Sociopath?

by Vicki Williams

  He smiled. “You’re a lone wolf, Rafe, and lone wolves and dorm life aren’t the best fit but you’ll have to overcome your nature. It’s why I’m letting you take your car and why I offered to pay to have it garaged in Princeton, so you’ll have a means of escape when the bindings get so tight you think you’re choking. It’s the best I can do to help you get through it. I know what you’re capable of, Rafe, I won’t settle for anything less. Are you clear on all that, Son?”

  “I’ve got it, Dad. I won’t disappoint you.”

  “No, Rafe, I don’t think you’ll disappoint me.”

  *

  And then Lane, who was intimidated as hell, because she didn’t ever remember having a face-to-face discussion with her father in her whole life. He’d always been a handsome but distant and somewhat forbidding figure to her, the authority in the family, whose judgment was never questioned.

  He studied her appraisingly, noticing the dark circles under her eyes and the way her mouth drooped at the corners.

  “You look like you lost your best friend, Lane, and I expect you think you did with your brother gone. I’ll tell you the truth, I have a little sympathy for you but not a lot. I know he’s been the center of your life and that’s mainly because yourMother and I opted out. Maybe you’re lucky that he was here to take up the slack and even more, that he was willing to do it, but maybe not. It’s made you more dependent than you should be on him for lots of things. He’s never really made you fend for yourself.”

  His expression was implacable. “That’s over now though, Girl. You’re going to have to learn to be strong on your own, which you’re perfectly capable of doing, and I think it’s past time for you to do it. So I don’t want to see you crying around here, Lane. You’re smart and you’re beautiful. I know you’re popular at school. You’ve got lots more going for you than most people so self-pity isn’t going to cut it with me. I expect you to get on with your life without your brother. Do you understand me, Elena?”

  “Yes, Dad.” Her throat was so dry from nervousness, she could barely choke out the words.

  “I will do one thing for you, Lane. Whenever it will be convenient for Rafe to bring you up for a visit, I’ll treat you to an all expense paid trip to beautiful New Jersey.” He smiled wryly, “until then, I want you to know that if you have any problems or worries, you can always come to me and I’ll try to help.”

  She left the room thinking that in a million years, she’d never have the courage to approach him about any problem she ever had - but a trip to see Rafe, yes, that would be something she could look forward to!

  * *

  To: RVincennes@Princeton.edu

  From: EJVin86@aol.com

  Dear Rafe - it’s so lonesome here without you - I miss you lots. Dad gave me a pep talk after you left. He was sort of mean. He told me he’d pay for a trip to come visit you once you’re ready for company though. I’m trying to do what you said and get involved in school. I’m going to try to get on the staff of the Scribe. I’m going to a movie with Cal on Friday. I’m trying, Rafe, but it’s hard…I hope you like it there. Let me know. I love you, Laney.

  *

  Hey Lane - I’m here and more or less settled in. Had to laugh at the amount of stuff most of them brought. I had least of anyone - you know me, I travel light. Well, what else can you do in a Corvette? Thank God, I have a single room. Don’t think I could tolerate a roommate. Dad was right. I’m going to hate having so many people practically sitting on my head. What was he mean to you about? We had an orientation. I hate shit like that. Food is decent. Good luck with the paper - and with Cal. love, R

  *

  Rafe - Well, maybe Dad wasn’t really mean but he wasn’t exactly sympathetic either. Basically, told me it was time for me to stand on my own two feet without counting on you all the time. I had to turn in a writing sample for the Scribe. Keep your fingers crossed for me. The movie was fine. Cal is nice - but he isn’t EXCITING! I love you!!!!!

  *

  Hey Lane - Dad’s more perceptive than you think. He knows more about us than you think too, although hopefully, not everything. Have started classes and they’re easy so far. I have an okay schedule. Looks like I’ll probably make the varsity baseball team. love

  *

  She wrote to him almost every day. He wrote her once a week, if she was lucky, and sometimes it was only once every two weeks.

