Queen of the City 2: The Life of a Female Rapper

by Tamicka Higgins

  Vinny held Prince as he peered at me, completely uncomfortable with what I was doing but he had no choice but to accept it. Since I was going to Peoria, he knew he wouldn’t be able to make the trip because it was too far away. He didn’t have as much vacation time as he thought so it all would have been a wash. Two days wasn’t long enough for him to stay in the city with me. I walked to Big Mama’s room. It was just as peaceful as I remembered. I hadn’t been to the house in a while, but I could still feel the nostalgia that came every time I stepped foot into the room. Everything was still the same as I walked around, running my hand over the surface of the dresser. I sighed when I got to my mother’s picture as it leaned against the mirror outside of its frame. I thought about Uncle Stew and how he died the same way she did. The guilt was still on my conscious, and I was saddened even more by the fact that we left him there, but it was too much going on to do anything else about it. It was just too much going on and all I could do was hope he understood.

  “Hey, Big Mama. I was going to go to your grave, but then I figured that coming here would be better. It just feels like this is where you always are anyway, you know? So, here I am,” I smiled, more to hide the pain than anything else, “so, I’m finally leaving. It took a lot, but I finally got the point. I don’t know why I was so hard headed but hey, I wouldn’t be Lyric if I wasn’t, right? I’m going to Peoria. You ever heard of it? You probably have, but that’s where I’m going. It’s quiet there, so hopefully, I can stay out of trouble. I’m taking Prince with me, too. I thought about leaving him here with Mrs. Butler, but I figured that Nas would find him there a lot quicker than he would if he was with me. For some reason, he has been acting funny, though. Ever since I got him back, he’s been crying and whining almost non-stop. I don’t know what it is, but I know that if you were here, you would figure it out. You were always good at that kind of stuff. You just had that loving touch, I guess. But from the looks of it, Vinny has the same thing.”

  Just then, I heard movement at Big Mama’s door. I turned around to see Vinny holding Prince, still hesitant to come in. I shook my head and waved him over, “Dude, just come in. You’re like a son to Big Mama; I don’t know why you’re always acting like that.” He walked in with Prince, looking around like he was walking onto sacred ground, “You know how I am, though. I just don’t want to mess nothing up, you see?” I took Prince out of his arms as he smiled bright enough to light up the room we were in. “See Big Mama,” I said, “he’s already smiling like you were here.” I wiped a tear from my eye as we all stood in the room, quietly, just taking in the ambiance that was flowing around us. This was the one thing that I would miss the most out of everything in Milwaukee. This house, this room, and this feeling. It would never be replaced, not by anything or anyone else. We said our goodbyes to Vinny, and I let him know that I would be back to visit as soon as things settled down. He fought back tears as he walked us to the door. He was my ace, and I knew that I could trust him to take care of Big Mama’s house. He would have never moved in if I thought that he couldn’t.

  The last stop was Mrs. Butler’s home. Loc was visibly becoming bothered by the brief farewell tour, but I let him know that he could leave whenever he wanted to. In the back of my mind, I hoped he wouldn’t call my bluff because I knew that, if my back was against the wall, I could count on him to help me out. We walked to Mrs. Butler’s door. She knew I was coming because I gave her a heads-up of my plans earlier that day. She made sure that Serena would be home that day so she could get her goodbyes in as well. Mrs. Butler opened the door, and Prince immediately smiled as big and bright as he could. “Grandma’s baby!” she said as she twirled him around in the air. Serena came out of the back, her pistol in the holster that was wrapped around her hip. I smiled,

  “Ok, Serena. I see the pistol is like your best friend now.” She laughed, “Yeah, I mean, I guess I just got used to it being on me.”

  “Have you had to use it yet?”

  “Not really. I mean, I took it to the gun range with Mama a few days ago but other than that I haven’t had to shoot anybody. But I think taking me to the range was the wrong thing to do because now, I do have an urge to shoot somebody.”

  “Oh Lord,” Mrs. Butler said as she sat down on the couch with Prince, “this girl is losing it.”

