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March Book

Page 3

by Jesse Ball


  against the glass of windows

  and speaking, and treating,

  in the tongues of the falling.

  AT DUSK

  I went out, face covered, through a half-closed

  door.

  I went to where the boats are kept, to where

  my boat is kept.

  I set a hooded lantern on the rowboat’s

  floor,

  cut strips from a blanket, to wrap

  the oars.

  I pushed the boat over rock, till it lay half

  in water.

  Two figures came, the one before

  the other.

  They moved down across the broken wharf,

  across shore’s

  folded earth to where I stood,

  the boatman.

  I pushed the boat while two sat

  on the cross plank.

  I rowed the boat and the larger held

  the smaller

  by the throat, as we passed tiny islands,

  winking in half-light.

  To the deepest water, he said. It was

  a long blanket,

  and we both watched it sink. I rowed.

  I rowed.

  I pulled the boat back up across the rocks.

  I watched

  the larger pick his way as streams of night birds

  came to docks.

  POVERTY STUDY

  3 of the 7 children, the smallest ones, of course, were starving. This meant

  that the larger ones would become larger still, while the smaller would,

  if anything, become smaller. Not a good situation, said Grintha,

  who was listening through a keyhole. She suggests we ought to put heavy

  weights on the ankles of the larger children, to give the weaker ones

  a chance. Of course, I said, that might work, but that might make

  them stronger. Then even we, the ones in charge, might be troubled

  to make them do our will.

  PASSAGE

  Instruct me please so long and so well

  that there will be no trouble

  upon this new plain. I became

  foolish with hope and crowds;

  I told lies, gathered brittle ornaments.

  All around, the affectionate have begun this life’s work.

  Their vague features and inconstant touch

  are posed like questions over cabinets and keyholes

  in the country of my birth. Instruct me,

  if you will, for I have come upon

  an easing of the way; a correspondence

  has begun, as I fall in and out of sleep. I feel it:

  soon I will make a language

  from the grace, from the disgrace I covet,

  with its sickly nature, that coughs like a child

  when I throw open a window to the winter street.

  ST. STEPHEN’S DAY

  At the well, the invalids were cowering

  under parasols, as in the distance came

  the coughing of hounds.

  Oh, you wrens who tremble!

  intent upon nothing, useless,

  flitting from weakness past grace!

  Mumble on in sequestered shade.

  The sun comes down; so too I’ll come

  around, thick smock below a scowl.

  Though two get away, I’ll sing and stuff eight

  down the well, where new ink is made.

  SECRET HISTORY OF JACQUES RENNARD

  In the famous painting

  of Giordello at the opera,

  a creature is clear

  behind the false forest,

  just by where the costumes

  would be kept. The thing

  has a tail, ears like a rabbit,

  and the sinuous hands of a man.

  Of course, we can’t know that

  from the painting, which,

  some say thankfully,

  was lost in a flood in 1740

  when Constantinople

  was, for a week,

  at the bottom of a lake.

  The journal of the great

  French master, Jacques Rennard,

  has told us most

  of what we know about this,

  his most renowned painting.

  The creature was his,

  and appeared whenever he was

  sketching. Most disturbing

  is the rosary it seems to clutch

  reflexively, in Rennard’s

  recollection. “It was a very

  Christian beast,” he wrote,

  “and must be forgiven its habit

  of strangling. You must understand,”

  he continues, “there is a certain

  grace to the strangler

  that any painter must admire.”

  Is it coincidence that Giordello

  was found, neck broken,

  at his feasting table, at midnight,

  the night of what Carlos Intier would call

  “The Immortal Performance”?

  In the last month of his life,

  Rennard’s maudlin fits

  made his journal nigh unendurable.

  One who goes that way

  with fortitude will observe

  on page 896, his seeming confession:

  “An artist cannot live beyond

  his zenith. Neither should he.

  Neither ought he be allowed to.”

  Of course, the painting was not

  complete the night of the opera,

  but had only been sketched

  in a long brown book Rennard

  was known to carry at his waist.

