Still Go Crazy (Swoon Series Book 5)

by J. H. Croix

  “Sure be good to see him,” I commented. Mack and I had been friends in high school. We stayed in touch sporadically, and he was one of the few who knew just how badly things had skidded sideways for me. He’d been traveling out in Colorado and visited with me during the months after everything went to shit for me with Grace.

  Evie cast a quick smile in my direction. “I know. He loves to travel, but it’d be nice to get to see more of him.”

  “Any idea when he might come back?” Jackson asked. “One of the guys on our crew is moving away, so he’d have a guaranteed job if he doesn’t miss the chance.”

  “I wish he’d say when, but I’ll make sure to tell him to call you. Maybe that’ll push him to make a decision,” Evie replied.

  “He sounds as vague as Ash is about moving home,” Shay commented, referring to Jackson’s younger sister. I honestly didn’t know where she was.

  “Maybe we should ask Mack to bring Ash with him when he moves back,” Jackson teased.

  I felt Grace shift slightly and glanced her way reflexively. I couldn’t help myself and leaned over. “What are the chances I can see you later?”

  When she bit her lip and smiled, I wanted to pound my chest in celebration. Just as I thought that maybe, just maybe, Grace and I might be headed in a good direction, it all went to hell.

  “Boone,” a voice said, an unfortunately familiar voice.

  I turned to glance over my shoulder, incredulous. Diana approached the table. I felt the moment Grace turned to look as well. Oh hell didn’t even capture the clusterfuck this could become.

  Diana held absolutely zero appeal for me. Yet, I could objectively see what drew me to her the one single night that had blown up so much of my life. She was tall with generous curves and gave off a classic beachy vibe with her sun-kissed dark blond hair and blue eyes.

  She stopped at the table, looking down at me. “Hi, Boone,” she said casually with a bright smile. Despite her smile, she had a brittle quality to her, and I didn’t know what that was about.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Diana?” I blurted out.

  The smile was wiped off of Diana’s face instantly. To say we hadn’t been on good terms after I found out the way she misled me was an understatement. Her face tightened and pain flashed in her eyes. A pain I didn’t really care to process with her.

  “I was hoping we could talk,” she said.

  Grace had tensed beside me, quickly shifting her legs away and leaving me no choice but for my hand to fall off of her without making a show of it. I took a slow breath, trying to quell my irritation.

  A quick glance around the table, and it was obvious to me that we had a true audience by this point. The conversation that had been murmuring around us quieted, and all eyes were on Diana.

  With zero good options for dealing with this situation, I did the only thing I could think to do. Standing, I said, “I don’t know why you’re here, but I guess we should go outside and talk.”

  I didn’t wait to see if Diana followed me. I strode quickly across the bar and out the back door, frustration simmering inside. Once I stepped outside, I turned. Diana curled her arms around her waist and said, “Boone, you don’t have to be that rude to me.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Diana. How the hell did you fine me here?”

  “Luck really. I tried calling your mother, but she wouldn’t tell me a thing.”

  So that’s what my mom had probably called about. I definitely needed to thank her for trying to keep Diana out of my orbit.

  “I knew you moved here because you talked about this place before you stopped talking to me.” Diana paused, as if I might offer something up. I didn’t. “Anyway, maybe it’s crazy, but I hoped we could talk, so I flew out here. I saw your truck outside when I was driving by and hoped it was the right one.”

  Although Diana and I didn’t get involved after our single night together, during her months-long lie, she saw me more than a few times. I still drove the same damn truck and was silently cursing myself for not bothering to get a new one.

  “Look, Diana, you lied to me about something major. Like I said before, I know what happened was difficult for you, just like it was for me. But we’re not going to be friends. I have no fucking clue why you’re here.”

  Diana burst into tears.

  Fuck my life.

  A cold gust of air blew across the parking lot. Feeling hemmed in by my lack of options, I gestured for her to follow me to my truck. I figured we might as well talk there. Once we were both inside, I started the truck for the sole purpose of running the heat. It was almost spring, but the mountain nights were still cool.

