Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  “I’d be more than happy to give you a moment, but at this particular moment, I’m afraid I am preoccupied. Might we speak in half an hour or so?”

  “Very well, Highness.”

  I turned away, weaving my way through bodies, searching the crowd for his familiar face. My heart was beating nearly out of my chest by the time I reached the knot of women, but if Rhys had been among them, he certainly wasn’t there now.

  I swallowed my disappointment and turned, only to find myself face to face with Rhys. I took an anxious step toward him before stopping myself. I didn’t know how to greet him in this situation—after everything that had happened and in the middle of a crowd—half of whom seemed to be watching the usually reclusive Rhys Fallon. Lord Fallon, I reminded myself.

  I looked at the faces surrounding us, noting that many of them seemed to be keeping their distance only because he was facing me. When I met their eyes, most looked away.

  I turned my eyes back to Rhys and fought for something intelligible to say—something I wouldn’t mind others overhearing.

  “Lord Fallon. I had not expected you to come. You look very well.”

  “Your Highness.” He bowed deeply. “You look stunning, as always.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Might I escort you outside for some fresh air?” His request sent a thrill down my spine.

  He offered his arm and I reached for it—anxious for even that small contact—only to be interrupted by His Majesty, my father, striding up to us with a hearty, “Lord Fallon!”

  Rhys forced a smile and bowed respectfully. “Your Majesty.”

  “You look well, indeed. I’m happy you could join in our celebrations. Come,” he said, gesturing toward the other side of the room. “You must say hello to the queen.”

  “Gladly, Sire.” Rhys allowed himself to be steered away from me, but glanced back and caught my eye. I tried to smile, but it didn’t work.

  “What was that about?” Ella’s voice asked from behind me.

  “Nothing.” I walked outside, too nervous to remain still.

  Ella followed me out to the garden. “Lylin, what’s the matter?”

  “Nothing, I’m just…” I rubbed my palms together, then fidgeted with my dress. “I don’t know.”

  She stopped walking, but called after me after only a few steps. “He’s here and he’s no longer betrothed.”

  I spun to look at her. “I know, but that doesn’t solve everything.”

  “Of course not, but—”

  “He was courting Lorraina. I can’t just...” I shook my head, trying to make sense of my thoughts. “I don’t even know if he thinks of me that way.”

  ”You think the normally reclusive Lord Fallon would show up here after his botched relationship with Raina if he didn’t have something worth coming for?”

  I didn’t know what to think. And hoping for something that I desperately wanted was a dangerous path when I was so unsure of his feelings.

  Breathing in, I tried to shake off my nerves, and changed the subject. “You really should give Gavin a chance to escape whatever conversation seemed so painful to him.”

  “Gavin has the opportunity to escape every time a new dance starts,” she said lightly, looping her arm through mine.

  “Except that he hates dancing more than conversing.”

  “He does not hate dancing,” she countered.

  “He hates court dances.”

  She shrugged, tugging me back toward the ballroom. “I don’t prefer court dances either, but they’re not going to kill him.”

  We entered the ballroom, and despite Ella’s talk of letting Gavin fend for himself, the first thing she did was walk straight over and link arms with him, smiling politely at the other gentlemen before pulling him away with her.

  I looked around to see that my parents had retreated to their thrones. Lorraina was with them, conversing with Rhys.

  Seeing them together made my chest tighten automatically until I observed that they stood with quite a bit of space between them. There was no intimacy or even familiarity in their stances. And if I were being fair, I could admit that having them seen together, being polite but not overly friendly, was probably a good way for Rhys to ease out of the expectations created at the ball the night before he left.

  I tried to be understanding, to give him the benefit of the doubt. He had wanted to speak with me. It wasn’t his fault that my father had terrible timing.

  I leaned my shoulder against a column, directing my sullen gaze at the raised platform. Rhys turned his eyes to the assembly and eventually caught my eye. I managed a small smile and his shoulders relaxed as he returned the gesture. I was considering joining my family when Lord Wisen appeared at my side. I heaved a mental sigh. Whatever discussion Lord Wisen wished to have did not interest me.

  But I politely stood up straight in order to greet him. “Lord Wisen.” I dipped my head as he executed a formal bow.

  “Princess Lylin. How lovely it is to see you.” His enthusiasm caught me slightly off guard.

  “And you as well.”

  “Might we speak out on the terrace?”

  “Of course.” I had no good reason to refuse.

  He took my hand, wrapping it over his arm and holding it in place with his own. The intimacy of the gesture surprised me further. He led me out to the terrace, and I managed to reclaim my hand when we reached the railing.

  We looked up at the stars. “It’s a beautiful night,” he commented.

  “Yes, it is,” I agreed, hoping that he would get to the point right away.

  He looked back at me and gave me what might be described as a sad smile. “I believe I owe you an apology.”

  “Oh?”

  “Looking back on our last conversation, I realized I had not been clear and that I probably offended you.”

  I didn’t respond because he was right.

