Honey Flavored Tears

by Love N. Joy

  “Is there something wrong?” Ava asked looking confused at this point.

  “No, I just got to meet up with someone tonight at the poetry slam and it starts at 6.”

  “Oh wow, I’ve never been to one of those before but I’ve always wanted to go because I love poetry,” Ava said. I looked up at her and I knew she wanted to ask if she could come along. A part of me only wanted it to just be Quincy and me, so we could talk for once about everything that went down and how we can get on better terms, but another part of me didn’t want to be mean to Ava because I knew since this was her first time she would really enjoy herself.

  “You’re more than welcome to come along if you want,” I said in return with a sincere smile on my face.

  “Are you sure because I don’t want to intrude with you and your company tonight?” Ava asked.

  “Trust me Ava it will be okay, I want you to come,” I replied causing Ava to smile harder. With her being there, being around Quincy wouldn’t be so awkward because I didn’t know how ready I was to be around him just yet.

  “So where is Pierre?” I asked as I walked out into the living room.

  “He’s still over that guy house that he met at the club last night.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked shocked because Pierre wasn’t the type to stay overnight with someone then spend the whole day with them as well.

  Ava chuckled and said in return, “Girl tell me about it I said the same thing when he called me this morning. That guy must’ve really put it on his ass.”

  “Literally,” we both said in unison then shared a laugh together. We took turns getting ready to head out. I had to admit I was nervous to meet up with Quincy tonight but I wanted to look my best so he could know he made the wrong choice. Call me petty but l had to do what I had to do to let him know I wasn’t stressing, I can do bad all by my damn self. I put on my tightest hip hugging dark blue jeans, a white dressy shirt that draped down into a V showing off my cleavage. I placed my brown wedge heels on that zipped up in the front showing off my French manicure I had did the night before we went to the club. My hair was pinned up in a cute sloppy bun seeing that my curls fell the night before, decorated with my medium size silver hoop earrings. I wanted to look sexy but simple so that trying to impress him would be a disguise.

  “Wow you look beautiful,” I heard Ava say. I turned around to see her standing in my doorway. She had on some light blue skinny jeans with a polo shirt on that was buttoned in the middle showing off her black camisole under it.

  “Thank you,” I said smiling shyly.

  “Well are you ready to go?” She asked.

  “Yeah sure,” I replied grabbing up my belongings. As we edged away from the apartment my heart seemed to skip beat after beat, who ever thought the one who knows how to hurt me could make me so nervous…

  It’s like I waited and waited for him, every time that door opened to the café my heart would rise into my throat only to fall back into the pit of my stomach when I realized it wasn’t him.

  “Hey do you know when your friend is coming?” Ava asked breaking me of my thoughts.

  “I’m not even sure myself,” I said feeling disappointed and embarrassed at the same time. Disappointed for even getting my hopes high thinking things would be different after only a couple of weeks of not talking and embarrassed that I may get stood up.

  “And next we have Ava also known as ‘Complex Angel,’ clap her up to the stage she’s a virgin on the mic tonight y’all,” the host said. The audience began clapping and whistling for Ava as she walked up to the stage. She looked nervous so I stuck two thumbs up for support even though I was shocked that she was even going up there to perform a poem seeing that this was her first time at a poetry slam ever.

  “This poem is titled ‘Daddy’s Little Girl,’” she said. She cleared her throat, placed the most innocent smile upon her face and began:

  Daddy the first time you laid eyes on me in the hospital

  You promised me you would give me the world

  You said no one would ever hurt me

  Not even you…

  But daddy it’s 23 years later

  And I’ve never felt more neglect from you in my life

  I know the pain is something hard to swallow

  But see daddy I’ve always been your little girl…

  Just not in the way you pictured me to be

  My footsteps dream of walking just like you walk

  My mind thinks just like yours

  Momma told me you wished so hard for a boy

  Well here I am daddy your son reincarnated as your daughter

  Hearing the way Ava performed this poem touched my heart, hearing the pain behind each word just made tears build up. I know how it feels to get neglected by a parent but Ava had a relationship with her father and the thought of her being homosexual caused their relationship to go astray. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how that felt. As she finished up her poem I realized I had a text message from Quincy. I ignored it and stood up to clap for Ava she deserved it.

