by Alpha, A
I’m about to ask about the groom, try to be polite. But mother finishes her speech with some ground-breaking information.
“Just so you know, Rubi is also coming to the wedding and staying at the beach house. I’m sure you two will have enough space though, one of you can stay in the guest house – Rubi had it built last year. You do remember her, don’t you?”
Fuck.
How could I not remember her? Even though I’ve made it my mission to forget about her existence, she’s always at the back of my mind. The one that got away.
“I have to go, Jackson – I’ll send you the flight information after I purchase your ticket. It’s the least I can do,” my mother rattles on as my mind swims with far-away thoughts. “Talk to you later.”
She cuts the connection and I lower the hand holding my telephone, staring at the screen blankly.
Rubi Lynn.
It’s the first time I let myself mouth her name and it feels just as sweet on my lips as it did before … just as sweet as her mouth on mine.
What have I just agreed to? Am I ready to revisit the past which I’ve been trying to escape for the past four years? Will it ruin all my hard work to stay in the place that started it all … with her?
I’m fucked.
Chapter 22 – RUBI
A month later
Stepping back into the beach house is not as painful as it once used to be.
When my Dad died, I had two options . I could try to block out everything that happened that summer. I could try and forget about his horrible illness and fool myself into thinking it never happened.
Or, I could celebrate his life, make sure he was remembered on every important journey, every big step of my life.
I chose the second option and never looked back. As I walk around the new guest house, I know I’ve made the right choice.
“Should be ready,” one of the construction workers tells me, grinning at me.
My fingers slide over the beautiful Italian marble, my fingers digging into the rich, thick carpet. “Perfect,” I nod, inspecting the room one last time to make sure everything is in place.
The place looks beautiful. When I decided to build the guesthouse, I knew what I had in mind – a similar look to what Valerie did when she and Daddy renovated. Even though the house has been remodeled since, the feel is still the same. I cherish being here every day, being reminded of Daddy with each step I take.
After my time away at school, I moved into the beach house permanently two years ago. I just didn’t feel like staying in LA anymore, not with my absent mother. I decided to embrace my father’s memory and live in my childhood home, instead.
Here, his smile will always ring in my ears.
Other things I chose to ignore. It’s for the best.
But I know the past will be back to haunt me soon enough – Jax is set to arrive today. I’ve agreed to let him stay in the guest house, and mentally congratulated myself on my choice to be the bigger person.
I like to think I’m over him by now – he’ll always have a place in my thoughts, after all, he was my first. But since then, I’ve become a different woman, and when I think of him these days, the pangs of pain in my chest are easier to ignore each time.
I exchange some final words with the construction worker, whose team is working on the electronics today. By the evening, he promises the internet and TV should be fully functioning.
Pleased with the conversation, I nod and turn to leave. I end up catching my reflection in the ornate full-length mirror which adorns one wall of the living room. My eyes check to see if the construction worker is gone, then I step in front of the mirror. My gaze scrutinizes the reflection in the silver glass.
I don’t see a kid anymore, and truth be told, that girl has been gone for a long time. Now I see a young woman, dressed in a prim-and-proper pencil skirt and blouse with high heels. My red hair is in shiny waves around my face, a nice break from the usual chignon. My freckles are covered by expensive foundation, my suntanned skin gone in favor of natural paleness.
I look like a high class prostitute, I think guiltily. There’s something about the image, something about my face that distorts the look I have going on. It might be the cold expression, or perhaps it’s the glint in my eyes which I’m never quite able to hide.
Sighing, I smooth down my skirt and turn to leave the room, when a deep, booming voice interrupts my day dream. I land back in reality with a crash.
“Hello.”
I would recognize that voice anywhere. And I fucking hate that fact.
I make myself stay calm, force my fingers to stop shaking. Slowly, I raise my gaze to the owner of the voice, my eyes scrutinizing his appearance just like they did my own a moment ago.
Jax looks pretty much the same as he did all those years ago. Tall, imposing – even when I’m in my Louboutins. He’s wearing the same smirk he always does on his face, a faded tee and jeans on his body.
The ink that covers every inch of him is peeking out from his sleeves, making my eyes travel over his skin.
And just like that, it’s as if no time has passed at all. I look into his eyes, my gaze imploring, trying to see how he will react to my new appearance.
But he’s always been hard to read, as opposed to me – I’ve been an open book for as long as I can remember, and I’ve come to terms with it.
“Hi,” I reply, proud of my own voice for not being shaky and unsure.
His eyes are devouring me, and I know he’s stripping me naked in his mind. I don’t cross my arms defensively in front of my body, like the teenage me would have done. Instead I give him a hard look, letting him know I’m well aware of what he’s doing.
And he grins at me.
“Good to see you,” he says, and his voice, as opposed to mine, is a little unsure, the sentence sounding more like a question.
“Likewise,” I reply formally. “Hope you’ll find the guesthouse to your liking.”
He steps closer to me all of a sudden, the suitcase he’d been holding in his hand cluttering to the floor with a heavy thud. His hand touches arm, but I move away, trying to keep my composure intact.