  *

  Rafe - I had another date with Cal. Is it safe to tell you something personal on e-mail, Rafe? I got the spot on the Scribe - yay! I’ve been assigned to write a story about tattoos. Do you think I should get one so I can write first-hand about what it feels like? What about a ladybug on my shoulder? Would that be cute? By the way, Mrs Fisher asked how you were and said to tell “that sure-footed brother of yours” good luck in college. What’s THAT all about??? Miss Britt is dating Mr. Stark now. Everyone thinks they’ll end up getting married. Are there lots of pretty girls at Princeton? Do you have a girlfriend? Xoxoxoxoxoxo

  *

  NO!!!!! Don’t send anything via e-mail you wouldn’t want printed on the front page of the Benedict Sentinal. If you need to talk to me, call me on my cell. And as for the Scribe, if I ever come home and find you with a tattoo, I will be fucking pissed, Lane! Long story re: me and Mrs. Fisher. Tell her I said, I wouldn’t have worried too much about her catching me but I figured Dee would vote for the death penalty! Poor Starkie. He needs to record the words, “I love you” on a cd and just play it morning, noon and night. Yes, lots and lots of pretty girls at Princeton. You know, I’ve always believed what they said about variety being the spice of life. Love

  *

  Rafe, first, Mrs. F said to tell you, “yes, the death penalty but preceded by the Rack”. And Misty’s Mom, Pam, said to tell you that it is possible for old dogs to learn new tricks. So, there - I’m starting to feel like Mata Hari passing on all your coded messages! The other news is that Mom and Dad are in Ireland for a freaking month! I guess they’re looking up her family connections. The house is like a tomb. They are paying Reba to stay here with me at night and to chauffeur me around when I need to go somewhere (Mom’s even letting her use the Lexus) but she isn’t exactly great company. She said the folks told her I sometimes have nightmares and offered to sleep in your room so she’d be closer but I said no! I’ve spent some nights with my girlfriends to try to stay away from here. Did you know that Misty’s Mom and her boyfriend, Joe, got married. Misty was happy about it. She said Joe is really a good guy. I miss you bunches. Lane

  *

  Hey, Honey - I’m starting to get nervous about you saying you need to talk to me privately. Remember the little lecture I gave you about sex before I left? Well, I specifically asked Cal when his birthday was when we were at the dance and he told me it’s in November. He’ll be 16 then. That means he’ll be able to drive and that means if you get the urge, you can go up to the cabin, like every other Vincennes has done, but it also means that if you think there is the remotest possibility you’ll do that, you need to get yourself to the school clinic asap. Remember I told you they’d give you a prescription for bc pills if you tell them you’re planning on becoming sexually active and they’ll keep it confidential. Do NOT try the “oh, well, it will probably be okay just this once” method!

  Tell Misty’s mother I said congratulations.

  Pretty rough being there by yourself for a whole month but you’ll make it.

  Everything is all right with me. Love

  *

  Don’t worry, it’s not what you’re thinking, Rafe, just the opposite in fact.

  Every Vincennes? Even Annecy?

  I was only kidding about the tattoo.

  I got on the honor roll this six weeks. I was afraid high school classes would be harder but they’re not. Are they in college?

  My life is so boring, I can’t stand it.

  I love you, Lane

  *

  Lane, wtf does “just the opposite” mean? Yes, especially Annecy, when
she and Bill were hot and heavy. I don’t know for sure but I’d say every Vincennes. If anyone didn’t, it was Mariel and that wasn’t because she thought it was wrong, just that she was saving it for the highest bidder. College classes aren’t bad. I’ve been thinking about your trip. How about Feb? There’s a long dry spell after Christmas. You could take off Friday and fly in early, then go back late Sunday. Talk to Dad when he gets home.

