Waiting for the Punchline

by Natasha West

  ‘Same as every day. Salad.’

  And that was the end of the conversation. Everyone sat in silence as they ate. Once Phoebe had bolted her lunch, she stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder and picking up a hard case. ‘Well, got clarinet so see ya.’

  Megan watched her dash off and she knew she’d blown it. She’d been dull company, no better than poor old Anna, who was pushing a crisp into her mouth, staring off into space.

  But the next day, Phoebe was back, eating quickly in moderate silence and then dashing off to play the cello.

  The day after that, she came back again to eat before running to piano practise.

  Every day, Megan would see Phoebe for about ten minutes. Over time, conversation began to build. Megan learned that Phoebe, far from being the girl with everything, was stressed the fuck out trying to learn a million instruments at one time. But she was also clever and sensitive. And Phoebe learnt that Megan was opinionated and angry, but funny with it.

  And a friendship was born under the watchful yet silent eye of Anna, who just seemed happy to listen.

  Six

  It was the Christmas holidays and Phoebe had a rare afternoon off. She was spending it at Megan’s, the first time either of them had visited each other’s houses. Megan was nervous. She’d never even seen Phoebe’s house but she just had this feeling it was a rich person’s house, big and expensively furnished. And Megan’s house wasn’t fancy. It was small.

  But when Phoebe walked into Megan’s room, her eyes went wide with excitement. ‘You’ve got a Master System!’

  Megan gave an internal sigh of relief and said ‘Yeah. Want a go?’

  Forty minutes later, Phoebe threw the controller down on the bed. ‘I keep drowning!’

  Megan shook her head. ‘It’s a solid level, that one. But you’ve still got a life.’

  ‘But if I die again, the game’s over!’ Phoebe said passionately.

  ‘So, you start again’ Megan laughed. ‘Don’t be extra. It’s only a game.’

  Phoebe frowned, perplexed. ‘What’s the point of doing something if you don’t do it right.’

  ‘Err… fun?’ Megan replied, baffled. ‘Christ, you need to relax, Phoebe. This ain’t the violin. It’s Sonic the Hedgehog. He’s a hedgehog who moves fast. That’s it.’

  Phoebe sighed. It was hard to do anything without hearing her parents in her head, telling her to keep going till she got it right. Even Sonic the Hedgehog felt like a mountain to be climbed. And Megan was right. It was only a game.

  ‘Do you ever feel like you’ve got to do everything perfectly?’ Phoebe asked Megan.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever done anything perfectly, I’m always getting everything wrong. At least according to Kelly’ Megan said with an eyeroll.

  ‘She’s not a nice Step Mum?’

  ‘No. She’s more your classic evil Step Mum. Disney evil. Like if she gave me an apple, there’s no way I’m gonna eat it, you know what I mean?’

  ‘What about your real Mum?’ Phoebe asked. She’d been skating around it for months and Megan never mentioned her. Phoebe thought maybe it was a painful topic but curiosity was killing her and the question she’d been suppressing had now popped out before she could have second thoughts.

  But Megan acted as though she hadn’t spoken. She suddenly picked up the controller. ‘Do you want me to get you past the labyrinth level? I’ve played it loads, I know exactly how to clock it.’

  Phoebe smiled. ‘Yeah, alright.’

  ‘Oh, by the way’ Megan said, as she pushed the hedgehog around the screen ‘I forgot to tell you, I asked my Dad if you could have his old guitar and he said you could. It’s in my wardrobe.’

  Phoebe felt adrenaline shoot through her hands. ‘What?’

  ‘You did say you wanted to learn it, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes, but, but…’ Phoebe stuttered.

  ‘I know you’re not meant to but you could practise here. Your parents wouldn’t know.’

  Phoebe went into a small panic. In Megan’s wardrobe, right now, was the instrument she dreamed off. And she could have it, and a place to practise too. But it was against the rules.

  ‘I don’t know. It’s really nice of you but my Mum would go spare.’

  ‘How would she find out?’

  ‘She just would.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Because I’m not very good at keeping things from her.’

  ‘Have you ever actually lied to your Mum?’

  Phoebe thought about it and she realised that as a matter of fact, she hadn’t. She always been so sure she’d get caught if she did anything she wasn’t supposed to, it had felt like her Mum was omnipotent, that she’d know. But she’d never really tested it. What if she did this one thing, just sometimes? She could keep everything else going and see if she was any good before she decided to stick with it or not. How could it hurt?

  ‘And you’re sure your Dad doesn’t mind?’

  ‘Nah, he said he was never any cop with it anyway. He’d rather someone get use out of it than have it sitting in the garage.’

  ‘What about Kelly? Me playing in your house, won’t it get on her nerves?’

  Megan grinned. That idea hadn’t occurred to her before but it was a delicious one. ‘God, I really hope so. My Dad said you could, so if she doesn’t like it she’ll have to go through him to stop you. With any luck, it’ll cause a massive row and she’ll fuck off for good’ she posited, caught up in the fantasy.

