The Promise

by Natalie Clarke

  My stomach drops. “Shouldn’t have happened? Jesus, where have I heard that one before?” I ask sarcastically. “Change the record Zach, it’s getting boring.”

  “It’s the truth. You shouldn’t have done that.”

  “So this is my fault? Well I didn’t see you stopping me! I'm not the one jerking myself off while thinking of you, moaning your name!” I release a deep breath. “Is it me? Do you just not want me?”

  “Gwen, that’s the fucking problem. I do want you. I want you all the fucking time. But I can never have you.”

  “Why do you keep saying that?” I shout. “Why do you keep pulling away from me? I'm right here and I want you,” I say, trying to hold back my tears.

  “I never wanted to hurt you, that's the last thing I ever wanted to do, please believe me.” He reaches for me, but I shrug off his grip.

  “Yeah, well it’s something you’re getting real good at.” I turn and head for the door.

  “Gwen,” he calls behind me as I storm through the suite.

  Just as I open the door I spin around, as the tears I’ve fought back finally break free. “You know what you are Zach? A coward. You’re so afraid of the thought that someone could actually care about you, of letting someone in, that you close yourself off to it completely. I don’t know why you don’t trust me, but how will you ever learn if you don’t give it a chance? Come and find me when you figure you're shit out, Zach. I want you, but I won’t wait around forever,” I say, before closing the door behind me.

  A cab is waiting on the curb as I step out of Zach’s building and I jump in, giving the driver my address. I rest my head back against the seat as tears stream down my face.

  What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I allow him to keep breaking my heart?

  Because I love him.

  Everything comes back to him, and now I see it.

  He’s the reason that I never fell in love with Josh, why it never hurt when I found out about his betrayal, why I keep giving in and going back to Zach.

  I fell in love with Zach that night a year ago, and he’s kept hold of my heart ever since.

  Chapter 27

  Zach

  Fuck, fuck, fucking shit!

  What the fuck just happened?

  I run my hands through my hair and tug, releasing a roar of frustration. Pain radiates through my body like I took a sucker punch to the stomach and I collapse back onto the bed, blowing out a long exasperated breath.

  Why do I always manage to hurt her? I don’t want to, but I keep doing it. The closer she gets to me, the harder I push back, and the worse I hurt her.

  I should have gone after her.

  Why do I always let her slip away?

  ‘Cause I’m a fucking idiot, that’s why.

  My mind is swimming, unable to focus. I’m so wired.

  Confused.

  I jump in the shower and turn the dial to cold, resting my palms flat against the cool tiles, dropping my head forward as I let the ice cold water cascade over my body, hoping that it will somehow clear my mind. I stand under the freezing water, willing myself to stop thinking about Gwen, her lips, the sounds of her wet pussy filling the room as she fingered herself, her taste on my tongue when I licked her fingers clean, but my mind is all over the place. I try forcing the images out of my head, but I can’t seem to shake them.

  I glance down to see my raging erection.

  Fuck.

  I'm hard, again.

  This is ridiculous.

  After jacking off twice more, finally my dick goes down, only then do I step out of the shower and head back into my bedroom to get dressed, pulling on a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

  Then stop fighting it…

  Her words echo in my mind.

  I can feel it, I’m losing control.

  I can feel the pull I’ve been trying so hard to fight against tugging me closer. This need to be with her, in her space gradually getting stronger. I’m just afraid I’m not going to have enough strength to fight it for much longer.

  Chapter 28

  Gwen

  I don’t know exactly why I did what I did, momentary lapse of judgement. I mean, what are you supposed to do when you find the man you’re crazy for, jerking off while moaning your name? The memory of his moans and his taste on my tongue send sharp bolts of electricity straight between my legs.

  It was the hottest thing I think I’ve ever seen.

  After I got home from Zach’s the other day, I made a vow to myself to not dwell on how things ended.

  Why does he try so hard to fight what is happening between us?

  I’ve made it perfectly clear that I want him, and it’s in his hands now. I’m done letting him hurt me. If he wants me, he can come to me.

  Now, I’m going to focus on other things. For the past couple of days, I’ve been battling with myself over what to do about my dad’s reappearance after twenty years, so I bit the bullet and called him. Hayley is right, if I pass up this opportunity to know him and hear him out, it could end up being the biggest regret of my life.

  So here I am.

  I’m sat at a table at Hayley’s Uncle’s diner, across the street from Terry’s, my fingers tapping nervously against the table.

  “Can I get you anything else, darlin’?” Jack, Hayley’s uncle asks.

  “I’m good. Thanks, Jack.” I smile.

