Queen of the City 2: The Life of a Female Rapper

by Tamicka Higgins

  I wiped my mouth and said, “Aight, Nas.” I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. Prince was still asleep when I was finished, and I was in a big ass house with damn near nothing to do.

  A few months had passed, and Prince was one of the easiest babies I’d ever been around. He only cried when he was hungry or needed to be changed, and he slept all night when he hit two months. Nas went back and forth between our home and the drug houses, but he only stayed a few days at a time here. I wished he could have stayed more, but I understood the game. He had a business to run, and I was cool with it, but I was tired as shit of stayin’ in the house. I convinced him to let me get a babysitter for Prince. He wasn’t feeling it at first, but I told him I wasn’t a fucking stay-at-home mother, and I wasn’t meant to be one. I’d already been cooped up in the house with Prince for over two months, and the shit was making me stir crazy.

  “Damn, Lyric. Why can’t you just stay yo’ ass in the fuckin’ house?”

  “Fuck that shit, Nas. When you met me, you knew I was doing my thang fuckin’ rappin’ and shit. You can’t expect me just to be cool with stayin’ in this fuckin’ house with Prince.”

  “Well, shit changes when you have a baby.”

  I paused, “Well, then you stay yo’ ass in this house with him and let me run shit. You know I can.”

  He laughed, “Let you run it?”

  I walked over to him and looked him squarely in the eyes. He was a few inches taller than me, but I didn’t care, he knew I wasn’t backing down from anybody,

  “Yeah, let me run it. I know how to make sure that shit stays in line. Them bitches know not to fuck with me, and the niggas know I will pull out on them just as quick as you will.”

  “Yeah, aight. We’ll see.”

  “So, I’ma get a babysitter so I can start movin’ around and shit.”

  He grabbed me around my waist, “Look Ma, I just don’t want shit to happen to you or Prince. Shit, I got a girl and a baby boy now, so muthafuckas know I got a weakness. The more people you love, the weaker you are, you feel me? They get to y’all; they get to me.” I placed my hands on the sides of his face, “They not gon’ get to me and if they do, they gon have a fuckin’ problem on their hands. Trust me, aight? Yo’ bitch know how to handle herself.” He took a deep breath and finally gave in to me,

  “You know somebody who will take care of Prince?”

  I looked over at Prince as he lay asleep on our bed. Everything he had on was Jordan Brand but what did you expect from a baby of two drug dealers? The Jordan symbol was like the sign that represented the dope game for ballers, “I know somebody who would be perfect for watching him.” His hands slid down to my ass, gripping a handful of it as he looked behind me into the mirror. I turned around and saw his smile, and that was the only hint I needed.

  We went downstairs to the front room, and he fucked me right in front of the living room window. The curtains were pulled back for anybody to walk or drive past and see us. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the neighbors across the street stopped to look outside their window and catch us in action. He bent me over the back of the couch and smacked my ass while he went in from behind, pulling my hair and slapping my behind. He fucked me in a way that showed that he was releasing pent-up aggression from months of not fucking. It also helped me believe that he wasn’t fucking around on me because I don’t think any nigga would have this kind of energy if he were fucking other chicks. I arched my back so I could feel his dick deeper inside me. I could see the shadow of my titties swinging back and forth in the mirror as a few cars drove past, oblivious to what was going on inside our house. The thrill of somebody catching us made my pussy drip even more. I thought back to the time we fucked down by the lake at the art exhibit. That rush I felt then crept back into me as I looked in the window, catching a glimpse of his face. My mind slipped into a fantasy world where Junie replaced Nas, and his long strokes slowed down. “No, speed up,” I murmured as the hard pounding came back. Shortly, I snapped out of the fantasy as Nas pulled out and came on my ass. I moaned as I felt his warm cum drip on me. I turned as he stood in front of me, his muscular chest was completely tatted. I looked a little closer, noticing some new ink he had on the right side of his chest. In the spot that represented his heart, it was like that portion of his chest was ripped off, and inside it read, Lyric & Prince. It was simple, but it was heartfelt. I stood up and kissed him on his lips.

