Unspoken Rules

by Lora Inak

  After class, as they walked to the locker room, Chris threw his arm over her shoulder. ‘How did you go?’

  ‘Good I think.’ She smiled up at him and was rewarded with a kiss.

  ‘Can you two please get a room?’ Katelyn hurried to keep up, pulling her school jumper on over her dress.

  ‘Ha, ha, Kate.’

  ‘So’—Chris winked at Katelyn behind Natalie’s back—‘a little birdy told me it’s your birthday today.’

  ‘Oh no!’ Natalie glared at Katelyn. ‘Let me guess … is that little birdy short, with blonde hair and a pointy elfin chin?’

  ‘I recall the birdy does somewhat fit that description,’ Chris chuckled.

  ‘That little birdy chirps too much. Naughty bird.’ Natalie poked Katelyn in the ribs.

  ‘You didn’t think we’d let your eighteenth slip by without embarrassing you in some way, did you?’ Katelyn cackled like an evil witch.

  Natalie stopped. ‘Now I’m really scared. What have you two done?’

  Chris grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the locker room. ‘Have some faith, oh ye suspicious one. Come on. I promise you’ll love it.’

  As soon as she entered, the whole place erupted into song. About forty of her school mates sang Happy Birthday, mostly out of tune and out of sync with each other, and a few pretty much just screamed the words. Maddie stood on a chair pretending to be the conductor while Alex and Steph were gyrating their hips in some bizarre hip-hop dance imitation. Angela and Tara held balloons, which they’d drawn smiley faces on, and Katelyn jumped in front of her and yelled, ‘Taa-daa’.

  A small pink cupcake with a lit candle plunged into the centre sat on a desk.

  Face burning, Natalie stood rooted to the spot, blinking stupidly. All these people … here for her. People who cared. Friends.

  ‘Thanks guys,’ she squeaked when the singing finally ended.

  ‘Make a wish, Natso,’ Katelyn said.

  ‘Yeah. Wish for a rack like Kim Kardashian,’ Simon shouted.

  ‘Wish for a date with Ryan Gosling,’ Steph called out.

  ‘Nah … wish for a never-ending pack of Tim Tams,’ Alex yelled.

  ‘Shut up, guys,’ Chris hollered. ‘Blow out the candle, babe,’ he said quietly in her ear.

  She closed her eyes, made a wish and blew. Everyone whistled and cheered. Heart pounding, she took a bite out of the cupcake, marvelling how only a few months ago, she barely spoke to most of the people in the room.

  Later, when the locker room had cleared and she’d hugged Maddie, Steph and Katelyn goodbye, Chris leaned against the lockers, waiting for her to gather her bag and books.

  ‘That was so embarrassing,’ she complained. ‘But thanks.’ She pulled his body close to hers, leaning up to kiss him. ‘It was really thoughtful and really sweet.’ Were all guys this great?

  Chris ran his nose along her neck. ‘I knew you wouldn’t want a party, so I had to get creative. Don’t you wanna know what I got you as a gift?’

  ‘It hadn’t even crossed my mind.’ That was total lie; of course she’d thought about it, but she didn’t think Chris knew when her birthday was. Katelyn had obviously spilled it. Thankfully, Katelyn seemed to know where the line lay between what was okay to tell Chris and what wasn’t.

  ‘Hmm.’ He smiled down at her. ‘Then you are a most uncommon female specimen.’

  ‘Why do I suddenly feel like a grasshopper?’

  ‘Sorry. Biology is ruining my life. Are you free Saturday night?’

  ‘I did wish for a date with Ryan Gosling, but I suppose I can see him anytime. Why?’

  Chris rolled his eyes. ‘I want to cook you a special dinner for your birthday. Can you come over?’

  ‘You’re going to cook for me? Really? Should I eat before I come?’

  He gently pulled her hair. ‘That is unkind.’

  ‘But kind of true, though!’ she smiled.

  ‘Don’t stress. I have a backup plan if the food is inedible. Order in pizza.’

  ‘What? No frozen meals?’

  ‘Smart arse.’ He picked her up and whirled her around until her head spun. ‘Yes or no?’

  She screamed, yelling at Chris to put her down. When he finally did, she held onto the lockers to stop herself from tumbling over.

