Taking Risks

by Cassie Allee

  I knew that I was going to have to insist that Risk talk to me when I got to school, but there was no way that I was going to let him walk away from me again. I cared about him, and I was going to make sure that there was no doubt in his mind about it.

  The ole Delray made it to school in record time. I hoped that Risk would be there. I knew he had to work sometimes during school hours, but it was urgent that I talk with him. When I got into my English class I saw that I was in luck. Risk was sitting at his desk with his arms crossed and his head down. When he looked up at me I could see that he had a bruise on his cheek that was three shades of ugly blue. The seat next to him was empty and I threw my stuff down before anyone else could take it. Risk gave me a quizzical look as I got my things situated. When I was comfortable and saw that everyone was too wrapped up in their own conversations to be eaves dropping I turned to him and tried to mask my worry.

  “What the hell happened to you, Risk?”

  “Mom was pissed that I didn’t bring dinner home last night, and by dinner what I really mean is gin. She has a mean right hook.” He tried to smirk at me but flinched in pain instead.

  My cheeks were red hot as I grew angrier and angrier. “That’s bullshit. What are you going to do about it?”

  “She said that if I went to the cops that she would say it was you who did it and I was just pissed at her and trying to get her into trouble. She saw that I was upset when I got home from your house and told me that she would tell the cops that we had some kind of lovers quarrel and you knocked me out. I didn’t want to bring you into my drama. No one would believe that I couldn’t defend myself against her anyway.”

  “She was scared Risk. She was scared that you could get her into trouble if you wanted to and you let her manipulate you.”

  Risk got mad at me and said, “What the fuck do you care? You practically kicked me out of your house last night after I told you my darkest secrets.”

  “I know, and I am so sorry. I was just scared. You must know that I have a ton of baggage of my own and I just didn’t know if I was prepared to add to it. It didn’t take me long to think things through and decide that you’re definitely worth it. I can do this with you. Please don’t be angry at me.”

  His eyes grew softer and I caught a glimpse of Gray standing in the corner of the classroom nodding his head like a proud papa. Apparently I had made the right choice in his eyes. I caught myself thinking that if he didn’t get a chance to be a father while he was alive it would be a real shame. He would have made a great dad. Risk didn’t say another word to me, he just grabbed my hand and held it firmly. We spent the rest of the class that way and once when I glanced at him I could swear that I saw a tear fall.

  All day at school we only separated for classes that we didn’t have with each other. We walked hand in hand to each class and we both cringed every time it was time to separate. When school was finally over for the day we went to my house, and when we got there I found a note from Mom.

  Sorry Mar, but I had to leave to meet with a potential client. I’ll be in Arkansas until Sunday morning and we can go shopping for prom dresses then. I miss you already! Love you! –Mom

  P.S. Your date is a real hottie!!!

  I was a little bummed that she was gone again so soon, but I was excited about the alone time with Risk…if only I could get Gray to go away. He kept making me laugh at random moments and Risk would give me strange looks, but he was polite and never said anything about it. I thought it was strange that he wouldn’t ask me about it, but he could have just chalked it up to a funny memory or something.

  We ordered pizza from a local pizza place instead of cooking and snuggled on the couch. I had some questions about the secrets he told me, but I wanted to ease into it. I saw Gray looking at the pizza with hungry eyes and felt sorry for him that he couldn’t even indulge in such simple acts as enjoying a piece of pizza.

  Right as I got the courage up to ask Risk one of my many questions, his phone rang. He ignored the call, sending it to voicemail, but it immediately started ringing again so he excused himself to answer it. While he was on the phone in the other room I took the opportunity to make some phone calls of my own. I flipped through a phone book and called a few of the retirement homes in our town. No one by the name of Dale Harper was at any of them. Then Gray said, “Why don’t you try a mental hospital. Isn’t there one in the county hospital?”

  “Yeah, that’s actually an awesome idea. I would be nuts if all that bad stuff happened to me. I’ll call them now.”

  I searched for the number and punched it into my phone. Just as it started to ring I heard Risk coming back into the room so I ended the call and set my phone down in a hurry, but not soon enough.

  “Who are you talking to?” Risk asked with a half smirking, half curious look.

  “Just checking a voicemail.”

  “Do you normally tell voicemails that they have great ideas?” He was on the verge of laughing, but I was panicking.

  “Oh, um…I guess I talk to myself sometimes. It freaks people out.” I tried my best to brush it off and keep his suspicions at bay, but he had seen me doing strange things before.

  “Yeah…you also laugh and smile at the air and give strange looks to things that don’t seem to be there. I’ve seen you shrug your shoulders like you were talking to someone, but no one was there…Is there something that you want to talk about?”

  Well I guess it’s decision time. My inner self was throwing herself on the floor in defeat. I had to decide if I was going to tell him or not. If I wouldn’t tell him he would leave me sooner or later. He knew I had a secret and I knew his so it was only fair. “Yes Risk, I do want to tell you about it, but I’m in sort of a pickle and I can’t bring you into my world just yet. Be patient with me and it’ll all make sense soon. Is that okay?”