  Love, Rafe

  *

  The main reason she didn’t want Reba sleeping in Rafe’s bed was she slept there herself sometimes when she missed him so much her heart hurt and she needed to feel close to him. If she could only get through another couple of months, he’d be home for Christmas break. She could hardly wait! Thank God, he finally mentioned her coming to see him. She was beginning to think he just didn’t want her there. It would have killed her if she’d thought that.

  She’d decided not to tell him about her problem until he came home and she could do it in person. He said not to use e-mail and it didn’t seem like the kind of thing you wanted to talk to someone about on the phone. The situation was that she’d gone out with Cal three times now. The last time was a real date, to a movie and out to eat. They doubled with her friend, Dawn, and her boyfriend, Jarod. Jarod had his license so they drove. Afterward he took Cal home first because he lived closest and they all sat in the driveway and necked for a little bit before Cal went in. He kissed her and she let him put his hand down her blouse. And she felt zip, zero, zilch. Rafe could touch her anywhere and she just started to vibrate with desire. It didn’t even have to be an erogenous zone but her back or her shoulder or anywhere. She didn’t know what that meant. She liked Cal. He was handsome and funny and sweet. You couldn’t find a nicer boyfriend than Cal. She knew the other girls thought she was lucky to be dating him. And she thought he liked her a lot. But when he kissed her or touched her, nothing stirred. She could have been kissing a department store mannequin for all she got out of it.

  * *

  “Hey, Renny, it’s Gil. How’s it going down in Maryland?”

  Gilbert Murray was the President of Princeton. He and Renny had been tight since they’d roomed together there themselves. They stayed in touch over the years and Gil always took a personal interest in Renny’s sons and gave him regular reports on their progress. (Something none of them knew about. They’d have been more than a little nervous about one of their Dad’s best friends keeping tabs on them at Princeton. They knew Renny and Mr Murray had dinner together sometimes but they figured that was just Renny getting the royal treatment for being a major donor).

  “Fine here, Gil. Maggie and I just got back from a month in Ireland, tracking her Morgan roots. We had a great time. What a spectacular country. How about you, Gil, how are things going for you? How’s Cindy?”

  “We’re good too, Renny. Four more years and then I’m retiring and we’re moving to the Alabama gulf coast. We just bought a place down there near Mobile. Princeton has given me a great life but we’re ready to go to an adult community where it’s warm all the time.”

  Renny chuckled. “I appreciate you sticking around ‘til I get my last one through, Gil.”

  “Yeah, for a while there, it looked like you were never going to quit, Ren. I wouldn’t have wanted to put off moving south until I was 80 just to be watching out for an endless procession of Vincennes kids.”

  “Trust me, we wanted to quit long before we did, Gil. So how’s this latest one doing anyway?”

  “You know, Ren, I’ve always thought of you as the perfect father. If anyone had to have nine kids, it’s good it was you. Every one of your boys has been outstanding. They’ve all gotten great grades. All of them have excelled in whatever their areas of interest were. None of them were ever in any trouble. They’ve all been popular with their teachers and the other students. Rafe seems to be following right along on that path for the most part.”

  “I can take credit for the others, Gil, but I can’t take much credit for Rafe. The truth is that Maggie and I pretty much ignored him so whatever he does, he’s done on his own.”

  “Well, I’ve got to say, he would have been brought to my attention even if I hadn’t asked about him especially. I can’t keep up with all our students but I do pay particular attention to the ones who stand out and your Rafe does in a couple of different ways.”

  “How so, Gil?”