“Rubi,” he groans, and it’s fucking torture to hear my name on those lips I had craved so much. Has it been four years? It feels like just yesterday since I’d last kissed him.
And I still remember how he tastes – from his mouth, to his thick, throbbing cock.
“Come closer,” he orders me and an internal battle takes place in my mind. I realize he will have the same impact on me if I let him.
“No,” I protest, and he pulls on my hand roughly, his motion so greedy, like he can’t stand another moment of us being apart. “Let go,” I warn him.
“No,” he growls. “Not this time.”
“Jax!” an excited voice interrupts us and we jump apart like we’ve been caught doing something very, very bad. I look away, my expression full of guilt.
A tall figure strolls through the room confidently. I’m so scared of looking at Jax, so afraid of his reaction, I’d rather keep my gaze focused on the carpet as my fiancé slaps him on the back.
“So good to see you, man,” Adrian laughs, giving him a good-natured poke. “It’s been absolute ages – we’re so glad you came.”
He establishes his dominance, wrapping a protective arm around my shoulders. He gives Jax a friendly yet challenging look. As nice as his greeting was – and I have no doubt he is glad to see Jax – Adrian is making it clear I’m his now.
No more games, no more bets – because he’s already won.
Chapter 23 – JAX
I’m well aware of the fact that I’m staring, but I can’t fucking stop. It’s a total blast from the past, but not the one I was excited about when I arrived here. Goddamn Adrian, with his arm wrapped around her.
Rubi Lynn has always belonged to me, and I would have claimed her had he not strolled in at the most inappropriate of moments.
“What’s this?” I ask in confusion, ge
sturing at the two of them, my fingers desperate to form fists and wipe that smug look off my ex-friend’s face.
Adrian looks at me with confusion, but I can tell he’s secretly pleased. I can see his own fists tightening as he gives me a pleasant smile. “Rubi and I are engaged to be married ourselves, didn’t you know?” he says, like my whole world did not just implode.
“We’re to be married in the wintertime. Ring and all, can you believe it?” he chuckles good-naturedly. Rubi shoves her hand out robotically in my direction, her eyes still unable to meet mine.
My heart pounds in my chest as I take her dainty fingers in my big one, looking at the largest rock I’ve ever seen. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening.
Because as soon as I stepped back into the beach house, the memories came flooding back in. Those long days at the pool, staring at Rubi’s near naked body on the beach, sharing our first kiss … Those are things I tried to forget, but never did.
And when my eyes landed on Rubi, a real, in-fucking-sanely sexy woman now, I nearly lost it right there. I realized all those years of holding things back did more damage than good. My cock got hard the moment I saw her, my head swimming with thoughts of what I wanted to do to her.
The only girl I ever wanted more than once.
The only woman that could break my heart.
The only one for me.
“How absolutely lovely,” I say in a mocking English accent, letting go of Rubi’s hand abruptly. I’m realizing I’ll be too tempted to pull her in my arms if I touch her for a moment longer. Her hand flops to her side like a broken doll’s and I hide all of my feelings to clap Adrian on the back.
Hiding my feelings is what I’m best at, anyway.
“Very happy for you two,” I say with a grin, my eyes desperate to connect with Rubi’s. Because I still know she’s an open book, and given enough time, I’ll be able to see just how strong their bond is.
She refuses to look at me though, choosing to stare at an inanimate object instead. But Adrian isn’t suffering of the same predicament, unfortunately. He’s acting like we’re best of friends getting to hang out after years apart. As he shows me around the beach house I want to slam his head against the wall.
This was my house first.
And I’m about to make sure it becomes that again.
“So, what do you do now, Jax?” Adrian asks and even Rubi looks up. She’s been following us around the house, not even saying a thing. But I fucking hate Adrian’s reassuring hand on her back, the way he strokes her hand to make sure she’s okay.
That was supposed to be my job, if this prick didn’t ruin everything.
And that’s another thing – why the hell did she go out with Adrian in the first place? Was he not involved in the same bet as I was, desperate to bed her? Why did she forgive him, and not me?
The unfairness of the situation burns me deep. I have to clench my teeth when I smile in response after a long, uncomfortable pause has passed. “I am a lawyer.”
Rubi snorts and I give her an evil look, but she can barely hold back her laughter. “Get it all out,” I roll my eyes. “I can see you think it’s hilarious.”
“I’m sorry,” she giggles in embarrassment. “It’s just I never would have imagined that job for you.” She laughs one last time, but then her eyes fix on mine and she becomes more serious.
“Are you happy?” she wonders out loud. “Does that job make you happy?”
I choose to strategically ignore the first part of her question, because what on earth would I be able to tell her, anyway?
Yes, I’m happy I got to see you again.
No, I’m not happy because you’re with this surfer boy instead of me.
And yes, I am furious and first chance I get, I’ll make sure you’re back where you belong.
I focus on my job, and instead of giving her some automatic answer I think of what I’m about to say. “Yeah,” I say, a small smile playing on my lips. “It pays the bills, and I do like it.”