  Serena walked over to Prince and pinched his dimple, “Oh my goodness, he is so cute! I’m going to miss seeing his cute little face around here!” I glanced towards her, “So, all that means is you have to have one of your own now.” She paused, “Uh, sorry. Wrong chick,” she said, “I’m not ready for all that yet. I need a couple more years to enjoy my freedom!” Her mom interjected, “Girl, in a few years, you’ll be 30 and trust me; you are not going to want to push out any children by the time you’re 30.” It didn’t take me long to lose track of the time.

  “Shoot! We need to get going!”

  Mrs. Butler’s sadness clearly showed, “Oh, alright. I’m not prepared to say goodbye,” she said as she squeezed Prince one last time.

  “It’s not goodbye, mom. It’s more like, see you later.”

  “You’re right. If push comes to shove, I’ll be making a few trips out there to see you guys.”

  “Trust me, you’ll be welcomed. Prince is just in love with you.”

  “Ohhh! And I am so in love with his little itty-bitty self! You’re grandma’s baby, aren’t you? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

  She kissed him as he laughed and giggled, gobs of saliva traveling down his mouth. She peeked in as he held it open, “Uhh, Lyric? This baby has teeth coming in!” I looked towards him, “What? Teeth? Where?” She held his mouth open and showed me where some of them were peeking in toward the back. She asked,

  “He hasn’t been crying and acting funny?”

  “Oh my goodness, Mom! That’s all he has been doing! I mean, I checked his symptoms but he wasn’t running a fever, and I didn’t see any teeth, so I didn’t think he was teething.”

  “Oh no, honey. This baby is teething, and they are about ready to come in. I’m going to give you some of this children’s Tylenol I have back here to take with you. That should help take away some of that pain. Here, sit tight and we will be right back.”

  I was relieved at the fact that teething was the cause of all his screaming. The whole time, I thought it was something that I was doing wrong to him or that maybe they did something to him when he was kidnapped. As she went to the back, I walked to the front door to check on Loc. To my surprise, he was gone. I wrinkled my brow as I opened the door and stepped outside to get a better look. Maybe he pulled down the block a little bit; I said to myself as I moved to the sidewalk. I didn’t see his truck anywhere as a mist saturated the atmosphere. “Fuck!” I said out loud, rechecking the block for him, hoping that his truck would turn from around the corner and head back this way. I called his cell phone, but it was disconnected, and I had no other way to get in touch with him. After I waited a few moments and he still didn’t show up, I turned to walk back inside the house. Mrs. Butler was giving Prince some of the medicine she had gotten from the back, “Now Lyric,” she said,

  “Only give him about 1.5 ML of this. It’s marked here on the little syringe. You don’t want to overdose him.”

  “Mom, my ride left.”

  She paused, “Left? What do you mean left?”

  “He just took off. I went to look outside to make sure he was ok, and he was gone.”

  “Who was it, Vinny? I’ma call that boy right now and—”

  “No, it wasn’t Vinny.”

  “Then who was it? Tell them to come back.”

  I was reluctant to say who it was because I knew she would flip out. Eventually, Mrs. Butler agreed to drive me out to Peoria herself. Now that Loc had suddenly left the way he did, I started to question his sincerity. What if he just wanted to find out where I was going? What if it was all a setup? I found myself in a daze, thinking about the possibly as Mrs. Butler placed Prince in my lap and said, “We’r
e going to leave early tomorrow morning, ok? So just sit tight for the rest of the day and then we will head out. I need to rest up for the drive.” I didn’t want to wait that long, but it was the only option. She wasn’t ready to make such a long trip on such short, and I couldn’t do anything but respect it. At the same time, I was worried about the danger I could be bringing to their home. If Loc was still working with Nas, he would know exactly where I was at and could easily finish the job.

  As Mrs. Butler walked out of the front room, I placed Prince down in his playpen and headed back to the window, hoping to see his truck back outside, but there was nothing. The rain fell hard onto the pavement, abusing everything that was exposed to it. The pain radiated through my collarbone once again, causing me to wince. I turned around as Prince stood up in his playpen, bouncing up and down and seemingly back to his normal behavior. I sat down on the couch next to him as he bounced up and down, looking more and more like Nas by the day. I kissed him on the cheek and laid down on the couch as he laughed and yelled in the background. There was no way I was going to get a wink of sleep that night. My hand was going to stay close to the pistol and ready to fire at the drop of a dime.