  Diana opened her purse and pulled out a small packet of tissues. After dabbing at her eyes and blowing her nose, she glanced over to me. “I know I screwed up, Boone. But you went through it with me, and I don’t know who else to talk to. I’m not doing so well.”

  My mouth must’ve actually dropped open as I stared at her.

  “Don’t look at me like that. We lost a baby.”

  “It wasn’t our baby. You led me to believe it was, and I went through hell over it. You lied and totally fucked with me. If your mother hadn’t told me the truth later on, I probably still wouldn’t know it. That’s on you. I am sorry for what you’re going through, but this isn’t something I can help you with.”

  Diana stared at me for a long moment. She surprised me by nodding. “I know. I owe you an apology, and I wanted to tell you face to face. I really am sorry. I guess it’s been on my mind because, well, I just had another miscarriage. For some crazy reason, it made me want to talk to you.”

  When she lifted her hands and let them fall, I shook my head slowly. I felt for her. I really did, but I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Grace

  Humiliation was a cold, heavy weight in my chest. This awful feeling was precisely what I had tried to avoid back when Boone basically fell off the face of the earth to me. Here I sat with all of our mutual friends, and he had just walked out with some gorgeous woman who showed up out of nowhere.

  There was a moment of stunned silence, and then everyone tried to make an effort to smooth it over. The waitress conveniently arrived to deliver some appetizers someone had ordered, and small talk rose in murmurs around me.

  Evie caught my eyes from across the table, her gaze concerned. I looked away. I didn’t know what the hell was going on or what to do. I felt bereft. When there was enough of a murmur going on, I took that moment to excuse myself. “I’m gonna head out for the night. I’ve got an early shift in the morning as it is.”

  Evie caught me by the elbow as I walked down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I left. “Hey, are you okay?”

  Turning, I met her eyes and shrugged. “Sure. Some gorgeous girl showed up out of nowhere, and Boone left to talk to her. I’m totally fine.”

  “Don’t go to the worst possible scenario,” Evie said quickly. “I’m sure Boone can explain.”

  “Maybe. It doesn’t really matter right now. I’m going home.”

  “Call me?”

  “About what?” I countered, honestly curious.

  “As soon as you get a chance to talk to Boone, let me know if you’re okay.”

  I bit back a sigh. “Sure. See you tomorrow.”

  When I stepped out into the chilly darkness, I tugged my jacket around me as I hurried across the parking lot. I cursed myself for even noticing Boone’s truck. It was running, and I could see the silhouette of two people inside. I tore my eyes away.

  With my gut churning, I drove home quickly, letting myself into my quiet apartment and making sure to bolt the door on the landing upstairs.

  When there was a knock on my door over an hour later, I ignored it. My heart just felt tired.

  “Grace,” Boone’s voice called through the door. “Please let me explain.”

  Although Boone only knocked a few times, I still hardly slept. Restless at around two a.m., I rolle
d out of bed, made myself a pot of coffee, sat down on the couch with Wayne beside me, and got to work on my dissertation. When all else failed, at least I could mostly distract myself by burying my thoughts in academics.

  Three hours later, I climbed in the shower and left the house early. Luck was on my side, at least for this morning. His truck was already gone. I didn’t even let myself think about why that might be. When I got to the restaurant, Dani’s brows hitched up high when she saw me coming in through the back door.

  Dani had likely already been there for an hour. She had a streak of flour on her cheek, and her apron was dusted with cinnamon and flour. I guessed on the cinnamon because that was what she smelled like when I paused beside her.

  “Mornin’. Should I make a fresh pot of coffee?” I asked, striving to keep my tone casual and hoping my lack of sleep wasn’t apparent.

  Dani’s gaze searched my face before she nodded. “I’d love a fresh pot of coffee. Jackson and a few of the guys from the crew came by for coffee about an hour ago. They had an early call.”