  ‘Well, when you put it like that, how can I say no?’

  ***

  She met Katelyn at LeFey Park later that afternoon. The grass was wet from that morning’s rain and so was the seesaw.

  ‘Here’s your gift, birthday girl.’

  Natalie tore open the black wrapping paper and found a silver heart-shaped locket. ‘That’s so beautiful, Kate. Thanks.’ She gave Katelyn a tight hug and put the locket on. ‘I’m sorry but I can’t stay long. My parents have invited all the relos over for a cake cutting ceremony. You’d think now that I’m eighteen, Mum wouldn’t make me suffer through it anymore.’

  ‘Make sure you bring me a piece of cake tomorrow.’ Katelyn wiped the seesaw with her sleeve and mounted it. ‘Did you book in for your driver’s licence?’

  ‘Yep. Friday after school. I’m so nervous.’ Natalie mounted the other end, wiping the moisture off with a crumpled tissue she found in her pocket.

  ‘You’re a nerd.’ Katelyn gave her a dimpled smile, pushing off from her end. ‘You’ll ace it, like you ace everything else.’

  ‘I hope I pass, at least. Then I can use the old Nissan whenever my mother or Misha is in the mood to let me drive it.’

  ‘I thought it was a communal car. Did your parents give it to Misha?’

  ‘No, but she’s the older child, and therefore, by rights, gets first dibs. That is, if my mother isn’t using it.’

  Katelyn stopped seesawing and arched her eyebrows. ‘That’s fair… not!’

  ‘Just another wonderful unspoken rule.’ Natalie pushed off to get things moving again.

  ‘Have you figured out a way to get to the formal yet?’

  ‘Nup. I kind of ran it past my mother and she just told me to ask my father. That’s pretty much her way of saying no. My father would never let me go.’

  ‘Are you gonna tell Chris now?’

  Natalie knew she had to. She’d promised herself she would. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She nodded. ‘Soon.’

  Katelyn cocked an eyebrow, but said no more about it, instead she cleared her throat. ‘Hey, Nat. I need to talk to you about something.’

  ‘Okay ... what is it?’

  ‘Promise you won’t freak out.’

  Natalie’s stomach tightened. ‘That’s making me really nervous.’

  ‘It’s just that last time I told you about Markus … you know.’

  Natalie relaxed. If it was about Markus, it couldn’t be that bad. ‘I’m well and truly okay with that now.’

  ‘Markus emailed me. He’s coming to Australia.’

  ‘What? Seriously? That’s great.’

  ‘Yeah, I’m pretty spun out.’ Katelyn pushed off a little too enthusiastically on the seesaw.

  ‘More details please. And take it easy. That hurt my arse.’

  ‘He’s coming here in December. In less than six months. I feel a panic attack coming on.’

  Natalie laughed, raising her arms and joining the tips of her fingers. ‘Please take a deep breath and centre yourself. Ooommm.’

  ‘Shut up, you loser.’ Katelyn shook her head. ‘So, you’re really happy for me then?’

  ‘Yes. I am. I’m sorry about how I acted before. I won’t be like that again, ever. I … I’ve grown up since then. Emotionally, I mean.’

  ‘Thank God!’ Katelyn laughed. ‘Although, given this “formal” fiasco, I’d say you have a way to go yet.’

  Natalie threw a twig at her.

  They seesawed for a while, discussing all the cool places Kat
elyn could take Markus and all the fun things they could do together. When Natalie started feeling nauseous from the up and down motion, they moved onto the swings.

  ‘How come I always get the kiddy-sized swing,’ Katelyn complained, squeezing into it.

  ‘Because you’ve got kiddy-sized hips. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super jealous.’

  ‘Humph. No fair.’

  ‘So …’ Natalie let the ‘so’ hang provocatively in the air. ‘Are you two … you know, going to pick up where you left off?’ It was funny how comfortable it was to talk about this stuff with Katelyn now. She really truly must have grown up. She’d always hated it when Misha had thrown the ‘you’re still a child’ comment in her face, but she realised now that her sister had been right.

  ‘God dang it … oh yeah.’ Katelyn cocked an eyebrow.

