Christmastide with my Captain

by Tammy Andresen

  “Is everythin’ all right then?” Creeves called out as he crested the last hill.

  Jack stepped back. Taking a breath, Emilia turned to the groom. “Just fine. Captain Andrews must return to work on his ship.” She snapped the reins of her horse, pulling away from Jack and riding toward the groom, who looked crestfallen.

  “But I’ve only just got here,” he grumbled turning his steed the other direction.

  Jack slowly mounted his own horse and kicked it to follow. He watched her supple curves as she moved, his own resolve weakening. Once he left the castle he’d gain control of himself, he was sure of it. But right now, he’d take her without asking and make her his forever.

  Emilia could feel his eyes on her back as she rode. She’d turned around once, and his eyes had pierced into hers.

  What she didn’t understand was what that meant. He touched her like she was important and he’d revealed truths about himself she knew he kept private. But he’d also been clear. He wouldn’t court her.

  Was his own situation a convenient excuse for the truth? Her own insecurities crowded her mind. No man would ever love her, she didn’t inspire the feeling. She was dull, not pretty enough. But she pushed those thoughts aside. Right now, she’d be there for Jack.

  Reaching the barn, she could see her father striding toward them. His walk purposeful, his face set in hard lines. Emilia felt her heart flutter in her throat. Something was wrong.

  Jack rode up behind her. Swinging down from his stallion, he immediately moved to her side to lift her down from hers. She could see her father watching every move.

  “Captain Andrews.” Her father’s rough was voice, making her even more nervous. Without knowing why, her hand rested upon his upper arm as she finally swung her worried gaze to his.

  “Yes, my lord,” Jack replied, straightening and stepping in front of her. It was almost as though he were protecting her.

  “I told ye, call me Haggis.” Her father stopped just in front of Jack. “A letter came by ship today. The boat is docked in the harbor waiting for yer reply.”

  Jack’s shoulders relaxed and Emilia realized he had been about to defend her. It would have been very valiant, except for the fact that she wasn’t frightened of her father a lick. Jack didn’t know this of course. Her father looked gigantic, but he was really just about one of the sweetest men in all of Scotland.

  Her fear had been for Jack. Her father looked rather serious, and not at all like himself.

  Jack slid open the wax seal on the letter and then flipped open the pages. As his eyes scanned the pages, she saw every muscle tense in him and he took a half step back, nearly knocking into her. She put her hands up and rested them gently on his back. “What is it?”

  He turned to her then and, in front of her father, gathered her in his arms. “He’s dying.”

  She didn’t need to ask whom he spoke of and as her arms wrapped around him, she felt him shudder against her. “I’m so sorry, Jack.”

  “I have to leave today. The Maria is waiting in the harbor to take me to him. My delay could already mean that I missed saying goodbye.” Jack straightened and as Emilia tipped her head up to him, she saw the raw pain in his eyes.

  “Da,” she called over her shoulder. “We should go with him.”

  Both men said, “Emilia.” In the exact same moment in the same surprised tone.

  “Our family won’t make it back for at least a few days,” she said to her father. Then turning back to look at Jack, she added, “And no one should have to say goodbye like this, alone. Let us help you.”

  Both men gave a hesitant nod of agreement and then a flurry of action began.

  Not one hour later, Emilia watched from the bow of The Maria, the ship that had been sent to collect Jack as they sailed north to his uncle’s home. The ocean breeze tugged at her already windswept hair but her fingers were too cold to tame them. Lord, she wished she’d remembered the muff Jack had given her but she’d packed in such a hurry, it had been forgotten.

  And then Jack was there, standing next to her. He reached for her hands and held them in his own.

  “I was in such a rush, I forgot your muff.” She blushed as he rubbed her hands between his own.

  He gave her a smile that was tinged with sadness. “This is the best way to warm them anyhow.” He pulled her closer then began rubbing her hands again. “I’m truly glad you’re here. It’s hard enough without having to do it alone.”

