The scars of us

by Rachael Tonks

Lifting onto her tiptoes, she rests her hands on my shoulders, her lips hovering over mine. “We could go anywhere with this amount of money. No one will ever know where we are.”

  Reaching up I cover each of her hands with my own, bringing them back in front of us.

  “Izzy, this is where I belong. I couldn’t leave here because it would mean leaving Travis behind. I just couldn’t. I’m sorry.” Shooting her a sad smile, I press my lips gently against hers. I draw back looking her straight in the eyes. I see the pain and disappointment in them and it cuts deep. “One day, baby. Maybe one day.” I give her the small promise and the look in her eyes lightens slightly.

  “What happens if the MC go crazy and hurt you? What if Carter wants some sort of twisted revenge…”

  Pressing my lips to hers, I cut her off. I snake my hand behind her neck, pulling her into the kiss, deepening it. Only she presses her hands against my chest, pushing me away from her.

  “You can’t do that.” She separates from me completely, turning her back on me.

  “What?” I say, throwing my arms up in disbelief. I feel like I keep getting shit wrong with her. Am I really that bad at being in a relationship with the girl I’d dreamed about for so long? I bite down on my own lip, frustration bubbles inside.

  “Kiss me every time I say something you don’t want to hear. I don’t need to be silenced by you, Brax. Don’t you think I’ve had a lifetime of being controlled and silenced?” She spins back around until she’s facing me. Closing the gap, she grabs the front of my t-shirt. “We have to be in this together, Brax. As equals. I get that you’ve had this business with Carter, that you are this big… criminal,” she spits out as if she struggled to find the words. “But it has to end here. I can’t lose you, and this life you lead—the one you are so hesitant to leave—is the one that will get you killed.”

  “I’ve done alright so far.” I look down at her, releasing a slow breath.

  “But you have me now. You have something to live for, and dammit, Brax, all the money we ever need. Why continue something you don’t have to?”

  “Because I can’t just walk away, it really doesn’t fucking work that way.” I take her hand, leading her over to the couch. “Sit,” I instruct her, and she falls beside me a little reluctantly. “There is too much hanging over me. Trouble with the MC, trouble with Carter. It all needs to be taken care of.” I’m expecting her to understand something she has absolutely no knowledge of.

  “So, we figure it out. All of it,” she rushes out, turning to face me, her bony knee brushing against mine. “And when it’s done, you promise to quit. You walk away from everyone and everything.”

  “And do what? Sit on my ass all day every day?”

  “Invest the money. You did so good with this place.” She points her finger to the ceiling. “You could invest your money into property. Do them up, sell them on, make more money.”

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “It is.” She smiles, squeezing my hand a little tighter. “Think about it. This is the start of the rest of our lives. We can make plans. Ones that don’t get you killed.” She tilts her head, her eyes widening, and I can’t help but laugh a little. She’s right. I know she’s right. Only this is part of who I am now. Can I really be someone else? Can I walk away from what I’ve worked so hard to build?

  I look at my reflection in the mirror, and finally, I’m starting to see me again. My face is already filling out a little and my clothes don’t feel like they’re going to fall off me. The last few days with Brax have been mixed. I’ve gone from feeling utter elation, to complete despair. Every day I fear that someone will knock on the door. Someone who holds a grudge against us. I’m terrified of losing him. After all, he’s all I have.

  “Izzy,” he calls for me. “Tara is here.”

  I called and arranged a shopping trip with Tara. I was shocked with just how enthusiastic she was about it.

  “Coming,” I reply, pressing the lipstick against my lips and swiping it across, then back again. It’s a light one, barely noticeable, but I like it. I nod, happy with how I look before skipping out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

  “Hey,” I call over to her, grabbing my purse and jacket from the rack beside the door. I look inside my heavier-than-normal purse and gasp at the sight of roll upon roll of twenty-dollar bills.

  “What?” she asks, her eyes boring into me.

  “Oh, uh, nothing,” I answer weakly.