  Phoebe laughed. ‘Well, if there’s a chance it could get rid of the wicked Step Mother, I’ll have to give it a go.’

  Megan hit pause on the game and went to the wardrobe, opening it and pulling out the old acoustic. She handed it to Phoebe, who took it with awe.

  ‘It’s not an expensive one or anything’ Megan said apologetically.

  ‘It’s great’ Phoebe assured her. She placed it on her lap and began to fiddle with the strings, picking at them, hearing and identifying the notes. Megan watched in astonishment as her fingers gathered pace, playing a simple tune within a few short minutes.

  ‘Fuck! How are you already playing it?’

  Phoebe looked up surprised. ‘I guess I’ve learned from the other string instruments. It is just a tiny harp.’

  Phoebe kept picking away at the guitar, a rhythm building. Then she remembered a song she liked, a song she’d played on the violin even though it was not intended for it, and she segued easily into it. It was Creep by Radiohead. She hummed along, soon singing aloud. She would have thought she’d feel embarrassed in front of Megan, but she didn’t.

  ‘So? How’s it feel?

  Phoebe strummed the last note of the song and looked up at Megan. She’d clocked hours of rehearsals along a range of instruments, but this felt different. It felt like real music. Because it was for her and no one else.

  ‘Feels brilliant.’

  Seven

  Megan was in P.E, standing at the back of the hall, hoping to avoid the netball currently being tossed around. She watched Phoebe, right in the thick of it, calling out to the other players, trying to win. But that was Phoebe. She cared about school, even stupid netball.

  Megan nibbled her cuticle, letting her mind wander. She was thinking about later, she was scheduled to babysit for the twins. They were a pain in the arse, being that they were only two years younger than her and therefore constantly questioning her meagre authority. But she did get the TV to herself after she’d sent them to bed, which was great. Kelly only ever wanted to watch boring soaps. And it was a Tuesday, which meant The X-Files was on. If Megan stopped by the newsagent on the way there, she could get supplies. She still had two pounds of last week’s babysitting money. She could get loads with that. As she considered a list of things she could buy (including, of course, several cans of coke) she completely zoned out of the game.

  As she dreamed, oblivious to her surroundings, it came… Bonk! The ball flew across the room and smashed Megan square on the nose. She fell backwards heavil
y, her nose on fire.

  ‘Ow!’ she shouted, shocked and furious. ‘Who the hell threw that!’

  ‘I did’ said a voice. Megan looked up from the floor. It was a worst-case scenario. Melissa. ‘You wanna say something about it?’ Melissa asked viciously. Megan knew she’d hit her on purpose.

  Megan realised everyone was looking, nasty giggles coming from a few. Even Miss Pratt, the P.E teacher, seemed to be waiting to see how this would go. That made it worse. She knew the teacher wouldn’t protect her in the slightest. Megan noticed Phoebe, watching with concern. And that was just about the shittiest part. Being humiliated in front of Phoebe. It hurt a lot worse than a ball in the nose.

  Megan looked back at Melissa. She wanted to pick up the ball and throw it straight into her stupid face. But instead, she muttered ‘No.’

  Melissa smirked and picked up the ball and everyone began to turn away. Phoebe walked over. ‘You alright?’

  ‘Fine.’

  Phoebe, who’d watched Melissa intentionally throw the ball right at Megan’s face, wanted to say something to comfort Megan. But she still remembered the last time she’d try to do that. Megan didn’t seem keen on sympathy.

  ‘OK. Why don’t you sit on the bench, anyway? Least till your nose stops hurting.’

  Megan nodded and walked off. Just let Miss Pratt try to stop her.

  Across the room, Melissa noticed Phoebe checking on Megan. It pissed her off. She wasn’t sure exactly why. It just did.

  In the changing rooms after P.E had finished, Megan tried to keep her head down as she got changed. She felt like an animal, wanting to make herself small, invisible to predators. She got dressed at speed, chucking her P.E clothes into her bag as quickly as she possibly could while the other girls chatted and laughed as they got dressed. She was about ready, headed for the door, when she heard Melissa’s voice.

  ‘What’s in that case?’

  Megan had a nasty feeling she knew exactly what Melissa was referring to and when she turned around and got the visual confirmation, her stomach dropped. Melissa was talking to Phoebe.

  Megan knew in her head that it was a simple question, no reason it had to be threatening. But her stomach told her otherwise. It wasn’t a real question, it was the start of a ‘Thing’.

  Phoebe, who had never exchanged a word with Melissa in the entire school year, had a similar feeling. It wasn’t as sharply honed as Megan’s sixth sense for bullying, but still, she wasn’t a dummy.

  ‘A violin’ Phoebe said as she placed her headband on her hair, fiddling with it, pretending it needed more attention than it did.

  ‘A violin, eh? Check you out. Why don’t you play it for us?’ Melissa said. Again, not inherently harsh words but Melissa had a way of injecting them with menace.

  ‘Sorry, I can’t. Got to get to English’ Phoebe said quietly.

  Phoebe was now ready and she thought that was a fair exit line so it was time to blow the hell out of the changing rooms. But as she picked up the case, Melissa suddenly stepped between her and the exit.

