Love is a Finite Experience

by B Anders

  "Definitely an E ticket event," Harper mumbled.

  Rizzo smiled. "You're still a little gassed from the meds, I think."

  "Nope. I'm stupid stoned."

  "She means, stoned stupid," Courtney translated.

  "Right," Harper agreed. "What she said."

  Rizzo kept a firm grip on Harper's arm as he guided her to the sofa. Once she was comfortably seated, Boston let her wishes be known. Tugging on her leash, she managed to pull free of Noah’s grasp and leapt into Harper's lap.

  "Oh boy," Courtney grumbled. "That dog’s strong. Maybe we should get a crate to keep her off the furniture. They must have something like that for Pluto."

  Rizzo frowned. "Pluto? The planet?"

  "Oh, yeah, right," Courtney giggled loudly at her mistake. “The freakin’ God of the Underworld.”

  "Looks like somebody else is feeling those painkillers," Harper said with a singsong voice before snuggling with Boston.

  "Apparently," Rizzo agreed. "No worries about your dog on the furniture. Our crews can clean anything. Noah, did you give Harper your pager number?"

  "I sure did, Joe," Noah said obviously pleased he anticipated the boss's wishes. "You ladies need anything, or when Boston needs a walk, just give me a call. I'll be up in a flash." He pulled a card out of his coat pocket with a flourish and set it on the end table at Harper's elbow.

  Leaving Harper to cuddle with the dog on the sofa, Courtney walked Rizzo and his entourage to the door. "I'm really overwhelmed by all this, Rizzo. It's kind of unbelievable you would go to this much trouble for us. I’m almost tempted to ask why the five star treatment."

  Rizzo waited until the door clicked closed behind the departing staff before speaking. Courtney could hear the anxiety behind his words.

  "I confess I did go a bit overboard. What happened to you and Harper today was completely reprehensible. The fact that it happened here, the happiest place on earth is just sickening. I've known Bill for a long time, he was the best man at my wedding, and I heard his fears regarding your safety the minute he said hello. I know who you are, Courtney. Your grandfather, Marcus Zane backed Bill when he started the Company, and remains its majority shareholder. If you wanted, you could have made a phone call back to Boston and had Bill’s head served to you on a silver platter.”

  “Good to know, but I don’t play games. I don’t have the stomach for it, so you can tell Bill he can breathe easy.”

  “I want you to know, I didn’t do all this for Bill.” Rizzo swallowed hard before continuing, "What happened today, hit too close to home. Today it was Harper. Tomorrow, it could be my son lying on the floor battered and bruised. He's seventeen, and it's obvious he's on a different journey in his life."

  Courtney's eyes went cold. "It's the same journey, Joe. Just a different path."

  Rizzo held up his hand. "Hey, I'm trying to understand this as best I can. I realized I've been in denial for a long time now. Today, that changed. When I saw the damage to Harper’s face, it brought home the message that hate was real and alive. All I could think of when they were stitching her up was that this could be my son. That this might be my son someday.”

  "Is he a good kid?" Courtney asked.

  Rizzo nodded. "The best."

  "Do you love him?"

  Rizzo choked up. "When he was younger, we did everything together. Baseball practice, basketball games, roller coasters, he loved those monster rides. He was going to be an All-American star pitcher.” He corrected himself, "That is we used to do everything together until he dyed his hair pink, got a nose ring and a dumb-ass punk boyfriend. I've been so worried about what people would think I've been spending more and more time at work away from him. He’s seventeen, and I can’t talk to him anymore and his mother’s angry at me, because she says I’m pushing him away and if I keep on doing this, we’re going to lose him. It's killing her and its killing me."

  "I know how he feels," Courtney muttered. “My Father stopped speaking to me when I was twelve, but the rot in our relationship started years ago. He was too proud to try to mend things, and I was too young and too angry to act like I gave a damn. I haven’t spoken to him in twenty-four years. When he has hospitalized last month for a heart attack, I didn’t even send flowers. Don’t let you and your son end up like me and my Father.”

  Rizzo grimaced. "I got a crash course in expanding my imagination today. And, I don't like the world I'm looking at."