  “Girl, you’re looking good, apart from the fact that you look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

  “I’m feeling good,” I reply cheerfully. “Having Brax helps.” I look up at him now standing beside me. Reaching onto my tiptoes, I kiss his rugged face, his stubble harsh against my skin. I mouth an inaudible thank you, realizing he’s the only one that could’ve put the money there.

  I look at Tara. Her eyes are fixed on the floor and she fidgets awkwardly. I cringe internally, knowing that something happened between these two, and wondering whether there are still some feelings on her part. I ignore it for now, but make a mental note to speak to her about it, one to one.

  “Yeah, he’s not bad,” she says teasingly. “Pain in the fucking ass though.” She snarls playfully at him, and he rolls his eyes in the way you would about your kid sister.

  “Let’s go,” he says waving us forward with his hands. She gives me the side eye and a flick of her head as she stifles a laugh. A chuckle escapes me as I laugh with her.

  “Oh, great. You two are gonna be ganging up on me, huh?”

  “Oh, shut up and get in the back seat,” she says, pressing the key fob, unlocking the doors to her car.

  “Great,” he groans and I can’t help but laugh at the two of them bouncing off each other. He’s like the miserable older brother and she’s acting like the kid sister. Opening the door, I jump in the passenger’s seat, setting off toward downtown.

  “I can’t even remember what downtown is like.”

  “Oh, you’ll love it. I’m going to take you to all the best places, it’s going to be so much fun.” A smile widens on her face and I can’t help but wonder if she needs a friend just as much as I do.

  Walking through street after street, we check out the clothes and the more time I spend with her the more I like her infectiousness. She’s a little loud, but a lot of fun. My cheeks ache from laughing so much.

  “Oh, you have to try these on.” She holds up a shiny pair of multicolored, sequin stilettos. “With your legs, darling, you’ll rock these.”

  “You have got to be kidding me, right?” I gasp, taking the very expensive-looking shoes. “How would I even stand in those?” I walk over and place them back on the shelf where she got them from.

  “Practice, Izzy. It’s all about the practice. Maybe you should buy them for a special occasion? You could go out for a real expensive meal somewhere. A lot of the fancy joints around here are owned by Carter and Brax anyway.”

  “What?” I ask, a little taken aback by her comment.

  “Yeah,” she replies with a whisper, wrapping her hand around the top of my arm and pulling me close. “They filter a lot of money through these restaurants and provide protection at the same time.”

  Sighing heavily, I drop down onto the small chairs behind me. “I feel like I don’t know the half of it.” I smile sadly, and she rushes to sit beside me.

  “Izzy, I only know this because I’ve been part of this family all my life. My uncle was the boss before Carter, and the whole family is involved in one way or the other. My mom always tried to shelter us from it, make us feel normal. But the minute people find out you are Carter’s cousin, they give you a wide berth. Especially men,” she says widening her eyes and pressing her lips into a fine line.

  “Brax told me about you and Nate.”

  “Urgh,” she growls. “He had no right.”

  “I think he’s concerned,” I say in Braxton’s defense.

  “That’s not it at all,” she snaps, but I know she isn’t
directing her frustrations at me. “Our family see the MC as the lowest form of criminal. Their morals are completely screwed, and after the, uh, well you know what happened, I kind of agreed. That was until I met Nate. He’s different, Izzy,” she says excitedly. “I think there is also an agreement in place that the MC don’t touch the Mellano women, or so Nate says.”

  “So you like him, but nothing is happening between you two?” I ask, narrowing my eyes a little.

  “If anyone asks, nothing is happening.”

  “So, you are?”

  “Oh, we’ve tried fighting it. We both know it could get us in trouble, but I can’t help it. He’s not like the rest. He’s kinda special,” she coos and she rocks from side to side with her hands pushed between her knees, a dreamy look in her eye.

  “And Brax?” I ask tentatively. “I know something happened between you.”

  “Oh.” She slumps forward and is suddenly silent.

  “Listen, I don’t want it to be awkward between us. I just need to know if there are feelings involved.”

  “Honestly, there were… but please, let me explain.”

