Queen of the City 2: The Life of a Female Rapper

by Tamicka Higgins

  “I’m sorry about earlier when you came to the door, Lyric. I just didn’t expect you to—”

  I cut her off, “I know, girl. Trust me, I know, and I understand. You were just protective of Junie. You don’t have to apologize.”

  “Can I hold him?”

  I passed Prince to Serena as she kissed him right on his dimple. It seemed to be love at first sight as she held him the same way Stacey did when she picked him up.

  “Oh my God, he does look like Junie. With the little dimple and everything and oh my goodness, his eyes! He is going to be a heartbreaker.”

  “I don’t even wanna think that far down the line,” I said, smiling.

  “Can I meet my other brother?”

  I thought about Nas’s reaction when I told him about Stacey and Allen. He was adamant about not wanting to see them or have anything to do with them. From what I could sense, he had some bitterness in his heart about his parent’s giving him up for adoption. That was the one thing I was worried about when bringing Prince over here; I knew they would want to meet Nas.

  “Yeah, I mean, he’s real busy and everything with work.”

  “What does he do?” Serena asked anxiously. “It’s crazy to know that I have a brother out there that I know nothing about.”

  “He, um, he’s a producer like Junie was.”

  Her mouth dropped, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

  “No, I’m not. I said the same thing myself. Junie and Nas were twins.”

  “Yeah,” his father spoke up, “they were just about a year apart. Your mom and I got busy sooner than we were supposed after we had Tyrell and—”

  “Uh, Dad?” Serena cut him off, “that’s too much information. We didn’t need to know all of that.”

  “Hey, it’s a part of life! You wouldn’t be here if it weren't for us getting busy back in—”

  “Dad!”

  He and Stacey laughed as we all sat back down. I brought up the idea of them babysitting Prince while I went out and ran errands during the day. She was completely fine with the notion, especially since she stayed home now. It didn’t appear that Serena was in the business of having any babies anytime soon since she was a recent college graduate looking for work, and Prince was just another version of Junie as far as Stacey was concerned. We worked it out that she would have him Monday through Saturday in the afternoon and be on call for emergencies. Prince hadn’t cried one time since we had been at his grandparents’ house. That let me know, even more so, that bringing him here was the right thing to do. The only problem I saw in the future was what Nas would do if he found out that Prince’s babysitter was his mother. That was something I didn’t think I would be prepared to handle.

  Chapter 3

  “What the fuck did you think would happen? You thought nobody was coming to the stash house today? Huh? You thought shit was sweet, didn’t you?”

  “Come on, man. I’m sorry, I just needed a little extra, you know what I’m sayin’? Shit is kinda’ tight for me right now.”

  “Kinda tight? Kinda tight, muthafucka? So, you take money from my own son’s mouth for this shit? You take money from my family because it’s tight for you? Word? That’s how you roll, huh?”

  He was on his knees, begging for leniency as tears fell out his eyes.

  “Please, I just…I just lost my head for a second; that’s it. I promise it won’t happen again. I promise.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. It won’t happen again.”

  Pow! The bullet left the pistol and pierced him right on the side of his head. Blood splattered against the wall from the hole that appeared right in his temple. A few men stood behind me, watching the blood spill from his head as he lay on the ground convulsing just before his eyes rolled to the back of his skull. I put the gun back on my waist and turned around as the dope boys stood in front of me.

  “Let that be a lesson, aight? All shit done in the darkness comes to the light. Make sure this nigga gets disposed of.”

  I walked out of the stash house, a vacant home right in the middle of the hood on Milwaukee’s East Side. Slowly but surely, I was becoming respected throughout our drug operation. I was not just known as “Nas’s Bitch,” but I was known as “Lyric.” Throughout it all, I learned the perfect balance between strength and weakness that a woman needs to have. I showed a bit of frailty whenever I was around Nas to help him understand that I needed him but when he wasn’t around, the strength of who I was shined bright like stars at midnight. I’d love to think that I got it from my Mom. Uncle Stew would always tell me that I had her mentality, and he saw her in me every time I snapped about something. He said that he could see her fire inside of me, and I could only imagine what kind of things she did when she was my age before she got strung out. My phone rang when I stepped outside,

  “How was the spot?”

