Honey Flavored Tears

by Love N. Joy

  “You’ve been drinking haven’t you?” I asked finally smelling a faint stench of liquor on his breath when he pulled away from kissing my forehead.

  “Nothing gets past your ass huh?” He asked.

  “Nope.”

  “I drunk some Remy before I came here.”

  “And you drove out here, you know it’s not good to drink and drive.”

  Quincy sighed deeply again letting me know he wasn’t in the mood to hear one of my lectures.

  “I’m sorry I just care about you and don’t want to see anything bad happen to you.”

  “I know you care.” He turned towards me and grabbed my other hand. “Jai I messed up,” he said.

  “Q what are you talking about?” I asked.

  He looked me deep in my eyes again and said, “I should’ve just chose you from the get go instead of doing all this back and forth shit you know,” he replied. My concerned look went to a stern one as I sucked my teeth and yanked away from him. “Look, let’s not go there,” I said getting up from the bench. I couldn’t get far with the force of his hand grabbing my hand and pulling me back. He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Can you stop running from me and just listen to me for once?” He asked. The look in his eyes were screaming how much he really needed me right now and Quincy was never the type to need anyone.

  “Jai I know all the pain I put you through, I can’t imagine how it feels but I really apologize and if I could turn it around I would.”

  “Just forget it Q, you don’t have to apologize. I’m okay,” I nonchalantly said.

  “Stop doing that,” he said as he shook me a little. “Stop trying to act like everything that happened doesn’t bother you. I hurt you Jai and I just want to make things better. I feel you slipping away as my friend and a person I care about,” he said getting somewhat emotional.

  “You don’t get it Q; I’ve always been here for you. No matter how mad I am at you or how many times you play the back and forth game between me and Zariah you know that if you called me I’d come running…I’m here now, ain’t I?”

  “I never meant to cause harm I just…”

  “Quincy just stop, stop trying to run back to me when things get hard for you and Zariah. Start facing your problems like a man.”

  Once he heard me say this, an offensive look came across his face. “I’m not saying that to disrespect you. I’m saying it out of love.”

  He sighed deeply then said, “I know, I know.”

  “Then start doing it!” I said loud and firmly. Without another word being said I pulled him in for a hug letting him know I was there for him no matter what. Sometimes we have to do what we know is best and put to the side what we think is best for us.

  Chapter 6

  Author’s P.O.V.

  The next week rolled around. Yolanda pulled up to the John Hopkins Clinic on the west side of Detroit. She turned off the car and looked over at her cousin Zariah who looked like she was in a different world away from reality. “You ready to go do this?” Yolanda asked.

  Zariah got cut short of her thoughts and came back down to reality as she looked over at Yolanda.

  “Are you ready to go in and take the test?” Yolanda asked.

  Zariah sighed deeply and shrugged her shoulders.

  Yolanda sighed as well. “What’s wrong, hun?” she asked

  “I don’t know why I love him so much,” Zariah said a couple seconds later. “I feel like I’m playing myself, I swear but it’s like I’m too in love to just walk away.”

  “What’s going on?” Yolanda asked.

  “He’s still hanging around that bitch Jaidyn and it’s digging deep into my skin; I can’t take It, I swear. I mean what the fuck was the point of him coming back to me if he was gone keep her in the picture?”

  “Man you gone make me whoop this bitch ass if I hear one more thing about her,” Yolanda said starting to get mad all over again. “How do you know he’s still hanging around her though?” she asked.

  “Last week I heard him in the living room talking to someone at four something in the morning, I couldn’t quite hear him so I got out of the bed and went towards the door and cracked it open. He was so interested in their conversation he didn’t even hear the door open,” she said then chuckled and shook her head. “He told her he needed to see her then after he got off the phone with her he just walked out the door…he didn’t get back home till almost 6 in the morning and he must’ve been sitting so close to her because I could smell her scent all over him.”

  Yolanda looked at her cousin and hated to see her look so in distress. She sighed once again then said, “You know what my mind is made up soon as I come across that hoe I’m giving her the fucking business, I promise you. But until then don’t worry about her. Go in there and do what you got to do,” she said. “You still want to go through with it right?”

  Zariah thought about it for a couple of minutes then said, “Yeah hand me the urine.”

  Yolanda pulled out a small size container filled with urine and handed it to Zariah. Zariah unzipped her pants and slipped it down into her panties then zipped her pants back up.

  “Yup that should keep the urine warm,” Yolanda said with a smile.

  “It better work, how far along is that girl you paid to give you some of her urine?” Zariah asked.

  “She’s four months.”

  “Okay, just making sure,” Zariah said.

  “Alright go in there and do what you got to do I’ll be out here parked.”

  “Thank you cousin, for everything,” Zariah replied.

  “Girl, thank me later now go, go,” Yolanda said pushing her gently to get out the car.

  “Ok, ok,” Zariah said as she rolled her eyes playfully and got out the car. She walked into the clinic and over to the front desk.

