Unspoken Rules

by Lora Inak

  ‘No.’ Natalie threw the ball at the goal ring and surprisingly, managed to score. ‘Chris is totally supportive of my ambitions.’

  ‘Then what’s the problem?’

  ‘There’s no problem. I’m just confused.’

  ‘Because you love him?’

  ‘Not this again! We’re … friends.’ She gripped the ball so hard her fingers hurt. Who was she kidding anyway?

  Katelyn grabbed her arm. ‘Don’t bullshit me, Nats. Or do … but don’t bullshit yourself. It’s pretty obvious you love him.’

  ***

  That night she went to bed early. She was thinking about her chat with Katelyn when Misha slipped into her room and sat on her bed.

  ‘Nat, are you still awake?’

  ‘Hmm. I am now. What’s up?’

  ‘I just got off the phone with Azeem.’

  ‘That’s nice. Congratulations. Can I go back to sleep now?’

  ‘Don’t be a smart arse.’

  ‘Sorry. Go ahead.’ She sat up and arranged her pillow behind her.

  ‘He says he wants to come here with his parents and meet Mama and Baba. After Easter.’ Her voice faltered as she spoke.

  Azeem was ready to make things official between them. Show the community that he intended to marry Misha. ‘Is that what you want?’

  Misha was quiet for a long time. ‘Yes.’

  ‘That’s awesome, Mish. But you don’t sound happy. What’s the problem?’

  ‘What will people say? What will Mama and Baba think?’

  ‘Do you mean, about his leg?’

  Misha nodded. ‘He’s not whole.’

  Natalie held Misha’s hand tightly. ‘Listen. You’re my sister and I love you, but sometimes you’re so stupid. He might not be physically whole, but he has to be one of the nicest and smartest guys I know. He works hard, he’s respectful and sweet, and most of all, he’s mad about you. Don’t you like him too?’

  ‘I love him.’ Misha’s eyes watered.

  Natalie gasped. She knew her sister was beginning to really like Azeem, but love!

  ‘Really? Are you sure?’

  Could you be in love with someone after such a short time? Natalie knew it happened that way in movies, but she’d always thought that in real life, it would take much longer. Like it did for her parents.

  ‘Yes.’ Misha wiped her eyes with her sleeve. ‘It’s like I’ve known him forever. And I think about him all the time, and when I do, I smile. Sometimes I don’t even notice I’m smiling until someone asks me why I’m smiling. I’m happy and nervous when we’re together, and when he kisses me, it feels like I’ve already gone to heaven. I know I’d be happy if I saw him every minute of every day. Is that weird?’

  Natalie pulled Misha close and wrapped her arms around her. ‘No. Not weird at all. It’s wonderful and I’m so happy for you. Mama and Baba will be happy too. Just tell them what you told me.’

  ‘O.M.G,’ Misha squealed. ‘I guess this means that I’ll be engaged soon and then married.’

  ‘You’ve found your Prince Charming.’

  Misha shook her head. ‘No. You found my Prince Charming.’ She paused. ‘Hey, I know I gave you a hard time about giving Azeem my phone number, but now I’m really glad you did, so thanks, okay.’

  ‘Yeah. You totally owe me a special thank you at the wedding,’ she said, and then dodged a friendly slap.

  Misha wiped her eyes again. ‘Will you come to the GP with me Friday night? I don’t want to go alone.’

  ‘Of course.’

  After Misha went back to her room, Natalie lay in bed thinking for ages. Misha was happy, Katelyn was back in her life, and she’d sorted things out with Chris. Or sorted things out for now. He had promised not to pressure her about ‘sharing’, but she knew he was hoping that in time, she would.

  Was Katelyn right? Was she in love with him? Chris made her smile and she could easily spend hours cuddled into him on his couch, kissing, talking and laughing. Since the day they’d met in the locker room, her stomach was a mess of nerves and her heart a speeding engine. She thought about him all the time, but it wasn’t the same for her and Chris as it was for Misha and Azeem.

  Azeem was a perfect suitor for her sister. A good, hardworking, intelligent community boy. They talked the same language and lived within the same cultural and traditional parameters.

