Careless Rapture
Page 21
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t deserve it.”
Cassie put her arm around her shoulder. “Of course you do. I know how painful a breakup can be, but your worth doesn’t depend on how others treat you.”
Cassie’s kindness was painful. Jackie hung her head, ashamed. “I’m a terrible friend to you and Adriana.”
“You’re a wonderful friend. We don’t expect you to be upbeat all the time. It’s okay to be unhappy sometimes. We’re there for you.”
“No, it’s not that.” She shut her eyes. What was the use of saying anything when she couldn’t express the truth?
Cassie lifted her chin. “I don’t mind that you’re seeing Clay.” Jackie looked so stunned that she laughed. “You wear your heart in your eyes.”
She covered the offending feature. “How embarrassing.”
“There’s no need to be embarrassed.” Cassie removed her hand. “And there’s no reason to be ashamed.”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“I know.”
Though Jackie knew the truth, hearing Cassie say it made it hurt more.
“But give him time. He may not be swift, but he’s not stupid.”
“He’s not stupid at all,” she said hotly. “Why does everyone imply that he is?”
Cassie sent her an odd look. “I was just teasing.”
She waved a hand. “I know, sorry. Bertha just annoyed me with a similar remark.”
“Bertha would try the patience of a monk.”
“You’ve only just met her.”
“Yes, and I heard everything she said while in the bathroom.” She stood. “I won’t tell Drake.”
“Thank you.”
“But tell him soon. I don’t believe in keeping secrets from those you love. Someone always gets hurt.”
***
Clay was chopping apple bits for Laura when someone knocked on the door. He ignored it and handed Laura a piece of apple instead. “If it’s Jackie bringing over that woman, they can stay outside,” he grumbled.
The person knocked again. “Clay, it’s me. Cassie.” He paused. It couldn’t be. She’d never stopped by before.
“Clay?”
It sounded like her. “Um. Just a minute.” He glanced around his messy place and went into action. He shoved his unwashed dishes in the cupboard, pushed the scattered newspaper under the couch, kicked his clothes and shoes into the closet, plumped his couch pillows, then opened the door. “What are you doing here?”
She laughed at his gruff tone. “Don’t worry. I won’t stay long.”
“I don’t mind that you’re here,” he said, quickly. “I just, umm . . . How are you doing?”
“I’m fine.” She waited for him to invite her in. When he continued to stand and stare, she said, “It would be nice to sit down, though.”
He promptly stepped back, opening the door wider. “Sure, right. Come in.”
She poked him in the arm. “Clay, it’s just me. You don’t have to be nervous.”
He shut the door. “I’m not nervous.”
“You’re tugging at the hem of your shirt with those fidgeting fingers of yours.” She sat on the couch and grinned up at him. “I remember you used to twirl your fork at dinner and drive Mother crazy.”
He returned her smile. “Fortunately, I stopped doing that. I didn’t do it on purpose, though.”
“I know.”
“She didn’t.”
Cassie sighed. “Yes, well, she didn’t understand either of us.”
Laura flew onto his shoulder.
Cassie pointed, curious. “What is that?”
“That’s Laura.”
“I didn’t know you have a bird.”
“I didn’t until recently.”
“Can I stroke her?”
“Sure, she’s very friendly.”
Cassie stroked the bird’s head. “She’s beautiful.”
Clay fell silent, then asked, “Do you want to see what she can do?”
“Sure.”
He got a stick and held it out. Laura jumped on it. “Okay, now, dead parrot.”
Laura hung upside down and closed her eyes. Clay laughed and turned to Cassie. “Isn’t she brilliant?”
“Yes,” she said, happy to see him so pleased with himself. “Like her owner.”
“I don’t own her. She’s just visiting.” Laura flew back onto his shoulder and he gave her another piece of apple. “Good girl.”
“I’m glad to see you’re not alone for now.”
“I’m fine.”
Cassie sent him a knowing look. “I wouldn’t say that.”
He sat down next to her and pushed an empty beer can out of the way with his foot. “Why not?”
“I met your mother.”
He sat back, his voice becoming neutral. “Did you?”
“Yes, I went by Jackie’s and . .” She searched for words, “. . . she’s an interesting woman.”
“You needn’t be kind on my account. I have a few adjectives and ‘interesting’ isn’t one of them.”
Cassie playfully patted his cheek. “What a mother. You poor thing.”
“Have you come to listen to my horror stories?”
“I can imagine most of them. Bet she put your diaper on backwards and fed you steak when you had no teeth.”
“Close.”
She nudged him with her elbow. “I was thinking of calling Dad.”
He flashed a wicked grin. “And tell him Mum’s in town? Let me do it.”
“Only if you’ll do one thing.”
His grin fell. “She’s not staying here.”
“She doesn’t have to stay here, just talk to her.”
“What good will it do?”
Cassie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Mom and I aren’t the best of friends, but we understand each other more and I could only do that by talking to her. By getting to know her better.”
“I don’t want to know her.”
“That emptiness will never go away until you do.” She grabbed his hand. “I don’t want you to ‘run away again. I like having you in my life.”