  “Girl, you did sooo good,” I said as she came back to the table.

  “Thank you, I’m glad I came with you tonight,” she replied as she sat down. My smile dropped as my ears tuned her out. The only thing I was focused on now was why all of sudden Quincy had a change of plans and couldn’t make it tonight.

  “Thank you for inviting me,” Ava said as she placed her hand on my arm.

  “Oh girl you’re welcome,” I said as I came back to reality halfway, my mind was racing with thoughts now. I’m tired of putting myself through this.

  

  “So what happened to your friend if you don’t mind me asking?” Ava asked breaking me of my thoughts as we headed back to the apartment. I was wondering the same damn thing. “Something came up,” I said leaving it at that.

  When we arrived back at the apartment we found Pierre on the couch knocked out. Ava smiled and placed her index finger against her lips as she snuck over to where his head was laying.

  “LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAD A GOOD TIME!!!” She yelled in his ear real loud causing him to jump up and fall halfway off the couch. I had to admit even though I was kind of upset that made me easily laugh.

  “I should slap the shit out of both of y’all while y’all sitting up there laughing at me,” Pierre said sitting up looking pissed now. That was one thing about him he hated having his sleep broken for no reason.

  “I’m sorry Pierre but I had to do it,” Ava said as she sat down next to him.

  “Whatever bitch,” he replied causing her to laugh even harder.

  “That’s what you get for staying out all night with someone you barely know,” I said as I leaned on the arm rest of the loveseat.

  “Girl, I can handle my own. You ain’t got to worry,” he replied.

  “Oh but you was tripping when I went to go see what’s his face,” I said.

  “Because girl, you make dumb decisions, who goes back to someone that put them through so much hell? Then every time you leave, you got to change your number.”

  “Whatever Pierre,” I said leaving it at that, it was times where Pierre could be rude as hell and if I decided not to back down we’d probably be arguing all night and my mind had too many thoughts going on for that.

  “So what time did you get home?” Ava asked.

  “About thirty minutes ago,” Pierre replied.

  “You were with that guy the whole time?” Ava asked with her eyes wide now.

  “His name is Kevin and yes, girl he wore my ass out. I have never had anyone put it on me like that,” Pierre said as a chill came over his body.

  “Ugh that’s that after sex chill. I can tell you got some before you came back home,” Ava said laughing again.

  “Hell yes, we did it all over his house. He had me in positions y’all heterosexuals haven’t even thought of yet,” Pierre said looking at me. I rolled my eyes an
d sighed.

  “Pierre you’re too much for me,” I said chuckling.

  “So where were y’all at?” Pierre asked. I was glad he changed the subject.

  “We just came from the poetry slam downtown,” I replied. “And Ava performed and did such a good job.”

  “I don’t know about all of that,” Ava replied trying to play the modest role.

  “Pierre, don’t listen to her she was great for it to be her first time,” I said.

  “Yeah I know, Ava has always written poetry. I’m just shocked she finally decided to open up and read it to the world. What poem did you do?” Pierre asked.

  “‘Daddy’s little girl’,” Ava replied.

  “Awww damn and I missed it, I love that poem. I’m going to have to come with y’all next time and you’re doing the poem again, I don’t care what you say. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  “Ok Pierre,” Ava said rolling her eyes playfully and laughing.

  “Well I’ll be in my room if anyone needs me,” I said getting up from the couch. As much as I was enjoying the conversation, my mood was shifting and I didn’t want to bring down anyone else’s mood so I did what I felt was best, decided to be by myself.

  Author’s P.O.V.

