Love is a Finite Experience
Page 19
"These will be the last tears I cry for you, I promise," Harper whispered. “Good bye, Tommy. I love you.”
It was then she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. For the first time in her adult life, Harper didn't pull away.
"He would be so proud of you," Courtney said. "And, I'm so proud of you too."
***
December 9
Harper woke from a blissful sleep. Boston was cuddled up in her arms, still deep in doggy dreamland. Beside Harper lay Courtney’s still form, the other woman’s chest gently rising and falling with her shallow breathing. Harper tried not to move. She wanted to savor the moment she never thought she would ever experience. It was one of complete and utter contentment. She had never felt so complete.
"You awake?"
"How could you tell?" Harper asked.
Courtney smiled. "Oh, I couldn't. I've just been asking every fifteen minutes. We need to talk."
"Shh," Harper snorted back a laugh. "You'll wake the baby."
"That's who I want to talk to you about, Harper," any hint of humor fled Courtney's voice. "I can't keep Boston with me. I'm scheduled to fly out from here to Dallas for six to ten weeks. Then off for a month to Chicago..."
"I hate Chicago. They slammed us in the Cup finals."
Courtney continued as if she didn't hear the comment. "After that I might get sent back to the west coast or they might stick me in Detroit, or God knows where. I can arrange for her to be boarded at a kennel, I promise you it’ll be the very best, but she needs a forever home. I could get in touch with a rescue, maybe they can help place her with a foster family, but there are no guarantees. The adoption rate for pit bull mixes are extremely low."
"Sssh, Courtney. It’s ok, I'll keep her. It’s not a problem. She's a sweetie."
Courtney asked, "You sure? You don’t have to do this for me."
"I was actually wondering how I was going to tell you I’m not giving her up." Harper said before kissing the dog's head. "However, I'm completely willing to share custody with you."
“And what would that entail? Doggie support payments? I know housekeeping allowance, your place is a dump."
Harper rolled over in bed to face Courtney. "I don’t need your money. I need you to come see us as often as you can."
"Oh, I think that can be arranged."
***
July 2
"Come here, Boston, come on," Courtney dropped to her knees and opened her arms wide. “I missed you so much. You big old fur ball.”
The dog had doubled in size since Courtney last saw her in person. She was now all sleek and muscle. Skype did not do the gorgeous animal justice. Tearing across the now immaculate front lawn of Harper's house, she headed straight for Courtney. Boston bounded into the waiting arms and bestowed sloppy doggie kisses to a laughing Courtney.
"She got big, didn't she?" Harper said as she walked over to the happy pair. “Your call caught me by surprise I wasn’t expecting you to show until the end of the month. Thought you had bat shit crazy coffee fiends to sort out in Seattle, what happened?”
“Screw Seattle, they’ll just have to shovel their own bat shit. I’ve already missed Christmas and Easter. I was certainly not going to miss Independence Day too with my favorite girls. Did you get the steaks I sent from Seattle?”
“We understood about the holidays. You had work to do. And, yes, the steaks arrived. You don’t have to send meat across the country. We have supermarkets here on the east coast too. I’m just glad you came to see us. I’ve missed you.”
“The steaks were selfish. I wanted to make sure you were eating properly and no, it isn’t okay. I've been gone too long. Work isn't a reason to be gone, it's just an excuse. I should have come to see you sooner. I’m sorry. I’ve really missed you too."
Harper flashed a wide grin. "We're big girls. We knew you'd be too busy for a while what with all the new projects coming up.”
"No, you don't understand." Courtney interrupted to confess. "I stayed away…deliberately."
Harper sat down next to her two best girls on the soft fresh grass. "I know."
“I kinda guessed you would. Can’t hide anything from you, can I?” Courtney couldn't make eye contact.
"Sorry," Harper reached out and brushed Courtney's hair back from her face. "I didn't mean to spoil your heart-felt confession. But, I could hear you struggling when we talked on the phone and on Skype. You had to work through your feelings about Patty, about yourself and about us. I get that. Hell, I think I wrote a book on struggling with your feelings."
"You certainly wrote the prayer flags."
Harper gave a gentle smile. "I did indeed. But, you had to take your own journey. If I could I would walk on hot coals for you, but I can’t. I could only watch and pray that you’d be able to come to a decision yourself. A decision for you."
"It's been tough."
"Oh, I don't doubt that."
Courtney buckled under the weight of scrutiny and switched subjects. “I like what you did with the place, by the way. It looks so different.”
“Oh nothing a fresh coat of paint and a lawn mower couldn’t fix. You should know that, you hired them, along with the house cleaning service.”
“I wanted to make sure you and Boston were well taken care of. It was important to me that you were both safe and comfortable while I wasn’t around to take care of the both of you.”
“Thank you," Harper said. "But, it wasn’t necessary. We could have taken care of ourselves. You didn’t have to worry about us.”
"Harper, I called my grandfather.”
“Is he doing okay? I mean I don’t want to pry into your family matters, but I heard he wasn’t feeling well. Well, not so much heard, I read about it in the Boston Business Weekly.”
“Gossip? I never took you for one to gossip." Courtney gave a wicked wink. "Anyway, the old man’s fine. He caught a head cold from playing golf without his cap on. He’s a Zane. You can’t kill one of them unless you drive a stake through their wallet.”
“Good to know, I think. Is that why you’re a ‘Denis’ and not a ‘Zane’?”