  "Then," Courtney softened her tone, but not her message, "it’s time for you to change the world, Joe. If not for you, then for him. Save him from being beaten and handcuffed in front of hundreds of witnesses. Not one of whom will do anything other than film the fight like it was some kind of friggin' freak show."

  “Tomorrow change is starting at my house with a long conversation with my son about love."

  Courtney raised a concerned eyebrow. "What kind of love would that be, Rizzo?"

  "The kind that is patient and kind and slow to anger," his voice caught in his throat. "The kind of love that is unconditional, incorruptible. The kind of love I need to demonstrate to my son every day. The love I've hidden away afraid of what others would think. The kind I see when Harper looks at you, and you look back at her.”

  "Thank you, I didn’t know this was possible for me until Harper came along. I’ve always…well, steered clear of romantic attachments. They were always too much work, or they never worked out. In fact, I’ve never dated a woman ever. My sexuality has never been an issue until now. Harper’s special, but I don’t know if she wants a relationship…with me. If she doesn’t, it’s okay because we’ll always be friends. Everyone thinks we’re a couple, and well…I just wanted you to know the truth.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. It’s just that the two of you looked so perfect together I just assumed…”

  “I just want to say, and I mean this sincerely," Courtney was quite serious. "Your son’s gonna laugh his ass off at you for being this touchy feely. I mean, for God's sake, he's seventeen. You should have had this talk with him when he was five."

  "I know," Rizzo was crestfallen.

  Courtney extended her hand to Rizzo, who tentatively accepted it. "Good luck, Joe. I hope you and your son have a good long talk and then a nice long cry and then move on with the rest of a fabulous life. You both deserve it."

  "You have no idea how much that means to me, and I meant what I said about Harper and you."

  Courtney gave him a hesitant smile, "Thank you. My Father…didn’t give me the time of day. I’m glad your son has a father who cares. He’s a lucky guy.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcomed.”

  “Have a wonderful stay and please call Noah for anything you might need." Rizzo stepped away waving. "I'll see myself out."

  Harper let her fingers slowly caress Boston’s silky ears to the pup’s delight. Listening to the dog’s contented sighs, Harper’s eyes drifted close. It had been a very long day. Harper was aware of Courtney’s presence hovering nearby as the other woman busied herself lifting food covers followed by the unmistakable sound of water pouring. But none of it was interesting enough to tear Harper away from the dog snuggled in her lap.

  "Harp, I need you to put down the dog and eat this bowl of soup, then I need you to drink the glass of water next to it," Courtney said.

  Harper glanced to her left and saw a bowl of clear vegetable broth and a tall, sweating glass of water placed on the end table where Courtney was standing.

  "Don’t you have anything better?"

  "Just some cookies, and there's fruit if you want."

  Harper's stomach groaned. "Soup is probably the smartest thing to do. It does smell nice. You want some. We could share."

  "No. I'm going to have a drink of water and then lie down in the bedroom for a while with the lights off. My head is pounding."

  "But, you're not supposed to go to sleep," Harper protested with a pout. “The doctor said…”

  Courtney smiled.
"That's where you come in. Wake me up in thirty minutes. I'll wash up, and we can call room service."

  "Steak?"

  At the mention of food, Boston's ears went straight up in the air, and her tail thumped wildly against the couch.

  "Better order three, all done medium and hold the fries for mine." Courtney instructed before trudging off to the bedroom. “That dog’s hungry unless you want to share yours with her. I’m not sharing, period.”

  “Okay, Pumpkin.” Harper cheerfully said before taking a deep breath and counting to thirty, which was more like forty because she had to start over a couple of times. Struggling and straining to reach around Boston, Harper managed to snag Noah's card from her back pocket. She put the edge of it between her teeth and managed with some squirming and shifting to free her cell phone from the same pocket. After making sure it was on silent, she dialed the number on the card and entered her cell number at the beep.

  "Hope I got the number right," Harper muttered to Boston and the dog's tail thumped.

  "What? Do you wag your tail for everything? You are so, not like Courtney. She’s like a bear with a sore head, of course that’s because she does have a sore head."