  Instantly, my gut tightened as I wondered if Boone happened to be with them. When I walked over to the counter that ran along the wall parallel to the table where Dani was working, she answered my unspoken question.

  “Boone was here. He looked like hell. Did you talk to him last night?”

  Scooping coffee into the filter, I paused to glance over my shoulder. “No, I didn’t talk to him. Last I saw, he was busy talking to Diana.”

  I shoved the coffee filter in the basket and hit the start button before I turned back. I rested my hips against the counter, crossing my arms tightly.

  Dani resumed what I guessed she’d been working on before I came in, carefully slicing strips of rolled dough and spooning filling in them before rolling them into tidy pinwheels. I sensed she was giving me a moment or so to stew. My guess was right when she spoke. “Are you done being pissed off now?”

  “Maybe,” I replied, my tone dry.

  Dani chuckled. “Fine. Well, I’ll tell you what Boone told me this morning. The only reason he walked out to talk to her was to avoid a scene in the middle of the bar. I’m sure you can agree with that.”

  When Dani arched a brow and eyed me, I nodded. “Yes,” I replied tersely.

  “Anyway, it was his ex—” She paused, then shook her head. “Actually, I don’t want to call her his ex. It was a one-night stand when he was twenty. They never actually dated. You know that, right?”

  “That’s what he told me. I’m starting to get the idea you know more about this than I do.” I couldn’t help the mulish tone in my voice.

  “I doubt it. Boone told me he knocked on your door last night, and you wouldn’t answer. As for the rest of the story, he told Wade about it not too long ago, and his mother told my mother about it. That’s it. I’m sure you can agree that what Diana did was a total mindfuck for him.”

  I nodded. “We can definitely agree on that.”

  It took all I had not to ask her what else Boone had told her this morning. Because Dani was more gracious than I was feeling this morning, she offered it up without me asking. “Long story short, I guess she got pregnant again by the same asshole from before. The very guy she decided not to tell about her first pregnancy because she thought Boone was a better candidate for a father.” Dani rolled her eyes, hard, at that.

  “She got pregnant again and came to talk to Boone about it?” I couldn’t even hide the complete shock in my tone.

  Dani nodded. “That’s not the whole story though. She had another miscarriage, and I guess she’s a fucking train wreck. Lord knows why she wanted to come talk to Boone, but people don’t always act rationally.” Dani paused in her work to shrug. “He said after she burst out into tears, she said some stuff about how she needed to come to apologize in person finally. I told him it’s obvious she was probably feeling him out to see if there was a chance for them.”

  Staring at Dani, I took a slow breath, letting it out with a gusty sigh. “What the hell? I feel bad for her. I mean, I can’t imagine going through two miscarriages. But what is she thinking? After lying to Boone like that, how could she think he’d want anything to do with her?”

  Dani’s lips set in a thin line. She closed her eyes briefly, but not before I saw the pain flash in their depths. Dani had a miscarriage when she was younger, and it had almost killed her. Although the circumstances were different, the reverberating effects of that event in her life had caused her a lot of pain.

  When she opened her eyes again, she nodded. “Obviously, it’s awful. I don’t think she’s thinking clearly. Boone made sure she was set up in a hotel last night, but he has no idea what to do. I suggested he call her family. I don’t know her, but it doesn’t sound like she can rely on that other guy for any emotional support.”

  The coffee maker beeped behind me. Relieved for the distraction, I turned and snagged two mugs from the shelf above it. I filled them both and carried them over to where Dani was working. “Did you want cream?”

  Dani shrugged. “I’ll take it black. The mood calls for it.”

  Glancing at the clock above the door that led into the restaurant kitchen, I saw that I had enough time to enjoy this coffee with her before I started work. Slipping my hips on the stool across from her, I took a long swallow, contemplating what she’d just shared with me.

  “What a mess,” I said after a few sips of coffee.

  “You’re telling me.” Dani paused as she finished rolling another pastry and set it on the tray. After a sip of her coffee, she asked, “Are you going to talk to Boone, or start ignoring him again?”