  She couldn’t help it, her heart warmed at his words. “I’m glad to be here. Anything I can do to help you, Jack. I mean that. I’ve never met anyone who I felt—”

  “Emilia, you should be below deck,” her father called. “You’ll catch yer death out here, especially after what happened the other day.”

  “I’ll show her below deck, if it’s acceptable to you.” Jack gave her a meaningful glance as he spoke to her father.

  “I expect ye back on this deck shortly,” her father rumbled out.

  With a nod, Jack offered his arm and led her down the hatch.

  He didn’t say anything and she remained quiet too. Without thought, she’d been about to tell him her feelings. It was a foolish act that had been interrupted in the nick of time.

  As he reached a door to the left, he opened it for her, and gestured for her to enter. With a nod, she started to walk through but he stopped her. Bringing his lips down, he kissed her softly. “You are the best woman I know.” Then he turned and was gone. What did that even mean?

  Chapter 6

  Emilia didn’t have a chance to find out. Late that evening, they arrived at his uncle’s home. Weary as she was, she knew she’d not sleep as Jack left them in the parlor to attend his uncle. Perching on a chair next to the fire, she prepared to wait.

  Her father sat across from her. “Difficult business, losing the ones you love.” He cleared his throat. “This uncle, he meant a great deal to Captain Andrews?”

  “Yes. He practically raised him.” Emilia answered as truthfully as she could without revealing what Jack had told her.

  “I heard ye call him Jack.” Her father’s soft voice seemed to echo in the quiet room.

  “What?” She felt the color drain from her face as she turned to her father.

  “You know intimate details about his life. Ye’re referring to him by his given name, Emilia.” Her father didn’t look angry. “He looks at you like ye’re precious beyond anythin’ else in the world.”

  “It isn’t what you think.” She shook her head. Her father couldn’t know about the kisses and she didn’t dare tell him for fear he would demand marriage. Jack would comply and then he’d be shackled with her for the rest of his life. “I saved his life. He feels gratitude.”

  “Men don’t look at women like that out of gratitude,” her father harrumphed.

  She shook her head, how did she make her father understand? “He told me he couldn’t court me.”

  “I told yer mother that too.” Her father’s voice had gotten even softer.

  “What?” She turned to him then.

  Her father waved his hand. “I was bein’ stubborn. The point is men don’t know what they want. They need women to help them along, is all. Don’t give him a choice if that is what you want.”

  She bent her head to look at her lap. She rarely demanded people do anything. “I’ve never been very good at that. I wouldn’t know how.”

  “I know ye don’t. Don’t think I didn’t see yer sisters take full advantage of that. Yer always doing for others. But it’s time to take somethin’ for yerself.”

  “How?” She lifted her head to look at her father.

  “I’ll help ye. Perhaps if I told the Captain to stay away from ye.” Her father leaned forward.

  She shook her head. “First, that isn’t likely to work. I can’t be certain but he seemed to think he wasn’t good enough to marry me.”

  Her father nodded his head in understanding. “I knew I liked him.”

  But she flopped back in her
chair. “We shouldn’t even be discussing this. We came to help him.”

  “We are helping him,” her father rumbled. “Nothing will aid him more than a wife who provides him with a new family.”

  She blinked at her father, sitting up. Some small part of her warmed at the thought of being his wife. Having a wee bairn of their own. “You should tell him that you approve of his suit and think he’s a good match for me. If he still doesn’t ask to court me than it wasn’t meant to be.”

  Her father’s mouth turned down. “Are ye sure I can’t be disapproving? I’d rather he fear me.”

  “Da, you said you would help.”

  He glowered at her as he lifted himself up out of the chair. “How I ever ended up with three daughters, I’ll never know.”

  Emilia gave him a beaming smile, knowing that he had just agreed. “Ye love having us. Ye know ye do.”

  With a deep frown set upon his face, he left the parlor.

