Only Two Of Us

by Cassandra Russell

  There, "he teased.

  "Maybe you need to change your glasses," I mocked.

  "I see very well," he said, laughing.

  "Yeah, but you're not. And my dad. I would say that I am beautiful even if I were a dick or toothless!

  - Believe it! You would never be born like that, being the daughter of who you are, "he said, with little air.

  modesty.

  "Tomorrow," I hesitated.

  "Yeah, but do not think I'm too easy on that," he warned. - You do not know how complicated it is.

  to think that any of these days any of the little boys will steal my daughter.

  "No one's going to rob me," I assured him.

  "Say it now, but when you find someone who truly loves ..."

  "I do not think that's going to happen, but anyway ..." I paused a moment. - So, how's it going?

  Janet? - I forced the change of subject.

  - The usual. The discouragement in her voice said it all.

  "You're still jealous," I said.

  "He's given a truce lately," he said, somewhat relieved.

  We walked to the airport parking lot and he took me for a city tour

  before we go home. It was a very beautiful day, with very few clouds in the sky,

  perfectly with all those boats moored in the marinas.

  Miami looked like an independent city within the United States. There were so many Latinos in the area.

  that sometimes we did not even need to speak English. Even the music that played on the car radio always

  sense of closeness to the Caribbean islands.

  I liked that. It had the air of a permanent party.

  - How's Rachel? He asked, interrupting my appreciation of the landscape.

  - Good. A little worried about Juninho's foot, but I believe the new boot will correct the

  problem.

  - She is happy?

  That was a difficult question to answer.

  I felt that he still liked her, or rather that I loved my mother. He himself was aware of

  that her hard work left her alone. However, this was something very important in his life, not

  he could work out a way to reconcile both.

  It is even incredible to think that the same work that separated them, before, united them ...

  Mom lived in São Paulo just as he was doing his PhD course there. She

  she had to stay with my grandmother in the hospital because the poor woman had a type of illness

  very rare, a disease that killed her in a few days. My father was the doctor.

  responsible for it. He fought incessantly, using all the available resources at the time, being

  an uncommon dedication. In spite of this, he unfortunately could not cure it. My mother was a daughter.

  single and already fatherless. She found herself lost and alone.

  He had, in the meantime, fallen in love with her, and by so much insisting he had achieved the long-awaited

  chance to conquer it. It was not long before they married and went to live in Rio, where he had already

  he had a residence.

  Dad used to travel a lot and used to take her with him so that he would not be alone, but then

  that I was born, this has become a difficult thing to keep. As these trips and courses intensified,

  Mom got depressed, and he, already mired in overwork, could not see the truth.

  And only came to realize when she finally filed for divorce, which literally left him on the floor.

  As I would not bear to see my mother happy next to another person, decided to settle for residence

  in the United States, where most of the research he did was concentrated.

  "I do not usually ask about it, Father, but I think so," I said, not amused.

  "Is Octavio good for her?"

  - Yes, he is, father. Do not martyrize yourself, "I advised, at the same time, trying to console him.

  "No ... It's not that ... I just ... wanted to know," he said disguised.

  "When are you going to have to go back to work?" I tried to change the subject again.

  "We have three or four days." What do you want to do? He said, falling into my conversation.

  - First, I want to eat. My stomach is snoring!

  - Sushi? He suggested, arching only one eyebrow.

  - Ten! - I approve with praise.

  ***

  I spent the next three days doing walks, shopping and having lunch in restaurants. For those

  bands it was not very common for people to have maids as in Brazil, and Janet

  simply could not cook. Or did not want to. I would not mind doing our own

  meals, but besides my father being bothered by the situation, she did not show

  with the presence of strangers in his kitchen.

  And as far as I could see, he had not changed too much since the last time he

  to vi

  "Your patient, Samantha, called ..." Janet said, glaring at him.

  - AND...? He pretended to be distracted, almost already waiting for the outcome.

  "I do not know, I did not want to leave a message. She never lets up, "he said with a tone of mistrust.

  "Maybe it's not that important," he returned, once again ducking.

  - Today is Saturday. If it's not important, why did you call?

  "You're right, maybe you should contact her now.

  "Of course," he growled.

  "Janet, what are you hinting at this time?"

  "Do not you think it's a little too much?"

  - I'm a doctor, Janet. I have responsibility for my patients. You know that very well,

  also works in this area - he justified, beginning to lose his temper.

  She closed her face and locked herself in the room like a birchy little child, nor did she look like a woman mistress

  of the nose itself.

  He frowned and hissed some kind of curse at himself. It was not a very scene

  nice to watch.

  "Have patience, Father. She has reason to be jealous. You really are a cat! I praised him.

