A BROKEN GIRL'S JOURNEY

by Niki Jilvontae

  “Hoe fuck yo nigga, my brother dead!” Tia yelled while crying and spitting blood in the air. Lakea continued to kick and punch Tia. Then she drug her by her hair, while kicking her in the face with her 6 inch stilettos.

  “Bitch you killed yo weak ass brother when you sent him after me!” Lakea said giving her a super kick to the face.

  Just then sirens could be heard.

  “Come on cousin.” Mesha yelled. “You can't go back to jail for this bitch.”

  Lakea kicked Tia in the face one last time and then ran to get in the truck with the girls.

  “Dammnn, y’all beat them hoes.” Candius said as they sped away from the apartments.

  They turned left down Winchester just as the police made the right on Outland and turned into the apartments. Here I go again Lakea thought. Every time I try to chill and enjoy myself here comes the bullshit.

  “We did dog walk them hoes!” Mesha said looking into the rear view mirror at her face. “I had to make sure that ugly hoe didn't scratch me and give me the ugly hoe disease. Damn hoodbooga!” Mesha said with a serious face. All of the girls began laughing hysterically. Just then Mesha's phone rang interrupting their happy moment. Mesha answered the phone still laughing but quickly changed her mood. “NOOOO!” Mesha yelled as tears streamed down her face. “We on our way.” She said hanging up the phone and punching the accelerator.

  “What's wrong?” Lakea asked.

  Mesha looked at her with tears streaming down her face and pain in her eyes.

  “Ray-Ray in ICU, they don't think he's going to make it.”

  And just like that Lakea's whole world shattered. She was broken once again.

  Chapter 11

  The girls made it to Methodist University Hospital in Midtown from east Memphis in less than 15 minutes. Mesha flew through every light she could. The entire ride there Lakea couldn't do anything but think about her big brother. Her protector. Ray-Ray was always there for Lakea when she needed him. She could remember many times Jeff would be beating them and Ray-Ray would take the blows for her. Or how he would come into her room and hug her after they would get whoopings by their mama for ruining another one of her dysfunctional relationships. Ray-Ray would hold her tight and rock her and say,

  “I love you lil sis and I will always be here for you.”

  Lakea could see his handsome face and hear him being silly, calling her Sugar mama because of the time he caught her and Quan eating a five-pound bag of sugar. Lakea and Ray-Ray had been through so much together. She wasn't ready to let her big brother go. Lakea cried uncontrollably as they entered the emergency room. Her whole body shook and she looked as if she was about to pass out. Quan and aunt Violet were sitting there in the first seats as they came in. When Violet saw Lakea she burst out in tears again, and Quan had to jump up and hold them both as they all cried.

  “What happened to my brother? Lakea screamed. “What happened to him? Ohhhhhh, Lord!” Lakea wailed.

  “Big sis, it was that bitch and her folks.” Quan said while crying and snot ran down his face and on Lakea's shoulder. Lakea and Quan continued to cry as aunt Violet pulled herself together to go speak with the doctors. “They broke bout six bones in his face sis. They stabbed him twice and stomped him everywhere.” Quan said sobbing. “They found him right outside his back door and that bitch was in the house playing sleep, claiming she didn't hear shit.”

  Quan said sitting down in the chair and putting his head in his hands. Lakea couldn't believe what she was hearing. The bitch had set her brother up to be hurt. Lakea suddenly became overwhelmed by emotion. Her head began to spin as she tried to make sense of what was going on.

  “Where is my mama funky ass?” Lakea asked between tears as she hugged Mesha.

  “I called her cell phone but she didn't answer. I left a message.” Quan said with a sinister look on his face. Lakea could tell her little brother was thinking of a plan. Lakea was confused though, why wasn't her mother answering the phone when she had called her with that bullshit earlier. “Maine this shit got me fucked up in the head big sis. We can't lose Ray-Ray. We all we got!” Quan said looking at Lakea as the tears streamed down his face and the rage built in his heart. Lakea walked over and hugged her little brother again. Just then a tall, light-skinned male doctor with a bald head came out of a door marked restricted.

  “Are you all the Johnson family?” The doctor asked with a somber tone. Lakea could feel it in her bones. She knew it wasn't good news.

