Love Beyond Reach: Book 8 of Morna’s Legacy Series

by Bethany Claire

  When I saw him standing with Mary and Kip at Father’s burial site, he looked terrible, as if he hadn’t slept in days. It was the first thing I said to him.

  “Are ye ill, Jerry?”

  He wanted to reach for me, and I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms, but Henry stood only steps away.

  Whether he was too tired or too emotional to censor his words, I didn’t know, but Mary and Kip’s presence did nothing to prevent him from answering honestly.

  “I canna sleep knowing I’m not there to comfort ye. Ye shouldna be alone in yer grief. I want to help ye, to hold ye, to let ye know that yer pain willna always be so great.”

  Mary’s mouth fell visibly open, and she leaned over to whisper in my ear.

  “I doona care if Henry sees ye. If ye doona hug that lad right now, I’ll do it meself.”

  * * *

  Alasdair, Elspeth, and Eoin still hadn’t come down from the castle so I stood mingling with all the villagers, accepting their condolences and being smothered by hugs until Mary pulled me away from the crowd.

  “Ye look as weary as I’ve ever seen ye. Doona exhaust yerself now. Things will only get harder as the day goes on. When ye see him, ye will likely be unable to hold back yer tears.”

  I knew she was right. I’d yet to see Father’s body. While most had already visited him, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to go to him. I wasn’t sure I could bear seeing him so cold and lifeless.

  “Speak to me of something else, Mary. I am weary of grief consuming my every thought.”

  She smiled, laced her arms with mine, and led me to the back of Mae’s inn. It allowed us a view of the castle so we would know when Alasdair and Elspeth were coming. We could join the others then.

  “I know precisely what I wish to speak to ye about. I can see by the way the two of ye looked at each other that ye’ve bedded him. Tell me everything.”

  For the first time in days, I genuinely smiled.

  “Ye have no shame, Mary. Ye do know ye are the only lass I’ve ever known to speak of such matters so plainly, aye?”

  She laughed and nodded. “’Tis something I pride myself on. Now, doona be coy. Ye can say nothing that will shock me.”

  There was far too much to tell, but there was one instance during my evening with Jerry that I’d been curious to speak to her about for days.

  “I do have something I’d like to ask ye in regards…in regards to something he did to me.”

  Mary’s face lit up with glee. “What did he do to ye? Did he tie yer hands to the bed? Did he nip yer arse?”

  I doubled over in laughter, and for a fleeting moment, I was able to forget about Father’s death. Then as I remembered, guilt filled me. Mary could see it on my face and grabbed my shoulders.

  “I know what grief does to ye, lass. The moment ye start to feel anything other than pain, ye worry that ’tis wrong for ye to do so. Doona ever believe guilt when it tugs at ye. Joy is always acceptable. Our misery does the dead no service. They would prefer that we cling to happiness wherever we can find it. Now…” She paused, stepped away, and smiled wide. “I can see that he dinna bite ye, which ’tis a shame if ye ask me. What did he do then?”

  “Is it usual for a man to use his tongue to...” I couldn’t bring myself to finish my question.

  “To give ye pleasure, ye mean? I wouldna say ’tis usual, but it sure is lovely, aye? Count yerself blessed that ye have a man who cares so much about yer pleasure.”

  I was lucky—in every way.

  “Aye, I know I am. I dread what I must do to Henry. He doesna deserve it.”

  Mary’s nose twisted in the same way Elspeth’s almost always did in Henry’s company.

  “I doona know if I’d say that, lass. Ye seem to be of the belief that Henry treats everyone as he does ye. I can assure ye that ’tis not true.”

  “Do ye think he’s as unkind as Father could be?”

  It was so strange for me to hear such different stories of Henry. None of them aligned with the man I’d spent so much time with.

  “’Tis true that yer father could be unkind, but there was only one version of him. He would treat royalty no differently than he would treat a beggar. Authenticity is important, lass. I doona trust those that put on airs for some and show their worst to others. ’Tis my experience that such people mean to hide something, and ’tis never something good.”

  Perhaps she was right about Henry—perhaps they all were. It hardly mattered now. By tomorrow he would be headed back to McCabe Castle, and I would never see him again.

  The crowd of villagers began to stir. As I glanced up toward the castle, I could see Alasdair, Elspeth, and Eoin riding toward the village.

  Mary reached out to squeeze my hand.

  “’Tis time, lass. Let us bid him farewell.”

  * * *

  It was a somber burial filled with tears. It was easier than I expected to see Father’s body. It looked so cold, so unlike him, that I was able to detach myself from all that was happening around me in a way I hadn’t expected. It was so much like the first moments right after I learned of his death.

  I knew I would quietly fall apart later.

  It was only at the end of the service as they lowered Father into the ground that I noticed her. Standing at the edge of the wood, cloak over her head, she remained far from the crowd. With everyone else so caught up in what was happening in front of them, I knew I was the only one that had seen her.

  Grier had returned.

  Chapter 31

  All I could think when I spotted Grier standing in the woods as if she’d never left all those years ago was that I couldn’t let Jerry see her. Not yet—not until I’d spoken with her. I felt deeply protective of him. While I’d grieved her absence from my life once, I knew instinctively that she was not the same person I once knew.