  I feel my heart pounding in my chest. I don’t know if it’s a pang of jealousy or whether I’m scared to hear about Brax being with someone else. I nod, staying quiet, letting her continue.

  “When I was being raped, he saved me. He looked after me, and naturally I developed a bit of a crush. See, Brax is the reason I was allowed to go to the party that night, but he didn’t want me, not really. Carter had hoped that we would couple up, that I would be the girl to get Brax to forget about you and move on. But even after all that time, he couldn’t. I thought we were getting close, and I did develop some feelings for him. God, this is hard, I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I have to be honest with you.”

  “It is hard, but I’d take honesty over lies any day.”

  “I wasn’t even given a second’s thought the minute he knew you were alive.”

  Sucking in a breath through my gritted teeth, I almost feel bad for her.

  “But you two were always meant to be, Izzy. He loves you enough to risk his life, not once, but twice to save you. That says a lot about his commitment to you, and that’s something I would never be able to compete with. As soon as I saw the connection between you was the minute that I realized there was never anything between us really.”

  “What about a double date? You, me, Brax, and Nate?”

  “Whoa,” she says dramatically, holding up her hand. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that would be? Going out in public with Nate when everyone knows who we are?”

  “Seriously?” I scrunch up my nose. “It’s really that bad?”

  “Uh, yesss,” she says all sassy. “Carter has men all over the city. We’d never get through the night without someone seeing us. Plus, the Savages are still pissed with Brax over the whole rapist pig murder thing.”

  “No,” I snap in annoyance. “If you and Nate want to be together, nobody can say otherwise.”

  She laughs shaking her head at me. “Oh, sweet girl. You really don’t have a clue. There are rules. Ones that you don’t break for fear of causing the next war.”

  “Well, it’s time we changed those rules. If I want to take you and Nate to dinner as thanks for all you have done, then I’m taking you to dinner. Anyone wants to question that, then they ask me,” I say with a tone of finality.

  Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, she pulls me into her, almost a little too harshly. I put my hand down, trying to balance myself out. “I like your style, girl. So does that mean we can get the stilettos?”

  “Stilettos it is,” I say, grabbing them off the shelf and instructing the assistant of the size needed. Her face lights up as we make our way to the counter, her arm snaking through mine. “It’s going to be amazing.”

  We spend hours walking around downtown and I’m in awe of the place. So many shops and fancy restaurants, Tara has already pointed out the one she wants us to book for our unofficial date night, one that just happens to be owned by Carter. The more I spend time with her, the more I realize how infectious this girl is. Constant chatter and smiles, so much high energy it almost makes me feel exhausted.

  “Izzy,” Brax calls out as we step out of what feels like the hundredth clothes store. I glance up at him leaning against the wall, one foot against the brickwork, a cigarette clutched between his thumb and index finger. He lifts it to his mouth, taking a drag. Smoke billows around his face before he flicks it to the ground, stamping on it with his heavy leather boots.

  “But we have a ton more shops we need to go to before we leave,” Tara protests, while Brax steps closer, offering me his hand.

  “Here, let me take those for you,” he says with a rugged smile. “We really have to go. I have business that needs handling.” His voice is lowered and his eyebrows are drawn. Something is wrong, I sense it.

  “What? What kind of business,” I ask, handing him some of the bags.

  “Carter,” he mumbles, his eyes flitting up to mine, then down to my free hand. He takes it, leading us back to Tara’s car.

  “I’m not sure this is a good idea.” I tug a little on his hand and he glances down at me.

  “Me either. But he’s fucking pissed and I need to put an end to this. It will follow us until I have.”

  “But… but… what if he does something? What if he hurts you, or worse?” I gulp down the nerves that form a lump in my throat.

  “It won’t come to that. I might not trust him right now, but he’s been like a brother to me. For years he’s been the only family I’ve had. I don’t like what has happened, not one fucking bit.”

  A wave of fear and despair washes through me. I don’t trust Carter. I don’t like him and I think he’s more of a danger than Brax could ever know.

  “I need answers. I need to know why when I needed him the most, did he turn his back on me?”

