Everywhere & Nowhere

by Tracy Lorraine

  Everywhere & Nowhere

  Never Forget #3

  Tracy Lorraine

  Copyright © 2018 by Tracy Lorraine

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Edited by Pinpoint Editing

  Cover and formatting by Tracy Lorraine

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Read Beth for FREE!

  About the Author

  Also by Tracy Lorraine

  Sneak peak

  Ruined Plans

  Evelyn, for pushing me and suggesting I write more of my favourite couple.

  Chapter One

  “He’s asleep,” I say, walking back towards the living room in the cottage I’d booked. The three of us are staying in the Lake District for five days before continuing to Scotland for New Year’s.

  Jay sits forward, places his beer can on the coffee table, and then looks up at me. That look ensures I stay exactly where I am. Standing, he walks with purpose, eating up the space between us in seconds. With each step he takes, my heart pounds faster and my butterflies increase.

  “You’d better be right, because I’m going to make you scream.”

  My entire body yearns for his touch as he comes to a stop, only inches between us. He continues to stare with hooded eyes before they drop to my body. I’m wearing the jeans and t-shirt I’ve been in all day, but the way he’s looking at me, I may as well be naked.

  I start to get concerned when he doesn’t do anything more. “You okay?”

  When his eyes come back to me, they’re filled with hunger and fire. The sight makes my stomach flip in excitement. “Just appreciating what’s mine.”

  My mouth goes dry as he pulls his own t-shirt over his head and drops it to the floor. I let out a sigh as I run my eyes over his sculpted chest and stomach. Just as perfect as the image I have in my dreams each night.

  I hate it, but when I look back up to his eyes, I see concern. He’s still worried about what I think about his scarred body. I decide there and then that by the end of this night, there will be no more doubt in his mind that I’m in love with not only who he is as a person, but also his body—every freckle, mole and scar.

  I go to copy his action and grab the hem of my t-shirt, but his growl stops me. “What are you doing?”

  “Uh…getting naked,” I say, like it should be obvious.

  “I get you naked,” he states, before stepping up to me and replacing my hands with his own. He pulls the fabric up torturously slowly. It skims my sensitive skin, making me shiver, and it only increases my impatience. I want his hands on me now.

  My t-shirt joins his on the floor and his fingertips slowly trace across my collarbone before dropping to run along the edge of my bra. My breasts strain against the lace, begging to be released, and my chest heaves with my panting breaths. Instead, he continues down my stomach and circles my belly button. He drops to his knees and kisses a line across my waistband before popping the button and pulling the denim down my legs. I lean on his shoulders as he pulls them off, and I smile when I notice he doesn’t flinch as I touch his back. Maybe he is starting to understand.

  Sitting back on his haunches, he looks up at me. I’m wearing a simple black lace underwear set, but you’d think I was in something much sexier from the way he’s staring at me.

  “I imagined doing this every single day.” The sincerity in his eyes ensures I believe every word. “Just to have the chance to hear your voice again. To kiss you,” he says, leaning forward and once again pressing his lips to my stomach. It takes a while to register, but I notice he’s kissing the faint marks left behind from my pregnancy. “To touch you,” he says, running his hands down my sides, tucking his thumbs into the lace and slowly pulling them down my legs. “To taste you,” he adds with a quick glance up at me. My mouth goes dry as I watch him lean forward and nudge my legs apart. Our eyes stay connected as he gently licks at me. My hips buck the second he makes contact with my clit, and a whimper falls from my lips.

  His restraint snaps.

  I’m pushed back against the wall and one of my legs gets thrown over his shoulder as he devours me. I’m panting in seconds, his skilled tongue getting me close to the edge in no time at all.

  He continues until I come on his tongue, and the one leg holding me up buckles as the pleasure rushes through me.

  He pulls me into his arms and carries me down the hallway, to the bedroom.

  “I realised I was in love with you the first time I ate your pussy,” he whispers in my ear. His voice is hoarse and full of emotion. A deep ache pulls at my lower stomach.

  “Was that meant to be romantic?” I ask with a laugh.

  “No. Just the truth.”

  Together, we fall onto the bed. I expect him to kiss me, but to my surprise he gets up and walks to the other side of the room. Before bending down to his bag, he looks back at me. Vulnerability creeps back into his eyes but he doesn’t say anything as he stands and drops his jeans.

  My eyes immediately fall to his arse. That was always my favourite part of him. Yes, it’s different now with his scars, but it’s no less perfect.

  He grabs something from his bag and closes his fist around it. When he turns back, he’s got a cheeky smirk on his face but his eyes are all serious.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, sitting up as he crawls onto the bed next to me.

  “I need to do something before I make love to you.”

  “Okay…”

  “I’m going to ask something I’ve asked you before, but I hope you’ll realise I’m serious this time.” My heart starts to pound in my chest as I consider what he’s saying. No…surely he’s not going to…

  “Marry me?”