  ‘No. Go on, play for us.’

  Phoebe had a choice. She could reaffirm the no or she could comply. But she had a feeling that it didn’t matter which one she chose. She was going to lose in this situation. She didn’t yet know what kind of loss it would be, but dignity was probably going to figure in the mix.

  ‘Maybe another time’ Phoebe said, trying to step around Melissa.

  But Melissa’s arm shot out, barring Phoebe from leaving. Phoebe looked up at Melissa, half a foot taller and with a face that held a cruelty that Phoebe couldn’t understand, never having seen such a look in the mirror, and she didn’t know what to do.

  ‘PLAY’ Melissa commanded.

  Phoebe looked around her and saw Megan in the distance, looking on, stricken. She understood her lack of action. There was nothing Megan could do for, as there had been nothing she could do for Megan when that ball had smashed her in the face.

  But Phoebe’s next steps had been laid out for her clearly. She was supposed to play her damn violin. If she’d been ambivalent to the instrument before, she hated the thing now. She put down the case and began to unclick the locks, opening the case.

  Near the exit, Megan watched her unveil the violin and she saw Melissa’s face as she did so. She was looking at the instrument angrily. Megan thought she had an idea of what it was that bothered her so much about Phoebe’s violin. It showed a skill, something special about Phoebe. Melissa wasn’t particularly good at anything besides bullying.

  She knew then that if Phoebe played her violin, it would all get so much worse. Because Megan had watched her play before. She was good with it, despite her resentment. If Melissa saw her play, it would be fuel to the fire.

  As Phoebe picked up the violin and placed it at her chin, readying the bow, Megan found herself flying toward the scene, grabbing the violin from a shocked Phoebe and putting it to her own chin. And before she could think about what she was doing, she began to sing, loudly and badly.

  ‘Buh da, buh da, buh da, buh dee, bah da doh…’

  It was the absurd start to a song that had been everywhere for a long time and now it filled the changing rooms. Cotton-Eye Joe. As Megan sang, she started scraping the bow across the strings, in no way making real music but getting noise from the thing. And then she added steps to it, skipping around the room in country style, belting out the song as though her life depended on it. Luckily, the song only had four lines, and she kept repeating them as she skipped around the room.

  Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton Eye Joe?

  And then she realised that there was another sound besides her terrible singing and violin playing. Laughter. And it wasn’t at her, not today. It was with her.

  She kept going and now people were clapping a beat as she worked her way around the room. As she reached Phoebe, she chanced a look at her and saw that she was clapping too, laughing, relieved.

  Spurred on, Megan danced on to Melissa, belting out the song directly into her bitchy little face. But Melissa said nothing. Because the room wasn’t with her anymore and no one was scared. They were with Megan, having fun.

  ‘What the hell’s going on in here!’ Miss Pratt said and Megan dropped the violin immediately and the laughter and clapping stopped. ‘Girls, get to your next class.’

  Everyone scarpered.

  Megan and Phoebe, the last two left in the room, quickly put the violin back in its case together, giggly and flushed.

  ‘Come on, you two!’ Miss Pratt badgered. They stood and went to the exit and as they passed Miss Pratt, Megan started to skip again. ‘Where did you come from, where did you go?’ she sang. Phoebe immediately linked arms with Megan and joined the skip. ‘Where did you come from, Cotton Eye Joe!’ they sang together as they skipped out of the changing rooms past a confused Miss Pratt.

  Later, at lunch, Megan did impressions of the scene for Anna, who smiled and nodded. But Phoebe couldn’t stop laughing as Megan imitated Melissa, Miss Pratt, even Phoebe herself with dead on accuracy. Megan and Phoebe laughed like lunatics at the memory of a bad thing that had somehow turned out good due to Megan’s clowning, happy and free.

  But as Megan watched Phoebe clutch her sides and beg her to stop before she died of laughter, she realised the time had gotten away from them. Phoebe was late for violin practice.

  ‘Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?’ Megan asked. She thought Phoebe would jump up and run off. But Phoebe just said ‘I’m quitting. I’m gonna learn guitar instead.’

  ‘Your Mum’s gonna go up the wall, though, isn’t she?’

  ‘Probably. But it’s up to me, isn’t it?’

  Megan grinned. ‘Yeah. It’s up to us what we do now. I’m probably even gonna get my period soon.’

  Phoebe blushed.

  ‘What? Did you get yours already?’ Megan asked enviously.

  ‘Yeah’ Phoebe said quietly. ‘Got it a few months ago.’

  Me
gan gaped and rounded on Anna. ‘What about you?’

  Anna nodded neutrally.

  Megan tutted. ‘I’m always the last one to do everything.’

  ‘Well, when you get it, you won’t want it, honest’ Phoebe told her.

  ‘I will. Can’t wait’ Megan protested. ‘It’ll mean I’m a woman.’

  ‘Are you sure that’s what it means?’ Phoebe asked, baffled.

  ‘Pretty sure, yeah. How else we meant to know?’