His eyes slid away though his heart responded to her sincerity “You have Drake, you don’t need me.”
“I have a husband, but brothers are nice to have, too. And the kids love their uncle Clay.”
He glanced down at their intertwined fingers. He didn’t know how or why they always connected. “Did Dad ever look for me after I left?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him.”
He shook his head. “I think I already know the answer.”
“You’re probably guessing wrong.” Cassie pushed up her glasses then said in a cautious voice, “When Mom said you were useless and that’s why your mother left you, she was wrong. Cruelly, dreadfully wrong.”
He smiled, embarrassed by the knowledge in her eyes. She knew how much his stepmom’s words had hurt him. How they still lingered. “You remember that?”
“I remember a lot of things. This is going to be hard for you to believe, but people like having you around.”
“Until the tide turns.”
“Do you think the tide will always turn against you?”
He glanced toward the window. “It usually does.”
“Perhaps you need to be more flexible.”
“Maybe.” He leaned back. “You’ve never come by before.”
“I’ve never been invited.”
He nodded. That was true.
“Will you be coming this Sunday?” she asked.
He squeezed her hand. “Promise me she won’t be there.”
“Okay.” She kissed him on the cheek, then left.
Clay sat on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. He’d tasted the joy of belonging, but now it had reached the point of leave or be left. He couldn’t let Jackie choose between him and her brother. Besides, when it came down to it, he knew what her choice would be-- or, rather, what it should be.
He went to the window and opened it.
“It’s time to go.” He rested Laura on the windowsill. “Go on. Goodbye.” She turned to him and chirped. He pointed, then flapped his arms. “Go on. Be a good girl. Go away.” She jumped off the windowsill and soon became a dot against the sky.
Chapter Twenty-One
When Jackie arrived for Sunday dinner, she peeked in the playroom and saw Nina and Marcus on the ground, while Ericka sat in Clay’s lap watching a film. Tears streamed down the children’s faces.
She glanced at Clay, then asked them, “What’s wrong?”
Nina wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Charlotte died.”
“Who is Charlotte?”
Marcus sniffed. “The spider. She died.”
“Died,” Ericka said.
Clay kissed his niece on the forehead, then set her on the conch. He stood and walked toward Jackie. “They have seen Charlotte’s Web more than ten times and they cry every time. I don’t understand it.”
“Are you still angry with me?”
“For what?” he asked sarcastically. “For leaving me to spend time with my mother? Not at all I just want to turn you over my knee.”
“Have you told anyone?”
Clay raised his brows. “That I want to spank you?”
She hit him in the arm. “About us.”
“No, I’m hungry.”
She frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I want to eat before I’m kicked out.”
“No one is going to kick you out.”
Drake announced dinner—a delicious meal of deep fried fish with sun-dried-tomatoe vinaigrette. After a few moments of idle chatter, Drake said, “Jackie, I know a guy I’d like you to meet.”
She cut her fish. “Thank you, but I’m already seeing somebody.”
“Who?”
She could feel Clay’s gaze. She hesitated. “Just someone. It’s nothing serious.”
“I’d still like to know his name.”
Her voice firmed. “It’s not important.”
“Of course it’s important. We always know who you’re going out with.”
“If it was serious, I’d let you know.”
Drake’s amber eyes became more intense. “If he doesn’t want us to know who he is, then he’s hiding something. I don’t think you should go out with someone like that.”
Eric spoke up. “Drake, leave it alone.”
He sent Eric a look. “Oh, yes,” he drawled. “I forgot. You’re in favor of keeping secrets.”
“What does he mean by that?” Adriana asked.
Eric pushed up his glasses and scowled. “It means he thinks he knows what’s best for everyone else.”
“How’s that chest pain?” Drake asked.
Jackie saw the hint of red stain Eric’s face. “It wasn’t his smoking that caused the chest pain,” she said.
Drake lowered his eyes.
Eric sent her a look of censure. “Don’t do that.”
“Why not?” she said. “He doesn’t have the right to tell us what to do anymore. Drake, we love you, but sometimes we want you out of our lives so we don’t feel we have to pay for the weight of your sacrifice.”
“My sacrifice was a gift,” Drake said quietly. “You don’t owe me a thing.”
Jackie saw the look of hurt and regretted her words. “Then why does it always feel that way? Like you’re our big brother and our father, too. You have to let us make our own mistakes.”
“It’s my duty to know---”
“No, it’s not.”
Clay sat forward. “There’s no need for this discussion. Drake, she’s seeing—ow!” He rubbed his shin where Jackie had kicked him
But he’d already caught Drake’s attention. “You know who she’s seeing?” he asked.
“He’s just speculating,” Jackie said. “Because he saw me with someone. He doesn’t know for sure.” Drake ignored her. “What did he look like? Is he a decent guy?”
“Listen, mate, the truth is—ow!” He glared at Jackie. “Don’t kick me again.”
“While you two play games,” Cassie said, “Eric can answer a question.” She rested her elbow on the table and cupped her chin. “What is this about chest pains?”
