Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  “But why would—”

  “You have to leave, Rhys.” I pushed myself away from him. “You can’t be here.” I walked over to my bed, hoping the darkness would cover me. He needed to leave. It wasn’t just my reputation. It was him, and me, and my feelings for him.

  “Lylin?”

  His voice left me weak, and I sank down onto my bed. “What?”

  “Read the note.”

  The door opened and I saw his silhouette leave. I took two steadying breaths, then went to my desk and lit the lamp with shaking fingers. The note was there, no wax seal on the outside, just my name. I unfolded it, ready to devour the words.

  Lylin,

  I had planned to leave in the morning, but find that I am dreading the spectacle of a public departure. I expected to encounter curiosity after the time I spent with your sister, but I find myself overwrought with the amount of attention that is being paid.

  So I leave tonight. It’s cowardly, I know, but I trust that you, as my friend, will keep my confidence.

  You seem to have that effect on me. You’ve been pulling confessions from me since the day we met. So perhaps I will trust you with one more bit of truth. I've grown fond of you, Lylin. From the first time I met you as Lily, I was drawn to you. In fact, it was that inexplicable connection which made me realize that I needed to meet Lorraina. I had been putting it off, mourning my parents, trying to get a handle on what my life had become. Then you came along and I realized that I was being irresponsible by pretending that my loyalty was not yet spoken for. Then when I met you as Lylin, the sister of my future bride, I was stuck. My parents’ last wish had been that I marry your sister and I knew I could not go against them unless I had a very good reason. We were only ever friends, and I did not want to be the fool who caused a rift between you and your sister by seeking anything more.

  But as time went on, I realized that those reasons weren’t good enough. I have enclosed a letter that I wrote to your sister the afternoon before Tobias confessed his feelings for her. I had planned to give it to her when the evening was concluded, but it was rendered unnecessary when the truth of Tobias and Lorraina’s relationship came forward. I was glad not to have to deliver such a letter, for I’m sure it would not have been well received. However, everything I wrote is true, and I wanted you to know of it. When Tobias did declare his feelings for Princess Lorraina, I felt incredible relief. I could break off the engagement, knowing that it would be best for everyone. I could avoid giving my brother one more reason to hate me. I could free your sister from wedding the brother of a man she had feelings for. And I could stop torturing myself by courting one sister, while being preoccupied with the other.

  When I started this letter, I did not set out to confess so much, but there it is. The truth is left upon this page and I find myself quite terrified. But I shall leave it here and hope that it is well received. If not, then I apologize for my presumption.

  Whatever may happen, please know that I think fondly of the time we spent together, both in my home, and in yours. I hold a deep respect and admiration for you.

  You may call on me if ever you have a need. I remain,

  Your faithful servant,

  Rhys Fallon.

  I set a hand to my racing heart and quickly opened the second missive, which was addressed to ‘Her Royal Highness, Princess Lorraina Milandaro’.

  Princess Lorraina,

  Let me begin by apologizing. I pride myself on being a man of my word, but I find myself unable to hold to my word now. I have long been prepared to follow through with the arrangements made by my parents and yours. Feeling it a deep honor to have been chosen as husband to you, I have spent the past several years ensuring that nothing would prevent me from entering into our marriage with no regrets. My reputation as a recluse is because I chose to distance myself from any situation that might interfere with the agreement struck by our parents. I never sought out any dalliance or relationship that I would have reason to regret when the time came to meet you.

  Thus it is with deepest regrets that I must discontinue our association. It is unpardonable, I know. But I believe it would be far worse for us to marry knowing that my heart has been touched by another. Especially when that person is your sister.

  Please do not blame her. She is only guilty of showing up at my doorstep in need of help. And, odd as it may seem since I did not even know her true name, those four days were enough to form a genuine friendship, engraving her upon my heart. Even then, I was fully prepared to forget the girl I knew as Lily and devote myself to you, but I was entirely unprepared to meet her once again, and discover she was your own sister.

  I do not know, and dare not guess, what her feelings are on the matter. It does not really signify. Regardless of her feelings, it is I who would feel unfaithful were I to marry you, while thinking on her.

  I hope one day to earn your forgiveness. Please know of my profound regret concerning this entire situation. I hold you in the highest respect and wish you nothing but the best.

  My most humble apologies,

  Lord Rhys Fallon

  I wanted to run after him, to stop him from leaving. But it was the middle of the night, and I couldn’t very well chase after him without alarming the guards. So I sat on my hard desk chair, shivering slightly in my night dress, wishing I had not sent him away so hastily.

  Chapter 22

  I ONLY LASTED until first light. Having barely slept, I crept downstairs as soon as I thought my father might be up and about. I wished I could avoid this conversation, but I couldn’t leave without consulting my father first. And I would be going today. I would not ignore Rhys’s letter. I wanted him to know how much I cared.

  I found my father’s study empty, so I sat down and pulled the letter out to read while I waited.

  “What are you reading to put that smile on your face?”

  I stood abruptly and fumbled as I folded the parchment. “Father,” I greeted breathlessly.

  He gave me a long, appraising look, noting the way I clutched the letter in my fist. “If I didn’t know better, I might think that was a love letter.”