  ‘Stupid question really.’

  ‘How about you?’

  Damn, she should have known Katelyn would fire the same question back at her. ‘How about me, what?’

  ‘Don’t do that “bouncing the question back at me” crap. It doesn’t work on me, Natso.’

  ‘You know how much I want to. It’s so hard not to. If I’m not with him, trying not to lose it, I’m dreaming about it, thinking about it, imagining it. Last Sunday, I’m at church, and all I’m seeing in my head is Chris and I having sex. Then I’m like … God will strike me down dead right here, right now.’

  ‘Does he know how you feel? Chris, I mean. Not God.’

  ‘No. I’ve just told him I’m not ready to have sex yet. Except, I want to, but then I know I shouldn’t. My parents would kill me if they found out.’

  ‘But how will they find out? Do they give you an annual check?’ Katelyn swung to and fro, tapping her heels together.

  ‘Eww … No, nothing like that. But think about it. One day, if I marry a guy from the community, he’ll find out on our wedding night. And that’s if I lie to him about it until our wedding night.’

  ‘I read online that you can get things stitched back up down there.’

  Natalie screwed up her face. ‘That’s pretty extreme. Even so, I’d be starting a marriage on a pretty big lie.’

  Katelyn sighed. ‘It does bring a question to mind.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Do you have to marry a guy from the community?’

  That was the question she’d been asking herself. ‘My parents would strongly prefer it.’

  ‘And is no one else good enough?’

  ‘I don’t know. I think my mother would come around eventually, but my father is pretty old fashioned.’ Natalie swung as high as she could go. ‘Not sure how he’d take it. He’d probably go into cardiac arrest.’ Natalie still couldn’t get the picture of her father’s angry face out of her mind. Is that how he’d react if he found out about her and Chris? Would she have to go into hiding like Elbira had?

  ‘What about what you want?’

  ‘I don’t really know what I want. I only just turned eighteen, and I’m not like my sister, desperate to settle down. I want to go places first, see things. But I do want to be able to decide who I marry and if I marry.’

  ‘Don’t you think you need to let Chris know? About how it’s probably never going to happen between you two? He’s a good guy, Natso. It’s not fair to play him like that. He’s probably feeling it harder than you are. You know what guys are like.’

  Her throat tightened. ‘I know I should, but I’m scared he’ll walk away.’

  ‘Ah-ha!’ Katelyn yelled, pointing at her. ‘Finally, the truth comes forth. You’re totally in love with him. I knew it.’

  ‘Not this again!’

  ‘Why can’t you just admit it?’

  ‘There’s nothing to admit.’ She couldn’t admit it, didn’t want to admit it. Admitting it meant everything was real. That everything was truly, completely out of control.

  ‘Liar. I know you, Nat. You’re in love with him whether you admit it or not. And anyway, is it so bad if you were?’

  ‘What’s the point if I was? Once I tell him I can’t have sex with him, he’ll break things off anyway.’

  ‘Seriously, how does that poor guy deal with you? You and all your secrets and twisted ideas. Did you ever think he might just understand and be cool about it all?’

  ‘I seriously doubt it. Can you imagine any Aussie guy being cool about it?’

  ‘Don’t be like that, Nat. Don’t lump all Aussie guys into one box like your dad or sister does. Not all Westerners are the same. Chris might surprise you.’

  ***

  That night, after all the relatives went home, Natalie sat by her window, pondering. Right now, there was so much clutter in her life, so much going on. It seemed that life just came with complications. At the start of the year, she knew exactly where she wanted her life to go. Had a clear direction. She’d finish high school, fight her parents to do the uni course she wanted, study hard and get her bachelor degree, work and travel for a while and then, ultimately, marry a community boy, have children, and if her husband allowed it, keep working and building a career. It would be a hard road, full of battles with her parents, but she’d prepared herself for that.

  Now, nothing was clear. She didn’t know exactly what she wanted anymore. She’d never expected to fall in love with Chris—an Aussie guy. And, in the dark stillness of her room, she could admit it to herself. She did love him. More than she should. She was in so deep it scared her. Where would this all go? How would it end? Because, end it would. And that meant she’d hurt Chris, break his heart. She’d never wanted this. But she hadn’t been strong enough to stop it either, and now it was too late. She’d been prepared to fight for her education, for her career, but she never expected to have to choose the traditional road versus the western way—not when it came to relationships.

