Still Go Crazy (Swoon Series Book 5)

by J. H. Croix

  “Please don’t shut me out.”

  Even over the low cacophony of sounds in the bar, I heard Grace take a deep breath, her shoulders rising and then curling forward slightly as they fell, almost as if to protect her heart.

  “I’m not. You’d know if that was happening. I did that when you first came back.” Her lips twisted in a bitter smile.

  I wanted to reach for her and fold her into my arms, reminding her that we were finding our way back to each other. But I didn’t.

  At that moment, Walker came through the back door at the bar, nodding in greeting. Lucas, Valentina, and Lucas’s sister, Jade, were right behind him.

  They paused beside us. “Room at the table for a few more?” Lucas asked.

  “Always,” Dawson replied as he shifted his chair over to make room.

  Acutely aware of Grace’s nearness, my fingers practically itched with the urge to catch her hand in mine as we stopped by the table. I managed to refrain, relieved when Grace didn’t go out of her way to sit away from me.

  “How about a pitcher of beer?” Dawson asked the table at large as we settled into our chairs.

  “Y’all get whatever you want, but I’m sticking with water because I’m on call tonight,” I replied.

  “Same,” Walker added.

  “Not much sense in coming out to a bar if you can’t even drink,” Jade commented with a subtle roll of her eyes.

  Lucas chuckled at my side. “There’s always good food.”

  Jade, who I didn’t know too well, cast her brother a sharp look. “True.”

  “Who isn’t on call?” Dawson asked after a few others declared they were passing on beer.

  “Looks like just you and me,” Lucas offered with a laugh.

  “All right, then, I guess I’ll take a glass of the house draft,” Dawson said, glancing up at the waitress.

  The waitress circled the table and took orders.

  “Be right back,” Grace said as she pushed her chair back and stood. “Restroom break.”

  My eyes tracked her as she strode across the room. “Staring hard enough?” Evie’s voice came from my side.

  My eyes fell off Grace when she turned into the hallway that led to the restrooms, and I looked at Evie. “Maybe.”

  She pursed her lips, one brow rising in a dark slash. “I think you mean to do right by Grace, but just know I’ll kick your ass if you don’t,” she said pointedly.

  Dawson leaned around her, not even bothering to hide the fact that he had overheard her. “See?”

  “See what?”

  “I told you I’d have to answer to Evie,” he countered.

  I shook my head as I laughed softly. “Evie, you don’t need to worry. I think my heart is more at risk of getting broken than Grace’s.”

  Evie’s sharp gaze searched mine before she let out a soft sigh. “You might be right. Trust doesn’t come so easy for Grace.”

  “Point taken. Any suggestions?”

  “Just be patient.”

  “That’s not really a suggestion, babe,” Dawson offered wryly.

  Evie nudged him with her elbow. “Maybe not, but I don’t have anything better to offer.” Her gaze scanned the room, and she said abruptly, “Oh shit.”

  “Damn, girl. What’d I do now?” Dawson teased, his tone light but puzzled.

  “Nothing.”

  I followed Evie’s gaze to see a man stopping beside Grace as she came out of the back hallway where the restrooms were. I didn’t even know who the guy was, but my gut tightened.

  “What’s up?” Dawson pressed.

  “It’s John,” she said, her voice low.

  When my gaze slid sideways, I collided with Evie’s gaze. She shrugged, as if to herself. “You probably never met John. He’s the asshole who fucked around on Grace behind her back when they were dating.”

  Dawson looked from Evie over to the man in question, offering only, “Oh.”

  “What the hell is he doing here?” I asked, anger jolting through me.

  “Your guess is as good as mine,” Evie said.

  When I saw the man reach out and lightly touch Grace’s elbow, I stood without thinking. Grace jerked her elbow away as if she’d been shocked. There were enough people around that there wasn’t far for her to go when she tried to step away. When he leaned forward to talk to her, her lips tightened.