  Jack sat next to his uncle’s bed. “Ye made it,” the older man rasped.

  “My apologies for not arriving sooner. We were caught in the storm. The mast on my ship was damaged and we nearly sank.” Jack held his uncle’s hand, pain lancing his heart.

  “I’m just glad ye’re here now,” his uncle began coughing and Jack winced but his uncle didn’t see it and kept talking. “And that ye’re not alone.”

  “The Earl of Ravenscraig’s daughter saved my life, Uncle Kirklan. That she also accompanied me here is a testament to her character but—”

  “But what?” Uncle Kirklan turned to look at him then. Jack could see the man his uncle used to be hidden in the depths of his eyes. The man who had taught him right from wrong. The man who had taught him to love.

  “We both know I don’t deserve the daughter of an earl. I’m tainted.” Jack sat up straighter even as the pain of the statement stabbed at his chest.

  “Hog’s dung.” His uncle squeezed his hand tighter. “Ye are my heir by right and by will. Ye’re about to be a laird. Scotland doesn’t care about ye’re birth. Never has.”

  “I care. The man who marries Emilia should be able to give her the best of everything.” He shuddered as he drew in a ragged breath.

  “The sins of that man, or even Andrews, have nothing to do with the man you are. The man you’re about to become. If you have feelings for her, take her to wife. Build a real life for yerself here. Dunnae worry about what ye can’t change. But focus on what ye can build for her in the future, lad.”

  Jack shook his head. “It isn’t that simple.”

  “Nae, it isn’t. But I can tell ye what will happen if ye don’t. Ye’ll be layin’ in yer death bed wondering why ye didn’t do somethin’ when ye had the chance.”

  “Uncle Kirklan?” Jack’s chest tightened as he leaned over his uncle.

  Coughing, the man’s eyes grew distant. “I loved a girl. But I went off to fight in the war against the French. I refused to marry her before I left. My eyes were full of fightin’ and glory. When I came back, she’d already married.” He took a shuddering breath, the air rattling in his chest. “She lost faith I’d come home and I lost my chance. It wasn’t until I was too late that I realized what she meant to me.”

  A hand at Jack’s shoulder made him turn. Haggis stood just behind him.

  Uncle Kirklan paid the giant earl no mind. “Tell me, you said Emilia should have the man she deserves. How will ye feel when you see him holdin’ her, lad?”

  It was as though someone had punched him in the gut. It was that exact moment that Haggis bent down. “Can I talk to ye for just a moment?”

  With a nod, Jack stood and stepped to the side, meeting Haggis’s eyes. “Is everything all right?”

  “I just want ye to ken that I heard more of that conversation than ye likely wanted me to. But if ye love me daughter and ye swear to make her happy, I’ll support yer suit.” Haggis slapped him on the shoulder. “Now get back to yer uncle and don’t expect me to ever talk to ye like that again.” Haggis patted Jack’s shoulder one more time. “From now on, I’ll be the disapproving father-in-law every son-in-law needs.”

  With a nod, he watched Haggis leave. But a hope was blooming in his chest. If Haggis supported him and Emilia knew of his past and didn’t care, could he marry her as his uncle suggested? But it was Uncle Kirklan who commanded his attention again. “Jack. Don’t wait to grieve me, son. Take yer future now, it’s how best to honor my life.”

  “Son?” Jack sat back down next to his uncle then.

  “Ye’ve always been a son to me. Ye must ken that.”

  “I know,” he whispered as he held his uncle’s hand. If a man cried, he’d shed a tear now. Because he loved his uncle like a father and his words, along with Haggis’, had soothed something in his heart.

  It was well after midnight before he finally left his uncle’s room. The end had been peaceful but Jack was empty inside. The only real family he’d ever had was gone.

  Returning to the common room, Haggis half sat, half lay, snoring in a chair near the fire. Emilia sat, staring into the flames, her face etched with worry. Worry for him.

  Some of the emptiness disappeared. He didn’t have a family now, but he could build one. “Emilia,” he murmured softly.

