Fighting to Save US

by Sarah Stevens

  “Shit,” he replies.

  Jackson knows me almost better than I know myself. He knew I wasn’t doing as well as everyone assumed. He knows what I went through not so long ago. He has always made sure I have what I need, and right now he knows I need to get away and get my head on straight before I can be here and be by Bren’s side.

  “I have a job for you here in Boston; we are having an issue with the Calluci Family. They need some pressure put on them. You up for it?”

  “How soon? I have a few finals next week but I’m done by Thursday afternoon.”

  “Perfect. I will see you Thursday, brother. Be strong. I know this is a hit to you, but you will be fine. We will make sure Bren gets what she needs, because we’re a family, Max, and we’ve got this. I won’t let you fall again.”

  “Thanks Jackson. See you Thursday.”

  We hang up, and I try to study for finals. It’s no use, though. All I see are jumbled-up letters on the pages. I just have to get through a few days of finals and then I can run away like a coward when Bren needs me the most. The only thing that makes me feel better about leaving is I know she has her parents and Kat and James by her side. I never gave her the chance to tell me about her treatment plan, but I don’t want to hear it—I can’t handle it. I’m a coward and need to get a grip on the darkness within me before I destroy her.

  Hours go by when I decide that I should go talk to James. He’s been shorthanded lately, so I go to The Java, assuming that’s where he’ll be. Instead of finding James, I find Bren standing there with a smile on her face—a look that hasn’t been there in months. I’m about to crush her happiness and put a frown back on her beautiful face.

  She asks me, “What’s wrong?”

  I can only reply by saying, “I’m leaving.”

  “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

  “I talked to Jackson today, and he has work for me in Boston. I have to leave Thursday after my last final. I have no choice, I’m sorry.”

  “How long will you be gone?”

  “I don’t know. However long it takes to get the job done.”

  “Max, please stay here. I need you, and I want you here with me. I made us lose so much time the last six months. You can’t go.”

  She starts to tear up. I hate myself for this, because I need this time away. I can’t tell her that I need to go because I can’t deal with her cancer, but I can’t be here. I don’t want her to see the darkness that is starting to consume me. I hug her tight and decide to forget that I need to talk to James, who is standing behind the counter watching the drama. He shoots me a questioning look, and I just mouth to him I will talk to him later.

  Bren collects her books, and I lead her out and up to my place. I just need to look at her like I always have—the girl with a spunky attitude who fiercely loves her friends and is sexy as hell. I need to look at her like I love her, not like I see her with a death sentence over her head.

  I order some Chinese, and we sit and watch TV as I hold her tight to me. She looks up at me with her sad eyes.

  “I need you in my life, Max. I won’t be OK if you aren’t here. Please don’t leave. Your leaving is more than a job; what you do is more than a regular job. I’m worried about you going. I want you here with me always. I just don’t know if I will be okay if you walk away right now.”

  “Bren, I have to go. You know what my job is; you have always known. I’m lucky I was able to be here for so long without Jackson needing me back in Boston. I’m sorry it has come now when you need me, but you will be fine. You have James and Kat and your mom and dad, all here and ready to fight with you every day to kick this in the ass. If you need me, just call. I will try to answer every time. I’ll be fine; Jackson likes me too much to put me in any real danger.” I try to lighten the mood, but I don’t think it worked.

  It grows quiet, both of us so lost in our own thoughts that we jump when the buzzer goes off for the downstairs door. I buzz the delivery guy up and wait for him in the door jamb. I sneak a look at Bren and notice that she is staring at me with a smirk on her face. “What are you thinking over there?”

  “Nothing much, other than you look sexy standing there with a scowl on your face. I’ll go grab the plates.”

  She turns toward the kitchen, and I watch her bounce away. When I turn back to the door I catch the delivery guy doing the same thing I was—watching Bren and her sexy ass. “What are you looking at?”

  He stutters in response, “Uhh—nothing. Here is your food.”

  I take the bag from him, sign the credit card slip, and hand it back. As soon as he has the slip in his hand, he runs away. I still got it.

  “What did you do to the poor guy?”

  “No one watches my woman and gets away with it.” I wink at her.

  Chapter Eleven

  Bren

  Finals week is here, and I can’t wait for it to be over, but, at the same time, I dread it because Max is leaving, and I don’t know when he will be back. His work terrifies me almost as much as this cancer does. While Max is leaving on Thursday, I have an appointment to harvest my eggs. Max won’t talk to me about any of it. I’ve tried to let him know it could be a lot worse, and the end result could be my death, but Dr. Gerrard is very confident that I will be healthy again and the plan we’ve come up with will take every bit of cancer from my body. I’m still terrified of the chemo treatments, but I also know that I have almost everyone I need around me to make it to the end in one piece. Knowing I’ll have some eggs in storage helps ease my fears of never having a family.

  Since the day that Max told me he was leaving we have spent a lot of time together, but at the same time it feels like we are once again drifting apart. We haven’t had sex again, and he isn’t as affectionate with me. We plan on going out to dinner on Wednesday night since we won’t see each other again before he leaves.