  I dropped my eyes to the floor as heat crept up my neck.

  “Lylin.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing he meant well, but more nervous than I had ever been with my father.

  “I would hope that you would at least allow your mother and I the chance to approve any gentlemen—”

  My eyes shot to his face. “But you would approve of him,” I insisted. “You do already. Just not for me.” My eyes dropped to my hands again.

  He was silent a long time, and still I could not look at him, just wrung my hands in the stillness.

  “I thought I had imagined it.” His words surprised me. “I saw the connection you shared with Rhys, but you barely knew him, and I thought I was being fanciful.”

  “I didn’t mean to ruin Lorraina’s arrangement.” My voice was thick with guilt and barely above a whisper.

  “Oh, Lylin.” He sat down heavily, looking worn out. “There were so many things wrong with that arrangement.” He rubbed his eyes, and I sank back into my chair. “I thought it would be the perfect solution. I could take care of my own dear Lorraina and the son of my good friend with one well-laid plan.” He looked over at me and smiled. “I’m very glad my plan did not work out, especially if you and Rhys have developed feelings for one another.”

  My breath stuttered as I let it out. I wanted to cry in relief.

  “So, what are you going to do about that letter?”

  I felt my cheeks flush. “What do you know about my letter?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “I know all I need to know from that reaction.”

  I tried not to smile under his knowing scrutiny.

  “So, what are you going to do?” he asked again.

  I took a deep breath. “I need to talk to Rhys.”

  He held my gaze for a moment before nodding toward the door. “Go.”

  I grinned,
jumped to my feet and kissed him on the cheek before running toward the door. I stopped abruptly to ask, “May I please be allowed to ride my own horse?”

  I held my breath until he nodded, then thanked him profusely and turned to go.

  “Lylin.”

  “Yes?”

  “Nathaniel and Jarem may escort you there, but I will be sending a larger contingency this afternoon, along with your maid.”

  “Thank you, Father.” I ran out the door, sending the first servant I saw to go fetch Nathaniel and Jarem. Then I ran up to my room to change into riding clothes and instructed Missy on what to pack for me.

  I was back downstairs in minutes, but had to wait for my guards and the groomsmen to prepare everything. I forced myself to eat something while I waited.

  When we finally set out, I tried to keep a somewhat sedate pace, or at least not a frantic one, but I didn’t really succeed.

  When we pulled our horses to a halt in the yard, Nathaniel insisted on inquiring at the door before he would let me dismount. So I anxiously waited with Jarem, watching as Giles opened the door, spoke with Nathaniel for a moment, then shot a look over his shoulder at me. I smiled at him and hoped he would hurry to fetch his master. Instead, he pointed away from the house and Nathaniel shook his hand as he returned. I started to dismount, but he stopped me.

  “Keep your seat, Highness. Lord Fallon is out by the pond. His man seems to think you’ll know where that is.”

  I pulled Willow around and heeled her toward the road. When I reached the path veering off the road that led over the hill and down to the pond, I stopped my horse and dismounted.

  I strode up the rise, my pace quickening with each breath I took, my hem soaking up the dew as I walked through the tall grass. When I reached the top of the rise, I raised my hand to shield my eyes from the sun, still hanging low in the sky. Fog surrounding the pond, making the light soft and hazy as I searched for him.

  He was there, standing with his back to me, some fifty paces off at the edge of the pond, his lower legs obscured by reeds. I turned to my guards, asking them to wait at the road while I spoke with Lord Fallon. Nathaniel complied willingly and Jarem followed. Once I felt that our solitude was assured, I turned back to Rhys. He looked as though he had been standing there for some time, but his posture spoke of tension. His anxiety mirrored my own, and I had the urge to comfort him, to put him at ease. I walked forward, breaking into a run and finally making enough noise to disrupt his solitude. He turned to face me and I came to an abrupt halt, having misplaced my courage in the face of his scrutiny.

  He took a step toward me, and while I could not find the strength to move toward him, I did find my voice. “I know it’s all been one giant mess, and I know I should have stopped you.” He continued toward me at a measured pace, his eyes never leaving my face. “I should never have let you go, not without asking—”

  He reached me, and, taking my face in hand with his lips close to mine, said, “You shouldn’t have to ask,” before pressing his lips gently to mine. He pulled back, taking a moment to read my reaction before I went up on my toes and he willingly kissed me again. I fisted my hands around the fabric at the side of his coat and pulled him toward me as his hands slid around my neck and into my hair. “You came back to me,” he whispered against my mouth. “Why?”

  “Please tell me you already know why.” I wasn’t brave enough to say the words first.

  He pulled back to look at my face, pushing a stray hair behind my ear. “I love you, Lylin.”

  I closed my eyes as my heart sighed in joy and relief. “And I love you,” I said, though the last word was smothered as I kissed him once again.

  We stood there for several minutes, my head resting against his chest as his arms bound around me.

  His chest vibrated with a chuckle.

  “What’s funny?” I asked without looking up.

  “I see you brought Nathaniel with you.”

