THE HITWOMAN UNDER PRESSURE (Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman Book 15)

by JB Lynn

  By the time we were done, and a tow truck had towed away my beaten-up car, the elder Griswald had called ahead and explained our delay.

  Zeke and I climbed into the back of the detective’s car, a place where, no doubt, multiple criminals had sat before us, and Brian chauffeured us to the B&B.

  “Thank you, Brian. I really appreciate this,” I said for the fifth or sixth time as we pulled into the driveway.

  “We’re practically family,” Brian answered easily. “It’s my pleasure.”

  “If you hadn’t come along…” I trailed off, wondering how it was they had happened to show up.

  “You can thank Susan for that,” the older Griswald replied. “She was the one who’d sent us to buy flowers.”

  “Speak of the devil,” Brian murmured pulling into the driveway and seeing Susan, wringing her hands, rushing toward us.

  “Quickly, quickly,” she urged, like a deranged drill sergeant. “Let’s put the food out before Loretta arrives.”

  “We’re fine,” I told her sarcastically as Brian opened the door so that I could climb out. “Zeke’s fine too. Thanks for asking.”

  Susan squinted at me. “Don’t you think you’re being a tad melodramatic over a fender bender, Margaret?”

  Marshal Griswald shot me a warning look and I realized he’d downplayed the severity of the situation. A smart choice considering everything else that was going on.

  I nodded in acknowledgement, grateful to have an ally in the midst of my crazy family.

  “I know you’re not excited about this party,” Susan continued, “but Katie is and Loretta will be, so the rest of us just have to fake it until we make it. Got that, young lady?”

  I nodded. “Fake it ‘til we make it.”

  Susan nodded her approval. “You must stay for the party, Detective,” she said to Brian.

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he replied enthusiastically. “Can I help you carry in the potato salad?”

  “Oh, we’re not eating inside,” she corrected.

  “It’s March,” I said, “not exactly picnic weather.”

  Susan shrugged. “It’s unseasonably warm. Let’s take advantage of it.”

  I looked at her suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

  She scrunched up her nose. “It’s Leslie. She bought confetti to throw. You know how much I hate confetti. It makes a mess and gets everywhere. I don’t need the stuff being tracked everywhere.”

  I nodded sympathetically. I felt the same way about glitter. Maybe it was some sort of genetic aversion.

  “So,” she declared with false brightness, “we’re partying outside.”

  I matched her false cheer. “Oh boy. Can’t wait.”

  A genuine smile stretched across her face. “You’re a good sport, Margaret. I’m sorry about your car.”

  “And I’m sorry about the cake,” Zeke inserted smoothly, trying to ride the wave of my aunt’s good will.

  She waved her hand. “No one will die of starvation.”

  Zeke’s gaze met mine, as we both thought about how close we’d just come to dying.

  I shrugged at him. Maybe a party was exactly what we needed. As long as it didn’t end in death.

  Chapter 5

  “Can God and DeeDee come to the party?” Katie asked, tugging at the hem of my jacket.

  Bending down, I pulled the zipper of her coat up to her chin. “That’s not my decision to make. Aunt Susan is our hostess. Ask her.” I caught Katie’s arm as she turned to go in search of Susan. She looked back at me. “Whatever Aunt Susan says is what we’ll do,” I warned her. “Understand?”

  She nodded.

  Releasing her, I stood up to watch her wobble away. Then I surveyed the rest of the yard.

  The long, rectangular table was set up like a buffet and covered with the food Zeke had obediently purchased. The other small round tables were each topped with giant bunches of red helium balloons tied to straw baskets.

  Considering how quickly the whole thing had been thrown together, I had to admit it looked pretty festive.

  “Sounds like you’re having a rough day.”

  I turned to find Marshal Griswald standing behind me.

  “I heard about what happened earlier at your mother’s facility,” he elaborated.

  I nodded. “Yeah, not the best of days. Thanks,” I said awkwardly, “for not letting Susan know someone tried to run us off the road. It makes things easier.”

  “She worries about you,” he replied quietly. “Rightfully so.”

  I winced. “I don’t mean to make her worry.”

  “I know that. You just seem to be a trouble magnet.” He studied my face for a long minute.

  I shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what he was looking for, but knowing I had a lot to hide.

  DeeDee bounded up, barking excitedly, “Party!”

  I smiled down at her, grateful for the respite from Griswald’s inspection. “Sit.”

  She sat.

  Looking past her, I saw Katie, with God perched on top of her bobbing head, limping toward us.

  Piss brought up the rear, head and tail held regally high.

  “Aunt Susan said yes?” I asked Katie.

