Satisfaction Guaranteed

by Samantha M. Derr

  Drake blinked at him. "I would say that that's the stupidest thing I ever heard, but I work in the service industry also. I've had people yell at me for sounding too polite."

  Ben laughed. "Remember how I said you were the only one on my route I wanted to have luck with when delivering?" Drake nodded. "Well, let's just say that you're also not the first person to answer the door in a towel."

  "Oh no, are you kidding?"

  Ben shook his head. "Nope. Wish I was. It's happened to me twice before you, with the same woman. The first time I think it was an accident. The second time, well, let's just say I doubt it."

  Drake took that in. "And yet you didn't flee when I answered the door in a towel?"

  Ben shrugged. "I'd kind of already had a crush on you for a while. Besides, you didn't look like you were fully awake, much less like you were trying to seduce me." He sounded almost disappointed.

  "Yeah, I'm not at my best when I've just woken up, showers aside." Drake said. "That also might have been why I thought it was a good idea to answer the door in a towel."

  "It was the middle of the afternoon," Ben said, looking amused.

  "I take naps! They're part of a healthy lifestyle. Let's see you spend eight hours a day on the phone with people and see how energized you are afterwards."

  "Okay, okay," Ben said laughing and holding up his hands in surrender. "I wasn't complaining."

  *~*~*

  Two hours later they were in the parking lot, having moved there long after they had finished their meal and the waitress had started sending them slightly desperate glances. They'd traded work stories and personal ones, jumped to about a dozen different topics, and Drake was ready to admit that Alonzio might have been in the right.

  "So," Ben said, after they'd been quiet for a minute. Silences were getting more comfortable. "Would it be out of line to ask if you wanted to see Battle Weed with me this weekend, since Alonzio's ditching us?"

  Drake made a face. "Normally I would absolutely be saying yes, but I almost don't want to give him the satisfaction."

  Ben chuckled. "I know what you mean. He really played us both. Tell you what. I think our blind date went pretty well, and I'd like to see you again."

  "Likewise," Drake said, returning Alonzio's grin. "But?"

  "But I think it might be fun to keep Alonzio in the dark about it," Ben said. "For, oh, maybe a week and a half? If you didn't mind waiting to see the movie until next week."

  "I think I could stand the wait, yeah," Drake said. "But just because we're not seeing the movie until next weekend, that doesn't mean we have to avoid each other completely, right?" He pulled out his phone, and Ben smiled.

  They exchanged numbers, and by that point it was late enough that they both really needed to go, considering their early shifts the next morning. As he got into his car, Drake delivered his final parting shot. "And just so you know, I'm expecting a delivery soon. Don't run away so quick next time, okay?"

  *~*~*

  When Alonzio got in to work the next morning, Drake was ready for him. Before he could even ask, Drake put a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for dinner," he said. "It was incredibly awkward, to say the least, but hey, good food."

  "And?" Alonzio asked, maybe a little taken aback that Drake had brought the subject up. "How'd you like Ben?"

  Drake gave him a funny look. "Fine? For a guy who barely spoke, I mean. After a couple of tries, I gave up. We ate in silence, more or less."

  "Are you kidding?" Alonzio asked, wide-eyed. "I'm gonna kill him!"

  "Why?" Drake turned back to his computer, the epitome of nonchalance. "You set him up as much as you did me."

  "No, man, you don't even know. I had a plan."

  Drake rolled his eyes. "Well great job on that."

  "No, you don't understand! He's been––it's––damn it."

  Drake looked over at Alonzio, eyebrow quirked. "Something you want to tell me?"

  "Something I want to tell him," Alonzio muttered, right before his call-in line beeped. "Wait a minute," he said to Drake, picking up the call.

  Drake kept himself busy by updating Ben on the situation through text message, then his own line beeped and the day really began. Every time things slowed down a little and Alonzio tried to bug more details out of him, he kept his responses vague and half-disappointed.

  "What about the movie?" Alonzio finally asked, sounding desperate.