  Quincy heard the front door to their apartment open and shut. He lifted his face from his hands and sighed deeply, ready for whatever Zariah was about to offer. She came into the room with her head hung low. She paused in her steps and leaned against the wall. Quincy stood up from the bed. “So where have you been?” he asked.

  “I um needed to clear my head,” Zariah replied as she looked everywhere in the room but at Quincy. She fiddled with the keys in her hand.

  “Look Zariah I don’t want to argue anymore. I’m just trying to move forward with you. It just feels like we are stuck though.”

  Zariah didn’t reply.

  “I’m trying to talk to you instead of walking out; can you please try and make this easy?” he asked.

  Zariah sighed and looked up at Quincy. When Quincy saw her tear stained face his heart paused then begin rapidly beating second after second like it was about to burst through his chest. He’s never seen Zariah look so distressed before and it was eating away at him that he was the reason for all this because his heart and mind couldn’t seem to agree on anything.

  “Why are we doing this Q?” she asked.

  “W—what do you mean exactly when you ask that?”

  “Why do you want to be with me? You made it clear yesterday that you can’t love me fully because half of your heart is still with her.”

  “Look I only said that out of spite, because….” Quincy stopped in the middle of his sentence hesitating on if he really wanted to tell her the truth or not.

  “Because of what?” She asked.

  “Zariah having a baby scares me right now because I know I’m not financially stable. Shit it’s sometimes hard for us to pay our rent on time. You mean to tell me you want to bring a baby into this struggling situation as well?”

  “Q no one is ever really prepared to have a baby unless they are married and rich as hell,” Zariah said back. “All I know is that I’m ready to have a baby with the man that I love.”

  Quincy sighed deeply and walked over to Zariah. “Zariah,” he said above a whisper. She refused to look at him. He cupped her face with his index finger and thumb, gently lifting her face to meet his eyes. “Listen to me, I understand everything that you are saying but I wish you would’ve talked to me before you started making decisions behind my back.”

  “I understand that…and I apologize,” she said in return.

  “It’s okay I’m just glad we can come to an understanding…have we come to an understanding?” Quincy asked wanting to make sure. Zariah looked him deep in his eyes then said, “I just have one question for you.”

  “Okay I’m listening.”

  “Do you want to have a baby with me?

  “We will cross that bridge when it comes, take it one day at a time. When do you go to the doctor’s office to see if you really are pregnant though?”

  “Next week,” she replied, feeling somewhat hurt on the inside. Quincy had a way of making her feel low even when he wasn’t trying to.

  “Look don’t feel sad, we will get through this. There’s just a lot on my mind but we will get through this.”

  “Okay Q…whatever you say,” Zariah said leaving it at that. She was too tired of arguing and too weak to keep putting energy into someone who didn’t love her fully.

  Chapter 5

  Jaidyn’s P.O.V.

  I woke up in the middle of the night to find out Quincy was calling me. As my blurry vision came into clear I looked at the clock and noticed it was 4 in the morning. What could possibly be wrong that he would call me at 4 something in the morning? I thought to myself as I answered the phone. If he wanted to say sorry for not coming earlier he could wait until it was a reasonable hour, I don’t like my sleep being broken either.

  “Hello,” I said in my sleepy tone, laying there feeling comfortable.

  “Hey, I’m sorry if I woke you up but…I really need to see you.” The tone in his voice startled me. I sat up in the bed with my heart pounding against my chest. Not once ever since I’ve known Quincy has he sounded like his world was coming to an end.

  “Where are you?” I found myself asking.

  “I’m out at the Pierce Park, the place where we always use to come and watch the full moon reflect off the water.” Once he said that a smile crept across my face as those memories flooded back into my head, those were the good days before the complications kicked in.

  “I’m on my way,” I replied.

  “I’ll be waiting,” he said in return. Once we hung up the phone I got up and started putting my clothes on. It’s funny how at one moment your heart and mind feel like they are moving on then your heart takes two steps back like that and there’s nothing your mind can do about it.