  I see his hand come out but I don’t take my eyes from his.

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “Yes?”

  “Yes!”

  The weight of his body forces me back onto the bed. His lips descend on mine and he kisses me until I’m breathless.

  “Thank fuck for that,” he pants. “I don’t think I could take the rejection again.”

  I laugh with him as I think about that day in Gretna Green over five years ago until his eyes suddenly turn serious.

  “I love you,” I say softly as I reach out to touch his cheek.

  “Oh shit, wait,” he says, totally ruining our moment.

  He sits up and holds his hand out. Slowly, he uncurls his fingers to reveal what he’s hiding.

  “My ring!” I exclaim. “How did you? When did you?” I can’t help tears of relief falling on to my cheeks. “Do you know how long I’ve been looking for this?”

  “I have some idea. Can I?” he asks, nodding to my finger.

  I hold my hand out for him and he slides my ring back onto its rightful home.

  “I took it the day I came over, thinking that was it, that we were together. I was going to propose then. But—”

  “But I fucked it up.”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For coming back. For waiting for me. For everything.”

  “I love you, Skittles.”

  Jay falls back on top of me and sets about showing me just how much he really does love me.

  I’ve no idea what the time is once we collapse on the bed, both utterly spent from countless orgasms.

  “Jay?” I as
k just before I doze off to sleep.

  “Yeah?” he whispers.

  “Why do you call me Skittles?”

  “Because it suits you.” I let out a laugh and squeeze him tighter.

  “Just so you know, not a day went by where I forgot about us.”

  “Me either, Skittles. I could never forget you.”

  I shouldn’t be surprised when I find myself alone in the bed the next morning, but a huge wave of disappointment floods me when I reach out and find him gone. Keeping my eyes shut, I listen for any sign of him, but it’s silent. I was hoping he might be down the side of the bed doing his sit ups, just like our first road trip together.

  Tearing my eyes open, I glance around the room in case he’s there, but I know he’s not. I bring my hand up to my face and something catches my eye. My ring. A smile pulls at my lips as memories from last night play out in my mind. Jay had it all along.

  Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I think about his proposal. He wants me to be his wife. My heart pounds inside my chest as I replay the words he said to me last night. Marry me? Simple, to the point, yet perfect.

  Hearing a noise from another room, I fling back the duvet before grabbing Jay’s t-shirt from the floor and pulling it over my head.

  I quietly walk towards the living area of the cottage, aware that it’s still early and that I’d like a little time with Jay before Denny wakes up and monopolises his attention.

  The second he comes into view, I have to stop. He’s stood at the kitchen counter, staring down at a newspaper. His hoodie is in a pile next to him and his joggers are hanging low on his hips. The muscles of his back are pulled tight as he concentrates on whatever it is he’s reading. It’s an incredible sight to wake up to. I smile to myself that he feels confident enough to stand there topless, knowing he could have company at any moment. When he first showed me his scars, I was worried it was something that was going to cause issues, but it seems he was more worried about my reaction than anything else. Of course, it hurts me to see them, knowing he was injured so badly and there was nothing I could do about it, either at the time or in the months that followed. It’s always going to haunt me. He should have come back to me. I would have been there for whatever he needed. But I do understand his reasons, and although they’ve kept us apart for five years, maybe it was how it was meant to be. We’ve both grown so much in that time. Maybe we needed that to happen before we could be together.

  My thoughts of the past get cut short when I see his head turn my way. “Are you just going to stand there staring, or were you planning on coming a little closer?” His voice is deadly serious. It almost feels like a warning. Excitement shoots down my spine and as much as I want to stay put and see what he’ll do, I find my legs moving and the space between us disappearing rapidly.

  The second I’m in reaching distance, he wraps his fingers around the back of my neck and pulls me to him. His lips touch mine and before I can complain about my morning breath, his tongue is in my mouth. The taste of coffee mixed with Jay explodes on my taste buds, and my concern vanishes.

  His fingers tangle in my hair as he presses his body against mine and forces me to step back until I hit the counter.

  “How long have we got?” he groans in my ear as his fingers find the bottom of his t-shirt. They tickle up my thighs before he grabs my arse and lifts me onto the counter.

  I’ve no idea what the time is; my only clue is that it’s still pretty dark out. “Long enough,” I answer on a gasp as his fingers find my nipples and pinch.

  “I hope you’re right,” he says as his hands leave me. I go to complain but when I see his thumbs hook into his waistband and push, I shut my mouth.

  Jay’s joggers fall to his ankles, exposing his nakedness beneath.

  I bite down on my bottom lip as I watch him take himself in his hand. I feel his eyes on me, but I’m too fascinated by his movements to look up.

  “Lie back,” he demands.

  The moment my back hits the counter, he grabs onto my thighs and tugs. My arse hangs off the edge and my legs rest on his arms. He gives me two seconds to adjust before I feel him pressing at my entrance.