  “Yes.” She nodded to prove her point, sending the lizard bouncing around like a rodeo rider on a bucking bull.

  “Stop bouncing!” he shouted, barely hanging on.

  Crossing the space between us, I plucked the lizard off the little girl’s head and gently placed him on her shoulder. “How’s that?”

  “Okay,” Katie said.

  “Awful,” God complained. “It’s cold out here.”

  I didn’t really pay much attention to him since I was watching Aunt Leslie stumble out into the backyard. She would have fallen if Zeke hadn’t caught her arm and steadied her.

  She patted his cheek in thanks, accidentally hitting him with the paper shopping bag that was slung over her arm.

  He didn’t release her, but he did scrunch up his nose and lean back a bit.

  “Oh no,” I muttered.

  “Wrong what’s?” DeeDee panted.

  I was pretty sure Leslie was wasted.

  “I think someone might be a little um…sick,” I said aloud.

  I felt Griswald turn to follow my gaze.

  “I’m not sick,” Katie said.

  “Of course not, sweetheart,” I soothed.

  “I’ll take care of it,” Griswald murmured marching past me.

  “Are you sick?” Katie asked.

  “Nope,” I assured her, smoothing her hair off her forehead.

  “Well, I’m going to be violently ill,” God declared.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Leslie throw a handful of confetti in the Marshal’s face. To his credit, he barely blinked.

  Angel swept over to us, half a gaze on Leslie and the rest on us. “Storm’s blowing in. This might get messy.”

  “Aren’t you cold?” I asked, noticing he was the only one who wasn’t wearing a sweater or jacket.

  “Nope. I’m a hot-blooded American man.” He put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest in his best superhero pose.

  “Angel helped me pick out plates with lipstick and high heels on them,” Katie announced.

  I was pretty sure I saw the manny’s pose deflate a little.

  “You’re killing my game, kid,” he groaned.

  “Game?” DeeDee panted hopefully.

  “Not that kind of game, sugar,” Piss purred from where she’d settled beneath a picnic table.

  “We thought Loretta would like the lipstick and shoes,” Angel explained.

  I smirked. “I got that.”

  “They’re here! They’re here!” Susan shouted.

  “Confetti! Confetti!” her sister yelled, reaching into her bag and throwing another handful into Marshal Griswald’s face.

  Zeke took the bag away from her and rushed over to us, thrusting it at me. “Whatever you do, keep this away from her before she gets arrested for assault wit
h a glittery substance.”

  He rushed back to Leslie and Griswald.

  Angel scooped up Katie. “Let’s go greet your Aunt Loretta.”

  I handed the bag to the kid, not wanting to be responsible for the distribution of its contents.

  Angel, carrying Katie, and I ran over to where Susan stood waiting for the homecoming queen to emerge from her car.

  “Chase?” DeeDee panted hopefully.

  “No, you idiot,” God groused from atop Katie’s shoulder. “Sit still and do the world a favor by shutting up.”

  DeeDee let out a soft whimper as she sat and hung her head dejectedly.

  “Hey,” I protested, upset that the lizard had hurt the dog’s feelings.

  “What?” Angel asked, thinking I was talking to him.

  “Um,” I faltered. “Can you see them?”

  “They’re getting out of the car.”

  Katie reached into the bag with both hands.

  I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that maybe she should use less.

  Detective Brian Griswald stepped up beside me. “Your family never ceases to amaze me. I mean, who throws a welcome home party for a grown woman who tripped because her shoes are ridiculous?”

  “You’ll get no argument from me,” I told the detective distractedly, eyeing a man in a suit, sitting on the hood of a black sedan, facing the B&B. I wondered if he was one of Redcoat’s men. The thought made my stomach churn.

  “Aunt Loretta broke her leg,” Katie told him.

  “Ankle,” I corrected automatically, trying to decide whether I should rush everyone inside for their own safety.

  “We made it,” Marlene announced breathlessly, as hand-in-hand, she and her boyfriend, Doc, the stripper training to be an EMT, ran up behind us. “We had to park around the corner and run.”

  “One of us needs to be doing more cardio to promote their heart health,” Doc said.

  Considering he wasn’t the one doing the heavy breathing, I deduced he meant Marlene needed more exercise. I guess he got enough with all his bumping and grinding to keep in shape.

  “Here they come,” Susan whispered. “On three. One.”

  “What’s on three?” I asked, panicked that I was going to do something wrong and incur Susan’s wrath.

  “I don’t know is on three,” Angel quipped, not making the situation any better.

  “We yell ‘Welcome home’ on three,” Susan said. “One. Two. Three.”