  “I gotta go, Baby.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “Make sure you let me know when you drop him off at the sitter. Let me know the address and all that shit in case I need to come through there for any reason.”

  “Aight, Daddy.”

  He spent a few minutes in the bathroom and with that, he was gone. I heard Prince crying upstairs a few moments later. I knew exactly where to take him, but I had to make a quick stop first.

  I hadn’t visited the cemetery since I’d been out the hospital. It had been too breezy for me to take Prince out there, so I had to wait until the weather broke a little bit. I carried Prince in my arms with a bouquet of flowers in my other hand. Her gravestone was huge. Nas had her body exhumed and reburied with a bigger headstone next to her. The way he cared for Big Mama after she died made me believe that he would have done even more for her if he knew her. Every time I spoke to him about her, I said nothing but good things that made him regret not having the chance to know her. He felt like doing these type of things was the next best thing to do because she deserved to be remembered in the best way possible. As soon as we walked to her grave, Prince smiled and made those cute baby noises he seemed to be so fond of making. His dimple had gotten a little bigger since birth, but his eyes were still gray, the same color of Big Mamas. I’d hoped that they wouldn’t change.

  “Hey, Big Mama. I miss you so much, I do. It’s just not the same without you here. I don't have anybody to threaten my life for not doing something or to get on me when I’m out of line. I think that, because of that, I’ve gotten a little out of control. I know you see me up there, and you know what I'm doing, but all I can say is I don’t know what else to do. hadn't found that faith that you had so much of when you were down here,”

  Prince yelled as if to get my attention,

  “Oh, and this is Prince. Sitting here talking to you, I forgot I was even holding your great-grandson,” I wiped a tear from my eye. “I think you two will have the same eye color. At least I’m hoping his won’t change. It will help me feel like you’re with me even more than you are now. I know you can’t hold him, and it’s probably making you sad that you can’t, but there will be a time when you’ll be able to, I’m sure of it. I haven’t checked on Uncle Stew and Vinny in a while, you know, since Nas moved us out to Wauwatosa but I’m going to do better with that. I talk to Vinny though, and he says Uncle Stew is still staying out of trouble, but I’m going over there as soon as I leave here. Listen to me, Big Mama; I love you a lot. A whole lot and I’ma do everything I can down here to make you proud of me, ok? I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you again.”

  I turned to walk away, my eyes blurry from the tears that kept falling when I was talking to her. I felt her presence surrounding me while I was there. A comforting feeling that let me know that she heard me and she will always be there for me. The only problem was that I couldn’t see her and now that I think about it, it’s the same issue I had with God. Maybe now, it would change for the better.

  I pulled up to Big Mama’s house. Vinny’s car was parked in the garage when I showed up. The front door was open to let the breeze blow through the screen door. The grass was cut, and the bushes were trimmed. They were doing a good job at keeping Big Mama’s house up. Just then, Uncle Stew stepped from the side of the house with sheers in his hand.

  “Lyric! How you been! Is that Prince you got with you?” he asked, walking up to me as he took his gloves off. His hair was trimmed just like the bushes on the side of the house and for once, he looked as if he would be able to
go out and bag a couple of women. I didn’t realize how handsome he was until now, “Yeah, this Prince.” He walked over to me as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

  “I would hold him but I been out here in this yard and I don’t want to have him smellin’ like the outside.”

  He bent down and kissed him on his forehead.

  “Hey little fella,” Prince cooed, “Man, you lookin’ just like yo’ mama. And you got yo’ Big Mama’s eyes. Look at there,” he said with a broad smile on his face.

  “Is Vinny in there?”

  “Yeah, he should be. He was off today and he just been sittin’ in there playing video games. I told that boy to come out here and help me in the yard, but all he says is, yeah, I’ll be there. I got one more quarter left and then that boy never shows up. Lazy rascal!”

  I laughed, “Yeah, that sound just like Vinny.”