  

  I was rushing just to be near him. My palms were slipping off the steering wheel, but all I could think about was what it was going to be like when I got face to face with him. The last time we were face to face it wasn’t too pretty; I was just hoping this time could be a little bit better.

  When I pulled into the parking lot of the park I could see his silhouette sitting on the bench, the moon was out and it was full. My heart started skipping beats as I walked over to where he was sitting. My mother and grandmother always use to tell me that whenever there is a full moon out expect something crazy or something out of the ordinary to happen. I just sighed deeply to myself hoping that tonight wasn’t one of those nights.

  “Hey Q,” I said as I was standing right in front of him now. He slowly looked up at me, the moon shined down on his face and I could tell his eyes were half open. A grin slowly appeared across his face. “Come sit,” he said in a low tone as he patted the empty seat next to him. I did as I was told but I didn’t feel comfortable for some reason, instead I was more intense and uptight. I sat there with space in between us and racing thoughts on my mind. He looked at me out the corner of his eyes and I just wanted to melt. Here I am 23 feeling like I was a little kid all over again sitting in front of my crush. It’s pathetic but that’s how he made me feel.

  “You alright?” he asked.

  I looked at him and just nodded my head yes.

  “Why are you so quiet?” he asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders, couldn’t find an answer to his that question. I guess some things just don’t have an answer to them.

  “You look beautiful tonight,” he said.

  I looked down at what I had on which was some grey jogging pants with a light pink tank top and my hair was pinned up in a sloppy bun with some glasses and white Air Force ones on to finish off the touch. I was shocked that he found this to be beautiful but when I think about it, it doesn’t take much to impress him.

  “Thank y
ou,” I said in return with a small smile upon my face now.

  He laughed and shook his head. “Oh you talk when I give you a compliment, still self-centered huh?”

  “Shut up,” I said laughing as well now and I was starting to feel more comfortable too. I scooted a little bit closer and rested my chin on his arm, looking up at him. His mind looked like it was floating somewhere else because I could tell he wasn’t in this reality right now. “Are you okay?” I asked. He looked back at me then sighed and shook his head no.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Man Jai I don’t think you really want to know,” he said as he looked down.

  I shoved his arm a little. “Hey if I didn’t want to know I wouldn’t have asked,” I said in return. He looked back at me not breaking any eye contact as he said, “It’s a possibility that Zariah could be pregnant.”

  My heart went on a roller coaster ride through my throat and down into the pit of my stomach then right back up again. I tried not to show how I was feeling on my face. I wanted to be there for him while on the inside I felt like shit and embarrassed. Embarrassed to think that maybe he made up his mind and really wanted to be with me, but no he just wanted me to be there for him as a friend. That’s been hard to do since the day we got too personal…

  “When did you find this out?” I asked as I grabbed his hand tightly so he could know I was there for him.

  “The other day, I’m still trying to figure out how this is possible. We always use condoms.”

  “Are you sure you didn’t have a slip-up just from being in the moment?”

  “Jaidyn you know how I feel about bringing a baby into this world if I’m not stable just yet. I promise you I always use condoms, ain’t no slipping this way.”

  He was right about that, ever since we started having sex we used condoms. So I knew he was serious. “Well maybe the condom broke,” I said.

  “I don’t know,” he said while sighing deeply. “She says she goes next week to find out if she’s really pregnant or not and I hate to say this but a part of me is hoping she isn’t but if she is…”

  “Hey, look don’t stress it you’re going to get through this and you have me to support you,” I said gripping his hand tighter. He looked at me and smiled. With a gentle peck of his lips to my forehead, a chill went through my spine. “I’m so glad you’re here right now Jai, you don’t know how much I appreciate it,” he said. He just didn’t know the reasons behind why I was out here at the park with him at 4 something in the morning. It’s crazy how love can make us do things we never thought we would do. Love is a game and so powerful. It had me right where it wanted me.