  After the burial, Grier was no longer visible. I knew she awaited me in the woods. I could feel it.

  Jerry stood at the opposite side of the crowd of villagers. I made my way over to him as quickly as I could. I needed to know where he’d be so I could make certain he wouldn’t run into Grier. Fortunately, I didn’t have to search for an excuse to keep him busy—he already had plans.

  “A lad in the village has asked Kip and me for help with a horse. I am so weary I can scarcely stand, though I think ’tis best if I stay away until Henry is gone. Do ye mean to tell him today?”

  It wouldn’t be as soon as I’d hoped. I would have to speak to Grier first, but I had every intention of ending things with Henry before nightfall.

  “Aye.”

  Jerry nodded, and the line between his brows relaxed.

  “Good. I’ll return to my cottage later, but for now, I shall spend the day in the village and allow ye and yer brother to see Henry gone from here. He may ask ye what has caused ye to end yer engagement. If he sees me, ’twould only cause unnecessary trouble.”

  I nodded and turned to leave him, but his hand reached out to stop me.

  “Wait, lass. I wish to give ye something. As I told ye earlier, I’ve not slept much these past nights. I wished to be there for ye and I couldna be, so I wrote some thoughts down for ye. I know it willna be easy for ye to hurt Henry. Ye’ve a kind heart, and harsh words doona come easily to ye. I hope that reading what I feel for ye will give ye strength.”

  I smiled at the folded parchment he extended toward me. Squeezing his hand, I slipped it into the bosom of my dress.

  “I’ll read it as soon as I get back to the castle. I’ll see ye when everything is done.”

  His letter—no matter how eager I was to read it—would have to wait.

  An overdue visit with a ghost from my past stood waiting just footsteps away.

  * * *

  She spotted me before I saw her, and her voice was as distinctive and recognizable as ever.

  “Ye grew into just the woman I knew ye would—just as beautiful, just as strong, just as naïve, though the last is no fault of yer own.”

>   She stepped from the woods with the grace of the creatures who lived within them. She could blend in anywhere. Her confidence made any place look like her home.

  In the eight years since I’d seen her, she’d not aged a day.

  When she opened her arms to me, I cautiously approached and allowed her to embrace me.

  Her arms wrapped around me, and one hand stroked the back of my hair as she spoke. “I’m sorry about yer father, lass.”

  “Ye are not. Ye hated him.”

  She laughed and released me as she stepped away, her long hair blowing around her face wildly.

  “Ye are right. I needn’t lie to ye. His death is the best thing that shall ever happen to ye. ’Twas inexcusable for him to keep ye from yer magic as he did. I’m glad ye found the journals I left for ye.”

  As expected, she’d been watching all from afar.

  “’Twas ye that led wee Eoin to the books then, aye?”

  She nodded.

  “O’course. Though I made sure to hide myself from him. I gently guided him with magic.”

  The thought of Grier’s spells directing Eoin in any form filled me with unease. There was a time I would’ve trusted her with my life. Now, I felt suspicious of everything she said.

  “What are ye doing here, Grier? Why, after all this time, have ye returned?”

  “Come now, Morna. Ye must know.”

  I truly didn’t. So little of it made sense.

  I shook my head and awaited further explanation. She looked at me expectantly but quickly grew frustrated and threw up her hands in exasperation.

  “’Tis all for ye, lass. Doona ye remember the spell we cast our last day together? Jerry is the man I saw in yer future.”

  She said it so casually as if it explained everything.

  “Aye, I’ve known that for some time. Why then did ye keep him away from me for a year, all the while lying to him about yer ability to help him? Why did ye allow him to believe ye were dead? How did ye survive the fire, and where did ye go during that time?”

  An unidentifiable expression passed over Grier’s face. Distant, shaken, lonely, and most especially, embarrassed. She looked lost and unsure and very unlike herself.

  By bringing up all the questions surrounding her strange behavior, I’d triggered memories she’d rather leave forgotten.

  She could see by the directness of my gaze that she had little choice, and the sigh she released said so much more about her true age than her appearance ever would.

  “Ye’ve never known what ’tis like to be truly alone, Morna. I hope ye never do. Loneliness is a slow sickness. At first painless, it eats away at ye little by little. When it starts, ye doona even realize it will change ye, but over time—over days, months, and years of having no one to love—ye change, and the person ye once were no longer exists. Ye become the pain ye hold inside ye.

  “I wasna lonely the day I cast Jerry for ye, but I was an empty shell by the day he arrived in our time. I lived a full life here at Conall Castle with ye, yer grandmother, and Alasdair. Your father took everything from me the day he sent me away. For years I had nothing and no one. I dinna realize at first, lass, I truly dinna. I’d not thought of our spell in so long that when I first met Jerry, I dinna know who he was.

  “When I realized, I told myself every day that I would tell him the truth, that I would bring him to ye and allow him to either live the life he was meant to with ye or send him home as he wished. But I enjoyed his company too much, and over time, the lie became too big.

  “’Twas only when that bastard Creedrich set flame to our home that I saw my opportunity to free myself of Jerry. If he thought me dead, fate would see that he found ye, and it did.”