  “Welcome home!” Susan, Angel, Katie, Marlene, Doc, Griswald, Zeke, Leslie and Brian yelled.

  I was too busy trying not to choke to death on the mouthful of confetti that Katie had tossed and I’d inadvertently swallowed.

  I spit it out, gagging.

  “Do you need assistance?” Doc asked, stepping behind me.

  Afraid he’d try to administer the Heimlich and inadvertently break, or at least bruise, my ribs, I stumbled away from him, gasping for air.

  Loretta was beaming as she came around the corner. That or she was grimacing in pain as she used her walker to hobble across the yard.

  Templeton rushed ahead of her, a feat that required no speed whatsoever, and pulled out the nearest chair for her with a flourish.

  I realized that my psychic friend Armani Vasquez was already seated at a table.

  “When the hell did she get here?” I wheezed, settling into the seat opposite her.

  “Language, Margaret.” Susan smacked my shoulder as she hurried toward the table where we were sitting.

  “Want something to drink?” Brian offered.

  I nodded, as I continued to make choking noises.

  He hurried off.

  “Maybe—” Doc began.

  I held up a hand to stop him. “I’m fine. Go say hello to her.”

  Marlene took his hand and dragged him toward the table.

  Angel carefully put Katie down and relieved her of the confetti bag.

  She toddled off, DeeDee following close behind. The manny started to follow her.

  “Angel,” I said softly.

  He turned around.

  “I need a favor,” I said quietly, motioning for him to return to my side.

  “Anything.”

  Looking up into his dark eyes, I believed him. “I want to tell you something, but I need you to promise me it’ll stay just between us.”

  “Okay.” He placed a hand on my shoulder.

  “I saw who tried to run us off the road,” I confided softly after looking around to make sure no one else was within earshot.

  Angel’s brows knit together and he scowled. “And you’re only telling me because I know the person?” he guessed.

  I nodded tightly.

  “Vinny?”

  I nodded again.

  Angel glanced over at Brian who was sitting beside Armani. The two of them appeared to be deep in conversation.

  “Why didn’t you tell the detective?” Angel asked.

  “I thought maybe…” I trailed off uncertainly.

  “You thought that my uncle might be able to handle the situation?”

  I nodded. “Can you tell him?”

  “You just made me promise to keep that particular bit of information just between us,” he reminded me with a teasing smile.

  I couldn’t help but grin in return. “I meant that I didn’t want anyone here to know who it was.”

  Angel focused on Zeke who was holding Aunt Loretta’s manicured hand while she regaled him with a story. “Not even Zeke?”

  “Not even him,” I confirmed.

  “Okay. I’ll do it. I’ll tell my uncle on one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That you answer me honestly.”

  “What’s the question?” I held my breath, suddenly afraid he somehow knew more about my relationship with his uncle than he let on.

  His eyes studying me intently, he asked, “Do you and Zeke have some sort of romantic thing going?”

  I let out a sigh of relief. “No,” I replied.

  “But you’re always together,” Angel argued. “And I get the distinct impression he doesn’t like me.”

  I glanced over in Zeke’s direction and saw him staring daggers at the way Angel’s hand was casually placed on my shoulder.

  “My relationship with Zeke is complicated, and yeah, he’s carried a torch for me for a while, but there’s nothing more between us.”

  “And what about us, Maggie?” Angel leaned closer to whisper in my ear. “Is there more between us?”

  I swallowed hard. Angel was sexy and kind and seemed loyal, but I’d just gotten out of a relationship, albeit a weird and ultimately unsatisfying relationship with Patrick. I wasn’t sure I had the emotional reserves to take on something with the nephew of my boss. “I promised you one answer,” I teased good-naturedly, trying to lighten the mood. “You already got that.”

  Before he could argue, I jumped up and hurried away to greet Aunt Loretta.

  “You should put on some blush, Maggie,” Loretta said when I pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Some color would do you good.”

  “She’s just tired,” Susan said, surprising me by coming to my defense. “Leave the girl alone. She’s had a tough day.”

  “Picture time!” Doc suddenly boomed waving his phone around.

  If the frown lines that etched themselves into Susan’s forehead were any indication, I didn’t think picture time was on her agenda.

  “Maybe later,” I told Doc, hoping he’d take the hint and drop the subject.

  “No time like the present,” he countered. “Everyone gather round.”

  “Where’s Aunt Leslie?” Marlene asked.

  Remembering how she’d appeared to be intoxicated or high, or both, earlier, I said, “We can get her later.”

  “Nonsense, we should have all you beautiful ladies. I’ll find her.” Doc loped across the yard.