  Twisting a lock of hair around my finger, I nodded. “Yes. It’s just…I’m not sure what’s best right now. Boone has a tendency to make me forget my concerns. Trust is kind of an issue for me. That’s not just because of Boone.”

  “I know. Guys can be real assholes. John was no help with trust,” she said.

  “I know,” I replied. Sometimes I just wanted to throw in the towel when it came to romance.

  Dani continued, “I honestly think Boone really wants this to work. I’m pretty sure he was desperate when he talked to me this morning. They came in for an early training exercise but then got a call. If I get an update from Wade, I’ll let you know.”

  “What’s the call for?”

  Considering that I had several friends on the first responder team, I was accustomed to having people I cared about doing risky things. Yet, the stakes felt so much higher with Boone.

  “An accident in an area where they were repairing a bridge. One of the workers fell into the ravine. I’m sure it’ll be fine. At least, that’s what I tell myself every single time Wade goes out on a call.”

  I sighed. “I bet you do.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Boone

  After a long day, I returned home, hoping like hell that Grace was there. My arms were aching. Every muscle in my body was throbbing. A guy doing construction work on a bridge over a ravine had fallen and gotten trapped below. Jackson, Lucas, and I had worked together to get him safely out of there. We’d spent hours in our climbing gear, hanging onto cold, wet rocks and branches to get it done.

  When Grace’s car wasn’t there when I drove up, I simply walked straight into my shower. I stood under the steaming water for far longer than I probably needed. I felt half human after my shower and downing several ibuprofen. When I peeked out the front window and saw Grace’s car, I decided not to wait.

  Jogging down the stairs, I ignored my aching muscles as I rounded the entryway at the bottom and promptly climbed up the stairs on the opposite side. I understood she’d been pissed off enough last night to make sure I couldn’t walk through the door on the upper landing. But damn, I wouldn’t have minded it today.

  I didn’t realize I was holding my breath after I knocked until Grace opened the door. My breath released, tension unspooling at the sight of her. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail with one lock falling loose. Her purple
streaks had faded to a soft lavender. Her silver-gray gaze met mine, and we simply stared at each other for a moment. Just then, I realized I hadn’t even bothered to fully dress when her eyes flicked down to my bare feet. I had yanked on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and nothing else before hurrying over here.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Of course.” She stepped back, letting the door swing open.

  The moment I stepped inside, Wayne leaped off the windowsill and trotted across the room to twine around my ankles. Leaning down, I scratched between his ears as Grace laughed softly.

  Closing the door behind us, she commented, “He’s almost blind, but he knows it’s you.”

  Straightening, I shrugged. “I wish you were as happy to see me.”

  Grace’s mouth twisted as her eyes flicked away before returning to mine. “Dani explained what happened.”

  “Oh,” I said, surprised. I had unloaded on Dani this morning, primarily out of stress after a sleepless night. Also, because I honestly didn’t know what the hell to do about Diana.

  “The rescue went okay?” Grace asked.

  “Oh yeah. I’m just tired.” My stomach let out an audible growl at that moment.

  She gestured for me to follow her over to the kitchen. “Have a seat. I’ll make you something to eat. Or, would you rather get pizza?”

  Slipping my hips onto the stool she pulled out for me, I shrugged. “Totally your call. I’ll eat anything, and you’re a good cook.”

  Grace smiled. “Let me see what I’ve got.” As she rummaged in the refrigerator, I leaned my elbows on the counter as the weariness set in. Fuck, I was exhausted.

  “I’ve got a pan of Dani’s lasagna in the freezer. I can have it ready in about twenty minutes,” Grace called over her shoulder.

  “Sounds perfect.”

  While she pulled out the lasagna and turned on the oven, she continued talking, “I’ll make some garlic bread to go with it too.”

  When she looked over, and I saw anxiety flickering in her eyes, my heart squeezed. “You don’t have to cook for me, Grace. I’m guessing you might be pissed off about last night.”