  Her head turned, eyes snapping to his as she launched herself from the chair toward him. “Is he…” Her body came in contact with his just as her words failed. He wrapped her in his arms.

  “Gone,” he cleared his throat, tamping down the emotion.

  “I’m so sorry, Jack.” She lay her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. Digging her fingers into the small of his back, she felt a tear soak though his shirt.

  Tucking a finger under her chin, he lifted it to look into her eyes. “When you said that I was welcome to return to Kounan Castle, did you mean that I could court you, lass?”

  He watched another tear slide down her cheek. “Of course I did.”

  “And you won’t regret marrying me because of what I am?” His voice had dropped so low, he thought for a moment she might not have heard it.

  “A brave, strong, kind, and handsome man?” Her lips curved into a soft smile.

  “Oh, Emilia.” He dipped down and took her lips. “You’re mine now, love. Now and forever.”

  She molded to him then, her body pliant in his arms. Jack had never wanted anything as much in his life as wanted her. Her father sat just feet away, still snoring, but it took everything in him to pull back from her lips. “Forever,” she echoed.

  The wind near left him at her affirmation and he fit his arm under her behind, lifting her against his body and carrying her up the stairs. “We’ll be married as soon as your father will agree to a date,” he murmured against her lips, past the point of stopping.

  “Christmastide.” She smiled against his lips. “We’ll be married on Christmastide. You were my wish.” Her nose nuzzled his in between kisses.

  “What’s that now?” He pulled away slightly and opened the door to his room. Carrying her inside, he set her softly on the floor, some of the urgency gone now that they were alone.

  “The day on the beach, when your ship was near sinking. I wished for love to find me.” She smiled up at him.

  He stroked her cheek, relishing the feel of her smooth skin beneath his rough fingers. “You were a wish I didn’t dare make. But that still doesn’t explain why the holiday.”

  “I didn’t want to face my family alone on the holiday. But now, instead of my hiding my sorrow I want to share my joy.” She grinned at him, her heart shining in her eyes.

  “Then Christmastide it is.” He kissed her again, long and deep. Her fingers slid under his cravat, tickling the skin below. “Emilia,” he growled. “I only have so much restraint left, love.”

  “So don’t restrain yourself,” she whispered back.

  He knew he should wait, but he just couldn’t. Her permission had him hastily unbuttoning her gown until it was a pool of fabric on the floor. He worked the ties of her corset
and then began removing his own clothing, hessians first.

  Emilia pulled several pins from her hair and he stuck his hand out. “Give those to me, love.” He’d never find them all if they scattered to the floor.

  With one eyebrow arching, she pulled out pin by pin, placing them in his hand. He watched as luscious blonde curls fell about her shoulders and down her back. He nearly dropped all the pins, wanting to bury his hands in that hair.

  Slapping the pins on the armoire, he crossed back over to her and did just that. Over and over he kissed her, drinking in her taste, the feel of curves pressed against him. He still wore his breeches and she her shift. He didn’t want to frighten her, but need was building inside of him.

  Picking her up again, he lay her on the bed. His hands skimmed her shift up her legs, exposing her stockings and pantaloons. “Oh,” she gasped as he pulled the pantaloons off and began undoing the garters.

  “You are so beautiful, love.” Jack looked down at the creamy skin of her legs. His hands trembled as though he were the untried one. She would be his. He could hardly believe it.

  A blush was climbing her cheeks and he saw her hands clench at the hem of her shift. Not wanting her to grow frightened, he leaned down to whisper, “You are lovelier than any woman I’ve ever known.” He kept whispering a string of love words as his hand crept up her thigh and lightly touched her folds.

  She moaned then as she allowed her head to fall back and her hips to tilt up. “Jack.” It came out as a gasp. A plea for more.

  He worked her rhythmically as she responded to his touch, digging her fingers deeper into his scalp. And then she shattered. “Jack,” she cried again.