  “Jordan’s ass got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”

  “No shit?”

  “No shit.”

  “You handle it?”

  “Yeah, it’s taken care of.”

  “No doubt. Good shit, Ma. They need to make sure they see an example of what happens in case anybody else got the urge to get sticky fingers. If it was me, though, I’da brought him back to the crib and had fun with him.”

  “That’s yo’ thing, bae. I’m just about gettin’ the shit done. No stalling.”

  “No doubt. I’ll see you at the house later on.”

  “Aight.”

  I got in my car and left. I hadn’t hit the rap scene at all since I started dropping Prince off at his grandparents’ house. Vinny told me the streets was calling for me, but I didn’t have the desire to go back out there in it. All my attention went to Nas and what he had going on, and I was cool with it. Ever since Remy was murdered in broad daylight, I hadn’t had anybody else step to me out of line like that. Nas put fear into everyone and made them think twice about fucking with me. Nas was the gentlest dude I had known but on the outside looking in, his temper was worse than Big Tucks. I literally couldn’t count the number of people he killed or had maimed since I gave birth to Prince. Just like most kingpins, though, I knew his time on top would come to an end, but I just hoped that his end meant prison and not death. I couldn’t handle another boyfriend being taken from me by the grave.

  I had stopped at Big Mama’s house before I went to pick Prince up from Mrs. Butler’s. Vinny’s car was gone, but I didn’t know if Uncle Stew was around or not. I still had a key to the house, so either way, it wouldn’t have been a problem. I opened the door.

  “Unc? You in here?”

  Silence flooded through the house as I closed the door behind me. Everything was clean, the floors were mopped and vacuumed, and the dinnerware that sat on top of the dining room table was dusted clean. The dishes in the kitchen were washed and put away. If I didn’t know any better, I would have believed that big mama came down from heaven and did it herself. I walked into her room, and everything was still the way I left it when I cleaned her room up right before she died. I could feel the peace in there as soon as I passed beneath her doorframe. Big Mama, I said to myself, I wish you were here. I kicked off my shoes and lay on her bed, removing the pistol that was on my waist and placing a few small bags of coke under the bed. I forgot I put the little baggies in my pocket when I took them from Jordan, right before I murdered him for thieving. Next thing I knew, I was sound asleep.

  I woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon cooking in the kitchen. My watch read 6:49 pm, so I wondered who was out there cooking breakfast so late. As I crept closer to the kitchen, I heard singing. I couldn’t make out the name of the song, but I’d heard Big Mama sing the same one sometimes. I walked into the kitchen, rubbing my finger across my eyes to get a better view of the person scrambling eggs and flipping bacon over on the stove. My mama stood with an apron on; her hair tied back in a ponytail and a big smile on her face when she looked over to see me standing there,

  “Hey, Lyric! I know it’s late but I just
had a taste for some bacon, eggs, and sausage right now. Come on, grab a plate. I made enough for both of us.”

  I looked around, hoping it wasn’t a dream. For as long as I could remember, I always fantasized about having moments like this with my mother just to pick her brain and see how much of her was really in me. I walked over to the table and pulled out a chair as she scraped eggs onto my plate and said,

  “Now, I didn’t put that much salt on them. I got high blood pressure and that salt won't do anything good for me right now. You can sprinkle some on if you want, but it’s hereditary, so chances are, you have it, but you don’t know it. Have you gotten checked out yet?”

  “Checked out for what?”

  “For you blood pressure, girl! What did you think I was talking about?”

  “I’m sorry, I was just—”

  “You were just not payin’ attention, that’s all. It’s ok.”

