this would happen, and now that it has, everything was already too late.

  “What’s going on here? Hafiz, let her go! Are you out of your mind?” A familiar voice shouted behind her. Ali pushed Hafiz away, freeing Paramita who fell limp into his arms.

  “Abang, this is none of your business,” Hafiz said to him.

  “Of course this is my business, you’re my brother, Mita is my fiancée, and this is our engagement party. Don’t you know that what you’re doing is wrong in so many levels?”

  “You don’t love her, you have a girlfriend….”

  “Abang, let’s not argue with him.” Paramita interrupted without trying to get out of his embrace, “Can you please take me away from here? Please.”

  “Alright, alright, calm down. You’re going to be alright. I’m here with you.”

  He led her inside towards a small room adjoining the banquet hall, helped her to sit down, and closed the door. He served her a glass of water from a dispenser, he kneeled in front of her.

  “What happened? You look so shaken. Did my brother do anything indecent to you?” He asked, genuinely worried.

  “No, it’s not so much of what he did, but what he said.”

  “What did he say to make you so pale?”

  She took a deep breath and sighed. “He basically told me, that he loved me all along, and that he just realized it now, becau
se I’m about to marry you.”

  “He’s crazy, why would he say something like that? And at this particular moment.”

  “I don’t know, and I don’t care. He caught me by surprise, I never expected him to say something like that, I don’t know why but his words made me weak.”

  “I’m sorry…On my brother’s behalf, I apologize to you.” He clasped her hands. “What are you going to do? Now that you know how he feels about you, do you want to cancel our engagement?”

  “Is that even an option?” She asked him sharply.

  “No! You’re right.” He lifted her chin. “Let’s not think about anyone else. Let’s forget, Hafiz and Dewi, for now. No matter what we feel for them. Let’s pretend that there is only you and me. We are the ones who are in this situation, together. Let’s make sure we find a proper standing ground, before we worry about anything else.”

  “What are you trying to say? I don’t quite understand.”

  “I’m saying, let’s take one step at a time, through this engagement ceremony, through the wedding, and everything that comes after that. Right now, you and me, we are two puppets on a string, and the worst part is that we don’t know what the storyline in the mind of the puppeteer is. But we have each other, so let’s get through this together.”

  “Why are you suddenly talking about puppeteer and storylines?”

  “Well, from what your father said, about me reporting to the palace next week, I’m beginning to think that your theory wasn’t that crazy after all. And also, when your father left with mine, what kind of news did they hear to react like that?”