  “And what, Brax? What if he doesn’t give you answers? What happens then?” He snaps his hand out of mine, turning and facing me.

  “Then I give him his fucking precious money and walk away,” he roars. “I close it down. Everything we had will be lost.”

  I squint at him, my lips pursed together, letting the bags drop to the sidewalk. “You’re giving him exactly what he wants. Carter calls and you go running. Why not turn the tables? Get him to come to you. Where you are safe.”

  “She’s right,” Tara chimes in. “Listen, I don’t want to get caught between the two of you but she’s thinking smart. Play him at his own game. Call the Savages. Call the men that are loyal to you…”

  “I don’t need backup. Jeez, you two have no idea.” He throws his arm up in frustration. “If I do that, it’s like declaring war. He called me with the invitation, I have to go. I’m not arguing about this.” He reaches for the bags I dropped to the floor, swiping them from the ground, then turns and continues to charge forward, all the while shaking his head.

  “Listen,” Tara whispers, “I totally agree with you.” She locks her arm through mine as we follow after Brax. “What he’s doing is dangerous. Carter is seriously pissed about the whole situation, enough to try to drop me in the shit with the Savages. My loyalty to my cousin went out of the window the second he tried ratting us out to the MC.”

  “I don’t trust him,” I mumble. “Not one little bit.”

  “Listen, Izzy, I’m totally with you. You don’t become a criminal because you’re the state’s most trustworthy person.” She laughs a little sarcastically. “But I never doubted his loyalty to Brax; that’s what is fucking with my head. Why? Why did it all suddenly change?”

  “Who knows,” I reply looking up at her with a sad smile. “But if there is a reason, the truth will come out eventually.”

  I make sure the girls get back home and quickly change, ready for my meeting with Carter. That cocksucker has some questions to answer. Betrayal isn’t something I can ever look past. I’ve been nothing but loyal to him
and the business we have spent years working for and building. If it wasn’t for me, Carter wouldn’t be anywhere near as successful or notorious. He has a lot to thank me for. I will never forget what he’s done for me either, but this has definitely been a winning partnership, for both of us.

  “I don’t mind staying here with Izzy,” Tara says in an upbeat tone as I enter the living room.

  “Good, I was counting on it,” I reply stiffly.

  “How long will you be?” Izzy asks, taking my hand and leading me into the kitchen. I press my hands against her waist, lifting her onto the countertop. A small squeal escapes her, her eyes flutter as she looks up at me. Jesus, everything about this girl is so fucking cute. The way she tilts her head, the way her lashes flutter when she’s looking me deep in the fucking eyes. A few days of eating has really done wonders for her face. It looks less sunken, and her cheekbones are as prominent as they always have been.

  “Well?” she asks again, taking in the corner of her mouth, snapping me from my thoughts.

  “Baby, I don’t know,” I say allowing my eyes to fall shut. “But,” I say lowering my voice, “I’ll make it up to you when I’m back.”

  “Oh, is that a promise?” she asks with a lift of her brow. “I was starting to think you didn’t want me anymore.” “What?” I exclaim. “Of course I fucking want you, but, baby, rushing you isn’t good for either of us. You’ve been through something so fucking traumatic that I wanted to give you time to heal, to tell me when you’re ready.” Her head whips to the side, checking the coast is clear before she grabs my hand, guiding it inside her panties, toward her sex.

  “Does it feel like I’m ready?” she says a little breathlessly.

  “Fuck, Izzy,” I groan. “You’re gonna fucking kill me.”

  “Just showing you what is waiting for you when you get home,” she says cupping my face and pulling me down toward her. Our lips meet as she kisses me slowly. I sink into her hold, parting my lips, welcoming her tongue as it works against mine. I feel her tremble beneath me, and I’d give anything to rip every inch of material from her fucking body, and devour the rest of her, here and now. She tastes so fucking good, I can barely tear myself away. Using the pad of my thumb I work deeper inside her panties, circling her clit so slightly, making sure I flick it with every round. Her deep breathing turns into moans and I know I have to stop. I withdraw my hand and slow the kiss until we part. A small groan escapes her at the loss of contact.