  She walked over and put four pieces of bacon on my plate.

  “The bacon ain’t good for my pressure either but who can turn down a plate of crispy bacon? I know I can’t.”

  She fixed her plate and tossed the apron across the back of her chair and then sat down next to me at the table. I started to eat, but she smacked my hand causing me to drop the strip of bacon I held onto. She said,

  “Have you lost your mind? We don't eat anything until we thank the Good Lord for blessing us with this meal.”

  I connected my hand with hers as she prayed with such power and strength that I was beginning to think she was Big Mama instead of my mama. From the pictures and everything I knew about her, she didn’t seem like the type that would be conscious of God, let alone know how to pray like that. As she finished, we opened our eyes,

  “Ok, child. Now you can eat but hurry up; Mama doesn't have a lot of time.”

  “Where do you have to go?”

  She smiled as she sprinkled pepper onto her plate but she didn’t respond. She took a bite of her eggs, patiently waiting for me to say something.

  “Um…”

  “Spit it out, girl. Like I say, I don’t have much time, and I know you have a lot to ask.”

  “Who am I?”

  She swallowed another bite of eggs,

  “You are Lyric Sutton. My daughter.”

  “No, I mean. Who am I?”

  “You are my daughter.”

  She kept eating her food as I realized that whatever this was in front of me was only sent to answer my questions exactly the way I asked them. I thought for a few moments as she took a bite of her bacon, still patiently waiting for me to ask her anything I could think of,

  “Why am I the way I am?”

  She took a napkin and wiped her mouth,

  “Now that is a great question. You are living out every passion and desire I had when I was your age. I wanted to be a rapper, a queen pen and have a son that I could teach the game to. You were never created to play a subordinate role; you have been set up to rule. That was my desire when I was younger, a matter of fact, just a little older than you. But as I grew up into an older woman, I realized that everything I wanted was nothing. All of these things pass away and in the end, it leaves us with nothing but regrets. One of the most painful things to die with are regrets, and the other? Do you know what the other is?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Unreached potential. There is a path that you can take, and you will be left with neither one to worry about. However, there is a way you can take that will leave you to die with both of them. What I can tell you since you are my daughter, is that you will undoubtedly pick the wrong path, but there will be redemption for you if you are sure to keep your eyes open for it. I guarantee you that you will find it if you look for it.”

  She took another bite of eggs and looked at her watch, “Oh, shoot! Now I gotta get going.” As she stood up, I reached out to her, but my hand moved right through her arm. She looked back at me, her eyes beginning to water, “I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could stay, but your uncle is coming home. Matter of fact, he is in the room now, and I can’t let him see me. He wouldn’t know how to handle it.” I reached out for her and suddenly, I felt her arm turn into flesh and bones, “Mama! Mama!” I yelled out, pulling on her arm.

  When I came to, Uncle Stew was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at me as if he had just seen a ghost. “Lyric, it’s your uncle. Are you alright?” I jumped away from him as my mind slowly began to come back to reality. I peered around the room slowly as if to make sure I wasn’t dreaming anymore. Uncle Stew sat on the bed just waiting for me to say something.

  “Are you alright?”

  I rubbed my eyes. “I’m good. I’m good, Unc,” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “How long have you been here?”

  “I think for about an hour or so.”

  “Ok. You hungry?”

  “No, I’m good.”

  “Alright. I’ll leave you in here then. Let me know if you need anything.”

  He walked out of the room as I sat there, piecing together what just happened in my dream. Mama was beautiful, I thought to myself. She looked as if she was in her 50’s but the thing is, I saw traces of myself inside of her without having to think hard at all. It was automatic. I glanced over at the picture of her that sat on Big Mama’s desk. She wore a loose t-shirt with a cigarette hanging out her mouth, looking at the camera as if she was unprepared for the picture. I smiled and shook my head as I got up. I straightened out the bed and began to walk out of the door before I spun around. I forgot about the pistol I brought in with me. I grabbed it from under the bed and left. The time was coming for me to pick up Prince from his grandmother’s house. Uncle Stew yelled out to me as I walked, like a zombie, through the front room,

  “Lyric, you sure you’re alright?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure Unc. I’m sure.”