  On Wednesday night, I wait for him at my apartment, as we planned, and he doesn’t show. Another hour passes, and he is still hasn’t shown up, so I knock on his door. No one’s home. Then I call him. I don’t get an answer. I rush to the back alley, where he usually parks his car, and it’s gone.

  What the hell is going on? I call James, but he doesn’t know where he is either, so I relent and call Jackson. The line picks up, and I don’t give him a chance to say anything before I am demanding where Max is.

  “He is on his way here. He told me he got his final done early and was coming here tonight.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? He was supposed to pick me up for dinner over an hour ago.”

  “I don’t know, Bren, he said he needed to get here tonight when I spoke to him a few hours ago. He didn’t say why. There are things that he needs to tell you, but I am trying to look out for him. He needs to be away right now. Just give him some time.”

  “Leaving was his idea? I don’t get it. I need him here with me as I try to deal with this shit I’m about to go through. Why would he say he loves me one second and then disappear

  the next?”

  “Because he loves you, Bren Just give him some time. He will talk to you; he just isn’t ready to let his baggage out of the closet yet.”

  I’m pissed off, and I can’t get any questions answered, which makes me even angrier I want to know why he would want to leave me, especially right now. I’m so confused.

  “Fine, Jackson, I’ll let it go. Please let him know I called and that I am here when he is ready to talk to me.”

  “I will. How are you doing, by the way? Max never got into details with me, but are you doing all right? You have a good doctor there?”

  “I appreciate the worry, but I’m doing fine. I have a lot of things going on over the next month, but my doctor seems to think I will come out on top by the end of it. I’m only losing half of my parts; I think the chemo is going to be the worst part. I don’t look forward to that at all.”

  “Call me if you need anything. I’m glad to hear that you have a good prognosis. Just give him so
me time, Bren. I am confident that he will let you in eventually.”

  “Thanks, I just worry about him. He has been getting distant this past week, and I don’t know why. Now I get why he was worried about me for so long, why everyone was worried about me. Just let him know I’m here and will be here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll talk with you soon.”

  “Take care of yourself. Bye.”

  I hang up with Jackson and sit here stunned. I never thought that he would just pick up and leave me, as if I don’t matter to him. I can’t just sit here, so I call Kat. When I hear her happy greeting, I start to cry.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

  “He left. He didn’t even say goodbye. He stood me up for dinner tonight, and I finally called Jackson, who told me Max was on his way to Boston.”

  “I’m sorry, did he say why? You want to come over? We were just about to put on a movie. You can come hang out and even sleep here if you want.”

  “I really shouldn’t. I have to be up early to go to the hospital for bloodwork before I go take my last final. I appreciate the invite, though. I didn’t talk to him. I called Jackson to see if he had heard from Max. Jackson told me he was already on his way to Boston. I don’t get it. He said something about Max having his own baggage that he needed to tell me about on his own terms.”

  “What? I can’t believe he would just take off on you like that without an explanation! That’s not like him.”

  “I don’t know, Kat. He has been pulling back from me all week. I just don’t get it.”

  “Well, I’m not going anywhere. Just call if you need me. Since you have your bloodwork in the morning, what’s next after that?”

  “I have my egg harvesting appointment in the afternoon after my last final is over. Mom is meeting me here. I have been doing these injections for the last ten days, and let me tell you, it sucks. The only good thing about this part is the possibility of having a child in the future if the chemo destroys my other ovary. I’ll be honest with you, I am terrified. I feel like it has been dragging on and on, and now we are suddenly full force ahead. I do feel better knowing all of you know what’s going on with me. But I don’t get Max. Why would he run after being so nice?”

  “I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. I hope he comes around soon and lets you in. Just remember—he went through what you are going through now, except you kept your distance for over six months, from all of us. We all felt the impact of your distance. We all still love you, but it hurt not knowing what was going on and not having you open up to me. I’m not mad, and I get it. It still hurt, though.”

  “I’m so sorry. I was there by your side when you were pregnant and pushed you to do things, and then when something went on with me, I blew you and everyone else off. It was just so hard to process everything, much less admit it to anyone else.”

  “Just don’t do it again. Next time I might come after you.”

  “I won’t, I promise. Thanks for talking. I feel a little better. I’m going to get going…try and do a little studying before I go to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow before and after my appointment.”

  “Sounds good. Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  I pull my books out of my bag for my English final, open up the pages, and just stare. Nothing makes sense and every letter is jumbled up in front of me. After about ten minutes of this, I give studying up and pack my bag for the next day, shower, and crawl into bed, hoping that sleep comes.

  Chapter Twelve

  Max

  I’m a coward. I took the easy way out instead of being a man and taking my girl to dinner and saying good-bye the right way. Hell, I shouldn’t even be leaving; I should be right here for when she needs me. Instead, I left. I got in my car, called Jackson to tell him I was heading his way, and I left. It wasn’t even like it was a last-second decision—I planned it. I took my final earlier today in my professor’s office, came home, packed my bag, and took off. I’m not only a coward, but a complete asshole, because I stood her up. I got her call an hour after I was due to take her out to dinner. I am surprised it took her that long to call me. Even then, I didn’t answer the phone. I’m driving down Interstate 95 to Boston when my phone rings, showing Jackson on the screen.