  Chris was a great guy, and smart and funny and sexy, but he wasn’t a community boy, nor did he speak the same language or understand her culture and traditions. So basically, in her parents’ eyes, and the eyes of her community, he was unsuitable. She’d known this all along, but let him into her life anyway. She couldn’t help it.

  All this time, she’d only really thought about her own feelings, her own issues and hang-ups. The consequences that may befall her should her family find out. But more and more she was beginning to realise that she wasn’t going to be the only one hurt. Chris had feelings too, there were consequences for him as well. Whatever hurt was coming her way, she deserved it.

  Chapter 18

  The church was heaving. Bodies filled every inch of space inside and spilled out into the cold autumn night. Children ran amok, overtired and wired. The elderly could barely stand. People rubbed their eyes and stifled yawns. It was half past twelve and the Good Friday midnight mass procession was just about to begin. Altar boys, wearing white gowns and slippers, made their way up and down the aisle, handing out thin yellow candles pre-blessed by Father Ashram. People lit their candles by sharing their flame with their neighbour—the flame a symbol of Jesus’s resurrection.

  Misha took a couple of candles with little enthusiasm, her eyes bloodshot. She handed one to Natalie.

  ‘Listen,’ Natalie whispered as they hustled out of their pew and joined all the others following Father Ashram. ‘Don’t get hung up on what the GP said. He said that in the worst case scenario, there is a small chance it could be an autoimmune disease. That sounds pretty unlikely to me.’

  ‘Really,’ Misha snapped back. ‘How come he gave me a referral to a Neurologist if it’s so unlikely?’

  ‘He’s just being cautious. Covering all bases. I’m sure that in a couple of months, when you see the Neurologist, he’ll just say the same thing.’

  Natalie tried to sound confident, but deep down, she had to admit that she was rattled. Even the possibility of an autoimmune disease was enough to scare the hell out of her. But she knew better than to let that on to Misha. It would only cause her sister to freak out even more. Since the appointment at the GP earlier that day, Misha had dived down an emotional black hole. Even Mama and Baba sensed something was wrong, exchanging worried glances in the car.

  Father Ashram led the congregation around the church grounds; the choir right behind, chanting and singing, their voices rich and mellow. The bells of the brass censors rang clear against the night sky, and incense filled their noses with sweet spice. There was usually something so beautiful and meditative about the ritual, but tonight, Natalie’s insides were in turmoil.

  She held her candle tightly, cupping her hand around the flame. It was bad luck if your candle blew out, and right now, they needed all the luck they could get.

  Blurring her eyes so that all the colours of the flame blended, she said a silent prayer, begging God to make it so the GP was wrong. She was so absorbed she barely noticed Alya walking beside her.

  ‘Happy Easter, Natalie. Happy Easter, Misha,’ Alya whispered, never moving her eyes from her flame.

  ‘Happy Easter to you too,’ Natalie replied. Misha nodded, her face still sullen.

  ‘Where’s Juliette?’

  ‘She’s got a cold.’ Misha’s voice was flat, her mouth tight.

  ‘Oh.’ Alya glanced at Natalie, her eyebrows drawn.

  Natalie sent silent messages to Alya to stay quiet. ‘Are you having a big family Easter lunc
h on Sunday?’

  ‘Nah. I have to work. Baba keeps the milk bar open late during Easter weekend.’

  ‘Don’t you take the weekend off?’

  Alya shook her head. ‘Baba does some of his best trade during Orthodox Easter.’

  Natalie’s heart hurt for Alya. She might not be able do anything about Alya’s baba, but at least she could be her friend. ‘You can always come to my place after work. Our party goes until around midnight. They’ll be heaps of food. Bring your family too, if you like.’

  ‘Really?’ Alya’s eyes twinkled.

  ‘Of course. Just call me before you head over and I’ll heat some food for you.’ She didn’t need to ask her parents for permission. People from the community were always welcome at their celebrations.

  Forgetting about her candle, Alya threw her arms around Natalie. ‘Thanks so much.’

  Natalie laughed, moving away from the flame. ‘Just be careful with that thing.’

  ‘I’m gonna go and tell Mama. I’ll see you both inside, okay?’

  Alya rushed off just as Azeem hustled over. Lately he’d been attending their church to see Misha more often.