  We went into the house, and Vinny had his leg up on the table playing his Playstation 4 on the living room TV. They had upgraded a lot of stuff since they no longer had a mortgage to pay. New furniture, new TV’s, and they even had the house repainted. I was proud of what they were doing to Big Mama’s house. Vinny smiled and put his controller down.

  “Oh, Shit! What up, Prince!” he said, walking over to grab him out of my arms.

  “Oh, nigga, Prince the only one you see?”

  “My bad, my bad. What up L,” he said as he kept his eyes on Prince, “Man, this little nigga gettin’ big! What you feedin’ him? Shit.”

  “The Similac.”

  Uncle Stew spoke up,

  “Lyric, you know if Mama were still here, she would have a fit with you feeding that baby that similac.”

  He was right. I could hear her now, “Girl, yo’ titties didn’t get that big just for somebody else’s pleasure! They got that big because The Good Lord knew that yo’ breastmilk would be the best type of milk for that little boy! Now, do what you was supposed to do with that milk and let that boy suck on yo’ titty!” She was just blunt like that, but I tried it a few times, and it was just too painful. Like I said when I went to the cemetery, she’s not here to keep me in line and just by looking at how I was when she was here versus now, it would be easy to tell.

  “I know Unc, but hey, he’s still healthy, so that’s all that matters to me right now.”

  Vinny glanced at me,

  “So, when yo’ ass about to get back out there and start rappin’ again? You know niggas is just waitin’ for you to pop up again.”

  “I know. Shit, I ain’t had the time really because I was in the crib with Prince all day but that shit finally change. I got him a sitter.”

  “Word? Who?”

  “I don’t know for sure yet, but if it’s cool, I’ll let you know who it is.”

  “Well, shit, who you got in mind then?”

  I glanced over at Prince as he lay on the couch, flapping his arms like a fish out of water. His dimple pushed his cheek in as he smiled. Damn, he looks just like Junie, I said to myself, smiling back at Prince. I knew exactly where I was going to take him, and I had a feeling that they wouldn’t hesitate to take him in for a few hours every day either. I had no doubt in my mind that they would take him in with open arms. Prince cooed again as if he could read my thoughts. He was going with his grandparents.

  Chapter 2

  I showed up at their home unannounced. I figured it would be a pleasant surprise because they hadn’t seen me since they showed me baby pictures of Junie and Nas together. Serena, Junie’s older sister, came to the door. Her smile became stale as she looked down towards the baby seat I was carrying.

  “Hey Lyric, umm… who’s baby is that?”

  “It’s mine.”

  Her smile completely faded away at that point as she stood at the door, almost hesitant to let me in. The look on her face told me she was confused and almost heartbroken that I showed up here with a baby. Almost to say, How dare you come here?.

  “Can I come in? He’s heavy.”

  “No. You can’t.”

  I sat Prince’s car seat down on the patio and lowered my eyes, looking directly at her. She was still away at college the time I came over and her parents showed me pictures of Junie and his little brother. Moments later, Mrs. Butler came to the door, “Hey, Lyric!” she said as her eyes dropped down to the baby seat. Her smile never left her face, “Oh, my! And who do we have here?” she said, bending down to get a better view of him. Her smile froze, the same way Serena’s did. She slowly shifted her sight back towards me, covering her mouth. She knew it right away as she picked up the baby seat, “Come… Come on in, Lyric. Please.” I grabbed the baby bag and walked past Serena as she stood in the doorway, completely confused as to what was going on.

  “Allen, honey? Um, can you come here, please? Like, right now,” Mrs. Butler said as she sat Prince’s car seat down on the couch. She kept her hand over her mouth, shaking her head slowly like she was looking at something that was completely unfeasible. Allen walked into the room; his eyes lit up when he saw me, “Lyric! Hey, sweetheart! How have you been?” He reached over to embrace me as he heard Prince giggle just to his right. He turned towards him, saying the same thing his wife said when he was out on the patio. Stacey grabbed his arm, “No, baby. Look at him. Just look.” He bent down to get a better view of Prince, and it was as if his heart dropped. He looked back towards me, then towards his wife. “Oh my goodness,” he said as he looked back in my direction, “May I hold him?”