  “Well Rasheed is in very bad shape. We did all we could to stop the internal bleeding from his ruptured spleen however, he has sustained some very serious, and potentially fatal injuries. Therefore, the prognosis that he will make it through the night does not look good.” The doctor said as the family began sobbing, “Not only does he have broken bones in his face and a broken collar bone and two ribs, he was also stabbed in the stomach, his spleen was ruptured, and one of his lungs collapsed.

  Lakea fell to the floor screaming and crying. Quan and Mesha kneeled down and embraced her while crying themselves. Candius and Nika hugged aunt Violet as she screamed,

  “No Lord, it’s not his time to go.”

  “Maybe I should wait until everyone is calmer before I continue.” The doctor said in a sympathetic tone.

  “Finish doctor.” Quan said through clenched teeth.

  “Again, I say I am sorry.” The doctor said. “I would advise you all to start preparations for his burial and spend as much time as possible with him now.” Then he walked away. Everyone sobbed and cried while holding each other. Aunt Violet braced herself on the wall and began to pray.

  Soon Mitchell, Mitchell, Jr., Anthony, and Anterrius arrived at the hospital. When they saw Lakea on the floor still crying while Quan held her, they knew the worst had happened. Aunt Violet went into Ray-Ray's room to pray over him. Before she went in she told them that God had the last word and that she was not accepting a death sentence. She said Ray-Ray would be healed. Lakea believed her, she had to. Lakea regained her composure and joined aunt Violet in Ray-Ray's room. He looked so small in the huge hospital bed as Lakea entered the room. He was hooked up to so many machines and he had tubes stuck down his throat and in both arms. His head was swollen up two times bigger than its normal size and he had lumps, cuts, and bruises all over him. His right eye was protruding out of its socket and his nose looked disfigured. They had really fucked her brother up. Lakea couldn't believe her eyes. Lakea began to weep and her whole body shook violently.

  “NOOOOOO!” She yelled throwing her body on the floor beside her brother's bed. Aunt Violet walked over and hugged Lakea as she kissed her brother's hand. “I love you brother, you are my everything. I don't want to live without you.” Lakea cried while praying her brother would be alright. Lakea prayed harder than she had ever prayed. She prayed to God that her brother would somehow pull through and be right by her side again.

  Lakea and Quan refused to leave Ray-Ray's side that first night. The doctor said he wouldn't make it through the night so they were going to be there no matter what. Uncle Mitchell got aunt Violet to go home later than night taking everyone else with them. Quan told Lakea about a conversation he had with Anterrius in the waiting room. It seemed that the hood had been talking already and word on the street was that Bunny definitely had set Ray-Ray up and that her brothers had done her dirty work.

  “Ray-Ray got into it with the bitch earlier and she lied to her brothers like he whooped her ass. So she called him back to the house on some make-up shit, but them niggas was waiting on him.” Quan said with his fists balled up. His sorrow and pain had turned to anger, hate, and vengeance. “Folks from the hood said that Ray-Ray was beating both of they ass until Dario, one of the twins, pulled out his knife and stabbed him. Then them fuck niggas stomped him until they were tired.” Quan said as the tears began to stream down his face again. He looked at his brother laying there, helpless as rage coursed through his veins. “Maine we gotta do something for real KeKe.” Quan said in
tears.

  Lakea was crying again now after hearing all of the details surrounding what happened to her brother.

  “Hell yeah, we gotta kill that bitch and them niggas.” Lakea said wiping the tears from her face.

  “And we gone get our muthafucking nephew!” Quan added.

  “But we gotta be smart about this lil bruh.” Lakea said. She didn't know it then, but Quan knew exactly what had to be done. He had been preparing for this type of situation for years. He would handle it all.

  Just then the door to the hospital room opened and Felicia walked in. Suddenly Lakea felt weak as a range of emotions swept over her at once. She was in so much pain and was filled with so much anger at the same time she had to lash out at someone. What better person than the woman who had beaten and abandoned them all.

  “Fine time for you to show up!”Lakea yelled at Felicia.