  I turned my head and saw Nathaniel at the top of the rise and winced. I turned back to Rhys and buried my face in his shoulder, embarrassed. “He was supposed to stay at the road.”

  “Perhaps we should go inside where your faithful guard will not have to watch over you. I’m certain Rosamond will have a fit when she sees you.”

  I smiled at the thought of seeing Rosamond again and nodded as he took my hand to lead me back to the house. We walked together, my guards following behind and leading my horse. When we entered the yard, they led the horses away, allowing Rhys to escort me inside on his own.

  Walking through the front door, I only made it a few steps before Rosamond approached. She managed to stop long enough for a very slight curtsey before enveloping me with a hug.

  “I’m sorry I had to lie, Rose.” I had not planned to apologize, but it came out none the less.

  “Oh, Princess. Rhys explained everything. And to think, I had a princess sitting in my kitchen and I had no idea.” She abruptly pulled back. “And as for you disappearing—”

  “I know that was unfair, and I tried to make up for it when I came back to tell you I was all right.”

  “And didn’t wait for me to return.” Rhys’s voice was more teasing than accusatory, but I had no doubt that my actions still hurt him.

  “It would have only complicated things.”

  He brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers and gave me an understanding smile. “And to think, all I had to do was knock on my neighbor’s door and I would have found you.”

  I pressed my forehead into his shoulder. “You were betrothed. I couldn’t interfere.”

  He slipped a hand around the back of my neck and kissed my forehead. “I know, Lylin.”

  Rosamond rubbed her hands together. “Well, come in. Come in. What am I doing? Making you stand in the entry.” She tried to herd me toward the sitting room. “Where are my manners for a member of the royal family?”

  I barely suppressed a groan. “It’s just me, Rose.”

  She put a hand to my cheek, and I was surprised to see tears glistening in her eyes. “I know it’s you, little one. I’m just so happy to see you, I can hardly see straight.” She took my hand and led me to a chair. “Now, you will let me dote on you to my heart’s content and I won’t hear another word about it.”

  I smiled and blushed as I muttered a small, “Very well,” and watched her scurry from the room. She passed Rhys, who stood leaning in the doorway, a bemused smile on his face.

  “Come sit. You have to let her dote on you, too.”

  He pushed away from the wall. “She barely knows I’m here.” He sat next to me. “You have utterly stolen her heart.”

  I looked at him, into the eyes of this man I so dearly loved, and couldn’t help apologizing one more time. “I’m sorry.”

  His brow furrowed. “About what?”

  “About not letting you see I was ok. I really wanted to, but you still didn’t know who I was.”

  He was silent for a moment. Debating. “I went after you,” he admitted.

  My answer was quiet. “I know.”

  Shock blanketed his features. “You know?”

  “I watched from the top of the hill.”

  His face fell. “You were that close?”

  I nodded.

  He sighed. “And then I showed up at your home, as the one chosen for your sister.”

  My heart ached to remember. “That was...a terrible moment for me. I was horrified and so jealous.”

  “I can understand that feeling all too well. I didn’t realize just how out of control my feelings for you had become until Lord Wisen showed up.”

  “I was always surprised that you seemed to not like him. He really was a decent man.”

  “Decent, to be sure. And meant for you. Then he came up with that awful archery competition.”

  “You didn’t enjoy that?”

  “I truly enjoyed showing my superior skill, but then your sister decided there must be a victor’s kiss.”

  “What was wrong with the
victor’s kiss?” That was one moment I had relived and treasured every day since it happened. It bothered me to think that he felt differently.

  “I hated not being able to kiss you the way I wanted.” His eyes dipped to my mouth as I blushed. “I still haven’t kissed you the way I want to.”

  Now my cheeks were on fire, which made him grin. I buried my face in his shoulder to hide my embarrassment.

  “Don’t worry. I plan to take the opportunity soon enough.”

  I didn’t think my face could get any hotter. I was wrong. I pulled away to fan myself and talked in an attempt to divert his attention. “That opportunity might not come for some time. I forgot to mention that you will be receiving more guests this afternoon. My father is sending my lady’s maid along with more guards.”

  I thought he might be irritated, but he surprised me by laughing. “I’ll take you with as many guards as your father wishes.” He brushed his fingers along my jaw. “I’m just glad you are here. How long do you get to stay?”

  “I have no idea. I didn’t bother asking.”

  ***

  After lying in bed for over an hour without even a hint of sleep, I decided to get up. I pulled on a dressing gown and left my room, quietly walking down the servants’ stairs and into the kitchen. I found some water and a leftover pastry and sat by the kitchen window, nibbling on my late night treat. My lack of decorum would have been chastised by my parents, but being in this house left me feeling like Lily. I lay my head against the cool glass and looked up at the full moon, smiling at my recollections of the day’s events as clouds moved over the moon, blocking some of its light.

  I was pulled from my pleasant musings by the unmistakable noise of the main door opening, then closing. I tried to think of a good reason for someone coming or going at this late hour and could think of none. Then again, I could claim no intimate knowledge of the estate’s workings. I’d never been awake enough to notice such noises in the middle of the night. Perhaps Giles went out to check the animals on occasion. There could be any number of explanations.