  “I wasn’t trying to suggest that you should further our relationship simply because you needed to marry. I also have no reason to assume that Lorraina will not be the one to assume the throne. But when her association with Lord Fallon came to an end, I was left wondering what would happen. And now it appears that he is back in the picture, so I’m guessing—”

  “Let me assure you, there is nothing pertinent between Lord Fallon and my sister.”

  “Be that as it may, I still want you to know that it doesn't matter to me. Whether you are to inherit the crown or not does not change my interest in you.”

  I mentally winced. The last thing I wanted was for this man to claim a continuing interest in me.

  “I believe I mistakenly gave the impression that I wished our acquaintance to continue because I wished to be king. That is not the case. I respect you greatly, Princess, and I would like to know you better.”

  I swallowed, my gaze flitting about, hoping to stumble upon the words necessary. I closed my eyes. “Lord Wisen,” I said, taking a breath and looking him full in the face. “While I appreciate your clarification, I would remind you that I decided to end our association before you said anything about my inheriting.” He opened his mouth to interrupt, but I pressed on. “And while your inferences may have offended me to a degree, they were not the reason I asked you to leave. I meant what I said. You were an excellent escort and I enjoyed your company, but that is the extent of it. I cannot care for you in that way.” I didn’t know how to say it any more clearly and as my words sunk in, he gave a small nod.

  “Well.” He cleared his throat forcefully. “I just wanted to be sure that our association had not ended because of a misunderstanding.”

  “I do appreciate the clarification.”

  He gave a stiff bow. “Good evening, Princess.”

  He retreated to the ballroom and I turned to look out at the darkened garden, relieved to have that conversation finished.

  “I see you still have your admirers.”

  I spun around as Rhys came to stand beside me. His eyes were teasing, his dark hair appearing
almost inky black in the shadows. No one should be allowed to be that handsome. However, his jibe about the admirers was inaccurate.

  “Not really.”

  He looked at me and jerked his head toward the door through which Lord Wisen had disappeared. “Then what would you call him?”

  “Confused.”

  He stifled a laugh and as I smiled along with his amusement, I glanced to the door. There I noticed several young ladies loitering just inside or just outside the door. I bit my lips together and turned stiffly back toward the garden. “And what of your admirers?”

  He followed my gaze to the group of ladies and breathed a sigh of annoyance. “That’s called curiosity, not admiration.”

  “More like adoration,” I said, half serious.

  His body was turned toward me, but he looked out at the garden. “Are you trying to make me more conceited than I already am?”

  “I’ve never known you to be conceited.”

  He turned his face to me, his mouth curving in a teasing grin. “I could always start now.”

  I smiled up at him. I had forgotten just how much his presence filled me up. I wanted to reach out and touch my hand to his, but noticed someone approaching and turned to see Lady Sprinn.

  “Pardon me, dear Princess, but I wanted to introduce my good friend, Mrs. Halladay. She hasn’t had the pleasure of meeting you, as yet.”

  Mrs. Halladay sank into a deep curtsey. “Your Highness, it is an honor.” Her hands encompassed both of mine and while I tried to express some sort of delight at meeting the woman, I noticed the way Rhys had to step back in order for the ladies to have room enough to face me. And then I noticed a young woman, whom I was very sure was the young Miss Sprinn, address Rhys tentatively and draw him into conversation.

  By the time Mrs. Halladay and Lady Sprinn had concluded their long-winded and meandering introduction, I knew that I had lost Rhys’s attention entirely. I excused myself, doing my very best to be cordial and kind, though my pride had been pricked and jealousy was rearing its very ugly head.

  If Lady Sprinn wasn’t a dear soul and usually a pleasant conversationalist, I would have been fuming. As it was, I had to acknowledge that she had meant no harm, though I did not approve of her actions. A princess’s attention was meant to be shared quite liberally, and if Mrs. Halladay had truly wished to meet me, then I was expected to happily oblige.

  Rhys was swept up in a crowd of admirers for several dances while I tried to be gracious, speaking and dancing with as many guests as possible. I found myself caught up in a group of noblemen. It started with only one, but we were joined by one young man after another until I felt decidedly uncomfortable. Someone cleared their throat behind me and I wondered who else had joined the group.

  “Lord Fallon,” a man to my right greeted.

  I turned slowly and saw that he was standing behind me.

  “Lord Terrol,” he greeted in kind, then nodded at each gentleman in the group. When he turned his eyes on me and bowed deeply. “Your Highness, might I beg your company for the next dance?”

  “You may,” I agreed with what I hoped was a friendly smile.

  He offered his arm. “If you’ll excuse us, gentlemen.” They all nodded their assent and we made our way to the dance floor. “I thought you said you didn’t have admirers.” His tone was teasing and I wondered if it was a brotherly jibe, or if maybe he was motivated by jealousy. I didn’t know how to tell.

  “Would you trust anyone’s interest if you were in my position?”

  His brow furrowed. “You mean as a member of the royal family?”

  I turned my face away, not brave enough to say the words to his face when I could barely say them to myself. “I mean as the next queen,” I muttered.

  He jerked at my words, and I remembered that this bit of information was new to him. I couldn’t say why I had said it, only that he was the one person I wanted to tell. However, his obvious surprise made me want to slap myself.