  The tail wagged.

  "Linoleum."

  Tail wagged.

  "Bacon."

  Tail wag.

  "Mitt Romney."

  No wag.

  "Oh, so you’re a Democrat, I see. You’re such a smart girl. If you were a closet Republican, Courtney would have a fit, but I’ll love you anyway."

  Tail wag.

  The cell phone vibrated.

  Harper fumbled trying to answer. Then she whispered, "Noah?"

  "Yes, Harper," he whispered back. "What can I help you with?"

  "I need you to come up here and bring a step ladder. Hurry, but be quiet. Courtney’s sleeping. I don’t want to wake her."

  "Okay, be right there."

  Harper hung up. "This is extraordinary service. I got to remember to tip him extra."

  Tail wag.

  ***

  Harper was lighting the candle on the dining table when Courtney came stumbling out of the bedroom.

  “What the fuck, Harper! You didn't wake me. I thought I asked you to...”

  The sight before her rendered Courtney speechless. It was beautiful. The room sparkled with hundreds of twinkling fairy lights. Every few feet, towels of varying sizes and shapes were tied off to the strands of lights crisscrossing the room with satin ribbons of blue, red, white, and gold. Each towel was marked with rows and rows of neat handwriting. The ink colors alternating from blue, to red, to black and back around to blue again. The lights and the towels were strung like a halo around a small table with an elegant setting for two.

  "Harper, what's all this?"

  "This is my goodbye dinner to Tommy. This is how I'm going to let him finally be free of me. And," Harper appeared calm, "how I'll finally be free of our past. Freed from the pain. Tonight is the perfect ending we never got to share. The last trip he and I were planning for months before he got too sick to travel."

  "Is that what this was all about?" Courtney asked and stepped closer to the table. “Taking the trip you and Tommy never made?”

  Boston happily ran over to where Courtney was standing, prompting Courtney to pick her up.

  "Yes and no," Harper said. "You know, I was planning my exit. I wanted to take a one-way trip here after Tommy died. Come down and do something dramatic like jump off the roof of the hotel."

  "Are you still planning that?" Courtney tried not to sound worried. "We could get you help, Harper. The best, I promise.”

  Harper shook her head. "No, I have no intention of killing myself. I’ve finally realized that corny old phrase is true. Sometimes a door has to close to allow something better to come into your life. It’s some crazy, twisted cosmic game we lost the rules to millions of years ago. If I hadn’t dropped the ball at work because of Tommy’s death, you wouldn’t have fired me, and I wouldn't have ended up at the hospital and you won’t have had to come get me and we wouldn't have gone on the car trip to Florida, and we wouldn’t have rescued Boston. And, well, I got the chance to rethink a lot of things. Each mile travelled, each word written, and each happy memory are captured in these prayer flags."

  Courtney smiled and said, "Well, they are cloth, but I'm not sure they qualify as prayer flags."

  "Any port in a storm," Harper said with a laugh. "Tonight, we dine surrounded by the happiest memories of the brother I love. The brother I lost twice in one lifetime."

  Courtney was concerned. "What happens tomorrow, Harper? Am I going to come back and find you bled out in the bathtub? Harper, tell me the truth. Talk to me. I can’t bear to lose you, not now. Not after everything we've been through together."

  "No, honestly, no. I’m really not going to hurt myself. Cross my heart and hope not to die. Once upon a time, I could not imagine living without Tommy, but that changed. You made that change possible for me.”

  “You know I care about you, and Boston here cares about you, so please don’t...”

  “Courtney, I’m not Patty. I’m not your sister. I would never ever do anything to hurt you. You have got to trust my word on this. Don’t you know how much I care for you? Do you know how much I love the sound of your voice when you call my name?” Harper's face broke into the broadest grin.

  Courtney blushed. "I was starting to wonder if it was just wishful thinking on my part. I've never met anybody like you before, Harper. Anybody who survived the loss we survived. I feel like I've been waiting to meet you all my life."

  “Maybe you have," Harper hushed. "So, I am not going to wreck our budding friendship with a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Besides, when the clock strikes midnight tonight, Noah, and I have a date to take Boston out on a walk. Noah’s going to help me bury these memories under a tree at the House of Reflections."