  “Hi. How may I help you?” the guy at the front desk asked.

  “Um, I’m here to take a pregnancy test,” Zariah said relaxed and somewhat grinning.

  Chapter 7

  Jaidyn’s P.O.V.

  “Girrrrllll, we need to talk,” Pierre said as he stormed into my room uninvited scaring me out of my sleep. I was surprised I didn’t die of a heart attack.

  “Thanks Pierre, the last thing I need is a heart attack,” I said as I inhaled trying to calm my heart rate back down to its normal speed.

  “I’m sorry but this is very important,” he replied.

  I rolled my eyes playfully and said, “Yeah I’m sure the gossip at your job is just that damn important for you to come in here and wake me up out of my sleep.”

  “Whatever, I know you only got an attitude because you’re just waking up so I’m gone blame it on your crankiness,” he said as he plopped down on my bed beside me. I shook my head at then slightly chuckled at how he refused to let me go back to sleep.

  “So what’s so important Pierre?” I asked him.

  “You know how you always tell me about Quincy and his dilemma problems he has with you and ole’ girl,” he said.

  “Yes, the problems you never seem to care about,” I said in return as my grin dropped from my face. “What about it?”

  “What was her name?” Pierre asked.

  “Zariah…why?” Something told me the next thing that was going to come out of his mouth was going to send my heart on a rollercoaster ride. A ride I wasn’t sure my heart was ready for again.

  “A girl named Zariah came into my job today to take a pregnancy test, I think it was her,” he said in return.

  Right when he said that my mind went back to the night when Quincy told me it was a possibility that Zariah was pregnant. There was a huge lump forming in my throat, the tears were ready to fall but I wasn’t about to let them.

  “Well Quincy did tell me it was a possibility that she could be pregnant,” I said trying to keep my sanity together.

  “When did you have a conversation with him?” Pierre asked. I refused to look him in the eyes because
I knew the expression on his face matched with the irritation in his tone. I sighed deeply again and said, “We met at our hangout spot sometime last week because he really needed to talk to me,” I said hoping he would leave it at that.

  “Mmm-hmm, well that has to be the same Zariah,” he said in return.

  “It can’t possibly be, do you know how many girls have the name Zariah in this world?” I asked wanting to believe that it wasn’t her.

  “Yeah true but trust me I have a feeling it’s her,” Pierre said.

  I jumped up from my bed and walked over to my desk where my lap top was at and logged on to Facebook.com. I typed in Zariah’s name and her page was the first one to pop up. Even though it was private it still allowed me to see her picture.

  “Is this the girl you saw at your clinic today?” I asked as I pointed to her picture. Pierre got up and walked over to where I was at, he looked over my shoulder and after a pregnant pause he said, “Yup that’s her.” My heart dropped into my stomach at this point. I got up from the chair and stood looking at Pierre.

  “Well is she?” I asked.

  “Do you really want to know?” Pierre asked with a concerned look on his face. He didn’t have to tell me, the look on his face said it all.

  “So she is pregnant,” I said not needing any confirmation from him.

  “Jai, I’m so sorry,” he said as he came over to me and hugged me. The tears were uncontrollable at this point. The feeling of being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back fully is the most painful feeling ever; I would never wish this on anyone.

  “Just try to keep your sanity and know things will get better,” Pierre said as he consoled me but little did he know I was already losing half of my mind.

  Chapter 8

  Jaidyn’s P.O.V.

  A month had passed by since I heard the news about Zariah being pregnant with Quincy’s baby and it was a hard pill to swallow. Every day since I found out about it, Quincy has been blowing my phone up. Instead of answering, I would simply send him a text saying I’m busy and I’ll get back to him as soon as I can. I wasn’t trying to avoid him but I couldn’t fathom that I had to be strictly just friends with him. He was moving on in his life with her and starting a new chapter. A part of me somewhat envied that because I wanted that with him so how could I act like everything was okay? When would it be my turn to show my hurt? When can I stop being the bigger person?

  “So I’ll see you when I get out of this poetry slam with my girls tonight,” Pierre said to someone on the other line, bringing me back to reality.”Alright Boo I’ll see you then,” he said before he hung up the phone.

  “Whaaat he yo Boo now?” Ava asked after Pierre hung up the phone.

  “Damn hoe you kind of nosey, ain’t you?” Pierre asked in return.

  “Hey I’m just saying it’s not like you to get…well I haven’t seen you get serious with a man in a long time,” Ava replied back.

  “Well people have the right to change,” Pierre replied.

  “True, true, Jaidyn what you got to say about this you’ve been quiet since we left the house,” Ava said looking at me. Without giving any eye contact back I simply replied back with, “Nothing at all.”

  “What’s wrong with you?” Ava asked.

  “She’s just like that sometimes, quiet and keeps to herself when she has a lot on her mind,” Pierre said for me. I was glad he was so understanding of the situation I was going through instead of being judgmental and so quick to lecture me this time around. People always viewed him as being blunt and too outspoken but deep down inside there was a sweet and gentle side of Pierre as well, he just wasn’t so quick to show everyone that side because people can’t be trusted.