  “What?” he whispered.

  “Nothing.”

  “That wasn’t a nothing statement.”

  I didn’t respond. I didn’t know how to respond.

  After a moment, he stuttered, “Lylin...”

  “I thought you would have guessed by now.”

  “How?”

  I finally looked back at him. “Lorraina and I are the only ones left. Surely you knew she wasn’t slated to be queen.”

  He thought for several moments, his brow deeply furrowed. “I never considered...I always thought that one of your older sisters would...” He trailed off and I decided to point out something I thought was obvious.

  “Why else would I have a flock of admirers?”

  He searched my face and then looked away without saying anything.

  “You see?”

  “I wasn’t agreeing with you, Lylin.” He appeared to be scanning the crowds, whether trying to spot the supposed admirers or not, I didn’t know. “How long have you known?”

  “Since three weeks after staying in your home.”

  “So this is new to you?”

  I nodded.

  He let out a breathy, self-deprecating laugh as he continued to scan the room. “And there I was, complaining to you about the worries associating with managing an estate.”

  “That’s not an insignificant thing.”

  He turned to look at me. “But it’s not ruling a kingdom.”

  I swallowed, terrified by the reminder.

  Those were the only moments I was able to steal with him. The rest of the evening flew by in an endless string of polite smiles and obligatory dances. I caught Rhys’s eye whenever I could, seeking the reassurance of his smile. He retired before the ball had ended, giving me a nod as he left. All I could do was hope that tomorrow would bring us together for at least a few minutes so that we could say…everything that needed to be said.

  ***

  My eyes flew open, searching the dark night, but I kept utterly still in my bed otherwise. Someone was in the room with me. I cast my eyes about, trying to discern shadow from substance. It wasn’t until another noise reached my ears that I was able to direct my eyes to the corner of the room which housed my desk. I listened harder and deciphered papers rustling. For some reason this calmed my anxiety to a degree. If they only meant to steal some document or correspondence, then hurting me was likely not their primary objective. Still, I could be certain of nothing, and so I considered my options. Whoever it was, their back was turned to me. My door was on the opposite side of the room from the desk. If I got out of my bed quickly enough, I could likely reach my door before they could catch me. I could simply scream at the top of my lungs, but feared a drastic, perhaps violent, reaction from the thief. And I could always scream after I tried running.

  I silently took hold of my blankets, listening to be sure the rustling of paper continued, then threw them aside and bolted from my bed. My hand was reaching for the handle of the door when an arm wrapped around my waist, spinning me away from the door. I opened my mouth to cry out, but a hand clamped over it and I heard a desperate whisper of, “It’s me, Lylin. Shh. Please, it’s only me.”

  Too panicked to pay heed to this placating voice, I struggled to free myself, pushing at the arms that bound me. I was turned around until my back pressed against the wall. He pinned one of my arms to the wall and used his other hand to continue covering my mouth. My free hand fought to push him away until his face came into focus.

  I slumped in relief, and my eyes filled with tears as the panic subsided. Rhys tentatively removed his hand from my mouth and I heaved in great breaths of air, trying to slow my heart.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. If I had thought you would wake up, I never would have come.”

  I fisted my hand around the fabric of his sleeve, trying to steady myself. “What are you doing here?” I demanded in a whisper.

  “Leaving a note.”

  His answer stunned me into silence for a moment. “But—” I
stammered.

  “I was leaving,” he explained. “But I wanted to say goodbye.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Yes.”

  I was momentarily distracted by his close proximity. He still had one of my hands pinned to the wall, having forgotten about it. I roused myself, determined to focus on the conversation. “Couldn’t you have said goodbye in the morning?”

  “I’m leaving now, Lylin.”

  “Why?”

  I thought I discerned a wry smile cross his face before he said, “I haven’t made my peace with social events yet.”

  I ignored this unsatisfactory response and chose to focus on something else. “Why didn’t you write the note and—leave it under my door, or something? You didn’t need to come in. Do you know how much trouble you would be in if you were caught? What’s wrong with you? You’re lucky I didn’t scream when I first heard you in here.”

  “I do know how much trouble it would cause.” He realized he was still holding my wrist and released it. “Which is why I had to come inside when I heard a couple of guards coming down the corridor. It would do irreparable damage to your reputation if I was seen slinking away from you bedroom door.”

  I stayed quiet. His explanation sounded somewhat reasonable.

  “You didn’t stir when I came in, so I decided to leave my note on your desk.”

  “But I heard you going through my things.”

  He sighed, closing his eyes in what I could only describe as shame. “There was a letter sitting on your desk.”

  Now I closed my eyes in humiliation and wondered which letter he had read.

  “Forgive me, but my name caught my eye.”

  “You weren’t ever supposed to read those.”

  His eyebrows raised in surprise. “Those? I only saw one, and there was only a salutation.”

  I breathed a sigh, relieved I hadn’t been able to pen my feelings from the evening.

  “Are there others?” he asked.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I insisted, shaking my head.

  “It matters to me.”

  “Yes, there are others, but I was never going to send them.”