  Drake looked at him funny. "What about it?"

  "Are you still going this weekend?"

  Drake shrugged. "Nah. I don't want to go myself, you know? I'll wait till next week."

  Alonzio stood up. "I'll be right back, okay?"

  10:53AM Text from Cameo Lee:

  i think ur about 2 get an angry call from ur cousin

  10:54AM Text from Ups Guy:

  What a shame that I'm working and can't answer my phone.

  Drake grinned and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

  *~*~*

  Saturday afternoon, as Drake was emptying his dishwasher, his phone buzzed.

  1:09PM Text from Ups Guy:

  Hey, are you home right now?

  1:09PM Text from Cameo Lee:

  yes y?

  1:10PM Text from Ups Guy:

  I've got a package for you.

  Puzzled, Drake just called Ben up. "I thought you weren't working today?"

  "I'm not," Ben said. "But I know you're expecting something, so I've been keeping an eye out. I can clock in now and drop it off, if you want."

  "Uh—sure. That's not too much trouble?"

  "Nah. It's no big deal. Gets me out of the house, you know? I'll be over in a few."

  "Wow, thanks. See you then." He hung up the phone, smiling a little. The rest of the weekend's errands didn't seem so dismal now, and he was just closing the door after returning from switching his laundry over when his door buzzed. For the first time he could remember, he answered it completely awake. "Hello?"

  "Hi, I've got a delivery for 508."

  Grinning, Drake buzzed Ben up, puttering around the kitchen while he waited for him to reach the floor.

  Drake opened the door to see Ben smiling on the other side, holding up a package. He wasn't in uniform, and it didn't look like there was anything for Drake to sign.

  "Hey," Ben said. "Uh—"

  "Oh! Sorry," Drake said, stepping back. "Here, come on in. Do you mind setting this down in my room? It's some missing parts to a desk I ordered."

  "Sure," Ben said, hefting the box easily as he followed Drake inside.

  "Sorry about the mess," Drake said, nodding to the half-assembled desk and tools on his bedroom floor. "Didn't feel like putting it all away when I knew I'd be getting the piece in soon." He waved around the room. "Just put it anywhere."

  Ben tilted his head, looking at the desk. "You're assembling it yourself? Not that I don't think you can," he quickly added, "just that I've put stuff like that together before and I'm crap at it with both hands."

  "Don't worry about it," Drake said, bending to pick his box cutter off the floor and then stooping over the new package. "It's not, like, easy, but I've figured it out. My parents are big hands-on people, so I have that mindset on my side." He threw Ben a grin before turning back to the box. "It helps that I've gotten really bendy. What I don't have an extra hand for, I can use my feet." He wiggled a bare foot. "Sometimes it takes some twisting, but I get it in the end." Drake looked up at Ben. "Sorry, did I have to sign for this? Or am I keeping you from work?"

  Ben shook his head. "No. Actually, you didn't have to sign for the package this time, so I just marked that I delivered it." He rubbed the back of his neck. "We're not technically supposed to do stuff like that, but I've got a pretty good record, so..."

  "Aw, we've only known each other a week and you're breaking the rules for me?" Drake grinned, pulling the parts out of the box. "I appreciate it, I really do, but maybe make it a one-time thing? I don't want to get you in trouble. But does that mean you don't have anywhere else to
be?"

  Ben shifted. "Yeah, uh, no plans. You?"

  Drake shook his head. "Nope. Just the desk. I'm having a lazy day. You're welcome to stay if you want, though I can't promise to be entertaining."

  "Yeah! If you don't mind, I'd like to spend some more time with you. Actually, uh..."

  Drake finished setting out the new pieces and started counting them to make sure they were all there. "Yeah? What's up?"

  "Okay, so, I know we agreed to wait, but I was pretty pumped to see Battle Weed this weekend. And I'd sort of like to see it with you, so I was wondering if you were maybe wanting to see it with me tonight."

  "Yes," Drake said immediately, looking up. "Thank you, I was dying, but you were the one who suggested waiting, and only after I brought it up so I didn't want to say anything."