“Partly, Grandfather was fairly open with the fact that he preferred that I take my mother’s name rather than his. She was Paige Denis at that point in time with husband number three, so I became Courtney Denis. For years, his decision made me feel inadequate, like I had to prove I was good enough to be a ‘Zane’. Now I’m not so sure what the old man’s intentions were. It could be he didn’t want to burden me with his name. We finally had the heart-to-heart that we’ve put off for so many years. I told him I wanted to do something else with my life. He wants us to meet face-to-face to discuss my plans for the future. I really want you, and Boston, to come with me. Be my moral support. I haven’t seen him for such a long time and to say that I’m scared stupid is an understatement.”
Harper sat back with her jaw hanging.
"Say something."
“Are you sure? I mean, don't you think that means you’ll be going back to work for him?"
"No, at least, not like before." Courtney tried to explain, “I dropped Bill an email at the airport. I tendered my resignation and notified him that the next Board of Directors meeting will be with the full board. There are going to be changes at senior management level all the way down. It seems that Grandfather has been unhappy with the Company for some time now, but avoided making changes because I was there. He didn’t want to interfere. Now, he's sailing back in to kick some ass."
"Spunky old guy." Harper patted Courtney on the back.
"Wasn't what I expected you to say. Thought you'd tell me I was nuts giving up my independence or at least risking it seeing my Grandfather.” Courtney sounded bitter.
"Why would I say something like that? I don’t care what you do as long as you're happy. That job was killing you. I'm glad you quit." Harper grinned, "Maybe that'll mean you'll hang around here for a bit, you know play catch with Boston at the park and have take-out Chinese with me. I know a place th
at does a mean bowl of soup dumplings. I’ve really missed you. You’re still my best friend."
"Actually," Courtney blushed. "I was hoping I could stay here…with you. I could move back to my grandfather's estate. I'd rather not, but it is an option"
"Don't want to get dependent on a life of luxury?"
Courtney smiled. "That wasn't exactly the reason, but close enough."
"So, you think," Harper chewed her lower lip, "hanging out here will help your street creds?"
Courtney chuckled. "Well, there is that, but I was more focused on unfinished business."
"What unfinished business, Courtney?" Harper asked.
"You." Courtney punctuated the word with a soft kiss to Harper's lips.
Harper took the lead when the brief kiss ended. She leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Courtney's neck. Courtney in turn, kissed Harper on her lips again, but this time the kiss lingered a second longer. It was cautious and soft. More of a question than a statement of fact. The moment was broken when Boston jumped up and slapped a soggy kiss on both their cheeks.
"Eew! Doggie drool."
"If you're gonna stay here," Harper warned as she pulled Boston into her lap, "then you better get used to those."
"I think I could get used to a few of these," Courtney said as she placed another kiss on Harper's lips. “We have so much to talk about.”
“Yes, we do.” Harper gave a happy sigh. "But right now, I just need to know one thing."
"What would that be?"
"Would you prefer a long engagement or a short one?"
Courtney nearly choked on the word. "Engagement?"
"Well, sure, engagement. I don’t require you to take my name, although that would be nice. You didn’t think we were going to live in sin indefinitely, did you?"
"Are you proposing to me?" Courtney was stunned.
Harper replied. "Of course. I’m not going to let you get away again. I may be many things, but stupid isn’t one of them.”
“Harper, are you sure? I mean we could just live together and see how things work out.”
“Have separate bedrooms and pretend to be roomies?” Harper wrinkled her nose. "We didn't do anything so '50s style like that when we were driving down to Orlando."
“No. Same bedroom. I want to be able to touch you, Harper. Only I’m not sure if it’s what you really want. If you don’t, it’s fine. We’ll always be friends, but it’ll be too painful for me to be near you and not be able to touch you. What I’m trying to say is I want more. I want us to be lovers.”
“What makes you think, I don’t want that too?”
“Because sex is difficult for you. Because I don’t turn you on. Because I’m afraid one day, you’ll meet someone who can make it magical for you.”
“You already make it magical for me. Sex is just a part of the much bigger puzzle of love,” Harper said.
“Harper, when did you start feeling that way?”
“You weren’t the only one sorting out her feelings. I started psychoanalysis while you were away. We haven't figured out everything about me, but I know one thing for sure. I let you slip away once. I’m not going to let you go again.”
“Harper, I don’t know what to say.”
“Just tell me what you want, Courtney.”
“I want to take Boston on long walks on the beach and play ball in the park, I want to cuddle on the sofa next to you on cold nights having Chinese take-out. I want to feel you close to me, naked under the sheets at night, in our bed, in our room. I want so much I’m terrified.”
“Say yes, Courtney for the both of us. Just say yes.”
END
*****
AUTHOR PROFILE
Phair is a part time writer and full time dreamer. She lives on the east coast of the US. The town is a peninsula hanging into the icy Atlantic at the mouth of Boston Harbor. In the heat of summer, the ocean provides cool breezes. But in the heart of winter, batters the coast with gales. It makes for a hearty New England life, which she shares with three furry companions, Dakota and the brothers Cat, Calvin, and Hobbes.
Visit her website at http://www.phair1.com/
*****
Anders has read every Lovecraft story at least twice. Other interests include gay erotica sparked off by the Penguin Book of Gay Short Stories she picked up one day at the UNSW campus bookshop as a bored post-grad.
Visit her website at http://betting-on-the-muse.com/
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Table of Contents
Dedication
Book Blurb
October 11
December 2
December 3
December 4
December 5
December 6
December 7
December 8
December 9
July 2
AUTHOR PROFILE