Adriana waved her fork. “Yes, I’d like to hear about that, too.”
Eric glanced at Nina’s worried little face and shrugged “It’s no big deal.”
“What is it?”
“I’ll tell you when we get home.”
“You’ll tell me now.”
His jaw twitched. “I have to get some tests done. My doctor’s curious about some things.”
“What things?”
“My lungs.”
Cassie toyed with her earring. “And why haven’t you had these tests done yet?”
“My schedule’s busy and I don’t have time.”
“You can make time,” she said softly, her words revealing an underlying command.
Cassie looked at Clay and Jackie. “Have you two come to a decision?”
Clay nodded. “Drake—”
“I’m a grown woman.” Jackie glared at Clay. “It’s none of his business.”
“You’re his business.”
“When I was a child, yes, but not anymore.”
Eric took off his glasses and held them out to Drake.
“Perhaps you need these to see.”
Drake frowned. “See what?”
He shoved his glasses back on and sent Jackie and Clay a significant look. “What’s in front of you.”
Drake’s eyes darted between them. “No.”
Adriana’s mouth fell open. “I don’t believe it.”
Cassie quickly interpreted the look on her husband’s face. She said, “Nina, take Marcus and Ericka into the playroom, please. Yes, you can take your dinner. Adriana, could you help them?”
“But I want to hear--” Cassie sent her a look that changed her mind.
Adriana stood. “Come on, children.”
Once the children were gone, Cassie said, “Now, let’s be rational about this.”
“I’ll be rational,” Drake said, his voice holding a cold edge that contrasted the fire of anger in his gaze. “Have you been seeing my sister?”
“Yes,” Clay said.
No one spoke, waiting for the explosive impact of his admission. But Drake didn’t explode. He kept his voice level, his gaze steady. “Get out.”
Clay pushed back his chair and stood.
Eric, Jackie, and Cassie began to protest. Drake sat back and waited.
Cassie said, “You’re both angry, but don’t be hasty. Sit down, Clay.” She saw him look at Drake. “This is my house, too. Please sit.”
He did.
Drake stood. “Then I’ll go.”
“No,” Cassie said.
“Honey, I think I prefer he left. And since I respect you, I’ll give him five minutes to get out of my house.”
Clay said, “Just let me explain.”
“You don’t need to explain anything.”
“Listen, mate—”
Drakes eyes flashed. “I’m not your mate. And I know how you treat women.”
“Jackie’s different.”
“I know, she’s my sister.”
Clay picked up a fork and twirled it, his tone ironic. “And I’m not good enough for her, am I? Because I was once on the streets. Because I was once that drunk walking around in a daze?” He pointed the fork at him. “You see in me what you could have become, an ill-educated brute who lives on his wits alone. I have no degrees, no schooling past part of the eleventh grade. I get my grammar wrong and have trouble with numbers, but unfortunately my disadvantages don’t stop me from feeling what I do for you sister.”
Drake fell silent, the tension radiating through the air. No one made a sound except when Adriana slipped back in her chair. “You’re wrong,” Drake said in a soft tone. “I never saw a brute. I never will. However, what I see is a man who thought screwing my sister meant more to him than being my friend.”
“That’s not fair,” Jackie said. “I made a choice, too.”
Drake turned to her. “Does he plan to marry you?”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s not about what you want for me, but what I want for myself.”
“I am—”
“I want you to stay out of my life.”
Drake cracked his knuckles, then said, “Sure, but first you have to get out of mine.” He left the table.
The rest of them sat in silence. Finally, Eric stood. “We’d better go.” Adriana followed him.
Jackie, Clay, and Cassie sat at the table covered with a half-eaten meal.
“I should have gone,” Clay said.
Cassie stared at the table. “Be quiet.”
“We’re sorry,” Jackie said.
Cassie looked up, surprised. “Do you think I’m upset about you two?” She shook her head, disappointed. “You should know me better than that. Your relationship is your business. And I’ll deal with Drake. No, that’s not it at all.” She picked up a plate and stacked it on top of another. “What I found interesting was that neither of you were surprised by Eric’s news. You both knew and didn’t tell me.”
“Cassie—”
“I’m sick of excuses. I thought you trusted me. Didn’t I keep the secret about the two of you? Didn’t I prove I could keep others? I thought we had a real bond; you made me feel stupid.” She stood.
Clay grabbed her hand, desperate not to lose her trust as he’d lost Drake’s. “You’re the only reason I stayed, please don’t—give me another chance.”
“I’m not kicking you out of my life, Clay, I just realized you never came in.” She went into the kitchen.
Clay felt sick. The depths of his despair carving out his insides leaving him empty. He couldn’t look at Jackie as the anger of Drake’s words and Cassie’s hurt echoed in his mind. He grabbed his jacket and left.
Jackie caught up to him as he walked along the quiet street under the whistling trees and the scent of spring wafted from daffodils and forsythias. The light of a lamp post embraced the dark shadows along the sidewalk.
“I did consider him a friend,” he said.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I hurt him.” After a moment he said, “Laura flew away.”
Jackie touched his sleeve tenderly. “I’m sorry”