  Her phone rang. It was Azeem.

  ‘Hey. How’s it going?’

  ‘I’m sorry for calling, but Misha never picks up her phone. I tried to talk to her at church, but she avoided me. Please tell me honestly. Is something wrong? Did I do something?’ His voice was thick with emotion.

  Stupid Misha. She’d been snubbing the poor guy since Easter.

  ‘No, Azeem. You haven’t done anything wrong. Trust me, it’s all her. She’s just … going through some stuff.’

  ‘What stuff?’

  ‘I can’t really say. Listen, I’ll go and talk to her for you. Ask her to call. Okay?’

  Natalie hung up, took a long breath and walked into her sister’s room. Misha was by the window, praying. She’d been praying a hell of a lot since she’d seen the GP.

  ‘That was Azeem.’ Misha didn’t even look over. ‘This has got to stop.’

  Misha drew a cross over her chest, kissed the crucifix dangling from her neck and got up off the floor. ‘It’s none of your business, okay.’

  ‘It’s my business when the poor guy is close to tears on the phone with me. Why are you acting like this? It’s like you think you’re going to die or something. Misha, please talk to him.’

  ‘Drop it.’ Misha sat on her bed and grabbed her nail filer, her chin quivering.

  ‘Listen to me, please. You have to tell Mama and Baba. You should tell Azeem. These are people who care about you, who can help. I can’t do it on my own. I don’t even know what to do.’ Natalie blinked back tears. There was a heaviness in her heart, a strange foreboding she couldn’t shake.

  For weeks she’d been watching her sister sink into a pit of misery. She’d tried everything to pull her out, but Misha blocked every attempt. Her appointment with the Neurologist was not for another month, but in Misha’s head, the axe had already dropped. She’d pushed Azeem away, and pretty much isolated herself from everyone else too. She went to work and church, but that was all. Even Juliette was calling Natalie, worried and confused.

  ‘Just leave me al
one,’ Misha’s voice shook. ‘I want to be alone. I … I’ll deal with Azeem when I’m ready.’

  ‘Deal with him? What does that mean?’

  ‘It means what it means; now I’d like to go to sleep. I’m tired.’ Misha tucked herself into bed and turned her back on Natalie.

  Clearly there was nothing left to discuss.

  Chapter 20

  Natalie stood outside Chris’s house, her heart doing back flips. She was a wreck since Katelyn spelled it all out for her. It was only fair she tell Chris the truth. About the sex and about the formal, too. She knew that.

  No. She couldn’t tell him. Not tonight when he’d planned a special birthday dinner for her. Tonight she’d pretend everything was all right and after term break, she’d tell him the truth. He was flying to Perth to see his mum and sister tomorrow anyway. No point spoiling his time off. And that would give her more time to sort things out in her head—decide how to break it to him.

  She rang the buzzer. Her parents were under the impression she was having dinner with Katelyn and her family. She wished she hadn’t had to lie, but what choice did she have? The unspoken rules of her community cornered her. You had to choose between lying to your family, or living by their rules and doing what was expected.

  Chris opened the door wearing a shirt, a tie and a huge smile. ‘Hey.’

  ‘Wow. You look really handsome.’ Why was he making things harder for her by being so damn perfect?

  He leaned in and touched his lips to hers. ‘I thought I’d better make an effort since it’s a special night.’

  ‘Is your dad home?’

  ‘Nope. Out with his new girlfriend. So we have the house to ourselves, all night.’

  What did he mean by ‘special night’ exactly? And why would they need the house to themselves ‘all night’? She had to be home by ten. She followed him through the hallway and into the living room.

  ‘Something smells amazing. Oh my God,’ she gasped.

  He’d moved all the furniture and covered the entire room with scented candles. A fire crackled in the fireplace, casting a warm light over the picnic rug set with cutlery and champagne flutes. He’d managed to transform a normally dowdy room into a scene from a romantic movie. He’d even tidied up. It made her wonder whether tonight was more than just a birthday dinner. He’d made no secret about how much he wanted her, wanted it.