  Chapter 16

  “Baby, how long have you been up?”

  “Hey, Mom. I’ve been up for a while. I just couldn’t sleep.”

  It was five when she saw me sitting on the couch, flipping through channels with the remote control. Prince was on the sofa next to me, sound asleep with my hand on his back. The truth is that I was dead tired, but I just couldn’t sleep comfortably because I didn’t know what Loc had going on. I still didn’t understand why he risked so much just to leave me at Mrs. Butlers house. It wasn’t making sense to me, but I didn’t want to stick around and find out why. Throughout the night, I searched for another city to move to since I already told Loc I was going to Peoria. If he were trying to set me up, he would have to find me somewhere else. I wasn’t going to be a sitting duck for anyone.

  “Ok. Well, just give me a minute to get a bite to eat and we will head out.”

  “That’s fine. Oh, and Ma, there’s been a change of plans. I’m going to go to Rockford.”

  “Rockford? Why the change?”

  “Oh, I just think that that city will be better for me. I mean, Peoria is far, and Rockford just seems like it will be better for me and Prince.”

  She stood at the bottom of the staircase with a perplexed look scattered across her face. I could tell she was trying to make sense of it all, and I know she was looking for a better explanation for everything, but I had nothing to give her. She wasn’t going to know the truth; I was just going to tell her the bare minimum so I could get moving as quickly as possible.

  “Ok, baby. Well, Rockford, it is. If that was the case, we could have left last night. Rockford is not that far at all.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, no. No apologies needed, you have to make sure you and Prince will be somewhere that you’re comfortable being, and if it is Rockford, then it is Rockford.”

  She smiled and walked into the kitchen as I laid my head back on the couch, wanting to get some sleep but still not at ease enough to let my eyes close. I glanced outside; the street lights still lit the paths up and down the neighborhood, but there was still no sign of Loc or anybody else. At this point, I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible. It didn’t take long for Mrs. Butler to grab something to eat and get ready to go. When she came downstairs, I had Prince fed and ready to go out the door. “My, you sure did get him ready fast.” “Quicker than I normally do! Well, alright, if you’re ready, then I’m ready,” she said as she reached down to pick up the diaper bag. I walked out first, surveying the area for anything unusual. After that, we got in the car and headed out of town.

  As soon as we got out of Milwaukee, I finally laid my head back to rest. I was on the verge of being up for 24 hours straight, so I knew it wasn’t going to take much for me to fall asleep. I heard Mrs. Butler speaking to me before I unintentionally faded away into a dreamland. When I opened my eyes again, we were at a gas station. Nothing around me looked familiar as I sat in the car observing my surroundings. Suddenly, I spun around to look in the back seat. Prince’s car seat was still there, so I reached back to check if he was in there. He giggled as soon as I touched him, bringing me a sigh of relief. Moments later, the driver’s side door opened, “Lyric? Girl, I thought you were going to sleep the whole trip. Well, you just about did do it. We’re only about 30 minutes away now.” I pulled out my cell phone to look at the time, 11:42 am.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I was just so tired. I wanted to help you drive but—”

  She got into the car and closed the door, “But nothing. You needed some rest, and I could tell you were tired because you snored a few times.”

  “I snored?”

  She laughed, “Yes, girl. You just about scared me half to death a few times, and I almost swerved off the road.”

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

  “No, listen here. You’re going to stop apologizing for every little thing that you do. I am your Mom, ok? And I expect my daughter to do certain things without needing an apology from her and snoring is one of them. Now, you go ahead and get you a little more rest. I will wake you up when we get into the city so you can tell me where you need to go. Matter of fact just put the address in my GPS.”

  She handed me her phone as I punched in the address of the hotel and gave it back to her. “Good, now you go ahead and get some more sleep. Prince is doing just fine keeping me company, isn't that right, Granny’s baby?” He laughed and cooed at her when he heard her voice. “You see,” she said, “everything is fine. I’ll wake you when we get there.” She started the car and pulled off as I leaned my head back once again on the headrest. I was asleep within minutes.