  I connect the call and instantly regret it when the first words out of his mouth are, “What the hell, Max? Why did you leave like that?”

  I hit the steering wheel before I answer, “Shit. She called you?”

  “Who else did you expect her to call? She knew you were coming here, but from the sounds of it, she didn’t know that it was right now.”

  “I’m a coward and an asshole. What more do you want me to say? What did you tell her?”

  “She knows it was your choice to leave early and take this job, but you need to call her and talk to her. Bren is not Clarissa. Bren will be okay. You never talked to her about any of this, her treatment, her diagnosis, any of it, did you?”

  “No, I couldn’t listen to it; I didn’t want to hear it.”

  “Get your damn head out of the sand and talk to her. Maybe you will find it isn’t as bad as you think, but you hurt her tonight and that isn’t acceptable. You need to fix this. Get the job done and then go back and fix this shit with her.”

  “One thing at a time, Boss. I’ll be there in about thirty minutes.”

  “See you then.”

  I hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hand again to release some of my anger, and again, it still doesn’t work. I get to the brownstone on Commonwealth Avenue, take the assigned parking spot, grab my bag, and make my way to the door. It has been a while since I have been in this world with the Family on a daily basis. I’m not too sure I want to be here anymore, either, with the vibes I’m feeling. When I approach the door, it automatically opens for me by one of Jackson’s men, who sits and watches a camera of the outside area. He knew I was coming so there was no problem for me. Just don’t be a stranger approaching the door—you may not like the results.

  “He’s in his office,” the guy says.

  “Thanks.” I nod to him and drop my bag at the bottom of the stairs and make my way to see Jackson face to face.

  “Hey, I’m here. Where do you want me to put my stuff?”

  “Your room is and always will be your room, so put it in there.”

  “Look, I’m sorry you are in the middle of this shit storm, but I appreciate you not spilling all my crap to Bren.”

  “I told her to give you some time, that you would come to her and tell her what is wrong with you. Don’t make me a liar. You realize that not long ago you were worried about her, and here you are, doing the same shit, and she has a lot more on her plate. You’re right, you are a coward and an asshole. She loves you, and no matter how much distance there is between you, you still love her. It doesn’t take a mathematician to figure out what to do here.”

  “Give me some time. Let me do this job you need me to do and then I’ll go back, spill my soul, and hope that she is still in one piece when I’m done.”

  “Let me remind you again: She. Is. Not. Clarissa.”

  “I got it. I’m going to bed. Night.”

  “Night, asshole, good to have you back here.”

  I wave behind me as I walk out the door and cross paths with a woman I’m not sure I’ve met before. She smiles in my direction as she takes her long legs, straight blonde hair, and bright blue eyes into Jackson’s office. I’ll have to ask him about her tomorrow. It’s been a very long day, and I need to take myself to my room and get some sleep.

  The next day, I find Jackson at the breakfast table with nothing more than a cup of coffee. I grab my own cup and sit across from him.

  “Tell me more about this job. What do we need to do?”

  “It’s the Calluci’s. They are trying to shut down the strip clubs by poaching the girls from us. I need you to stop them. Find out who is going in, what they’re offering them, before we lose all the girls. Out of the two clubs, we have lost ten girls.
We don’t have enough to keep both places open.”

  “I can do that, but why are they doing this?”

  “My guess is that they want to draw you out, since you’ve been gone. They never got their revenge for what you did to their leadership. But, it goes further than that, and you know it. Clarissa Calluci was the mob princess of New York, and they blame you for her not being here. I don’t get it, really, because it’s not like you made her sick, but they’re idiots. You took her away from the Family before they truly lost her, so they blame you for loving her. They want you back in the game. They want to destroy you. I won’t let them, but that is what it looks like from my eyes.”

  “After so much time, why now? And why is it such a big deal for the clubs to stay open, anyway? They weren’t your idea, and I know you don’t like them. You don’t need the money from them, either.”

  “You’re right, I don’t like or need them, but it is still my business they are fucking with. I need you to go in tonight and talk to the girls, see if they have seen or heard anything. Today we need to make it known you are back in the game. We will go to lunch and be seen, see what kind of reaction we get. Max, I need your head in the game, and I need you to stay in one piece.”

  “I’m here, no worries.”

  Jackson gets up and leaves me sitting there, alone.

  Lunchtime comes, and we head to one of our favorite restaurants in Boston in the Milano territory. We enter, and everyone turns to look at us, dressed to impress and me back in town. I see the cell phones getting picked up, and I know that word is spreading that I am back in town. What we set out to accomplish in this lunch meeting worked.

  Later that night I go to the one club that is still open and talk to some of the girls. If Bren saw me now, surrounded by all these half naked women, she would be kicking my ass all the way back to Portland. I flirted with them to get their attention and trust so they would answer my questions. They all knew me—or of me—and they had their own questions. I was able to get a couple names, and the acting manager of this club was able to get me a list of the girls who left. Before I even left I knew it was the Calluci family behind it, and I also knew who was working this particular mission.