  “Okay.” He gives me a wink before turning and walking away.

  The bell above the door chimes and I look up, just as Patrick steps in, scanning the room looking for me. His eyes find me, and he smiles hesitantly, before making his way over to me. I can tell he’s as nervous as I am by the way he clenches and unclenches his hands that swing at his sides as he walks, how he bites the inside of his lip, just as I am right now.

  My heart is racing, my stomach in knots as he slides into the seat opposite me.

  “Hello, Gwen.”

  “Thanks for meeting me.”

  “Of course.”

  “Do you want anything to drink?” I ask.

  “No, I’m alright, thank you.”

  There’s an awkward pause as we sit in silence, unsure of what to say to each other.

  “I have so many questions,” I finally say.

  He releases the breath he appears to have been holding in and smiles. “Ask me as many as you want. We have all the time in the world.” He reaches across the table for my hand but stops just before he touches me, his fingertips just an inch away from mine, as if he’s not sure whether to or not, so I close the distance and take his hand in mine.

  My bottom lip begins to tremble as I fight back tears that threaten to fall. “It’s really you?” I finally build up the nerve to look into his eyes. It’s then that I see it, we have the same eyes.

  He nods. “Yeah, it’s me.” I see a tear trickle down his face.

  I don’t know why, but before I realise what I’m doing, I leap up from my chair, lean across the table that separates us and throw myself into his arms, and it feels good.

  His arms are tight around me as he hugs me back. I rest my head against his wide, warm chest, his heart beating wildly against my ear. I feel him let out a long, deep breath and I release him, settling back into my chair. I can see the unshed tears in his eyes as he looks at me.

  “Why would my grandmother lie to me? Why would she let me believe that you were dead?”

  “I guess she thought it would be better to tell you I died rather than you knowing the truth.”

  “And what’s the truth?”

  Do I really want to know the truth? Is it really so bad that my grandma felt the need to lie to me about it?

  He sighs heavily, casting his gaze downwards. “I’ve been in prison, Gwen. I was there for sixteen years, I got out four years ago.”

  He’s been in prison all this time? My mind races, darting between the hundreds of possible reasons why.

  “Why were you in prison?” I ask, not entirely sure I want to know the answer.

  He
drops his gaze, his face falling slightly. “I got drunk one night, got into my car and drove off, I crashed into another car and... I killed two people.”

  “Oh my God,” I gasp. He killed people.

  “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about them, regret what I did. One act of stupidity and I ruined so many lives. I’m not a bad person, Gwen, I need you to know that. I hate myself for what I did.”

  I can see the remorse in his face through his bloodshot eyes and the single tear that escapes down his face as he fidgets in his seat.

  I squeeze his hands comfortingly. “Hey, it's okay.”

  His eyes meet mine, and he gives me a weak smile. “When you’re locked up all day every day, alone, all you have is your own thoughts, the guilt that eats away at you all the time... After a while it just gets too much. I must have come up with a hundred different ways to make it stop, to just end it, I almost went through with it at one point.”

  “Patrick,” I choke out. The thought of him considering suicide because of his guilt breaks my heart.

  “You know what stopped me? You, Gwen. I wanted so desperately to see you, thought about you every single day I was locked up, counting down the days until I could see you again.” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and opens it, sliding it across the table in front of me. An old, tatty picture of me when I was little is placed at the front. “I had this picture with me while I was in there. You kept me sane, gave me something to live for. I couldn’t die in there, never seeing you again.”

  I study the picture, memories of the day it was taken resurface in bits and pieces, the details hazy, but they’re there all the same. It was taken at Central Park Zoo when I was about four years old, just before my mother left us.

  “I’m glad you didn’t go through with it, I'm glad you’re here,” I say, offering him a smile, handing him back the photograph. “You’re last name is Davis, why do we have different last names?”

  “Me and your grandmother were never close, but she agreed to take you in, to become your legal guardian after I was put in prison. She and my father divorced when I was young, so we agreed to change your last name to keep you away from the truth, keep you out of the public eye, so you took your grandmother’s maiden name, Sullivan.”

  “What happened to my mom? My grandma told me she walked out on us, is that true?”

  He nods regretfully. “Yes. Your mom struggled a lot being a mother. She’s wasn’t a bad mother, not by any means. She was good to you, and she love you in her own way, but I think it got a little too much for her to handle.”

  “If you got out of prison four years ago, why only come and find me now?”

  “When I got out I had nothing, I had to rebuild my life from scratch. I wanted to wait to find you once I got back on my feet and in a better place, and then I met Susanne.”

  “So, are you actually getting married or was it just a way to get to me?” I ask.