  “Well, alright, if you say so. I know Mama’s room has the best sleep, but whenever I lay in there, I have some weird dreams myself. They are real, um…What’s the word I’m looking for?” he said, snapping his fingers together to recollect. I helped him,

  “Insightful?”

  “Yeah, that’s it. Real insightful.”

  “I see that now,” I said as I opened the door.

  “Love you, Lyric.”

  “Love you too, Unc.”

  I drove down to Mrs. Butler’s house. Prince was making all kinds of baby noises as soon as I walked through the door. Stacey hugged me and Prince’s eyes widened as he smiled, a line of slobber dripping down the side of his mouth.

  “Hey, mama’s baby,” I said, picking him up into my arms.

  “That boy is a joy, a complete joy!”

  “I know, I missed my little man today.”

  I walked over and placed him in his car seat as Stacey prepared his baby bag. I could see that there was something on her mind, but I just didn’t know what it was. It was the way she was solemnly placing the things in his bag and moving around the house as if she didn’t want him to leave.

  “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  She sighed, “No. No, it’s not my place to say anything.”

  “What is it about?”

  “Prince.”

  “Well, you’re his grandmother, so you have more of a place than you think, so go ahead.”

  “I know that you’re involved in some bad things, Lyric.”

  I glanced towards her with a look of surprise.

  “What? What do you mean bad things?”

  She placed a few more items in his bag, “Just. Some things that I don’t believe Prince should be around. Now, I know you’re a big girl, and you can handle yourself, but I just don’t want anything to happen to my grandson.”

  “Listen, Mom? I don’t know what bad things you think I’m involved in, but I’m not. Who is telling you this?”

  “I have a friend over at the Milwaukee Police Department. She came by here the other day, and we were just talking, you know, and some things about you just casually came up.
”

  “Just casually came up? I don’t understand.”

  “She told me that a girl named Lyric and a man named Nas were being looked at for murder.”

  “Wait, what? Murder? Can she even talk to you about that kind of stuff?”

  “She was mentioning it to me just to see if I knew anything about it, you know? I guess it would be the same thing as putting it on TV as a breaking news report.”

  I stood up and grabbed the baby seat before I asked,

  “What did you tell them?”

  “I didn’t say anything, Lyric. Listen, I love you, and I don’t want anything to happen to you, Prince, or my other son. I just…”

  “You just what?”

  “Never mind. Listen, I’ll be here tomorrow, ok? Are you still going to bring Prince by?”

  I paused for a minute as a million thoughts flooded in and out of my mind. I hid my nervousness as Stacey stood in front of me, desperately waiting for me to answer her. I saw the look of concern on her face and even though I was nervous about the situation, I didn’t think she would be one to point the police in my direction.

  “Yes, Mom. I’ll bring him tomorrow.”

  “Ok.”

  She hugged me, and I was gone. On the way home, I called Nas and let him know to meet me at our house tonight. If we were being looked at for the murder, we both had to make sure each other were on the same page. I wasn’t going to prison. Fuck that shit.

  Chapter 4

  Nas came home in a blur, nervous about what I told him. He paced back and forth in the living room as Prince looked at him smiling as if he was doing it for his entertainment.

  “I covered all the tracks. The cameras, we went out the back and everything. I had that shit planned thorough, Ma. Ain’t no way they on to us,” he said, turning to me, “Who told you that? Who said they were lookin at us?” Prince started whining, so I picked him up out of his car seat, “I just heard some niggas talkin’ when I was out.” He peered at me, knowing the story wasn’t making sense. “Lyric, I’m sayin’, who, though?”