  “At the hour of his death,”

  Beauvoir, friend to the painter,

  relates, “Jacques was quite

  unnerving. He slept fitfully,

  occasionally sitting up straight in bed

  and shouting, at impossible volume,

  ‘I have seen this!

  I have seen this to be true!’”

  It seems thus that it was

  generally understood

  by others of that era:

  either Rennard saw the creature

  or was the creature himself.

  As no likeness survives,

  we cannot compare the two.

  It seems likely he acquired the monster,

  if monster there was,

  during a summer stay in the tropics

  when he was only a child.

  HOUSE OF THE OLD DOCTOR

  What is prefigured by the symbol need not be stated

  baldly. The weather was bad, was dry today.

  At the hospital terrible things happened

  continuously. Meanwhile, the sound of gravel

  in the driveway. My visitor, long overdue, arrives

  with a single flower pressed in a book of riddles.

  We sit on the back steps and stare wordlessly

  at the ocean beside which we once lived,

  which will never leave our sight. We do not stare

  at the ocean. We are far from such an ocean.

  It is the forest we see, shadows and the mountain

  upon which the forest turns. So many animals

  made wild by the dry ground. They approach the house

  in darkness, and set their muzzles against the glass.

  I do not think they want the things I want. By the window,

  I am mouthing names: well water, carvings, apple trees.

  We are near a truth, and daren’t speak.

  3

  Manuman Notebook

  1

  In a braid, like weeks and days,

  wedded by list, married by kind—

  the limned impressions, the mind.

  Differ from me, things that I do.

  Be in severance, severance’s pay;

  watch the gated manor

  where my old wants are met.

  Beyond these thoughts of place,

  in clean space
we are seen and met.

  2

  The last hours of exhausted life—

  we have returned to within sight of the place

  where once we were born.

  Captivated by folly, entranced by indifference,

  what little reason we are given to smile—

  is it not always enough?

  At a terrible pass, the compromised

  are singing “Fare Thee Well,”

  invisible, like sheets of rain.

  If we agree to the premise,

  then mustn’t we abey, mustn’t we

  slip sidelong to a tented place?

  And if watching doesn’t please us,

  we must whisper a reminder of the truth—

  acting, even action never frees us.

  3

  As if we knew, upon arrival,

  that all the indulgences

  were given out in decades

  ended long before our births,

  we made camp upon a hillside

  and sat to watch the fires

  take the town.

  I believe you were

  the prettiest of your kind,

  and I never begrudged you

  your ribbon, nor your fanciful air.

  But we are through with

  accomplishment, and gone

  past all indemnity.

  Our chaplain has laid out

  a blanket with six knives.

  He is impatient to see

  how well we have shed

  the costumed acts

  of our second nature

  4

  Like cloth we rose

  in momentary wind

  and she was small

  where small things begin.

  5

  A GAME OF HIDING

  The parson hid in the pantry

  as the children searched the other rooms

  and like sardines they came

  to him in the low room

  one by one, a tightening grip

  like a lamp or a saw blade,

  like a parade ground

  in the contractions of the mind.

  Soon there was but one left,

  the youngest child,

  whose footsteps came and went

  through the several rooms

  in a quiet as difficult as proscription

  in a weakness as binding.

  6

  A witness is a frail thing:

  unfailing, unkempt, effete.

  A broom sweeps through

  these days of our inconsistence,

  marking what?

  a misplaced hammer?

  a purse full of coins?

  the shadow of the chair in which you sit?

  Not without reason are our long musters

  ranked among the terrible, the infinite

  species of learning and forgetting.

  For the sound a mouth makes

  is twofold—

  bent in arriving, stooped in the hall

  in a corridor of doorways, each sound

  is the servant not of the will alone,

  not of will, but of the quieted

  intents we have forgotten, that left us

  at the moment of waking,

  making their way, in cold determination,

  along the brittle roads of our sharpest sight.

  7

  Don’t think the consensus is arrived at easily,

  for there are many golden arms

  flashing beneath the sun,

  many painted carts pulling by

  in the thin light of a winter afternoon.