  “I got here as fast as I could, don't patronize me little girl.” Felicia said sniffling and walking to Ray-Ray's bed. Tears ran down her cheeks. Lakea couldn't believe it. She thought her mama was emotionless at that point, without tears or feelings. “I don't want to argue with you Lady Bug...I love you and your brothers.”

  Lakea exploded when she heard those words. How dare she call her Lady Bug? Jeff had ruined that name that her father Marvin had given her back in the good ole days when he was alive and they were happy. Jeff had ruined that name and she had let him. Now here she stood with her fake tears talking about she loved someone other than herself. Bullshit! Lakea wasn't falling for it.

  Lakea stormed out of the room and fell into the chair in the waiting area. She was so drained emotionally and physically. A couple of minutes later Quan came out of the room with tears in his eyes.

  “How could you stay in there and listen to her bullshit Quan?” Lakea asked still crying.

  “KeKe, I know mama has done some awful shit to us and she has hurts us so much, but big sis we gotta let it go and just stop fucking with her. She not worth you getting upset and wasting no energy on big sis.”

  Lakea knew Quan was right. Here he was acting like the big brother and telling her to grow the fuck up, but she wasn't ready to let go of her anger yet. She wasn't ready to forgive Felicia for all that she had done. Now her brother was on the brink of death and her mother was here, pretending like she always did. Lakea didn't go back in to face her mama, instead she went to the cafeteria and had a cup of coffee. When Felicia left a couple of hours later, Lakea went back into her brother's room and curled up at the foot of his bed. She and Quan were going to take turns staying with Ray-Ray so that night she sent Quan home to rest and change. Before he left Quan told Lakea not to worry about Bunny and her brothers because he had a plan.

  “When aunt Violet comes later you come to the house. I got something to show you.”

  Quan said with a sinister look on his face. Lakea didn't know what her brother had planned, but she knew it would be ingenious.

  As she lay there in the bed with her big brother and the sun came up shining its rays through the window blinds, Lakea wished that things could be different. She wished that Ray-Ray had never been hurt, she had never went to Wolverine, and her mother had never met Jeff. She wished that her daddy had never been killed and they could go back to those happier, simpler times. Lakea wished that her whole life was different, as she sat there wondering what all the struggles in her life meant. She remembered that her grandma Mo said that God did everything for a reason. She wondered what was God's reasoning for all that had gone on in her life.

  The next day was a blur. Doctors came in and out of Ray-Ray's room all day saying how they were amazed that he was still alive. However they still did not believe that he would live much longer. Aunt Violet came at about 6pm, while Lakea was singing Ray-Ray a song she wrote while in Wolverine. Aunt Violet stood silently at the door and listened to her niece sing lovingly to her brother. Tears rolled down her face and she silently prayed for God's healing and strength.

  Lakea left the hospital and went home to aunt Violet's house to change. She expected Quan to be home. She expected anybody to be home, but no one was there. Lakea was exhausted, but she was determined not to sleep. Besides her mind wouldn't let her, she kept thinking about her brother. She thought about all of the things he could have been and all that he already was.

  As Lakea submerged herself in a bath filled with hot, bubbly water she felt numb. Her life was nothing but one tragedy after the next. Lakea hated feeling sorry for herself, but sorrow was all that she knew for so long. She lay there in the tub and wept. She wept for her brothers, her father, and her mama. She wept for that eight -year-old girl who was abused so badly. The sound of Mesha talking loudly shook Lakea out of her zombie-like state. Mesha could sense that Lakea was in the house and came straight to the bathroom. Mesha entered the bathroom just as Lakea was stepping out of the tub.

  “Hey June, you okay?” Mesha asked in an attempt to be cheerful, tears still wet on her face.

  “Wasup June, I'm good...I guess.” Lakea said wrapping her towel around herself as Mesha embraced her.

  “It’s going to be okay cousin, we gone get through this. I just came from the hospital looking for you. When I got here Jeremy and Scott were sitting on the front porch, after getting dropped off. They didn't know about Ray-Ray, so when I told them they agreed we should postpone this meeting. They only came in to call a ride.” Mesha said looking into Lakea's eyes. She saw the glimmer of light that only Jeremy could bring. Lakea's heart tried to beat fast like it did earlier when Mesha talked about Jeremy, but it was too heavy now. Mesha saw the sad and confused look on Lakea's face.