  "No way. That’s illegal, isn’t it?"

  "Yep, but he really meant it when he said he'd do whatever we needed him to do. He’s a great kid." Harper lowered her voice a little, "Only Noah doesn't know Tommy's ashes are going to be in the duffle bag with the flags."

  "How..." Courtney gasped mid-sentence. "You got to be kidding. Tommy’s buried in a plot in Brockton.”

  “You think.”

  “Oh God, Tommy’s been in the suitcase the whole time? Harper you’re beginning to creep me out."

  "There’s nothing creepy about Tommy. He was my best friend. I couldn't put all of his remains into a muddy grave, so I had him cremated. There wasn’t anybody to come to the funeral anyway. I had a private service then I interned half of his ashes in the plot and kept the other half with me at home. But, I'm ready to let him go now."

  "You don't have to do that, Harper. We could just bury half of what you have, and you keep the rest like before."

  Harper shook her head with confidence. "No, I'm ready to stop looking in the rear view mirror. So, why don't we eat instead of dwelling on the past," Harper encouraged. "Besides, Boston's really hungry and the food’s getting cold."

  "Okay," Courtney said as her stomach rumbled. "It looks spectacular."

  The table was laid out like a medieval feast. Beautiful china and goblets. Each with a subtle, but distinctive three-circle pattern marking them as part of the Graeme Empire. Harper was cutting a large steak into puppy size pieces. Boston wagged her tail happily when the bits were placed in a gold plated dog bowl.

  "She's pretty smart. She knows it’s for her."

  Harper nodded in agreement, as she bent to put the bowl on the floor. "We were working on sit and shake and roll over while you slept. She's a very quick learner."

  Courtney sat in her chair and set the dog down. Boston made a beeline for the bowl. Harper held up a hand, and Boston stopped mid-step. She sat, waiting for permission, her tail constantly wagging. Harper gave her the signal and Boston hurried over to the food. She didn't even make a peep or a growl when Harper petted her.

  "Wow
, no food anxiety?" Courtney was amazed. "With what she went through you'd think she'd be super protective over her chow."

  "Oh, she wanted to be like that earlier on," Harper laughed as she took her own seat. "But, we had a come to Jesus moment. She'll still need training classes, and she’ll need to be properly socialized, but she gets the basics. I am the food giver and growling is not allowed."

  “Hey, I’m impressed. You should work with dogs, you’re great with them.”

  “Thanks.”

  Courtney smiled at Harper.

  "What?"

  "You're happy. I've never really seen you happy before."

  Harper nodded as she stabbed a piece of steak. "Yes, I'm happy. For the first time since Tommy died, I can say I'm happy, and it's because of you."

  Courtney's eyes got misty. "I'm glad, Harper. I'm really glad."

  ***

  Noah was waiting for them outside the gates of the House of Reflections when they finally arrived. Harper had let Courtney hold Boston's leash on the walk over from where they were staying the night. She wanted to hug the bag holding her homemade prayer flags and Tommy's ashes close to her heart one last time. The park was silent. Only the sound of their footsteps broke the stillness. Noah hadn't asked what was in the bag, but Harper knew he could guess what she was burying by the somber way the scene was playing out before him. At least, that's what Harper imagined. It felt like Tommy's funeral again, but the way it should have been done the first time. Respectful. Quiet. Right. Instead of their Mother showing up late and drunk and their Dad’s total no show. He was too busy making out with his boyfriend to remember the date of his son’s funeral.

  "This spot okay?" Noah asked pointing to the hole he had dug close to the roots of a large imposing tree in the shadow of an unhaunted haunted house. “Don’t want to make it too obvious the soil has been dug up around here.”

  "Perfect," Harper whispered. “Thank you.”

  She knelt next to the makeshift grave. Taking a deep breath, she kissed the bag in her arms goodbye, before carefully placing it into the deep hole. Boston helped eased the moment by nuzzling Harper’s now empty hand, looking for an ear scratch. Noah began to shovel the dirt over the bag. With each shovel, a tear fell from Harper's eyes.