  I was across the bar fast, practically skidding to a stop at Grace’s side. Her eyes lifted to mine, her brow knitting as she looked at me in confusion. “Everything okay?” I asked.

  John looked me up and down. “She’s fine. We’re having a conversation if you don’t mind.”

  “I think Grace might mind,” I said, sliding my hand over her shoulders and down her spine as I stepped closer.

  “Who the hell are you?” John asked, lifting his chin and nudging it toward me.

  John had a smooth vibe to him, and I didn’t doubt for a second he was used to getting whatever he wanted when it came to women. I didn’t know if it was jealousy chewing me up, fury that this guy would dare to screw around behind Grace’s back, or my own frustration with Grace trying to set boundaries with me, and then this idiot showing up. Nevertheless, I was determined to chase this asshole away.

  “This is Boone,” Grace said, pointlessly introducing us, “And this is John.” She gestured to him.

  John actually had the audacity to smirk. “Ah, Boone.”

  Grace narrowed her eyes at him. “What the fuck, John?”

  “What? You gave me shit for having a different definition of exclusive from you when this is the guy who dumped you with no explanation,” he said, gesturing in my direction.

  Once again—because Grace had that effect on me—I acted without thinking. Stepping right to him, I looked down. “You don’t know the half of it, you fucking asshole. You screwed around on her.” I gave him a hard shove when he started to laugh. I ignored Grace calling my name. Because now I was just fucking pissed. No man could screw around on Grace behind her back and then laugh about it, not in front of me.

  After another shove, when I knocked him off balance, John tried to straighten and actually threw a punch. The little fucking punk. He was a pretty boy if I ever saw one. Perhaps I was even more irate to realize that Grace had actually once seen something in this guy.

  I had him by the collar and was lifting him up just as I heard Lucas’s voice right behind me. “Fuck it. Let it go, Boone. You’re making a scene, man.”

  Walker came up on my other side and grabbed my arm, his grip tight. They intervened in the nick of time because one of the bartenders was approaching us. By the time they could see what was going on, I had let go of John’s collar. I gave him a last long look. “Fuck off.”

  With a glare, John spun away, muttering something under his breath.

  “Everything okay?” The bartender asked, glancing amongst the group of people surrounding us.

  “It’s all good,” Walker offered, his tone firm and authoritative.

  I watched as John stalked down the back hallway and shook my arm loose from Walker’s grip. I let out a ragged sigh and glanced his way. “Thanks, man. You too,” I added, looking at Lucas on my other side.

  “No problem,” Lucas said, his tone dry.

  Walker nodded and turned. “Be back,” he said. “Need a bathroom break myself.” I suspected he was going to check to make sure John left and I resisted the urge to follow.

  The group broke apart, leaving me standing there with Grace. She looked up at me, nothing but annoyance in her expression. “What the hell, Boone?”

  “Grace, that asshole screwed around on you, and he thinks it’s funny.”

  “Maybe so, but I can take care of myself, Boone,” she said, each word enunciated clearly. Two bright red spots crested on her cheeks as she stared at me.

  “Grace, I know you can take care of yourself, but…”

  She shook her head sharply. “Whether you like it or not, I don’t need you to fight every fight for me. As John poin
ted out—even if you don’t like the source—your record with me isn’t much better.”

  I felt as if she had stuck a cold, icy knife right through my heart. “Grace, you know what happened now.”

  “I know. I do, but that didn’t make it hurt any less when it happened. I don’t need you to go all caveman on me. I wanted to take things slow, and instead, you’re acting like we’re a done deal.”

  At that, she spun away, hurrying out the back door to the parking lot. I started to go after her, only to get yanked to a stop by a hand on my elbow. When I looked over my shoulder, I found Evie there. She might be small, but she was strong and forceful.

  “What?” I snapped. “If you don’t mind, I’d like a chance to talk to Grace.

  My gut was churning, and I felt the situation spiraling out of my control. Evie shook her head. “If you know her the way you did once, you know she wants space right now. Give it to her.”