  “You on birth control?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got it covered, don’t worry.” My frustration builds at his sudden need for a conversation about this.

  “Worry?” he repeats with a strange look in his eyes. “Stop taking it.”

  “What?” My stomach twists as a bolt of anxiety hits me. He can’t be serious.

  “Stop taking it. I want to see you pregnant with our child.”

  My brows draw together at his words and I can’t help but pull away from him. “We’ve just got back together.”

  “So? We’re meant to be, Skittles. I missed out on everything with Denny, and I want it all.”

  The thought of having another baby right now affects me more than I thought it would. I feel sick even considering the possibility. Images of everything I’ve wanted to do if I ever got Jay back run through my mind, and not one of them is having another baby again so soon. My temperature increases and I feel anger start to nudge its way in as I consider the repercussions for all of us if I were to agree to this. Pushing Jay to the side, I jump down from the counter and cover myself back up. “No.” My voice doesn’t come out as strong as I was hoping.

  “No?” The look on his face guts me. It’s clear he really wants this, but can’t he see that it’s not the right time? We need to get to know each other again before we can even think about bringing a fourth person into our family. Jay’s barely got used to the idea of being a father to Denny; how would he cope with another added into the mix? Then, there’s Denny himself. I’ve already thrown his world into turmoil this year. He needs his life to settle down a little, to get used to the idea that we’re now a family. And most importantly, he needs to spend quality time with his dad. They’ve missed out on five years together. Suddenly having to share Jay with another baby would not be a good idea.

  “I’m sorry, Jay. In the future? Yes, I’d love to have more kids with you. But we’ve got a family. We’ve got Denny, and he adores you. Don’t you want to spend time with him? Make up for what you lost before having another?”

  I can see reluctance written all over his face. He really wants this.

  Walking back towards him, I wrap my arms around his solid frame and hold tight. “One thing at a time, yeah?”

  I feel him press his face into my hair and breathe me in as he nods slowly.

  We stand there for the longest time, but eventually, a noise from another room forces us apart and I step away to meet Denny.

  “Morning, baby,” I sing happily when I see his sleepy body plodding down the hallway.

  His eyes light up a little when he sees me, although he still looks a little asleep. He blinks a couple of times before looking around at his surroundings.

  I see the moment reality hits him.

  “It wasn’t a dream. Daddy’s here.” His smile melts my heart.

  “He’s in the kitchen.” I pull Denny into my arms and hold tight as I walk towards Jay.

  “Hey, buddy.” The moment Denny’s eyes land on his dad, he’s fighting to get out of my hold. No sooner have his feet hit the ground than he’s up in Jay’s arms.

  I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to seeing them together. Their similarities are almost as striking as their good looks. I can’t take this time away from either of them.

  “Why’s the newspaper on the floor?” Denny asks when he’s put down. I glance over to where he’s pointing and my cheeks flush red as I realise why it’s there.

  “I must have dropped it,” Jay says to Denny, but his wink says he knows exactly how it ended up there. “Come here,” he whispers as he opens his arms for me.

  I breathe in his scent and snuggle into his side. Happiness that I’ve never experienced before flows through me as we stand together and watch our son.

  “Where’d you get the paper?” I ask after a few seconds of silen
ce.

  “I went for a run and found a corner shop. You two go and sit down; I’m making you breakfast,” Jay announces as he gently pushes me towards the dining table that sits between the kitchen and living area of the open plan room.

  I do as I’m told but I can’t help wondering what he’s planning on making, seeing as I’d brought the bare minimum, having planned a shopping trip today.

  After making me a coffee and pouring Denny a glass of orange juice, I get a front row seat to Jay’s cooking skills—or lack thereof.

  The first round of bread he puts into the toaster ends up like charcoal and goes straight into the bin, while Denny complains about the smell. It was the toaster’s fault, according to Jay. I can’t help but laugh at him as he has a second go.

  It’s a little more successful as he keeps a watchful eye on the toaster instead of leaving it to do its thing.

  He brings us over a plate full of freshly toasted bread along with the tub of butter and Marmite I brought with us.

  “Don’t tell me you two like that stuff?” he asks, nodding towards the jar of Denny’s favourite food in the world.

  “YES!” Denny says, sounding affronted that Jay could even question it.

  “Don’t tell us you’re a hater.”

  “Daddy,” Denny warns, and I can’t help but laugh at the serious look on his little face.

  Jay’s lips twitch a beat before a wide smile stretches across his face. “Gotcha, I love it,” he says as he ruffles up Denny’s hair. “Pass it over.”

  I love watching them together. I’m pretty sure it’s something I’m never going to get bored of. The image of Jay holding a newborn slams into my head, his huge arms cradling a helpless baby as he stares down with a level of love and adoration I know he’s capable of. I bat it away, feeling ridiculous that his suggestion has me thinking such things. We have the rest of our lives for all that.