  He only took a second to think about it before coming to stand beside the couch where I was sitting. I was happy to see the look on his face was a playful one. “That’s actually fine with me…if I can ask you a favor.”

  I was so happy that I didn’t hesitate before eagerly telling him yes. He asked me to get ready to leave and I never questioned our destination. I regretted it all as soon as we pulled up to the curb in front of the liquor store. After Risk returned to the car with one huge bottle of gin and a smaller, but still large, bottle of vodka Risk explained that if I was with him than he was less likely to be tortured while he made the delivery. He promised that as soon as we dropped the stuff off that we could go back to my house and spend the rest of the night if I wanted him to. Thinking of Risk sleeping in my bed put my stomach in knots and I couldn’t keep from grinning from ear to ear.

  When we got to his house I was a nervous wreck. Risk lived in an old trailer that looked to be about thirty years old and had never received any kind of maintenance. The under pinning was half gone and two of the windows had been broken out and replaced with plywood. The remaining windows were covered in plastic weather proofing material and had blankets covering them to keep any light out. When I walked in the front door I nearly vomited. The place smelled like stale cigarettes and a gas station bathroom. His mother was sitting on the couch wearing a ratty nightgown that had dark stains all over the front of it and his father was passed out in a recliner and he looked like he had wet himself. I regretted stuffing myself with pizza but at least I knew that it would add to the décor if I spewed on their carpet.

  “Where’s my gin, shithead?” Risks mother hissed at him.

  Risk set the bottles on the kitchen counter and retrieved an old fast food cup from a cabinet that had been rinsed out and reused. He poured the cup half full of gin and then handed it to her. The entire time he was preparing her drink his mother was glaring daggers into me. There was no way that I was backing down so I was sure to return the nasty look. When we turned to leave his mother suddenly shot up off of the couch. “You think you have him fooled, don’t you bitch? Risk knows what he is. He already knows that he’s worthless
and no one wants him so he’s got to know that you’re after something. I hope you get a disease from one of those crack whores he’s fucked.” And then she spat right in my face. I thought I was really going to hurl.

  Risk started at her, but I held him back while trying to wipe my face at the same time. Whenever I figured that he could keep a grip on his anger I let him go. I walked over to the kitchen sink, that was over flowing with stinking dishes that had rotting food on them, and very delicately washed my face off with the water from the tap. I knew she would see it as an insult because I was using her water. When I felt clean enough I turned to the counter where her bottle of gin sat and took a big swig of the bitter liquid. Then I grabbed the hand of a very surprised looking Risk and led us out of the front door, turning to wink at her just before the door shut behind us. The look on her face was priceless.

  When Risk and I got into the Delray I could see wonder in every one of his features. He had obviously never stood up to her before, not like I just had at least. I flashed him a cocky smile and peeled out of the driveway. After my feeling of victory wore off I started to think of the consequences of what I had just done. His mother couldn’t do anything to me, but eventually Risk would have to go home and then all of the anger she harbored for my defiance would be taken out on him. I started to feel sick to my stomach thinking of the cruel punishment that he was likely to receive for my actions.

  “Holy shit Marlee! That was awesome! At first I thought you were gonna blow chunks, but then you were all like “I’m Spud and I’m a badass!” Gray said. I hadn’t even realized that he was tagging along. I giggled quietly and flashed a smile to the backseat where Gray sat, but quickly turned to face forward when I saw Risk looking at me.

  When we got back to my house we unloaded out of the car and skipped inside like we had just won a battle. Risk never said anything about what I had done, but I could tell by the dopey grin on his face that he was pleased. He and I turned on a movie and cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie. Gray told me that he was going to give us some privacy and disappeared. I thought about how, just the night before, cuddling on the couch had come so close to being so much more.

  “I’ve never met anyone like you, Marlee. You’re turning my world upside down.” Risk said and then softly kissed my lips. When he pulled away I pouted at him because I thought he had done so all too soon. He chuckled at my reaction and I told him that I was going to go upstairs to put some comfortable clothes on. I asked him if he wanted a pair of basketball shorts to wear and he said that shorts would be nice so I went upstairs to change and retrieve his shorts. When I got to my room I took advantage of the time alone to make a quick call to the hospital.

  When a nurse answered the phone I told her that I was the niece of Dale Harper and that I had only just learned of his existence and wanted to see him. Obviously feeling sorry for the old man, she gave me more information than she was probably allowed to give. They told me that he had been a patient there, but had been transferred to a facility that specifically cared for the elderly that were mentally impaired in the next town over. I thanked the nurse and hung up while doing a happy dance around my bedroom.

  I quickly changed into some yoga pants and a tank top before grabbing Risks shorts and heading back downstairs. I threw Risk his shorts and he started to laugh before he caught sight of me and stopped. My heart quickened as I saw the smolder in his eyes, but he quickly shook it off and started to change. He was wearing a t-shirt with a white shirt underneath it and when he tried taking to top shirt off the bottom shirt came with it. He cursed under his breath as he scrambled to get the two shirts untangled while I stood in front of him, practically drooling.