  ‘Misha, habibi.’ He brushed his hand against hers.

  As if touched by fire, Misha recoiled.

  Azeem’s smile slipped. ‘Is everything okay?’

  ‘Why shouldn’t it be?’ Misha snapped, quickening her pace. She kept her eyes on her candle and her shoulders square.

  Azeem blinked. He sped up, weaving between a sea of people to keep up. ‘Did you tell your parents about us yet? My Mama and Baba will call once you have.’

  ‘Not yet. We’re busy preparing for Easter. There’s Baba now. I have to go.’

  She darted away, vanishing into the crowd.

  Azeem turned to Natalie, the moonlight highlighting the alarm on his face. ‘What? I … Did I?’

  ‘Sorry, Azeem, ah …’ Damn Misha for dropping her in it like this. ‘I better go too.’

  Why the hell had Misha acted like that; treated Azeem with such cold indifference? She got it. Misha was freaking out. But wasn’t that even more reason to hold onto the guy she loved? Who also loved and wanted to marry her?

  On her way back into church, Natalie respectfully touched the crucifix hung over the entrance. It was covered with white roses and orchids. She drew a cross over her chest and blew out her candle, noticing the women who bowed their heads instead of touching the crucifix. There was this unwritten rule about girls or women being discouraged from touching the crucifix if it was their time of the month. She hated that rule. First of all, it was as if having your period was a dirty thing, and that if you touched the crucifix, you soiled it somehow. Secondly, everyone else knew you had your period. So embarrassing.

  The congregation piled back into church to listen to the remaining hour of the very solemn sermon.

  ***

  The house was in absolute chaos. Two uncles, three aunties, eight cousins and a few family friends piled around the extended dining table. Plates and platters of dips, cold entrées and salads, lined the entire length of the table, and in the middle were lit candles blessed by Father Ashram. They’d all been pious and followed lent for a week—some for four—and everyone was eager to eat meat and dairy again.

  She and Misha ran back and forth between the kitchen and the dining table, laying out more food, fetching serving utensils, topping up drinks, distributing extra napkins, cutting up Lebanese bread, adding more salt or dressing to things. The jobs were endless.

  Everyone was talking at once, reaching over each other to grab food. The men were filling glasses with arak and talking about work, while the women were feeding their younger children, or helping Mama in the kitchen with the last-minute preparations. It was happy Easter mayhem.

  Natalie ate until her stomach was bloated. ‘I think I’m about to vomit.’

  ‘Stop eating then.’ Her cousin Hakim stuffed a piece of roast lamb into his big mouth. ‘You’ll get fat and no one will want to marry you.’ He smiled from ear to ear, his lips oily with lamb fat.

  Natalie glared at him, making it clear how disgusted she was with his comment.

  ‘Eat until you blow up,’ one of her little cousins suggested, laughing so hard that grains of rice flew out of his mouth and landed on her plate.

  ‘That’s putrid.’ Natalie flicked the rice off.

  She took her plate into the kitchen, emptied the leftovers into the bin, rinsed it and popped it into the dishwasher. One less dish to do at the end of the day. Now she’d give her stomach some time off so it could prepare itself for desserts. She couldn’t wait to dig into Aunty Jasmina’s famous lemon yoghurt cake.

  She checked her phone for messages. There was one from Chris. It said: ‘Hoppy Easter.’

  She replied with: ‘May the Bunny be with you.’ He loved Star Wars, so she knew he’d get a kick out of that.

  She’d kind of told him about her family Easter plans. She had to. He kept suggesting they catch up over the weekend, and when she told him she was busy the entire weekend, he’d gotten that hurt look in his eyes. When she described the chaos and mayhem of her family gatherings, he seemed to love the idea of it, especially the egg cracking competition. His family’s concept of Easter celebrations revolved around buying and eating chocolate Easter eggs. Over the last week, they’d been seeing a lot of each other. Mostly just hanging out at his place, or at LeFey Park after school. He kept trying to make plans for the formal, and she kept stalling, telling him it was ages away. The truth was, she was still trying to figure out a way to go. She’d gotten pretty good at lying to Misha and her parents, so maybe she’d come up with another one—but she felt rotten. She just didn’t see any other way to go to the formal. Either way, she couldn’t keep lying to herself anymore. She and Chris were well and truly more than just friends now.