  Staring at Evie, I leaned my head back and sighed. Fuck. Leveling my gaze with hers again, I added, “You’re probably right. But—”

  “Boone, she knows. Just give her some time.”

  I felt my jaw clenching and deliberately took a slow breath, trying to let the tension go. “Fine,” I finally said. “I’m not gonna chase after her, Evie.”

  Evie loosened her grip on my arm, her hand falling away. Although my words to Evie were truthful, I didn’t know how much tolerance I had for waiting. I had used up most of it this last year trying to give Grace a chance to come around. I was frankly relieved when we got an emergency call out. I needed something to keep me occupied.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Grace

  I took a bite of the cinnamon roll and let out a moan. “Oh my God,” I said as a chewed, not even caring how rude that was. “Your cinnamon rolls are the best, Nancy.”

  Nancy smiled, patting my shoulder as she passed the table. “You look like you needed one this morning, hon. That one’s on the house.”

  Wake & Bake Café was bustling. It was only six in the morning, but the early morning crew was out in force. In between bites of the buttery cinnamon deliciousness, I sipped my rich coffee and scanned the room. The café had soft cream colored walls and tall windows that let in plenty of sunlight to cast a warm glow on the wide plank hardwood floors. It was a warm, open space. I contemplated that Nancy had noticed I wasn’t in the best mood.

  After that stupid scene the other night at the bar, I’d gone home and sent a few glares over at the wall that separated my side of the duplex from Boone’s. Between running into John twice within the last week and Boone’s caveman act, I was annoyed.

  As annoyed as I was, one thing had crystallized in my mind in the last few days. I was over John, well and truly. Not that I had ever fallen for him the way I had fallen for Boone, but all that was left were the stings to my pride.

  More than that, I was annoyed with myself. When Boone had first moved back to Stolen Hearts Valley, I had promised myself every which way I could that I wouldn’t let myself be as vulnerable as I had before. Oh, how foolish I was. I was coming to discover I’d never fallen out of love with Boone.

  My heart was raw and beating outside of my chest when it came to him. Hence, my need to create a little space and get my bearings. The old humiliation of the way I had simply felt dropped by him before was still echoing whenever I thought about it. I’d felt tossed into thin air and spinning with nowhere to land because I hadn’t expected to fall. Even though no one quite knew just how much it hurt—except perhaps him—I didn’t want to feel this vulnerable this quickly. Not again.

  Meanwhile, there he was, roaring back and ready to stake his claim publicly. My God, he’d practically started a fight with John. It was too many humiliations colliding in one interaction. Because everybody knew what John did.

  “Morning, dear,” my mother’s voice came over my shoulder.

  Glancing up, I managed something resembling a smile. “Morning, Mom.”

  I gestured to the chair across from me with some internal reluctance. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see my mother, but she knew me too well, and she was way too perceptive.

  She already had a cup of coffee in hand when she slipped into the chair across from me with a smile. “Well, you look a little glum,” she said, cocking her head to the side.

  I shrugged. “Maybe so.” Much as I didn’t want to discuss relationships with my mother, I figured I would ask her one thing. She might not like it, but I was going for it.

  “How did you handle it when you found out dad was cheating on you?”

  My mother, her usual unflappable self, let out a soft sigh. She took a sip of her coffee, and I could tell she was considering her response. After a moment, she shook her head slightly. “Love is complicated. As I’ve watched you over the last few years, my biggest regret is that I think it affected you as much as it did me.”

  Puzzled, I asked, “What do you mean?”

  I took the last bite of my cinnamon roll, relieved for the delicious distraction of butter, sugar, and cinnamon that briefly overtook my senses. I was a stress eater, and I was seriously stressed at the moment.

  My father’s infidelity had always been disconcerting for me. I’d loved my father, and yet, I still harbored a kernel of anger and disillusionment. A brief affair and him temporarily moving out in the aftermath had been the very thing that almost blew apart my parents’ marriage.