  "There's a show at seven, and another at nine," Ben said. "Then a really late show, but––"

  "No, I get it, nine's kind of my limit to start a movie too," Drake said, pulling out his phone. "Do you want to try to make the seven? We can hang out until then, maybe grab an early dinner or something and then head over to the movie?"

  Ben nodded. "That sounds really good."

  "Okay. Awesome, it's a plan. And look, if you get ridiculously sick of me in an hour, feel free to bail."

  "I don't think that'll be an issue," Ben said with a chuckle, "but message received."

  Drake returned Ben's grin, looking back down at the pieces of his new desk. "So, you've got an extra one. Want to lend me a hand while you're here?"

  *~*~*

  "––and that's the thing," Drake said, waving around a French fry. "There's no reason why they needed to do that! Rita could've just gone in stasis like Rem did in the first movie. He was in stasis for like half of the movie! And Rita was just as upset over that then as he was with her dying now. Ugh."

  "Yeah, don't get me wrong, it was good," Ben said, "I mean, clearly it was good. But there were a couple of choices they made that just really didn't need to happen."

  "Yeah. At least we've got the George plot still going. I was sure that she was going to be the one to die, once she lost her hearing. Of course, that's why Rita had to go," he added, looking glum.

  "You're a Rita fan, I take it," Ben said with a grin.

  "Uh, yeah, because she's awesome. She was my second and a half favorite!"

  "Second and a half?"

  "Yeah," Drake said, holding up three fingers. "George is my first favorite, because of, well, all the reasons, and Rita and Rem tie for second, but I lean towards Rem just a little bit more because he's ridiculously attractive. And also because he's alive, at this point. Who's your favorite?"

  Ben shook his head. "I think I'm allowed to not answer, since I nicknamed you after one of the characters."

  "Wait, Lee?" Drake asked, delighted. "Cameo Lee's your favorite?"

  "I'm not saying a word."

  "You just said several," Drake said grinning.

  "Think what you like," Ben said. But he was smiling too. "You done?"

  "Oh, yeah. Want to head out?"

  "If you're ready."

  Drake had driven, since he sort of had a thing about being a passenger in cars, and they drove back to his place easily, keeping up the conversation, although Ben still refused to further discuss his favorite character. When Drake pulled into his parking spot, he turned to Ben. "You want to come up for a little while? If you're not sick of me yet."

  "No, uh, yeah! That'd be good. Sure."

  Drake laughed as they walked up to his apartment complex. "Why do you always sound so surprised when I express the desire to spend more time with you?"

  Ben rubbed the back of his neck ruefully. "It's still a little weird, I guess. I've had a crush on you for––yeah, and now I know you're the same Drake that Alonzio's been talking about all these years. Let's just say after delivering to you for so long, it's still weird to be invited in."

  "Gotcha," Drake said as they started to climb the stairs. Ben had been really good about the fact that Drake was not an elevator guy if he didn't have to be. "Well, here, if it makes it any easier, after an accidental blind date and spending time with you today, I would absolutely like to continue seeing you. So there's that."

  Ben beamed. "Yeah?"

  "Oh yeah," Drake said. "You think I invite just anyone back to my place after spending the entire day with them? I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but usually by hour ten I'm hitting my limit."

  "It's really that late?" Ben said, looking surprised.

  "Pretty sure," Drake said with a shrug as he unlocked his door. "It's not like I'm checking exactly but––" He pulled out his phone, only just then realizing that it was still off from when they'd left for the movie. He turned it on as he continued. "I mean, the math adds up. You first came over around one, and the movie only started at seven and that was about three hours with previews, and then we went to dinner and I babbled the entire time about the movie––"

  "You didn't babble," Ben said. "You're really into the series. I talked just as much."

  Drake gave him an unimpressed look. "Ben, you're great, but you are definitely more the strong and silent type than I will ever be. Note: this is not a criticism. Anyway––" his phone beeped letting him know about a text he'd missed, and then continued to beep steadily for a good two minutes. "What the heck?"