  He laughs. “Both. She had no idea about any of this until the day you found out yourself, though she had her suspicions. I was so scared you’d hate me and never want to see me again that I thought it best to wait.”

  “That would never have happened. I mean, it was a shock, but you came back to me and I want to get to know you again.”

  “You don’t realise how happy it makes me to hear you say that.” He smiles. “I just can’t get over what a strong, beautiful young woman you’ve grown into. All of those years I missed out on.” He chokes up and bows his head. “Tell me. Tell me everything.”

  We must talk for what must be two hours, at least, getting to know each other and catching up on the last twenty years. I tell him about my childhood, which he finds hard to listen to, I guess hearing about all the things you missed out on your child’s life is hard. I tell him about Lucas, and his father and what happened to him.

  He tells me that when he got out of prison, he reconnected with an old friend who owns a car workshop who offered him a job to help him get back on his feet. He tells me about him and Susanne, about his life since he got out, how much he had to battle with himself to stop from coming to find me sooner.

  I don’t know this man, this stranger, and to be honest, the reason he went to prison doesn’t bother me. Sure, what he did was awful, I mean after all, he killed two people, but he’s served his punishment and will continue to pay for what he did for the rest of his life with the guilt he feels.

  All I care about right now, is that my dad is here. He came back to find me, and I want to get to know him again.

  “So what do I call you now?” I ask.

  He smiles softly. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. We’ve got a long way to go before I can imagine you’ll feel comfortable with Dad, so whatever you want is fine with me.”

  Chapter 29

  Zach

  I head through the foyer to my office and slam the door behind me a little harder than I intended, the wide panels of glass rattling from the force. I toss my phone onto my desk before sinking down into my chair and taking a deep breath.

  Eight days have passed since I last saw Gwen, and every single one of them has been hell. My mind keeps returning to it, reliving it over and over. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I keep making mistakes again and again? Why do I keep hurting her? The vision of her eyes full of tears that I put there, sends a stab of pain straight to my heart.

  I’ve spent the past week burying my head in work, hoping to keep me distracted, keeping my mind from wandering, but of course, it didn’t work. I can’t concentrate on anything. On top of that, I can’t sleep, I can’t even fucking eat.

  My head falls back, and I let my eyes close before I hear the door open.

  “You okay, man?” Kyle asks, leaning against the doorframe of my office with his arms folded as he leans against the door frame.

  “Yeah,” I answer. He cocks an eyebrow in a challenge, knowing full well I’m lying through my teeth. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Is it Gwen?” he presses.

  “I don't wanna talk about it,” I repeat.

  He slumps down in the chair opposite me, crossing his ankle over his knee. The bastard. He’s not gonna leave here until I tell him what’s eating me.

  I heave out a sigh. “Fine, it’s Gwen.”

  “I fucking knew it. So what’s up? I thought everything was good. You were doing, what do you call it… friend stuff?”

  “That was until she found me jacking off and moaning her name.”

  “Fuck,” he breathes out, amusement evident in his voice, his lips curving up into a smirk.

  “Don’t look so smug, asshole. I hurt her, again. I keep hurting her, and I don’t want to.”

  “Look, I’m only going to say this because I’m your friend. You need to sort your fucking shit out, man. Besides my wife, Gwen is the best woman there is and you’re letting her slip away like an idiot. You like her, just go get her! You can’t spend the rest of your life afraid of getting your heart broken because of what that bitch did to you four fucking years ago, get over it already.”

  “Carly really screwed me up, man. I want Gwen, I want to be with her so fucking bad, but you’re right, I am scared. Call me a pussy and a coward ‘cause I’m both. I'm scared of trusting her, of loving her, only to lose her. I can’t handle going through that again.”

  “Would you rather look back on your life, only seeing loneliness and regrets, and thinking of what could have been, or look back and see a life full of love and happiness knowing you lived it to the fullest?” Kyle gets up and heads for the door but stops just as he grips the handle and turns back to me. “There’s nothing scarier than handing over your heart to someone and giving them the power to destroy it, but it’s a chance you have to take to have a real shot at happiness. Just think about what I said, okay? It’s her birthday on Friday, Hayley’s planned a surprise party for her. You should come.” He turns and continues out the door, shutting it softly behind him.

  After spending so much ti
me around Gwen the past few weeks, listening to her laugh, seeing how fucking good it feels to make her smile, the gut-wrenching pain I feel when I see her cry, and as much as I’ve tried to stop it, there was no way in hell I could ever stop myself from falling.

  It was unavoidable, and fighting it only makes it worse.

  Fuck, this is gonna hurt.

  Chapter 30

  Gwen