  “First, grades. He’s carrying an A average in all his classes. That in itself isn’t so remarkable. We’ve always got a few kids who accomplish it. But I have to tell you a story. Alvin Digby teaches Advanced Calculus. He has a phobia about cocky high school kids who come to Princeton thinking their shit don’t stink because they got great grades at Podunk High. He likes to knock them down a peg or two. To do that, he always makes the first test of the year lots harder than any freshman can deal with. They get a crappy grade to start off with and it makes them humble so they’re ready to settle down and learn. After that, he teaches a hard but honest class. He’s been here for about 25 years, Ren, and he’s never had a student who got a perfect score on that first test until your Rafe. It flatly knocked Al’s socks off. He couldn’t believe it. There are questions on that test that most Calculus teachers couldn’t answer. His first thought was that somehow Rafe had cheated but then he thought - “but who would he have cheated off of?” No one knew the answers but Al himself and he knew damn good and well Rafe didn’t get them from him, so he finally came to the conclusion that, hard as it was to believe, the boy had simply done it.”

  Renny grinned on his end of the phone line. “That’s typical Rafe.”

  “Okay, next is athletics. He made both the varsity baseball team and now the varsity football team. He was named Most Valuable Player of the Year in baseball. We ended up with a winning season and he gets a big chunk of the credit. He’s got one hell of an arm for hitting home runs. And he’s been given a nickname in football, Renny, you know what it is?”

  “No, what?”

  “Rafe the Wraith. Coach says he’s like smoke. He just drifts through enemy territory and it seems like they don’t even notice him ‘til he’s flying across the end zone. The season isn’t in full swing yet but it looks like he’s going to be a star in football too. Now, we come to girls.”

  “Oh, oh,” said Renny, “I have a feeling this is where the trouble starts.”

  “Yep. He’s cut quite a swath through the female population, Ren. All your kids were handsome and popular with the girls but this one seems to have a certain kind of animal magnetism, call it what you will that reminds me of Elvis in his glory days. So, I don’t know how that will turn out. Maybe he’s just enjoying all the women on offer here at Princeton and he’ll get it out of his system and settle down with a steady girlfriend here before long.”

  Renny was doubtful. “I don’t think I’d count on that happening, Gil.”

  “And last, and here’s where he really goes his own way from his brothers. I’ve checked and he hasn’t joined anything since he’s been here. You know we have a million different organizations for whatever you’re interested in whether that’s science or chess or music or photography or drama or Gay and Lesbian affairs or history. I mean every kid joins something but so far as I can tell, Rafe hasn’t. Does that sound like him, Ren?”

  “Yeah, Gil, it sounds exactly like Rafe. I told him before he left that I wasn’t sure how enjoyable he’d find college because he just isn’t communal by nature. I told him he’s a lone wolf and he might not be that comfortable but he’d just have to deal with it.”

  “He’ll join Ivy when the time comes though, won’t he?”

  “Because I told him he had no choice. That’s the only reason.”

  “Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter. It isn’t something we force them to do, we just figure it will make their adjustment easier if they get involved with like-minded kids and make friends.”

  “Gil, there are no “like-minded”kids when it comes to Rafe.”

  Gil chuckle
d. “Well, anyway, Renny, there you have it. I’ll report back again in a few months unless something comes up I think you need to know about.”

  “Thanks, Gil, I really appreciate it.”

  *

  “Lane?”

  “What, Dad?”

  “Do you keep in close touch with your brother?”

  “Pretty much, I guess. I e-mail him more than he answers.”

  “Does he ever tell you anything about what he’s doing, how he’s getting along in his classes or with sports?”

  “Just that he’s doing okay.”

  “All right, that’s what I figured. I just thought I’d ask.”

  * *

  Hi Rafe - There’s not a lot of gossip from this end. Miss Britt’s engagement announcement was in the paper. Things are going okay at school. Mr Capshaw says I have a talent for writing and I should consider becoming a journalist! Cal asked me to go steady. I told him yes but I really need to talk to you about it when you come home for Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, we had the drawing at Thanksgiving. We drew for you and you got Mariel’s name. Ha!Ha! I know you’ll love hearing that. Dad said yes about the trip, just let him know. I miss you so much, Rafe…..

  *

  Lane - Oh, great - Lady Mariel! We’ll figure out the details of your trip when I’m home - and also talk about what you need to talk to me about. Congrats on your writing. Everything is all right with me. R

  *