  “Of course.”

  He picked him up, Prince’s gray eyes still maintaining their color. His dimple was now clearly seen as he smiled in his grandfather’s arms. He kissed him on his cheek and then passed him to Stacey as tears rolled down her cheeks. “He is gorgeous,” she said as he sat comfortably in her arms. Serena watched what was going on, trying to put things together herself. She finally spoke up when she couldn’t figure it out,

  “Uh, Mom? Dad? Somebody want to tell me what is going on here?”

  I spoke up, “I will.”

  We all sat down in the front room, and I began,

  “A little over a half year after Junie died, I met a guy named Nas. I mean, he looked just like Junie at times, and it scared me. I just thought I wasn’t over him, you know? So I didn’t pay much attention to it, but his mannerisms, the things he said, his smile, and his dimples—I mean everything he did reminded me of Junie. Well, one day me and Nas were at the mall and I run into Mrs. Butler—”

  She interrupted me as she held Prince in her arms,

  “Baby, just call me Mom, ok?”

  It was a little weird to me to call her that, but I just did it. After all, she was like a mother figure to me when me and Junie were together.

  “Ok. I was with Nas at Mayfair, and then we ran into… Mom… and she was looking at Nas like he was familiar. Then she asked me to come by here so she could talk to me about something. I showed up, and then they pull out these pictures of Junie when he was younger.”

  Allen got up to get the photo album, buried at the bottom of the drawer so nobody could see it. He pulled out pictures of Junie when he was younger, and the resemblance he had with Prince was uncanny. He passed some of the pictures to me and the others to Serena as we both looked through them, glancing up at Prince now and then to compare.

  “Serena, this little boy is your nephew.”

  There was an uncomfortable pause as she switched between the pictures and Prince. She had her mouth hung open, ready to say something but it seemed as if no words could escape her mouth. I didn’t know how much of the story she knew at this point or if she knew anything at all. She let the pictures fall out of her hand and stood up.

  “Wait a minute. So, y’all are telling me that I have another little brother out here somewhere. And not only that, but he somehow connected with Lyric, and they had a baby, and now the baby looks just like Junie?”

  As I heard her speak, I realized myself how crazy it came off. Stacey remained on the couch, hugging and squeezing Prince as he laug
hed and welcomed her touch. Allen stood up and walked over to Serena, throwing his arms around her as her eyes bubbled with tears. She moved his arms away from her after just a few moments,

  “No, no Daddy! Y’all,” she wiped her eyes, “Y’all can’t just tell me all this right now! Y’all can’t! It’s too much! I’m 28 years old, and I’m just now hearing that I have another little brother!? And on top of that, he had a baby with Lyric and…”

  She stopped speaking for a moment doing her best to collect herself, then she continued,

  “What happened? How do I have a little brother that I don’t even know about!?”

  “Sweetheart, it was just a lot going on at the time. I’m surprised you don’t remember seeing him around, but you were just turning four when all of this happened. It…” Stacey paused, trying to collect herself, “It was just a bad situation. If we could do it over, we would have just done our best to make it work, but we panicked. We were already young, we had two children, and we were on the verge of being evicted. Our car was repossessed, I mean, it was just a terrible situation to try to bring another baby in to. We did what we thought was best for the family. We just couldn’t care for everyone at that time.”

  She stood up and handed Prince to me as she went over to Serena and hugged her tight. Allen followed in right behind her as all three of them held each other, crying from past mistakes and whole lives that they missed out on. I saw, first hand, what the pain would have been if I gave Prince up for adoption or even worse, went through with the abortion. I glanced at him as he smiled in my arms, reaching towards my face. I kissed his hands and hugged him tight as Stacey called out to me,

  “Lyric, come on over here with my grandbaby. You two are officially a part of this family now.”

  I walked over to their huddle as they embraced me like I was one of their children. I could feel the love radiated between all four of us, and it was something I hadn’t felt since before Big Mama got sick. I appreciated it more than they would ever know. Serena wiped her eyes,