  His abdomen was very well defined with ridges of hard muscles in all the right places, and heading down to the inside of his jeans were the deep marks of his hips that made a “V.” A thin line of hair stretched from his belly button down into his pants and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about how I wanted to follow that trail. The yellow polo shirt hadn’t done him justice.

  When he got his shirts untangled he turned slightly to toss one on the back of the couch and I noticed some strange scars on his back. Some of them looked like long lines had been etched into him and some were small circles. They covered his back and I knew that they had come from his parents. I started to cry for him as I thought about all the wicked things that he had endured through the years. “Are you okay, Marlee?” Risk was worried about me? He came to me and wrapped me in his arms. I could tell he was worried but I couldn’t speak through my tears. When I felt that I was able to talk again I asked him to come with me. I wanted him to have something from me so he would know for sure that I cared about him and he was worth caring for.

  When we got upstairs I found Gray laying on my bed. “What’s happened now?!” He said after seeing my tear streaked face, but I shooed him away. He disappeared without another question. I wiped my face off as best as I could hoping that I didn’t look like a raccoon from my running mascara. When I thought that my face was clear I turned to face Risk. He still had his shirt off and the top button of his jeans was undone. I could see his blue plaid boxers just peeking out of the top. The way his jeans hung on his hips made my mouth water, and I noticed something that I hadn’t before. He had a tattoo on his left hip that was half hidden by his boxers.

  “What’s that?” I pointed to what little I could see of the tattoo.

  “Oh it’s just a tattoo.” He pulled his pants down a bit to expose the whole tattoo, and a little more of his flesh.

  “Comprende, c’est pardoner… What does that mean?”

  “It means, to understand is to forgive.” He smiled at me.

  I wondered, for a moment, about what the saying meant to him until I remembered my intentions. Okay Marlee, it’s now or never. My inner self was shaking in her boots. I walked up to Risk and wrapped my arms around his neck. Our bodies were pressed against each other and I stood on my toes to kiss him. At first I just planted light kisses on his mouth and cheeks, but then I made my way to his neck and paused to take in his taste. His skin tasted like a beautiful blend between sweet and salty and it had my senses running wild. I took a small step back from him to look into his eyes. I could see the green of them sparkling in the moonlight that fell in through the window, and the shadow that fell across his face couldn’t hide the sweat that was on his brow. I watched him as he drew in a deep breath and in an instant his mouth was on mine.

  Risk gently laid me back on the bed while never breaking the contact of our kiss. His body hovered over mine, shirtless and beautiful. I skimmed my fingers lightly over his chest as I moved my hands to his hair. I had wanted to touch his amazing “freshly fucked” hair since I very first saw him. It was everything that I had imagined it would be, thick, soft, and easy to get tangled in. My thoughts were torn away from his hair when he leaned up to slide my shirt over my head. Now is the time to tell him, Mar. Don’t fuck this up! Damn her… My inner self was yelling at me, and like always, she was right.

  I pushed at Risks chest half-heartedly but he immediately froze and backed off. “I’m sorry, I just got carried away…” His voice trailed off.

  “No Risk, you were doing all of the right things.” I blushed a little. “I just have something that I have to tell you before this goes any further.” He looked at me confused as I began to explain. “I haven’t exactly…done this…ever.”

  His eyes widened as he realized what I was saying. I knew he would think that I was really a freak when I told him. Inner Marlee was biting her nails and saying, “Okay, maybe we should have waited…”

  “Oh shit Mar, are you serious? I just thought…you know…you’re so gorgeous… No, it’s okay. I totally get it if you aren’t ready.”

  I panicked for a minute as he started to get up. “No! It is what I want. I want it very much. I just wanted you to know before we did anything so you would have a choice too.”

  “Are you absolutely sure? You don’t have to do t
his to make me love you, because I’m pretty sure I’m already in too deep.”

  Did he seriously just say that he loved me? A gorgeous man is in love with me and I haven’t even surrendered my V-card…yet?

  “I need to ask you something before we do this.”

  “Anything.” He said quickly.

  “Have you been tested…you know, since you’ve been with a…few women?” I couldn’t look him in the eye as I asked the question.

  “Of course. I got tested right after I got sober, and I’ve been celibate ever since then so this should last about a whole five seconds.”

  Risk smiled wide and then tackled me back onto the bed. With his body against mine again I felt the world slipping away. Since he had taken my shirt off we were skin to skin, and my heart was beating so fast that I thought I might have a stroke. He pushed himself up to look down the length of me. I still wore my yoga pants and a pretty lime green bra that did wonders for my “D” cup breasts. Risk hooked his fingers in the sides of my yoga pants and slowly pulled them down while trailing kisses along the way down my legs. When my pants were off he came back up towards me, but stopped at my belly button, kissing and nipping all around it.

  He then pulled us around so that I was sitting on top of him straddling his groin. He reached up and unclasped my bra, exposing my nipples to the cool air. My head was swimming with my need of him, and I felt every muscle in my body was tense. He was still wearing his jeans so I slid down his body and practically ripped the pants off of him. I was obviously in too big of a hurry to be as graceful as he was. I could see how aroused he was through his boxers and I felt my need grow stronger. In that moment I wanted nothing more than for him to be inside of me.