  When Mrs. Butler woke me up, we were parked in front of the Hilton in downtown Rockford. The hotel was beautiful from the outside, and it looked like something that was right out of a movie scene. “Well, well, Lyric. You sure did pick a nice spot!” she said with a smile on her face. Suddenly, a man in navy blue slacks and a navy blue blazer approached the driver’s side window. I looked at him incredulously as Mrs. Butler got out of the car and handed him the keys. I had never been anywhere with valet service before, so this was all new to me. I didn’t even know they had that service here. I just looked up hotels in Rockford and picked the one that had the best rating. I took Prince out of the car, and we all headed inside the building and got the key to my room. The rooms were extravagant. The beds were large, the décor was beautiful, and I saw this place as being somewhere I wouldn’t mind staying for the next week until I was able to find somewhere a bit more permanent. I sat Prince on the bed as Mrs. Butler looked around the room, stopping to admire the view from the fifth floor. “Lyric, honey, I am jealous! This is truly a beautiful place. I’m almost upset that I tried to get you to go to Peoria instead of coming here. This hotel alone is enough to get me to change my mind.” I didn’t care about any of that, though. My only focus was getting away from any danger that may have been coming my way in Peoria.

  Ever since I left Milwaukee, I had been getting calls from unknown numbers. When I woke up in the car, I had seen that I was called back to back at least four separate times. If I were alone, I would have answered it, but I didn’t know which way the call would go, and there was no need to alert Mrs. Butler. She stayed long enough to take me to the store and pick up a few clothing items and food. After that, we went to the car rental place so I could have a way to get around while I was here. When I was all squared away, we went back to the hotel room so she could get a few hours of sleep before she headed back to Milwaukee. She wrapped up in my covers with Prince as I quietly left the room, hoping the unknown number would call me back. As I sat in the lobby and waited, I called Vinny to let him know I had made it. He told me that everything was going good at Big Mama’s house, but it was just too quiet for him. When Uncle Stew was there, he would at le
ast make noise in the kitchen while he was cooking or wake the house with his terrible attempts at singing. I got the feeling that the quietness was beginning to drive him crazy, but he told me that he was alright so I just left it alone.

  As I stood in the hallway, a few people walked past with smiles on their faces, seeming as if they didn’t have a care in the world. I wanted to know what that feeling was like and for a moment, I envied them. Just then, my phone rang again. The unknown number called back, and I answered it right away,

  “Who the fuck is this?”

  “Bitch, watch yo’ tone. Where the fuck are you?”

  “Who the fuck is this?”

  He laughed, “Oh, you don’t know me now, Ma? For real?”

  It took me a few seconds to recognize his voice because it had been weeks since I last spoke to him over the phone.

  “Nas? You out?”

  He laughed, “Bitch, wouldn’t you like to know. It’s funny that you think you can get away from me, though. I got eyes all over this fucking place.”

  “What do you want?”

  “What do you mean what do I want? You got my son, don’t you?”

  “It’s my son, too.”

  “Let me ask you this: Will he still be your son when you are dead?”

  I sat with the phone to my ear, remaining silent as I tried to feel out the situation. I had known a lot of inmates who were able to sneak cell phones past security and with him having the type of clout he did in jail, I knew something like that wouldn’t have been out of the question for him.

  “Come for me then, nigga. If it’s that easy, come for me.”

  I ended the call as I looked up and glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I was nowhere near the woman I thought I would become when I was in high school, rapping with Junie and his friends. The lady I had grown up to become was my mother. I was living the life that she would have lived out if she hadn’t taken her life prematurely and I wasn’t cool with it, but I had started to accept it. I knew I wasn’t made to be on the side of a king; I was made to run shit on my own. I was prepared to take shit over and not have to answer to anybody. That’s the side of my mother that I was living out, and as I looked at my reflection, I realized it. The phone number called back, and I sent it to voicemail. I’ll come back to Milwaukee, I said to myself, I just need to get a little stronger. A little deeper and after that, I’ll be back. I was by far the most strategic out of all the niggas when I was with Nas’s clique, and I wasn’t just going to put that shit to an end. If he wanted me, he was going to get me. Lyric, aka, Suzie Muthafuckin’ Rock.