“Are you a criminal attorney or something like that?” Adrian pipes up and I look straight at him. He thinks I defend goddamned criminals? I’m about to burst his bubble.
Shaking my head, I give him a self-righteous smile. “I do pro bono work for a large firm,” I explain. “It’s paid well, and I get to work with people who can’t afford a lawyer. I can choose cases I’m passionate about.”
“Oh, Jax,” Rubi gushes. She steps closer and reaches for my hand, not even thinking of her actions as she smiles at me happily. “I’m so glad you found something like that. I always knew you would be great helping people.”
“Like I helped you?” I can’t help but asking, my voice straining against the words, like my own body is trying to stop me from utter the stupid question.
Rubi looks away, blushing as she lets my hand slip away from hers. She steps right back into Adrian’s arms and it fucking hurts to see them together. This girl – this woman – should have been mine.
I’m about to tell her as much, but she looks so tired, so broken all of a sudden. Adrian strokes her back to soothe her and he gives me an evil look. “Let’s get you to lie down for a second,” he soothes Rubi, shooting daggers at me with his eyes as he leads her away.
Rubi waves at me and I watch them go. . She’s back to her formal act, as if she has developed a whole new personality over the past four years.
I realize the girl I had the pleasure of being with no longer exists. While I can’t deny that this sexy business woman look she has going on is hot as hell, I hate that she can’t be herself around that prick. Like she was with me, even if it was for such a short amount of time. She deserves to be whoever she wants.
I wonder what’s holding her back.
I sigh, realizing I’m really tired from the trip, and this God-awful conversation. My mind is filled with images and thoughts of Rubi.
It’s fucking strange to be back here, knowing another man has taken my place in the beach house. My fists clench and I know I’ll do whatever it takes to get my place back.
This isn’t about pride or some goddamned bet, it’s not even about my cock’s appetite. This is about what my heart, body and soul all want, and they’re all working with one word flowing through my veins.
Rubi.
Chapter 24 – RUBI
It takes me a long time to calm down after the episode with Jax. Adrian is great, bringing me my pills and a glass of water, and I know I’ll fall asleep after taking them, just like always.
I’m not saying it’s the best solution, but at least I get to sleep off the terrible forbidden feelings that are starting to rise in me again.
Waking up two hours later, I feel like a new person. Adrian’s off doing some work, so I get up and change in more casual attire – silky wide-leg white trousers and a skin-tight camisole. I leave my feet barefoot, my flame red hair a halo around my head.
I paddle around the kitchen, making myself a cup of coffee to make sure I’ll stay up for a good while longer. I have some work to finish up today, and I can’t let Jax’s return spoil all of my plans.
I sit down at the kitchen table, the very one where I used to eat meals with dad, Valerie and Jax when I was younger. I try to ignore the painful memories and focus on the work ahead of me.
I don’t think anyone expected I’d ever get a job. I guess my mom and dad kind of assumed I’d drop out of college on the first week. I surprised everyone by being a good student after Daddy’s death. I finished high school and completed a private college for Fashion Studies. Then, I did a course in interior design and this is now my job. I’ve had my fair share of clients and I love what I do.
What could be better than renovating houses, making them beautiful and putting on a personal touch in every home I work on? – there’s a special feeling I get every time I finish and show the place to the family.
My mom is married again. She found love when she least expected it, and she kind of forgot about me after it happened. It hurt a lot,
I won’t lie, but I found an unlikely ally.
Valerie.
After my father’s passing, we could have drifted apart. But she surprised me by keeping in touch for all these years, and I surprised myself by replying. There was something comforting about having her in my life, like the last remnant of the life I could have if Daddy stayed with us.
Clenching my fists, I move the scrapbook away from me. I can’t focus on work right now, my mind swimming with too many things.
“Busy?” a voice interrupts and I turn around to see Jax standing in the doorway. I furrow my brow, unsure if I like seeing him back in the beach house. I’d prefer if he’d just keep to himself in the guesthouse, which is like a blank slate, not full of hurtful memories.
“I’m working,” I reply, but if I said my heart wasn’t beating a thousand miles per hour, I’d be lying to myself. “Did you need something?”
He shrugs and strolls inside the kitchen without asking if he may do so, which makes me furious. I blush, but I don’t let myself say anything, pouting instead. He grabs an apple from the fruit basket on the counter, throwing it in the air and biting into the fruit with a crunch.
I’m transported back in time, remembering how much this habit used to annoy me that summer. Somehow though, it feels bittersweet.
“So you and Adrian, huh?” Jax asks me. Is there a note of anger in his voice or am I imagining it?
“Yep,” I answer simply, picking up my coffee cup and taking a long sip, scalding myself with the hot beverage. I’m afraid of getting up, scared my legs will give out underneath me if I do so.
“You don’t care that he–” Jax begins, but I cut him off.
“No, I don’t,” I say. “I don’t give a fuck, actually. And I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my business.”
All of a sudden, adrenaline takes over and I get up abruptly, walking right up to him and looking into his surprised face. The smirk is still present and I resent him for that. Resent him for taking the easy way out, for not being damaged by that summer, when I’m all broken inside.