  "What's up?" Ben asked, looking over.

  "I've got about thirty texts and missed calls from Alonzio," Drake said, heading into his kitchen. "You want something to drink? I've got water, juice, soda--"

  "Water's fine, thanks. What'd Alonzio want?"

  "Uh..." Drake scrolled through the messages as he filled two glasses with water.

  6:43PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Hey, my professor called our lab early! I'm free for the movie. Do you still want to go?

  6:43PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  There's a nine that we'd be able to make.

  6:44PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Drake?

  6:44PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Drake so help me you better not be asleep.

  6:49PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Okay, I just tried to call and it went to voicemail, which means your phone is off. Why is your phone off?

  7:32PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Drake, answer me buddy! Are you okay?

  7:52PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  BATTLE WEED DRAKE. THINK OF THE MOVIE AND ANSWER YOUR PHONE.

  8:01PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Okay, I'm going to just hope you turned your phone off and not that you're dead in a ditch or something.

  8:02PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Hey, let me know when you get these, okay?

  8:46PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Hey, sorry about the movie. Looks like we're going to miss this weekend after all.

  8:46PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Let me know when you're phone's back on though. We can plan for next week. Also I kind of want to know what you've been doing all day man jeez.

  "Aaand I just had an idea," Drake said, once he was through showing Ben the messages. He plopped down on the couch and patted the seat next to him, so Ben could read the text that he typed out.

  11:17PM Text to Barns the Barbarian:

  hey man sorry about being awol. i actually went 2 see the movie

  11:18PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  WHAT. Aw man, really? By yourself? You should have called me! What were you doing all day? WHY WAS YOUR PHONE OFF.

  Ben snickered as Drake typed his reply.

  11:19PM Text to Barns the Barbarian:

  i didnt go by myself. i got asked out. i was with him all day. sorry

  11:20PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Wait.

  11:20PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Wait, you got asked out today?

  11:21PM Text to Barns the Bar
barian:

  yea. we've seen each other around b4 and he asked me out this afternoon. it was really nice

  11:23PM Text from Barns the Barbarian:

  Oh. Well, good for you man! Sorry I missed the movie but glad you had a good time. Just keep your spoilers to yourself.

  11:24PM Text to Barns the Barbarian:

  promise. see you monday

  Drake looked to Ben. "So, are you working the same shifts next week?"

  Ben nodded and smiled. "Yeah. I'd be picking up Alonzio next week too, but his car should be ready by the time he's off work on Monday, so he's going to the shop with my uncle to pick it up."

  "How do you feel about stopping by after work to say hi?" Drake asked with a grin, leaning in a little.

  "Sounds good to me," Ben replied, just before his phone started to ring. "Damn! Sorry, hang on––" He blinked at the screen. "It's Alonzio." Drake let out a bark of laughter.

  "Oh, answer it! Please. I'll make up for the lost moment, I promise."

  "I'll do you one better," Ben said, putting his phone on speaker. "Hey Alonzio, what's up?"

  "Ben! You blew it, man! Do you know how hard I worked to plan this out for you? Drake's never gonna trust me to set him up ever again! And definitely not with you!"

  "Whoa, whoa, slow down, man," Ben said, grinning at Drake, who scooted closer. "What are you talking about?"

  "Drake met someone else," Alonzio said, sounding dejected, bless his little matchmaker-y soul. "Some guy he's seen around or something asked him out today. Specifically, he asked him out to see Battle Weed, which is a surefire way into Drake's heart. You blew it! And he even gave you a second chance after the party, which, by the way, you had the perfect opportunity to explain at dinner. And now you'll be doomed to never know the true awesomeness that is my best friend, and all you'll have is the fleeting time when you have to deliver a package."

  "...that sounds a little more invested than I think it should be," Ben said, fighting to remain serious.

  "Okay, hold up, you do not get to say that. I've been listening to you pine over him for years. When I put together who he was, I jumped through hoops to introduce you––"