  “I can make them wait outside if you want.” Mesha said, but Lakea didn't want that. She desperately wanted to see Jeremy and she needed to be around people right then.

  “No, it’s cool cousin.” Lakea said continuing to dry off. She couldn't wait for Jeremy to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. She couldn't wait to feel his love, to feel anything. “Let me get dressed and I'm coming.” Lakea said. Mesha hugged and kissed her cousin again, and then left her to get dressed.

  Lakea moved slowly like she was in a drug-induced state as she put on her white cotton, floor length maxi dress with nothing underneath. Lakea still liked to feel the breeze against her body and at that moment she wanted to feel something...Anything! As Lakea walked down the hall to the den her heart started to race a little and kush smoke hit her in the face. Lakea entered and she and Jeremy's eyes met from across the room. It was as if no time had passed. She felt all the passion she used to feel when they would kiss and hold each other tight. She wanted to hold him again, she needed him to tell her it would be alright.

  Jeremy was as handsome as ever too. At 18 he was now 6'4”, 200lbs, muscular build with a bald head. He still had a smooth, glowing chocolate complexion and those mesmerizing and alluring gray eyes. Lakea felt love at that moment. In her emotional state she yearned for his touch. Lakea ran into Jeremy's arms and planted kisses all over his face. A tear rolled down his cheek as he told her he loved her and kissed her deeply and passionately. After 20 minutes of crying and kissing, Lakea and Jeremy joined Mesha and Scott. They smoked and drunk until it got late.

  “Let's go be alone.” Jeremy whispered in Lakea's ear as they sat on the couch watching movies.

  “UUHHHH, its Mr. Nasty Time!” Mesha joked as Lakea pulled Jeremy up by his hand and led him to her bedroom.

  Jeremy fell on her bed as soon as they got into the room and Lakea lay with her head on his chest. They lay there talking and reliving old demons as Lakea cried and Jeremy held her.

  “I never stopped thinking about you or loving you. You know that right?” Jeremy asked, staring into Lakea's eyes.

  At that moment she knew that he was her one true love. That one person her grandma said that God made for her. Lakea kissed Jeremy deeply as he caressed her hair. She wanted to hold him, feel him, make love to him. After kissing Jeremy passionately, Lakea licked down his neck and whispered
in his ear.

  “I want to make love to you.” She panted.

  With those words Jeremy took her and wrapped her in his love. He lay her on her back pulling her dress off of her naked body. His eyes glowed when he saw that she wore nothing underneath her dress. He took off his clothes quickly and began kissing and licking Lakea from her knee up her right leg. When he got to her pussy he inhaled deeply and kissed her clit deeply and passionately. Lakea moaned in pleasure. She couldn’t believe it was finally happening. She had played this scene over and over in her head for the past three years. Jeremy continued to kiss up Lakea's body taking time when he got to her breasts. He put her protruding nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, then he flicked it with his tongue and blew on it making it harder.

  “Ummmm, yes!” Lakea moaned as she rubbed Jeremy's head and he made his way to her lips. They kissed deeply, their tongues intertwining. Lakea's pussy throbbed and was soaking wet. She needed Jeremy inside of her, and that is what she got. Jeremy inserted his nine inch penis inside of Lakea's tight wet pussy and they both moaned together in pleasure. They both thrust their bodies towards each other frantically. Lakea looked deep into Jeremy's eyes as he went deeper and deeper inside of her and her pussy got wetter and wetter. She began to grind her hips and tighten her pussy muscles with each thrust Jeremy made.

  “OHHH shit baby, your pussy so good!” Jeremy said kissing her as he quickened his pace. Lakea kept grinding her hips until an unfamiliar feeling overcame her and she had to pump faster. Jeremy started to pump faster too and suddenly both of their bodies began to shake as they came together.

  “OOOHHHH shittttt!” Lakea yelled, and then they both lay their breathing hard.

  Jeremy lay down and Lakea lay her head on his chest again to listen to his heartbeat.

  “I never want to lose you.” Lakea said as a tear slipped down her face and she kissed Jeremy.

  “And you never will, I hope. But if something ever did happen to me you have to know I loved you more than anything!” Jeremy said running his fingers through her hair.