  “Look, your father and I loved each other, and we had an imperfect marriage, which, I dare say, everyone has. We chose to get back together after everything that happened simply because I understood how it came to be. I forgave him.”

  “Okay. What do you mean about it affecting me? I mean, aside from the obvious.”

  “I think you were so disillusioned by our separation and later finding out he had an affair. Yes, it hurt my pride, but trust me, there are worse things. Your father was a flawed man, and I’m a flawed woman. He loved you dearly, and I still do. I also still miss him. I worry about its effect on you because circumstances unfortunately reinforced your distrust. What happened with Boone broke your heart.”

  I started to shake my head, and my mother leveled me with a forceful and knowing stare. “Pretending it didn’t isn’t going to help anyone. You never stopped loving him as far as I can tell.”

  “Mom, it just…”

  “I’m glad he came back, and you finally got the whole story. You two were so young back then. You have every right to be hurt, but now you can understand the perspective. He was young, confused, and I would imagine, quite scared. In the middle of it all, his father got sick. Talk about muddying the waters of his emotional fortitude.”

  Only my mother would use the term emotional fortitude. I eyed her and nodded slowly. “I do understand it, I just—” Pausing, I shrugged.

  “The stage is set for you not to have faith. Your image of your father was shattered when you found out what happened. That wasn’t helpful.”

  “The gossip certainly wasn’t,” I offered with a small shrug.

  “Well, Harriet most definitely didn’t need to blather the way she did,” my mother said, pursing her lips tightly.

  She was referencing an old acquaintance who had since passed away, the very woman who let it slip that my dad had an affair when I was younger. I was in college at the time and home on Christmas break. She was a little tipsy at the holiday party and babbled about a few too many town secrets.

  “My entire point was to note that life is complex, and what you see happening without context can make it impossible to understand. Then, you dated John. I never liked him,” my mother said sharply.

  “I know you didn’t. I’ve told you many times since we broke up that you were right.”

  Somehow I’d lost track of my original point in asking my mother about this. “So I have issues with trust. So what? I’m joining legions of women in that regard.”

  “And? Plenty of men have had women do hurtful things to them. Take Boone, for example.” He had pl
enty of reasons not to trust women after what he went through with Diana. I didn’t even bother to ask how my mother knew the whole story, but I was confident she did.

  “Either you give love a chance again, or you don’t. I’ve seen the way Boone looks at you. I know he would never hurt you. All he did wrong before hinged on the fact that he was too young to have enough sense to tell you what was going on.”

  Absorbing my mother’s observation, I took a sip of coffee, that old anxiety spinning in my chest. It was so freaking hard for me to trust. And yet, here was Boone, barreling into my heart again.

  Before I could reply, my mother skipped topics. She did that, often. “Speaking of how much Boone cares about you, how are your headaches? He hasn’t said a word.”

  I laughed softly. “Yeah, he mentioned you asked him to keep an eye on me. You’re not going to believe it, but I think it was my birth control pills. I switched to an IUD, and I haven’t had one since. However, I was only getting them every few weeks, so we need to wait a while to say for sure.”

  “It’s that simple? How come they didn’t mention it sooner?”

  “Probably because I should’ve checked with my OB/GYN first.”

  My mother smiled brightly. “That would be a huge relief if that’s all it is.”

  “You’re telling me.”

  After sipping her coffee, my mother asked, “So how have your classes been going?”

  My doctoral program was a part-distance program, and I occasionally spent weekends in Asheville for on-campus classes. “Actually, I head up there this afternoon. I won’t be back until Sunday.”

  “Would you mind running a few errands for me?”

  “Of course not.”

  I left Stolen Hearts earlier than I planned to take care of my mother’s errands before my classes. As it was, I never got a chance to see Boone before I left and thought perhaps that was a good thing. Much as I wanted to see him, I needed some emotional clarity, and only time and space could give me that.