  Don’t calm yourself with the powder of ashes

  or turn too often to an empty room,

  for the sky is itself a wheel

  like the graven mind, and the ground

  is taut as fabric across two hands.

  Which faded print will you choose,

  knowing the names of days

  in which it will be this across your back,

  thinner than a match, this

  that keeps you separate

  and far from recognition

  in the arms and homes of those

  who without thought

  would do you gravest harm?

  8

  With an intake of breath, the escape begins.

  The frantic business of survival

  indentures itself to the night.

  With a glad shout we are off

  into the space beyond the wall.

  Who knew the cannon crash of assonance

  would send our lives reeling so?

  I was deceived and took

  a smarter man’s thoughts for my own.

  But is it not always so?

  A trading of selves,

  a rush of blood,

  a yellow cap left on the grass?

  I swore our houses would be set

  in a row on this darkest path,

  and told you we would live

  without a doubt, in grace.

  Here, beyond the sentence of cordoning

  or calumny, the long river motions.

  We must obey.

  Trees stand at the banks

  lifting their pale hands.

  AND what if the wind

  were not a force, but a flag—

  broad flag of a world

  we may never see?

  4

  DESCRIPTION

  1

  In the yellow vault of antiquity, beneath

  the cast hollow of pleasant hours

  where we have hoped to live our lives,

  a scribe is copying out the March Book.

  He makes long strokes across

  thin paper. He flares the intervals

  of swelling words and seizes pauses

  in narrow paragraphs, constricting space

  with the calipers of lettered ink.

  He says each word out loud

  and remembers,

  in sickness at the filthy

  market edge, where atavistic

  fragments could be bartered

  and bought, his first time

  reading the March Book, seeing

  his name in the fragile, torn pages

  and knowing he would spend

  six decades copying the text.

  All his daughters have left him.

  One by one, they stood

  at the door and called to their father.

  He would not cease his work.

  2

  Under this sun, the March Book

  spreads like another sail

  raised to an ungoverned height.

  It’s been ages, I tell you,

  beneath the ground,

  where withered geography

  serves for reason. The scribe

  stands, pushes his chair in.

  The table is empty. His mind

  is flat with the weight

  of process and repetition.

  In a rainstorm, the March Book

  crossed the sea,

  though he could not follow.

  Through the doorway of his hut

  the land curls and ends

  in water—he is thinking

  and thinking still. The book

  arrives on the farthest shore,

  where tiny birds, too small to see,

  constitute the wind,

  spreading the word

  of what’s been done.

  FURTHER USAGES

  Though we knew that the earth was flat, yet also we knew

  that our captain was in commerce with the movements

  of the evening sky, and could tell all manner of fortunes

  and dreams and direction, that his metal tools, carefully kept,

  his astrolabe, his sextant, mustered in the closeness of his cabin,

  would bring us once again to dry and solid ground.

  Therefore there remained only the difficulty of dead time

  and the dread of waves that is in the heart of even the gre
atest sailor.

  On we went, on and on through starvation and the telltale lands

  where misery is the keeper of joy, and not, as it is with us,

  the other way around. At the edge of an arabesque, a cloud pit,

  a fog, the ship stopped. There was no more ocean, nothing further.

  Our captain stood beneath this display, and we could see,

  like us, he was confounded. To have come all this way,

  to have arrived at the very doors of a paradise beyond

  all hope of recollection, and to find that simply, that truly,

  our failing is that our minds are not big enough to trap

  the seething pattern of the actual, that there is no sense

  simple enough for these, our pathetic uses of comprehension.

  FOR ONCE THE LIBERTINES DO WHAT’S BEST FOR THEMSELVES

  He took the

  apple and tore it in half.

  She took part,

  and fed it to a stray.

  He gave the rest

  to a swallow,

  over a period of days.

  These two confessed,

  when they were able to

  speak about the matter:

  they would rather

  have been left alone.

  INTERLUDE: A WAGER

  He took a tiny bell out of his pocket

  and shook it three times.

  Doors began to open out of trees, walls, beds, bottles.

  The premises were soon crowded.

  “I didn’t know they lived here,” Joan said meekly.

  “I thought they all died in the London fire.”

 

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