  - I'm getting old. I have no more patience for childishness. You're a lot younger than she is.

  I've never seen her behaving this way, not even when her mother remarried-

  complained

  "Is she annoyed at my presence?" - I hated bothering, hence the reason

  question.

  "If it is, it's her problem." I do not care about it at all. This house is still mine ...

  and yours.

  As much as he wanted to comfort me, that feeling of being a burden to others did not leave me.

  head. Since I've understood myself, I've always been like this.

  "I do not want to disturb your life," I insisted.

  "You never disturb me, daughter. You do not know how happy I am to be here with me. Sometimes I

  I feel very lonely ... "He closed his eyes as if confessing something. - You know, the worst kind of

  loneliness is one in which we feel alone, even when we are accompanied.

  I understood very well what he meant by that, it seemed that I could read my

  thoughts. For the most part, I could be surrounded by people everywhere, but I never

  felt accompanied.

  Never.

  I was empty. And this emptiness kept on chasing me wherever I went, regardless of

  where or with whom it was, like a real black hole in the middle of the universe.

  "I know what you mean," I agreed.

  "Do not you think you're too young to feel that way?" He wondered.

  "Hormones," I replied with a grimace.

  He laughed and stroked my hand.

  "It's very easy to talk to you, Dad. You understand me. Must be why I feel so much your

  missing, "I confessed.

  "Why do not you stay with me any longer?" You may be able to find a course or a graduation

  here to interest - he suggested.

  "Mother would h
ave a thing.

  "I suppose she can stand it." I could, then ... "he said with a little disdain,

  shaking his shoulders. - And besides, I also think it can be an interesting experience for

  you.

  I studied the subject, the idea sounded really tempting. Spend more time with him

  It was always something that I longed for, but at the same time, I felt a little sorry for my mother.

  She would think I was doing it premeditatedly, which was not true. So now what

  we became so close ...

  And I still had Juninho, who already showed sadness about my departure and ... Janet. This, yes, would be my

  biggest problem.

  ***

  The next day, when I woke up, I found on the bedside table of my room several

  pamphlets, and course and graduation forms available, ready to be started.

  My father really decided to convince me.

  I spent a lot of time doing an analysis and I ended up opting for graduation in Nursing. My

  grades were excellent and he was willing to pay for college; so it should not be so difficult

  get admission into one of the nearest, even more with my situation in the country regularized.

  In fact, I'm not even sure why I chose it, I just assumed it was the most appropriate one at the moment.

  I always thought I'd do something about health, though I had a knack for photography. At the

  However, I already had the experience inside my own home of how difficult it was to get a

  Otávio waved between times of bonanza and others of greater financial shortage.

  The Nursing course would last for about four years and could be reduced to three if

  effort and maximize materials. It would be very difficult to face my mother's laments, but

  any diploma in the United States would be worth much in Brazil. In addition, Dad promised to buy

  the passages so that he could visit it every six months. I had to try something. It was right to

  do.

  It was God who enlightened me when I made that choice. Little did I know how important that choice would be

  in my life from then on. It would direct me to a new horizon and save me.

  Definitely and hopelessly save me. In all senses.

  Chapter 4

  December is a very special time in the United States. Anyone who has ever lived there must have

  realized how much Christmas is important to them. Not only for the financial aspect, but also for the

  behavior change. It seemed like a collective euphoria.

  People automatically became more sympathetic, pleasant, as if there was a wave of

  hope for the air. Christmas is the party of the American, there was no forgetting it. He was in the windows,

  in green and red clothes, in movies, in music, and probably in the heart of every person

  of that country.

  What I liked the most was the Christmas parades. Everything seemed gigantic: balloons, cars

  the choreography of the dancers, the costumes and, of course, the figure of Santa Claus. I made a point of

  take several photos of him on his sleigh with the reindeer, animals difficult to see in Brazil, to show them

  to Juninho.

  Although we were in the fall and very close to winter, it was still not cold. I even gave to enjoy

  a beach, unlike several states, which by then were being hit by snowstorms.

  Perhaps this was the real reason why Florida was a natural

  Brazilians who lived outside, because the beach landscape left the people a little looser,

  fun, and also more similar to the climate of our land.

  I had just finished my undergraduate degree in Nursing.

  I even surprised myself, I enjoyed doing it.

  More than that: I was interested in learning more and specializing, something that I never thought

  could happen.

  There, they were very professional. The course was very demanding, but I tried to execute it successfully.

  I would say even with praise, since I was highly praised for my commitment, even with all the exaggerated burden

  of disciplines that I have been advancing. On the face of it, I was called to take an extension course,

  much desired and not easy for immigrants to acquire. I also took a long

  Hemotherapy center to assist doctors and technicians in the treatment of blood diseases. Like this,

  I would take advantage of staying longer next to my father.