  “Welcome back everyone. I’m so glad y’all could make it out tonight. We have a very interesting show for you tonight and I must say this list of poets is very long, so sit back and relax and enjoy the smooth ride of soulful poetry,” the host said as the lights dimmed allowing the candles on the tables to glow more. “Our first poet we have coming up to the stage tonight is Jaidyn. As the crowd clapped Pierre and Ava both shot confused looks at me. I looked back at them and pleasantly smiled as I got up to walk over to the stage. “Hello everyone, tonight I’ll be performing a poem I wrote recently called ‘Bitter Sweet Reality.’” I closed my eyes sighed deeply then looked back out at the crowd:

  If you looked in my eyes you’d probably see

  A vision of a knight in shining armor saving a woman from distress

  My mind floats on cloud 9000

  Heart skipping beats

  Butterflies pinching my stomach

  Sweat beads making love to my goose bumps

  Every time I feel your touch

  Your kisses feel like light rain drops falling in the Sahara desert

  That I yearn to dance in

  Rushing pure ecstasy chills through my veins

  Allowing you to enter me feeling a deeper connection

  You put me in positions like I was rehearsing making a baby for you

  We were so deep into it

  Kisses making me high didn’t want to come down

  Your thrusts of lust reassured me you weren’t ready to stop this feeling either

  Creative sex is the best and we engraved our signatures into each other

  We wanted to make sure people knew we were here

  Making love to the wee hours of the morning

  I woke up feeling weird

  See darkness swallows up the truth

  Only for the morning to have its sickness and regurgitate the truth back to us…

  I looked in your eyes and I didn’t see my fairytale only a blurry vision of question marks

  Crashing me back down to reality

  We are just friends how did we get past that stage

  I guess we drowned our pain and emptiness into drunkenness again

  And fucked our way back to being sober

  This soul tie we have created gets so twisted up in knots from our complications

  We are improbable

  I want you

  You want me

  But for some reason we feel like we aren’t worthy of each other

  I ask you to trust that I’d always be there

  But lately when we hold our hands out our fingertips forget to slip into each other

  We use to have trust

  Now it’s like I fear you

  I gave you something so precious

  Yet I still feel empty because when you wrap your arms around me I know

  You aren’t fully mine

  We are just friends

  I put myself into a position so I can feel like I’m wanted

  Feeling so high in the middle of the night

  I reminisce on that feeling every minute yearning for it to happen again

  Only to realize we got so high in the middle of the night

  We forgot to use protection to protect us from sexually touching desires

  That society calls STDs

  Or that responsibility of being a parent

  Because pleasure and responsibility never seem to come on time with each other

  They always miss each other’s presence in the heat of the moment

  So now we lay here wondering of

  Our bitter sweet what ifs

  “Thank you,” I said with a small grin upon my face and wiped my tears. I stepped off the stage and headed back over to my table where Ava and Pierre were sitting and sat down to enjoy the rest of the show with them.

  “Wow Jai, I know that you write poetry but I’ve never heard you perform it like that with so much emotion in it,” Pierre said.

  “Yeah, you were good,” Ava replied.

  “Thank you,” I said in return, feeling a huge lump in my throat. The host called up Ava to perform her poem next.

  “Alright Pierre, this one is for you,” Ava said then headed up to the stage after the crow
d calmed down with the clapping she began performing her poem “Daddy’s Little Girl.” I was happy the lights were very dim in the room so no one would notice me. As the lump in my throat was calming down, my tears were streaming down my face. Ava and Pierre were amazed by my performance but little did they know that poem had truth behind it. Who would’ve thought I would ever be in this position kicking myself and feeling stupid. I was trying to move on from what Quincy and I had but instead I did the opposite. Ever since the last time we met up, all I could think about was how good it felt to have him deep inside of me but now that the moment was over all I wanted was for it to happen again and again and since I knew that wouldn’t happen I just wanted these memories to fade far away…

  

  Author’s P.O.V.

  Life has a way of making funny surprises. Quincy thought to himself. It had been a month since the last time he heard from Jaidyn and couple of days since the last time he called her phone only to hear her voicemail instead of her voice. For some reason, he was starting to be okay with that. “Quincy just stop, stop trying to run back to me when things get hard for you and Zariah. Start facing your problems like a man.” He thought to himself about the last time he talked to Jaidyn and she told him that. Even though what went on that night between them didn’t make things better he was starting to believe that maybe everything that’s been going on lately was a sign that maybe he should grow up and start taking care of his responsibilities likes a man. It wasn’t right to play with people’s hearts and this was something Quincy was coming to understand lately. He lay there in the bed cuddled up next to Zariah. Ever since she told him the news about their unborn child he couldn’t help how excited he was feeling lately. Even though he wasn’t financially ready and fatherhood seemed scary the thought of having a mini me running around brought a smile to his face.