  By the time the feast was over, Natalie was exhausted. She’d washed at least ten loads of dishes, cleaned up countless spills, wrapped leftovers with enough Cling Wrap to pollute the Indian Ocean, and made several rounds of Turkish coffee, burning her hand twice on the pot.

  She’d only just thrown herself onto the couch next to Misha when the doorbell rang.

  ‘Selim,’ Mama yelled from the kitchen. ‘Can you get the door? It must be Nabil and his family.’

  ‘I didn’t know Juliette was coming over today,’ Natalie said to Misha.

  ‘Mama and Baba invited them over at church this morning. Juliette’s Baba had a falling out with his brother, so the two families aren’t spending Easter together this year. Mama didn’t want them to be alone.’

  ‘Is it still hush hush about Azeem?’

  ‘Yes. So keep your mouth shut, okay,’ Misha snapped, getting off the couch.

  ‘I wasn’t planning on saying anything, so settle down.’

  ‘I haven’t told her about the GP visit either, so shut up about that too.’

  It was getting harder and harder to remember what she wasn’t supposed to say to whom. She was trying to be understanding, but she was sick of being snapped at for no reason.

  ‘Eeek, Mish … so exciting. Easter together.’ Juliette came bounding over and threw her arms around Misha.

  Juliette’s brother Rashid bee-lined to Hakim, who was playing Angry Birds on his mobile phone, while the adults gave each other celebratory kisses—a kiss on each cheek and an extra for good luck.

  ‘Happy Easter,’ Nabil boomed, his shiny head smoother than a bowling ball. ‘Where’s your sexy Selma?’ he asked Baba, ignoring the looks of loathing his wife gave him.

  Baba laughed. ‘You’ve come at the perfect time. She’s getting the desserts ready. Natalie, go make coffee for Nabil and Amira.’

  Nabil waddled to the kitchen. She trailed behind him, noting how hairy the back of his neck was. It was as if all the hair that used to be on top of his head had migrated do
wn.

  Cutting up the Easter sweet bread in the kitchen with Aunty Jasmina, Mama was taken off guard when Nabil hugged her from behind.

  ‘Hey, Selma. Shukran. Shukran for inviting us,’ Nabil said, so loudly that Mama’s shoulders arched up to protect her ears. Aunty Jasmina smiled, but only with her mouth.

  Mama politely wriggled out of his grasp and gave him a kiss. ‘Ahlan.’

  Nabil eagerly returned her kiss and then turned to Aunty Jasmina, giving her a sloppy kiss too. Aunty Jasmina moved to the sink to finish off a few more dishes, subtly wiping her face.

  ‘Hey, Selma,’ Nabil said. ‘My friend saw you at the Hallam Pub. What’s a lady like you doing in such a place?’

  Mama’s face paled. She glanced quickly at Aunty Jasmina and laughed nervously. ‘Nabil, what are you saying? Me at the pub. No way.’

  ‘Yes. You right, Selma. You too classy for such a place.’ He tiptoed over to the kitchen table and stole a piece of baklava before stuffing it into his mouth, a film of sticky pastry clinging to his meaty chin. ‘He must have seen someone that looked just like you.’ He winked at Natalie.

  For an instant, Mama’s eyes met hers. It was in that look that Natalie knew her mother was lying. She was at the Hallam Pub! What the hell was she doing there? Did she have a secret lover? Surely she wouldn’t cheat on Baba, but then Natalie remembered the story about Mama and the boy she’d loved. Had she found him?

  ‘Don’t just stand there, Natalie, take this out to the guests.’ Mama handed her a bowl of red-coloured eggs.

  She held her mother’s eyes, but Mama turned away, her mouth tight. Suddenly, Natalie’s throat was too jammed to swallow.

  Chapter 19

  ‘Times up,’ Mr Nelson announced. ‘Pens down. You too, Simon.’

  ‘Jesus that was hard,’ Katelyn sighed. ‘Damn it. I need to study more.’

  Natalie scanned her paper one more time before Mr Nelson collected it. She’d been studying like crazy since Orthodox Easter, and now, eight weeks later, it was finally over.