  She looked as sad and weary as I felt, as if all the tears she possessed had already been shed. My heart ached for her, but her story still left one blaringly large question unanswered.

  “I canna tell ye how sorry I am for what my father did to ye. I missed ye for years after ye left. More than once, I thought about running away and searching for ye. But there is still one question I must ask. Forgive me if it sounds callous. If ye meant to free Jerry from ye, why are ye here now?”

  “To seek forgiveness for the pain I caused him and for the time I took from the both of ye. I just need to speak to him one last time, and then I’ll leave the two of ye be.”

  A voice deep inside me suspected the lie for what it was, but it was not my right to deny Jerry the chance to speak with her. I would have to let her see him regardless of the dread that settled in the center of my chest.

  “He’s in the village. He stays in the cottage that was once yer own. I will go and get him. Wait for him there.”

  Perhaps it was the wind, but I thought I heard her laughing as I walked away.

  Chapter 32

  Jerry

  * * *

  Grier’s arrival at Conall Castle didn’t surprise me. I knew the day I learned she still lived that I would see her again, and I spent the days and months leading up to her return reflecting on my time spent with her. I said nothing to Morna, not because I wished to keep the events of that time from her, but because I saw no need to burden her with emotions that were not hers to work through. She was so much like her brother—they both felt the need to carry the pain of others.

  Falling in love with Morna taught me much. Sure, I’d fancied a few lassies back in my own time, bedded more than my fair share, but I’d never loved another outside of the love one has for family or the platonic love one has for friends.

  The moment I realized the depth of my feelings for Morna was the moment I could see something I should’ve seen from the start—Grier was in love with me. While my affection for her had been true, she’d only ever been my friend, but that had never been her feelings for me.

  I’d not seen it at the time. It was clear to me now. Knowing the truth of Grier’s affections allowed me to forgive the year of my life she stole from me.

  After all, had it been I that held the key to sending Morna away from me, I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t have lied, as well. In truth, I knew I would’ve. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to keep her close to me.

  What frightened me was the thought that perhaps Grier felt the same way—that she might still be willing to do anything to keep me close. The power of Morna’s magic was pure. Everything she did or sought to do was from a place of love.

  Grier had goodness within her, but her purity was buried deep, and her spells didn’t always serve the greater good. Her lack of family and the loneliness I suspected she’d experienced most of her life had changed the way she thought of magic. She didn’t see her magic as a duty to help. She saw it as a burden that cast her apart. If those around her couldn’t accept the magic within her, she would use her powers to force the result she desired.

  Grier rarely spoke of her life, but she’d said just enough in our time together to make me understand why she often didn’t hesitate to force someone’s hand with her magic. The evil she’d had to endure at the hands of frightened, ignorant people over and over throughout her life was enough to send anyone into madness.

  I didn’t know what I would say to her, but I knew there was a delicate line I would have to balance. My heart could never belong to her, and I had to make sure she understood that. Doing so put me at great risk for upsetting her. If I did—if she believed that I’d somehow betrayed her—there was no telling what Grier might do.

  Every step toward my cottage was filled with a silent prayer that all would be well.

  I had no confidence it would be.

  * * *

  Morna

  * * *

  The instant I mentioned Grier’s name to him, Jerry no longer heard anything else I said. He was distracted, lost in his own thoughts, determined to make his peace with her in whatever way he could.

  It pained me to let him go to her, but I knew he was deserving of my trust.

  I stood at the edge of the village and watched Jerry walk toward his
cottage until I could no longer see him. Once he was out of sight, I took a deep breath. It was time to proceed to the next dreadfully difficult task of the day, breaking my engagement to Henry.

  I saw no one on my short walk back to the castle. Inside its walls, Henry was nowhere to be found. Alasdair was the first person I found. He sat relaxing in Father’s old chair by the fire. With the room draped in the afternoon’s shadow, Alasdair looked so much like Father that my chest squeezed painfully at the sight of him.

  “I told everyone they needn’t work today. Elspeth and Eoin are abed resting. I couldna sleep.”

  “Where’s Henry? ’Tis time for me to speak to him.”

  Alasdair shook his head and yawned. Even if he couldn’t sleep, he was exhausted.

  “He’s asleep, as well. Doona wake him just to break his heart. Ye can tell him before dinner.”

  I didn’t argue. While I knew it needed to be done, I was in no hurry to witness his reaction.

  “Mayhap, I should wait until morning. Then, he could leave right away should he wish it.”

  “Ach, he will wish it, lass. No man wants to stay in the home of the lass who has jilted him. Morning then. ’Twill be best…” Alasdair’s words slowly faltered as I watched him drift to sleep, his head slumped over against his shoulder.

  I must’ve fallen asleep shortly after, for when my eyes flickered open, Alasdair was gone and only a sliver of sunlight shone into the room.

  Evening was upon us, and Jerry would most certainly be wanting to know how everything had gone with Henry.

  If I left now, I could reach and return from his cottage before I was expected for dinner.

  He wouldn’t be pleased, but what was one more evening of waiting when we would have our whole lives to spend together?