  Until I had managed to make some friends on the course - or rather, colleagues - after my

  English stopped reporting my inevitable foreign status and became more fluent.

  I felt several glances probing for me, after all, there I was the different, the target of the unknown.

  I even scored to go out with a few guys, although, as always, none of them encouraged me to

  the first meeting point. For the most part, it ended up undoing the commitment

  even before it happened, regretting it.

  Did I have something wrong?

  Even my father realized how difficult it was for me to relate. For him, this total lack of interest did not

  was admissible at my age, since I was twenty-three. He even thought it was some

  trauma by the process of separation between him and my mother, and I, as always, was ashamed. But

  do what? Pretend to please others? I did not think that was the right thing to do.

  This never.

  Completing the picture, next to the local girls I looked like a perfect E.T. de Varginha. The biggest

  part of them - independent and disenchanted - accepted in good condition to have relationships

  occasional for pure tantrums, but with me that did not work. I did not understand how they

  could finish the night lying next to someone they barely knew, and then, the next day,

  just listen to something like, "It was cool, but ..." and change the victim.

  It sounded too strange to me, beyond my ability to comprehend.

  And since he could not stop the boys from dreaming about the impossible, one of them practically

  to follow me, leaving messages on my cell phone and my answering machine every day. Was already

  turning to the point of enjoyment ...

  I had to be a little harder to stop that chase:

  "Stephanie, what's wrong with me?" Asked Alex.

  "There's nothing wrong with you, Alex. It's just ... I do not know, it will not work - I tried to explain

  without being unkind.

  "It does not have to work. I just want to go out and have fun with you, "he insisted.

  Unconsciously, the memory of my first kiss - an ecological disaster, so to speak,

  of those that make us think of something like: "Hey! So kissing is it? "- it always came to endorse

  my answers.

  "Alex, we both know what your intentions are, and I will not give you hope." No

  I can think that way.

  "Are you Brazilians, are they all ... fresh?"

  "Depends on what you call freshness." If being cool means you have to go to sleep

  with a face with whom I feel nothing but friendship, then, yes, I am fresh.

  "Perhaps the right word will be difficult," he quipped.

  "Maybe it's just different from the others, that's all."

  - You want to value your pass?

  "Do not be ridiculous, Alex. Have not you realized that the world does not revolve around your navel?

  He made a face of few friends.

  - You do not like...? I mean, are you ... lesbian? She asked, afraid to hear the answer.

  - No, I'm not. What if it was? Are you prejudiced?

  "No, I mean, I do not know. You confuse me. He does not even seem to like men ... "

  in showing the muscles.

  "I like men who do not have that," I pointed to his muk, "in t
he brain.

  "Are you calling me an asshole, an ass, or something?" Muscle in the brain is synonymous with what?

  "No, except that from time to time I get the impression that you have difficulty understanding the

  things, "I said softly.

  "Okay, I will not be insisting. Now, if you want to go back, you may have lost the turn. The queue

  Come on ... "he threatened.

  "I'll take that risk," I returned, already exhausted to argue.

  ***

  Janet and my dad have not had a good time lately. She got out of the house for a while.

  mala and cuia, and two months ago he returned. The fighting became more and more constant, so that

  often used to lock me in the bedroom so I would not seem to be getting in between

  they. I was very distressed, afraid to get in the way, though they would assure me that it was not my problem.

  Even so, I always had a suspicion, making me feel like a stone in the middle of the

  their way.

  Maybe I thought so by observing a subtle change of behavior in my father. No

  exactly with me, but, I do not know ... Something bothered him for a while. He said he was being

  his research by the government, which provided him with a financial incentive, and that he would

  to travel to London to attend a congress and demonstrate the progress

  until now.

  I missed it.

  He always did that. His work has always been so flawless, commendable, commendable ... Exposing your

  always been a source of satisfaction, pride ... Why loads of water

  accept that imposition?

  There was something very wrong in this story, of which I was quite sure.

  That very Friday, he left me giving me a kiss on the forehead and saying he would return the week

  Following.

  "Are you nervous, Father?" I asked suspiciously.

  "No, it's just a ... project ... important," he said, seeming to pick the right words.

  - It must be, for your face ...

  "Do not worry, I'll be back by Wednesday," he said, trying to reassure me.

  "Have you said goodbye to Janet yet?"

  "I tried, but she's still in the room, all sulking.

  "I'll talk to her," I promised.

  "If you can do this great favor ... I'm not up for it today, I'm going to end up coming."

  late to the airport.

  - Go with God. - I said goodbye.

  - Amen.

  And there I was trying once again to face the beast, barely knowing that after that day my life